Dating an introvert is not as difficult as you have assumed it to be. This shy and sweet person can make a good partner owing to their sensitive and intuitive nature. So, if you have fallen for an introvert, there is absolutely nothing to worry about.
As someone who has only dated extroverts, it is common to have certain apprehension about dating someone quiet, independent, and solitary. But remember, introversion is a highly misunderstood concept, and wrong notions can be easily ignored.
As introverts control their emotions and words, you may have to take the initiative in many things. For example, they may not even open up about their feelings and shy away from proposing to you. So, it is important to understand how an introvert thinks and act accordingly.
Manushvi Nithyanandan, a blogger, shared her personal experience of dating an introvert. She said, “Sometimes being an introvert, I find it hard to understand my partner who is more introverted than me (i).” She also offered tips for dating introverts and highlighted the importance of understanding and appreciating introverts’ unique qualities in building successful relationships.
In this article, we have listed the 15 best steps to understand an introvert better and make your relationship with the person a smooth and memorable journey. Keep reading!
In This Article
15 Tips For Dating An Introvert
1. You Can Make The First Move If They Don’t
There is a relatively fine line between shyness and introversion – but a necessary one.
While introversion is a personality type, shyness is an emotion. Though not all introverts are shy, some definitely are. However, introversion social anxiety, and shyness overlap for some people, giving rise to the stereotypical notion that introverts are shy.
Shy introverts may not feel comfortable approaching someone to chat or ask out for a date. Often, they tend to make eye contact from across the room or smile at you without saying anything. If the introvert you are currently crushing on is doing these things, it can be a good indication of their interest in you.
Don’t discount the subtle signs when dealing with an introvert. Sometimes, an introvert may even attempt to approach someone they are interested in but then end up feeling awkward.
So, what if you are interested in an introvert who gives you subtle signs but never attempts to talk to you? As the more extroverted person, you can approach them first and start a conversation. Observe their body language while they are talking to you. Do they seem comfortable? Are they smiling a lot?
If your conversation is flowing smoothly and they seem genuinely interested, you can ask them out for a date. However, if they don’t seem comfortable talking to you, take that as a cue and make a graceful exit.
Talking face-to-face with an introvert may seem confrontational and make them feel uncomfortable. Instead, you can talk to them while doing some activity like cooking or shopping to make it easier for them to open up.
2. Accept Them For Who They Are
In our society, extroversion is often treated as the default personality trait, and introverts are made to feel as if there is something wrong with them for not wanting to party all night or hang out with friends at a club.
Many extroverts make the mistake of trying to change their introverted partner instead of accepting them for who they are. Remember – if you have chosen to date an introvert, learn to appreciate them for their unique qualities instead of attempting to mold them into someone they are not.
Introverts and extroverts can form beautiful partnerships, with each partner complementing the other. While the extrovert can provide the introvert more opportunities to meet new people or try new things, the introvert can help the extrovert develop a new love for reading books or pursue a new hobby.
3. Understand What Their Definition Of Hanging Out Is
One of the main traits of an introvert is the need to spend lots of time alone. While some introverts may enjoy socializing and partying to an extent, many others choose to spend more time in solitude or chill with just a friend or two.
If you love to dance all night in the disco or catch a movie every weekend with a group of friends, it is natural for you to assume that your partner may enjoy the same things. However, introverts differ in the ways they connect with their loved ones. Just because your latest crush has declined your invitation to a big party doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not interested in you. They may just not like big parties!
In such scenarios, you can have a direct conversation with your crush and discuss options you both enjoy. For example, while they do not want to attend a big party with too many people, they may be happy attending a small and cozy get-together at home with a few close friends.
4. Be Supportive
Introverts and extroverts have different ways of replenishing their energy levels. Just like you need to be surrounded by friends and family to feel a surge of emotional energy, introverts must get their daily dose of solitude. As an extrovert who loves being around people all the time, it can be difficult to understand your introverted partner’s need for solitude.
However, supporting their need to be alone is important for your relationship to flourish. In fact, it becomes even more crucial if they are the type of introvert that struggles to express their needs and wants. While they recharge their batteries in solitude, you can go out and watch a movie and have lunch with your pals.
5. Give Them Time To Open Up
Let us get this clear – many introverts have great communication skills. They may be holding high-profile leadership positions in their workplaces. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, some introverts tend to feel awkward and nervous.
Unlike an extrovert who tends to wear their heart on their sleeve, introverts tend to be more guarded about their feelings. They may hang out with you and communicate a lot over the phone or through texts, but introverts still need more time to open their hearts and reveal their true feelings to you.
As a result, you should be patient if you are currently dating an introvert. Establish honest and open communication with them and give them time to open up.
6. Get Comfortable With Texting
We all know someone who never calls us back or picks our calls but puts in great effort to keep in touch by texting regularly. If you love having long phone conversations or video calls, you may find it irritating to communicate mainly through texts.
Although the evidence for this is largely anecdotal, introverts prefer texting over talking on the phone or via a video call. If you are an extrovert dating an introvert, you may have to get more comfortable with texting to keep your communication with your sweetheart free-flowing.
However, it is also important to note that introverts are of many types, and some may enjoy long phone calls. Moreover, as you and your partner get to know each other better, they will surely get more comfortable talking to you over the phone.
7. Work Towards Finding A Balance
For any relationship to work, both partners need to communicate openly with each other and find fun and enjoyable things to do together.
As an extrovert, you probably enjoy watching the latest movie with a bunch of friends and traveling to new places to explore tourist attractions. Friday nights for you mean hitting a bar with your colleagues to unwind after a hectic week of work.
On the other hand, your introverted partner’s idea of a fun weekend could be reading a novel while relaxing with a mug of hot chocolate. They may also enjoy tending to the garden on a sunny Saturday morning.
Since your hobbies and interests are likely to differ, make honest communication a priority and work towards balancing your need to socialize with their need for solitude.
8. Resolve Conflicts Amicably
Conflicts are natural and inevitable in any relationship. What is important is that you learn to resolve conflicts amicably. Extroverts and introverts deal with conflicts differently.
While introverts first want to think about the issue at hand in private before discussing it with their partner, extroverts are more likely to want to confront the issue right then and there. This difference in approach to conflict resolution may further intensify the ongoing tension if not dealt with healthily.
As a couple, you can decide beforehand how to deal with conflicts. A good tip for dating an introvert is to take a break of 20 to 30 minutes after an argument. This gives the introvert time to think over the issue whilst also ensuring that the extrovert doesn’t have to wait too long to confront the problem.
You and your partner can create a signal which lets you both know that you need a time-out. After your timeout, you can drop in a comforting text and check on your partner to see if they are ok and ready to talk about the issue calmly.
9. Define Your Needs
Any relationship can be truly meaningful and fulfilling to both parties only when the needs of each partner are being met. As extroverts and introverts, you may have very different needs to be addressed.
Being the more extroverted one in the relationship, you need to learn to respect your introverted partner’s need for solitude without compromising on your own need to socialize and interact with other people.
Express your needs to your partner in clear terms so that they understand your requirements. For instance, after spending one weekend relaxing at home eating takeout food, you can plan a fun get-together at your favorite cafe with a group of friends for the next weekend.
The trick is to ensure that neither of the partners is forced to compromise with their needs just because the other partner’s needs differ.
10. Make Quality Time Count
When it comes to dating, extroverts love to spend as much time as possible with their partners. However, introverts may not want to spend each waking hour away from work with their partner.
But this doesn’t mean either person has to compromise when it comes to spending time together. Whenever you do meet, make sure that you two have a great time together.
Plan your dates in advance, incorporating elements that you are both likely to enjoy. If you want to see a movie on Friday, you can let them decide what to see. If another day your partner wants to stay home and order in, you get to pick the restaurant.
Putting away your mobiles and laptops whenever you are together is another key tip for dating an introverted man or woman. Try to spend as much time talking and laughing with one another so you can to make each and every moment count.
11. Explore New Interests And Hobbies Together
On the surface, it seems like introverts and extroverts are very different from each other – and in many ways, they are. However, if you are an extrovert who is in a relationship with an introvert, you both obviously have a few things in common that attracted you to each other.
Did you first meet while browsing through the science fiction section in a library? You two probably can join a local group of sci-fi lovers that meets over coffee once a month to discuss the latest releases in your favorite genre.
Or did you catch each other’s notice in a rally for animal rights? Why not volunteer as a couple at an animal shelter where you can help animals while getting to spend time with each other?
12. Understand Introverts Show Their Affection Differently
While some introverts are quite talkative and can openly express their affection for you, others tend to be more reserved in the romantic arena. But this doesn’t mean they don’t love you!
Many introverts tend to express their love through thoughtful gestures instead of grandiose statements or over-the-top acts of romance. When your introverted partner prepares a special lunch for you with your favorite dishes or surprises you with a piece of jewelry they caught you admiring in a store, it means they love you and want to make you happy. Small, sweet gestures mean a lot to introverts.
13. Acknowledge Your Differences
No two people are alike. But the differences can be even more pronounced when you are an extrovert and your partner is an introvert. Building a successful relationship with someone requires both parties to acknowledge their differences.
Dating an introvert is hard because, as much as you wish, your partner cannot change for you. At the same time, you should not attempt to change yourself in order to appease them.
Instead, it is better to respect them for who they are while staying true to yourself as well. Focus on building mutual understanding and respect while acknowledging that you are two different individuals with their own unique characteristics.
14. Don’t Misinterpret Their Silence
While extroverts are known to be more talkative and expressive, introverts are more thoughtful and tend to speak less. But be careful not to interpret their silence as anything more than one of their personality traits.
Your introverted partner’s love for silence has got nothing to do with their level of commitment to you – it is just how they are wired. As long as they maintain open and honest communication with you, there is no need to worry about their occasional silence. Just accept the fact that your partner is not a big-time talker!
15. Understand It Is Perfectly Fine To Have Separate Social Lives
During the initial weeks of dating someone new, it is natural to want to spend all your waking hours either with your partner or texting or calling them when you are not together.
However, as the relationship progresses, it is perfectly fine to pursue separate social lives in addition to the time you spend together. This is especially significant in relationships between introverts and extroverts.
Socializing is as important to extroverts as solitude is to introverts. You can have fun going for a weekend hike with your outdoorsy friends while your partner calls over their introverted best friend for a home-cooked meal and a heart-to-heart chat.
Infographic: Activities For Both Introverts And Extroverts
While dating an introvert may seem like a difficult idea, the key is to understand and accept each other’s needs and personalities. To make sure both your needs are being met, here are a couple of activities suitable for both introverts and extroverts.
Check out this infographic below to know more!
At first, it might seem concerning for an extrovert to date an introvert, but you may rest assured that you have nothing to worry about. Extroverts and introverts have many obvious differences in their likes and preferences, but you could build a beautiful relationship once you work out a balance. What is important is to avoid any sort of judgments and biases and, at the same time, to listen to the other person actively. This means observing the other’s body language, tone of voice, and perceiving the emotions. Paying attention only to the words would mean putting an unconscious limitation to the quality of the relationship itself.
The key is to respect your differences, honestly express your needs, and accept your partner for who they are. Spend time together indulging in common interests and getting to know each other. Introverts may take time to open up but be patient, and your relationship will be fulfilling and rewarding.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are introverts slow in relationships?
Possibly. Introverts tend to guard their feelings and take time to open up. This may lead the relationship to move slowly and tenderly.
Are introverts better in relationships?
Can’t say. There’s no proof suggesting that introverts are better (or not) at relationships than extroverts. However, they value a slow process of building trust, spending time together, and being introspective, which makes the relationship worthwhile.
Do introverts prefer being single?
Possibly. It isn’t very easy for introverts to maintain an intensely close relationship because they value their private space.
Are introverts clingy?
Possibly not. Introverts are naturally drawn to personal spaces to reflect, and they can sense when their partners require it as well. In these cases, they maintain an appropriate distance out of respect for their partner’s privacy.
- Introversion is a personality type and is not the same as being shy.
- While dating an introverted person, it’s important to observe their body language for subtle cues.
- Introverts may take time to open up, but are usually honest in communicating and connecting with their person of interest.
- Introverts and extroverts can beautifully complement each other as partners.
If you are dating an introvert then you should check out this video. Get handy tips to navigate the dating world with your introverted partner.