A Psychologist Explains Why Late Marriages Are Happier Than Early Ones
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Let’s get straight to the point. If you want your marriage to last, do not rush into it. Take your time, go slow, and marry late. At least that’s what a study carried out by the University of Utah says (1).
Lead researcher of the study, Nick Wolfinger, analyzed the data he gathered from the National Survey of Family Growth for the years 2006-2010 and 2011-2013 to figure out the perfect age to get married (2). He found out that if you do not want to end up in the sticky situation of a divorce, you best get married between the ages of 28 and 32 as the divorce rates are the lowest amongst couples who married at these ages.
His findings make a lot of sense as psychologists since time immemorial have emphasized the importance of maturity in a marriage. And maturity is something that generally comes with age and experience. This is why you’ll see people all around you who’ve married late are actually happier than those who’ve married young.
To elaborate the point further, say, for example, you marry when you’re too young and not worldly-wise to the extent you should be in order to handle the responsibility of marriage. In this case, there are solid chances that the marriage may turn out to be a disaster. Fights may blow out of proportion and happiness may not be that easy to find in each other.
Of course, exceptions exist and there’s no hard and fast rule as such, but it’s best to wait than to regret. The reason for that is, as you grow older, you become more mature and your personality and needs become more well-defined. You learn exactly what you want out of a relationship and what to do when the times get tough between you and your partner.
With that being said, if you want to know whether you or your partner are ready for marriage despite your age, use the 7 factors given below to make an objective assessment of your relationship.
1. Self-Development
You and your partner don’t just accept each other as the persons you are, including the flaws each of you possess. Rather the love you two share encourages you to grow and iron out your imperfections, so you two you can be better to and for each other. You should be open to admitting your flaws and changing your perceptions in order to make a marriage work.
2. Giving Nature
You cannot just take, take, and take in love. You have to give too. A self-sustained partner understands that and, hence, doesn’t treat the relationship as a way to fill a void. You have to share everything more or less equally, which means being there for your partner too when they need you and not just when the times are good.
3. Willpower
In a marriage, you are bound to face extremely difficult situations: Situations that make you feel like running far, far away. But if you took the vow to be there for each other in sickness and in health, in good times or bad, you have to have the willpower to live up to it. A mature relationship is based on common goals and the desire to work it out despite temptations and tough times.
4. Hard Work
To make a relationship last, you have to work extremely hard. You’ll have to be patient when you’re on the brink of blowing your fuse. You’ll have to be attentive even after a long day at work. And you’ll have to learn to let go of certain issues. It might sound exhausting but this is what it takes to build a strong, unbreakable marriage.
5. Responsibility
Both you and your partner have to prove yourselves as people who can be relied upon in all kinds of circumstances. In fact, that’s the true sign of a mature person, as well as a mature relationship. Sure, it’s hard, but good things don’t come easy.
6. Respect
Both you and your partner have to understand that you are individuals first with your own set of goals, interests, likes, and dislikes. Respecting that individuality that each of you possesses is very important. You shouldn’t stifle each other or try to take away each other’s freedom or space by always insisting on doing things together.
7. Setting Aside Egos
You will get hurt and disappointed when in love, and love can’t protect you from that. So, no matter the circumstances you face, you should face the music rather than put the blame on your partner. This also includes admitting your faults and apologizing when necessary to sort things out.
Psychologists are of the opinion that if you and your partner share the kind of relationship that is inclusive of these factors, your marriage will likely last. So, slow down and smell the beans before you say, “I do.”
