21 Questions For A New Relationship To Get To Know Your Partner

Break the ice with these questions and get to know your partner deeper to establish stronger bonds.

Reviewed by Michele Waldron, Psy.D, LADC-I, CSCT
Written by Sneha Tete, Certified Relationship Coach
Edited by Asmita De  • 

When you’re just starting to date, there are shy hesitations as you are unsure what your partner prefers. If you want to know them better, consider these 21 questions to ask in your new relationship. These are perfect for getting the conversation started and finding out your partner’s interests.

You can learn more about another person by asking questions. By understanding your partner’s beliefs and interests, you will better grasp their worldview. Knowing their pet peeves early on can save you a lot of hassle later on. You will develop a stronger bond, and you may grow closer together. So, what are you waiting for? Read on and start talking!

How Does One Ask Questions In A New Relationship?

Asking questions helps deepen your bond
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There are several ways to ask interesting questions to your partner. The simplest and easiest way is to play ‘21 questions’ with your boyfriend. On the other hand, if you wish to ask deeper and more insightful questions, we suggest you do it over a period instead of all at once. After all, it takes time to open up with someone.

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Instead of texting, you can talk to them over the phone or ask questions face to face. Texts may be misconstrued, and nonverbal cues often help to understand the whole picture

Confused which questions you shall ask your partner to get to know them better? Keep scrolling!

21 Relationship Questions To Ask Your Partner

1. Are You Looking For Commitment?

Commitment-related questions for a new relationship
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One of the most important questions to ask as you start a relationship is if the other person is looking for commitment. It is always best to find this out at the beginning of the relationship. There isn’t a point in investing in a relationship that you want to take forward while the other person doesn’t want to continue it sincerely.

2. What’s The First Word That Comes To Your Mind When Asked To Describe Yourself?

A word can sometimes hold deep meaning. It can tell you what your partner thinks of themself as a person. A strong, impactful word shows that they are sorted in life. A positive word shows that they have a positive outlook on life, and if they don’t have a word to describe themself, maybe they are still discovering themself or haven’t thought about their life much. Regardless of the answer, it is sure to spark up a conversation between both of you.

3. What Was Your Favorite Game As A Child?

Ask your partner about their childhood. It will help you gain insight into their childhood and understand their likes, dislikes, and common attributes between you two. Who knows? Maybe both of you liked the same game. Or, for all you know, you might learn a new game alongside some new information about your partner.

4. Would You Say You Are More Of An Extrovert Or Introvert?

This question will help you understand if the other person is as spontaneous or closed as you are. You can find out if the other person is more likely to take your hand to dance on the street or would rather enjoy a quiet movie date indoors. It is sure to help you plan quite a few dates while keeping the preferences in mind.

5. What Always Brings A Smile To Your Face?

Happiness-related questions for a new relationship
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This question will probably end up bringing a smile to your and your partner’s faces. It tells you clearly what they value or like. Maybe it’s something simple like a beautiful flower in full bloom or those crazy patterns that clouds make. Remember the cues when you want to make the other person smile in the future. Re-enacting the scene or doing something similar will bring back that smile again. This also acts as a way to show what makes them happy and what kind of presents they would like (a tip from us for when you choose gifts for them).

6. Where Have You Always Wanted To Travel?

This question will tell you what’s the dream destination of your partner and where they wish to travel. They may end up telling you a lot more than just the name of the destination. You might also find out if they are the destination you have in mind for yourself.

7. When Are You The Most ‘You’?

Everyone has different fronts for different occasions in society. It is important to find out if your partner can wind down and find moments where they don’t need to be someone for society and simply be themself. You don’t want to be stuck with a person who doesn’t know how to chill. Knowing what makes a person be themself will also allow you to understand what you need to do to let them feel themselves around you.

8. What Does Friendship Mean To You?

Friendship is important to everyone. This question will provide insight into how much your partner values and prioritizes friendship. It also gives you a glimpse of who they hold in high regard and whose opinion matters the most to them. The way they talk about their friends also gives you information on what kind of friends they have.

You might wonder why this is important. An inspirational person once said, “The company you surround yourself with defines the person you are.” So, make connections and become friends with your partner’s friends to understand what kind of company he prefers.

9. What’s The Weirdest Nickname Someone Has For You?

The easiest way to get into a long and fun conversation is to ask about their stories and nicknames. You can tease your partner with their nickname, and you can get a special name from them in the process. This conversation is sure to make you laugh and have a jolly time together.

10. What Kind Of Animal Do You Love The Most?

Animal-related questions for a new relationship
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Some people cannot absolutely stand animals, while some are immensely passionate about them. Sometimes, animals can lead to deep conversations about oneself, their past, or future. This is sure to be a conversation starter.

11. What’s One Thing People Would Never Know About You Just By Looking At You?

Many times, people turn out to be completely different than what you imagine. Faces might not always tell the truth about feelings. Ask your partner if they know and love themself the best. Try to find out if they have any weird traits or a secret desire. Who knows, asking this may help you find out something that no one knows about them!

12. What Qualities Make Someone A Genuinely Decent Human Being?

Would you like a kind person or someone who would laugh at anybody who slips and falls? These little things may not seem huge initially, but they tell a lot about the kind of human they are.

13. Do You Hold Grudges Or Forgive?

Balance really matters in a relationship. You don’t want to be asking for forgiveness every time after a small mistake nor do you want someone who is always compliant with you (where’s the fun in that?). So, bring it up, have a talk – it’ll only be for the best.

14. What Is A Relationship Deal-Breaker For You?

Relationships are literally on a thin line, and it’s important to know what the dos and don’ts are for each other. It’s always good to tell them and find out what relationship rules you value. It shows the boundaries you both have. Discussing them allows your boundaries to merge, and new fences are set for you both as a team, instead of individually.

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When discussing relationship deal breakers, you can discuss their stance on finances, conflict resolution, and core values to gauge if both are on the same page regarding important aspects of the relationship.

15. What Inspires You The Most?

Inspirations are one’s hidden path to their dreams. Knowing what inspires a person will show you what a person dreams about and what or who they aspire to be. It also gives you a reflection of the kind of life they want.

16. What About Yourself Are You Most Proud Of?

One can be said to be the proudest in their best moment. This question allows you to dig deep into what they define as their accomplishment and what they think of success in terms of what they have achieved. For all you know, it’s something that’s extremely similar to yours or something appalling to you.

17. What Do You Expect From A Romantic Relationship?

While this may seem pretty blunt, it’s an important question. You don’t want to get into a relationship thinking it will be light and breezy while your partner has already planned your retirement vacation. It’s crucial to make sure you both are on the same page and have an idea of what you want from this new start.

18. What Are Your Biggest Fears About Relationships?

Sometimes, your biggest fears about relationships can stop you from being yourselves. So, it is good to clarify it at the start. Talk about your fears and ask your partner about theirs. It’s a serious conversation that can teach you what they like and what you can be mindful about while providing them the same information.

19. For What In Your Life Do You Feel Most Grateful?

While this may seem extremely personal, it can lead to a lengthy conversation. This question will also give you a glimpse into who your partner is as a person. Is it the little things that make him happy or those huge things that are very rare? Does it match your sense of importance? This will help you learn a lot more than just what they’re most thankful for.

20. How Do You Define Intimacy?

Intimacy-related question for a new relationship
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Intimacy is not just sex or being intimate with your partner. It is the feeling of being safe and secure with the person and the different ways you enjoy being close to each other. If your partner defines intimacy as sex or along that line, they don’t want commitment. Therefore, this is a necessary question to understand what they want from the relationship.

21. Are There Any Exes Still In The Picture?

Even if you are thinking about your ex in the current relationship, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t mean you are hurting your current partner or need to break up with them. However, this question helps you know if your partner still cares about their ex or has moved on. It is best to know where you stand before you start a new journey with someone and also get to know their take on identifying red flags too.

Infographic: Questions To Ask At Each Stage Of A Relationship

Any new relationship has different stages, and it is important to be aware of them. Also, at each stage, there are certain questions you should be comfortable asking your partner. This way, you will get to better understand your future together. In the infographic below, we have listed the type of questions you should be asking your partner at the different stages of your new relationship. Check them out.

questions to ask at each stage of a relationship (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

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Download Infographic in PDF version

If you are in a new relationship, everything seems very exciting. But asking some questions concerned with honesty, compromises, vulnerability, and future expectation in a new relationship can make the process easier. These are perfect conversation starters and help you understand your partner better. Knowing their interest areas and tastes will be easy for you to develop a stronger bond. Posing the questions listed above may help you know their achievements in life, memories, family values, or future goals. In addition, these questions are more like conversation starters that help to know each other deeply and also for self-awareness. These questions would also help you to comprehend the love language and emotional intelligence as well!

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some deep questions for a new relationship?

You may ask questions about their childhood, family, school, and past relationships. Ask them what they feel about you, if their friends and family like you, how you can fit yourself in their lives, and how they would like to fit in yours. Do remember that you should be comfortable with answering these questions yourself. Do not ask questions you would not answer yourself so that the same courtesy is given to you.

How do you bond in a new relationship?

Nothing cements newly blooming bonds better than honest communication. Refrain from making promises you cannot keep and communicating your limitations and other adult commitments to your partner. Besides communication, you can always bond by trying out new experiences or taking time to learn and experience each other’s interests. Going on unknown adventures is also a great way to build teamwork, figure out personality traits, and develop understanding in your relationship.

How can asking personal history questions help build a connection in a new relationship?

Asking personal history questions can help build a connection in a new relationship by showing an interest in the other person’s life experiences and demonstrating a willingness to listen and understand them on a deeper level.

How can discussing life goals early on in a new relationship help avoid potential conflicts in the future?

It can help avoid potential conflicts in the future by ensuring that both partners are on the same page about what they want from the relationship and their future together.

How can discussing emotional needs in a new relationship help build trust and understanding?

It can help build trust and understanding by allowing partners to share their vulnerabilities and needs with each other, which can lead to greater empathy and support.

Are there any types of questions that should be avoided in a new relationship?

Questions that are overly personal, invasive, or judgmental should be avoided in a new relationship, as they can create discomfort or even conflict. It’s important to respect each other’s boundaries and only ask questions that feel appropriate and respectful.

How can asking questions in a new relationship lead to better understanding and a stronger connection?

Asking questions in a new relationship can lead to better understanding and a stronger connection by fostering open and honest communication. When partners feel heard and understood, they are more likely to feel close and connected to each other.

How can these types of questions be used to facilitate deeper conversations and build intimacy in a new relationship?

These types of questions can be used to facilitate deeper conversations and build intimacy in a new relationship by encouraging partners to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Key Takeaways

  • You can learn more about your partner, understand their beliefs and interests, and better grasp their worldview by asking the right questions at the beginning of a relationship.
  • It is essential to ask genuine questions as that can be the gateway to open communication, compatibility, respect, intimacy, and trust.
  • Depending on the nature of the questions, you can make a game of it or take time and ask them over a longer period.

Don’t miss an opportunity to get to know your partner! Watch this video to learn about the important questions that you should ask your partner early in a relationship.

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