Some say love is the meaning of life. After all, it’s one of the most written about topics of all time. The Indian film industry itself churns out more than 1500 films a year, all of which stereo-typically contain at least a subplot of love (1). Music, too, is filled with lyrics of love, from courtship to heartbreak.
It is often said that there is someone for everyone. However, it can be difficult to find the right person. It’s no wonder that we tend to hook onto relationships that we get into, with an eager willingness to stay with the other. However, sometimes, it’s best to leave. Only therapists that offer relationship counselling seem to profit from people staying in bad relationships.
So, here are 9 types of relationships that you should definitely not be in. If you notice any of these signs of an unhealthy relationship, get out now! We all deserve love, and that is not necessarily the same as being in a relationship.
1. When It’s All About The Money
There’s a specific term for people who get into relationships only for the money – gold diggers. The media tends to generalize and make it seem like it’s only the women who engage in seeking out a partner for his fortune, but it definitely can work both ways. In the beginning, it can just be about giving or getting presents. Who doesn’t like to be gifted? It shows appreciation.
However, when there is nothing deeper than the money in the relationship, then it’s time to call it quits. Whether you’re the one giving or receiving the moolah, it’s time to walk out the door.
It can also be about sharing finances. If you’re the one who stays at home while your partner works, there is a chance that they don’t value your contribution to the relationship. Being the breadwinner isn’t everything. Being a house-spouse and making a home is equally important, and you should be appreciated. Take a cue from Americans who cite money most commonly as the cause of the dissolution of the marriage (2).
2. When Your Opinions Aren’t Valued
It can be extremely frustrating to be in an unhappy relationship where you are completely ignored – your partner makes all the decisions, from which movie you’ll be watching to what you’re going to eat for dinner. However, a loving relationship involves taking turns and valuing what the other person thinks. If this is not the case, hit the road.
3. When They’re Cheating
It’s understandable – you’ve found someone that you are really happy with. You don’t want to lose that because they made a mistake just once. But, come on! A relationship is about trust and commitment. If they’re getting their grind on with someone on the side, they aren’t really fully committed to the relationship. If they cheat once, they’re likely to cheat again (3). Find someone who is more deserving of you.
4. When They’re Always Suspicious
Again, this comes down to a matter of trust. The yearning to form a mutually protective union is inherent, according to psychoanalyst John Bowlby (4). If they’re constantly suspicious of you – they don’t trust you. If they ask you for your phone or a look at your email, they’re clearly suspicious. Sure, they might say, “Why can’t you show me if you’ve got nothing to hide?” However, this is a poor argument. Don’t fall for it. Fall for someone else instead.
5. When They Don’t Know The Meaning Of ‘No’
If you don’t want something, if you aren’t comfortable with it, then that’s the end of that. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t opt in for. They have to respect your decision. And yes, marital rape is a thing. Leave if you feel you’ve been forced into something – whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise (5).
6. When They’re Violent
Nobody has power over you. You don’t have to feel controlled. There is a life outside an abusive relationship. Victims of domestic violence tend to blame themselves, listening to the justification of the beater. However, nobody deserves violence. Studies show that one in four heterosexual women suffer from physical abuse, and they are likely to put up with it because of their upbringing (6). If you’re beaten, first call a cab then the police.
7. When You’re Made To Feel Worthless
This can be just as harmful as physical abuse. They don’t hit you, but they berate you – constantly. Soon, you see yourself through the same eyes – as a worthless piece of trash. But this isn’t the case. You are a beautiful creature of nature, and deserve someone who not only appreciates but celebrates you. Give no value to someone who makes you feel worthless.
8. When It Has To Be A Secret
First of all, ask yourself, why does it have to be a secret? Do they have a spouse and a set of kids on the other side of town? Are they ashamed of you? A secret relationship can lead to nowhere good (7). If they aren’t ready to reveal your relationship to other people, then you should probably find someone better.
9. When You’ve Only Bad Things To Say About It
If you’re complaining all the time, find yourself crying over the state of your unhappy relationship, trying to put the pieces of your relationship back together, then what is really the point? Why would you suffer through all that? Nobody is forcing you to stay in bad relationships. A relationship is supposed to bring you peace, love, and happiness. If this isn’t the case, it’s quite alright to find someone else or even remain single. Not having a relationship is better than being in bad relationships.
Even if your relationship doesn’t exhibit any of these signs, it’s worth considering whether you should be in the relationship if you aren’t happy. Before you jump the gun, speak to your partner and see if you can work things out. But if you do see any of these signs of an unhealthy relationship, get a new life. Remember, you deserve the best. Leave before there’s nothing left of you.
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