9 Signs Of A Cheating Spouse | 4 Clever Ways To Catch Them
Are they criticizing you, spending less time with you, and lying? It's time to take a closer look.
Dealing with a cheating spouse can be an extremely traumatic experience. It can be grueling to know that your partner has broken your trust. However, when an affair comes to open, most people might get blindsided. In contrast, others will suspect based on their partner’s behavior changes.
It does not matter whether it is a casual or sexual relationship, the signs of cheating are easy to distinguish. By recollecting your past, all your doubts will get cleared. In this article, we have listed the sure signs your partner is cheating on you. Read and learn how to escape the heartache from a broken relationship.
In This Article
Why Is Cheating Bad In A Relationship?
When one’s betrayal gets exposed, it harms the other person in the relationship. Betrayal of a beloved one can lead to rage, anxiety, depression, and worry. It also may hurt one’s self-image. The psychological effects of a cheating spouse can cause innocence and trust in the relationship to be lost forever. For some, no amount of regret and remorse by the cheater can piece their life back.
Betrayal is a sure-shot way to end any relationship. The way it ends can impact all lives. The drama of tears, blame, and fights become endless. If the cheater is unlucky, they will likely face public humiliation: spouses of cheaters notoriously crave the sweet taste of revenge. Not only does it ruin a reputation, but others avoid trusting one who has strayed from their promises. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Infidelity is a relationship crime that leaves many victims in its wake. Children are the innocent bystanders to get the most affected. Unable to fully fathom, they are left shaken with worry and stress, watching their family crumble due to the whole affair. They may also develop a fear of commitment and trust issues that remain unaddressed irrespective of all the therapy.
If you are guilty of being a trusting person, you might overlook all the warning signs of your spouse cheating on you. But it is important to be aware. Read on to know what the signs are.
Signs Your Partner Could Be Cheating On You
Any of these following signs are not necessarily an indication that your partner is cheating. But it is always better to have an honest heart-to-heart conversation and clear the air. Communication is key. Even if you are wrong, you can rest your worries and work on your relationship.
1. There Are Changes In Their Schedule
If your partner suddenly has to start working late or travel out of town for long or frequent periods, it should raise a red flag. Cheaters need time and can be periodically unavailable. If you find your partner exhibiting such behavior when you know they have no new project or promotion, beware.
2. They Are Suddenly Interested In Their Appearance
Although grooming oneself to be healthy and look presentable can be a worthy aim, the reasons and timing have to make sense. Starting a new fitness regime or choosing the healthy route for a new year resolution are valid reasons. But if your partner suddenly starts buying new clothes or changing their looks without a particular reason, it should raise a red flag.
3. Their Attitude Changes
People in an intimate relationship share the mundane things occurring in their lives. Infidelity directs this habit towards a lover. They will no longer disclose their routine and daily activities with you – and they may even start lying to you. Most cheaters get caught this way, as what they say does not add up.
4. They Start Avoiding You
For your partner to cheat on you with someone, they will have to spend time away from you. With long-term affairs, there may be expectations from the other person on your partner, too. It obviously means they start being around you less often, and may even avoid you. It might be the best time to ask your spouse about what is going on in their life.
5. Your Mutual Friends Become Distant
While you are unable to see the signs of your spouse cheating, your friends most probably are aware of everything. Often, the cheater covers their bases when it comes to their partner but is lax in front of their friends. Your mutual friends may feel awkward and uneasy in such a situation. They may become distant, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news.
6. There Is A Change In Your Sex Life And Their Libido
Reduced libido is common amongst cheaters. As they get it outside, they are not interested in having sex frequently at home.
Conversely, some may feel the need to satisfy their partners out of guilt. They may put in more effort to satiate your desire. It will help them cover their tracks, for if you are happy with your sex life, you are less likely to seek them out when they are out.
7. There Are Changes In Their Phone Habits
Sharing phone passwords between partners is natural. If your spouse starts to hide things from you, it stands to be questioned – specifically if they suddenly change their passwords and start keeping their phones on them instead of leaving it out as they did before. Such deceptive behaviors are often signs of cheating.
8. They Start Criticizing You
Cheating partners often feel guilty. They justify their actions by picking faults from you – silently comparing their new fling with you. Often, they convince themselves that your supposed inadequacies were the reason for their infidelity. If you feel they criticize you frequently of late without any specific reason, it may be time to have an open conversation.
9. They Start Accusing You Of Cheating
When confronted, most cheaters follow the principle “attack is the best form of defense”. This manifests in the form of projections, where they project their negative traits and behavior on you. By alleging issues with your behavior, you will be on the defensive and end up giving them control over the situation. You will be hesitant to speak further due to the worries of offending them. It gives them time to think of better excuses, and this takes your focus away from them.
These are the typical signs of a cheating partner. What works best is having an open and frank conversation with each other. But if your partner refutes your claims and you intend to get out of the broken relationship, collecting sufficient evidence may be your only way. In the next section, you will learn how to catch a cheating spouse using technology.
Clever Ways To Use Technology To Catch A Cheating Spouse
Modern technology has made cheating pretty easy. All a cheater has to do is lock their phones and other electronic devices. Without a password, their adulterous behavior can stay under wraps. Turning off push notifications will ensure you remain unaware of the affair.
But the same technology can be your savior when collecting evidence of your partner’s betrayal.
Smartphones are a treasure trove of information. They can provide you with the knowledge of where someone has been, how often they talk to someone, and the erotic chats, images, or videos. If your partner seems to be protective of their phones, maybe it is time to investigate further.
Is your partner keeping the phone in the Do-Not-Disturb mode around you? It can be so to prevent receiving any risky notifications. Most cheaters also use alternative phones or SIM cards while engaged in an affair. So be on the lookout for those.
Alternatively, you can also try getting their password when their guard is down. When you go out, you can conveniently forget to charge your phone – a dead phone will give you the perfect excuse to ask for their phone. Once the phone is in your hand, ask them for their password – they will have to give you the password to avoid further suspicion.
With their password in hand, you can go into the phone settings to add your fingerprint to the lock. This way, you will have access to the phone later even if the password is changed.
2. Spyware Apps
There are certain apps available for both laptops and phones that can help track down everything your partner types. You can also try installing a monitoring app that will give you complete access to their device. It can be the ultimate tech to bust your cheating spouse. However, keep in mind that these apps are an infringement of privacy and can have legal ramifications.
3. Location Tracking
Location services are becoming increasingly popular in the latest electronic devices. Although the main aim of these services is to provide you with better and relevant information, you can make use of this technology to track your partner’s movement.
The history in the navigation system can give you the location and the timeline for which the person was in any specific location. These location tracking services are available in both android smartphones and iPhones.
If your spouse turns off the location tracker in their phones, there is a solution for it. You can log into their account through a shared computer and use the Find My Phone feature. It will give you the location of the phone.
Alternately, you can also track their whereabouts by tracking their ride-hailing services, like Uber. Many such ride services are now providing users with options for sharing ride status, which you can conveniently utilize.
4. Cloud Services
Cheaters often store images and videos with their flings. They use covert cloud services that can both store and safeguard these memories away from your prying eyes. The cloud service works similar to Google Drive, Dropbox, and Apple iCloud, with security being the top priority.
The images and videos can serve as concrete proof of your spouse’s betrayal. If you get your hands on them, you can use them as evidence during the divorce proceedings.
With all the evidence in hand, you can confront them about their affair. Let them tell you their side of the story. After listening to their side, you can ask yourself what you want to do. Although painful, you have to take the next step and move on.
Questions To Ask Yourself If You Caught Your Spouse Cheating
Knowing that your partner has cheated on you and can rock the foundation of your relationship. Asking yourself these questions can help you with dealing with the whole situation better.
1. How Can I Deal With These Intense Feelings?
Betrayal can bring about a plethora of negative emotions. The pain and sadness can be intense beyond imagination. It may even feel never-ending initially, but like everything else, this too will pass. With time, you will start feeling better. Allow yourself time to heal.
The intensity of the feelings from betrayal will slowly reduce over time. You may experience certain flashbacks, especially when you face any triggers. But these instances will gradually become less frequent.
2. Does My Partner Feel Guilty Or Remorseful After Cheating On Me?
This intention matters a lot when it comes to dealing with a cheating spouse. Only if your partner admits to having committed a mistake and truly feels apologetic and remorseful over their actions can you rest assured such a mistake will likely not happen again. If there is no feeling of guilt or remorse, you should consider moving away from them.
3. Have They Stopped All Contact?
It is an important question that can impact your future decisions. If your partner and the person they cheated with are still in contact with each other, the whole story may only repeat in the future. You may not feel confident in your relationship in such a case, and will have difficulty getting over it and moving on.
4. Can I Ever Trust My Spouse Again?
Trust is a vital factor in every relationship. It is easy to break but takes time to rebuild. Betrayal can destroy this trust. With trust lacking between you and your partner, you will be unable to have a successful relationship. You can overcome the pain of infidelity only if you can get past the hurt and are willing to forgive.
5. How Can I Forgive My Cheating Spouse?
Forgiving a cheating spouse can be a liberating experience for both parties. It will benefit your psychological and spiritual growth. With time, you will forgive the other person and yourself as you mature and trust yourself again.
6. What Should Be The Limit?
The actions of your spouse do not define your worth. You believe in yourself. Establish new rules for your relationship. If you choose to stay in the relationship, be aware of the possibility of the instance repeating. Promise to forgive yourself if you face betrayal again.
There are never any right or wrong decisions when it comes to your relationship. You do what feels right to you. If you are in love with your spouse, then you can choose to fight for your relationship. However, if your spouse is a serial cheater, then you should know the challenges you will face.
What To Do With A Serial Cheater?
Most people do not intend to cheat on their partners. It usually starts with friendship before turning into something romantic. Such people genuinely repent their actions and have no intention of repeating their terrible mistakes.
Serial cheaters are rarely repentant. For them, it is an achievement to fool their spouses and have an adulterous affair. It is this intent that wreaks havoc in the relationship. The spouse of such a serial cheater will undergo tremendous suffering and betrayal.
If your partner is a serial cheater, you may want to reconsider your relationship and ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you okay with your partner knowingly betraying you by having an affair?
- Even if you do decide to give them and yourself a chance, can you trust their commitment?
- Constantly guarding against your partner, will you be able to experience the wondrous feelings of trust and unconditional love?
If you are unsure of the answers to these questions and if your partner continues with their adulterous behavior, it may be a wise choice to get out of such a relationship.
We understand that dealing with a cheating partner can be tricky and exhausting. You lose your trust in other people and are hurt by their infidelity. But why can you not go back and stop your partner from cheating on you? You can surely prepare yourself to catch them if anything untoward happens. For instance, if suddenly they are more interested in their appearance or start avoiding you, chances are your partner is cheating on you. A change in their sexual attraction towards you or their daily schedule can also point toward the obvious. Keep your eyes and ears open to notice any unexplained changes and save yourself from more hurt down the road.
Frequently Asked Questions
How common is spousal cheating?
About 25% of marriages experience at least one incident of infidelity, according to a study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (1).
Who is more likely to cheat?
YouGov conducted a survey that revealed that 25% of men and 13% of women had engaged in an extramarital affair (2). However, infidelity has more to do with one’s past experiences and circumstances than with gender alone.
- Dealing with a cheating partner may feel traumatic, and it can be difficult to accept that they are not worthy of your trust.
- Behavior and attitude changes, keeping things from you, a sudden interest in their appearance, and change in sex life and libido are easy-to-distinguish signs of cheating.
- Once you learn that your partner cheated, ask yourself to decide if you want to stay with them or go separate ways.
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