Breaking up is hard. No matter how great you are at confrontation, it is never easy to tell a person with whom you have shared some good memories that they are not ‘the one’ for you. There are bound to be some arguments, hurt, or an emotional outburst from the other side. This fragile situation can worsen if you break the news in a way that hurts them more than the unavoidable extent. Sure, you can delay the inevitable if you don’t know what to say, but you can’t prevent it. It is always better to end things when there’s still a chance to part ways amicably and respectfully.
Scroll down to know some way in which you can minimize collateral damage and treat your partner considerately while ending a relationship.
In This Article
Should You Break Up Or Work It Out?
Let’s talk about why you are dissatisfied and thinking about ending a relationship. Also, do you think breaking up is necessary? Can things still be mended?
There are many reasons relationships fail, but sometimes, it is better to work through the issues than jump ship when you are in a serious relationship. If your partner is not giving you the attention you deserve or the affection you require, communication can resolve it. Whenever there are problems in a relationship, don’t just go ahead and end it without talking to your partner. If you are not satisfied, they probably aren’t either.
Below are some signs that your differences can be resolved without resorting to a breakup:
- You have been together for a long time.
- You know each other’s friends and family.
- They treat you well when your friends are around.
- You haven’t seen them doing anything particularly wrong.
- Your partner brings out the best in you.
- You have forgiven them for their past wrongdoings.
- They put effort into making the relationship work.
- They are willing to do anything for you.
- Your family loves and approves of them.
- Your partner makes you feel comfortable and safe.
If these things sound familiar, it might be worth the effort to give your partner another shot. However, if you are facing any of the following issues, it might be time to end your relationship:
- If your partner is abusive towards you or if they make you feel unsafe around them.
- If they make you feel like you deserve better than them.
- If your partner doesn’t care about your feelings and what you want.
- If you are not happy with them and feel like you can do better.
- The relationship is taking a toll on your mental health.
- Excessive problems that won’t go away.
- There are signs of emotional manipulation and gaslighting.
- If you can’t trust your partner anymore.
- Your partner constantly pressures you into doing things that make you uncomfortable.
- You know deep down that the relationship is coming to an end, making you feel bitter about it.
If you answered yes to a few or even one of these questions, the chances are the relationship is not going anywhere. It is in everyone’s interest to end things here. To know how to best approach the topic and go through with a breakup, scroll down.
How To Break Up With Someone Nicely
Breaking up is never easy, but there are ways to learn how to break up with someone nicely without hurting them.
1. Be Honest
Be honest with your partner about your feelings. For example, if you don’t like how they treat you, tell them how it makes you feel. Be direct and let them know that you would prefer to be treated better. Being honest will also ensure that you are not using a person to your advantage during a difficult time in your life.
2. Don’t Play Mind Games
Don’t use your relationship to control or manipulate the other person. It is especially true if you want the relationship to end because your partner isn’t treating you right. It is not fair to take advantage of someone who cares about you simply because they have been nice to you. You can’t use someone for your own selfish needs without them knowing that you are doing it.
3. Be Direct
Don’t beat around the bush or avoid the inevitable breakup conversation with an excuse about how badly you are crushing on someone else or any other absurd lies that people usually make up in such scenarios.
4. Don’t Keep Using Excuses or Dragging Things Out
Don’t continue the relationship out of fear because it will only cause more pain and suffering down the road. If you keep making excuses for why you can’t end things, that person may realize that you aren’t ready to let go. It will hurt them more than it would if you just end things without any delay. It is better for both parties involved that the relationship comes to an end as soon as possible.
5. Don’t Say You Can Stay Friends
Don’t lead someone on when you have no intention of pursuing a friendship in the future with them. Even if your partner is your close bud, it can be challenging to stay friends with an ex. So, if your partner proposes but you don’t want to pursue a friendship, be honest and let them know that it isn’t possible for whatever reason.
6. Don’t Get Emotional Or Angry
You may feel hurt or angry, but those feelings aren’t going to help the situation. When you get emotional, it is easy to say or do things you will regret later. The smartest thing is to avoid the confrontation initially and deal with it when you are in a better state of mind.
7. Take Responsibility
Take responsibility for your behavior in the relationship by not making excuses like, ‘You made me do it’. It isn’t an effective way to start a conversation about ending your relationship as it is nearly impossible for your partner to prove otherwise. Instead, if you are the one who wants out, take responsibility and let them know that you would like to end things peacefully.
8. No Harsh Judgments
If you are the one who wants to end things, it isn’t your prerogative to tell your partner that they are unworthy or that no one else will ever want them. It is rude and hurtful. Don’t let your pain turn into anger and hurt someone else in the process.
9. No Rehashing
Don’t bring up past conversations or grievances when breaking up with them. If you raise issues that happened in the past, it will only distract you from what is essential — bringing the relationship to a close and letting them know why you want to break up.
10. No False Positives
Don’t think, ‘Oh, they are not perfect, but maybe I can change them’. People rarely change. It may be true that you love the person and have been through so much with them. But eventually, one of you will resent the other for the mistakes that will only lead to more issues down the road.
11. Don’t Say You Will Always Care
If you want to break up, don’t tell them that you will always care about them. It can be used against you later when your partner tries to win you back or accuse you of being the wrong person. Instead, it is always best to say, ‘I don’t know if we can be together anymore, and I don’t want to hurt you more than necessary. Let’s try to end things as soon as possible so that we can both start healing’.
12. Give Space
Let your partner have their space after the breakup. Don’t call, text, email, or reach out to them in any way for at least a month. Even if they are happy to hear from you, the chances are that you won’t be able to handle it yet because breaking up is difficult enough as it is. It would help if you had time to recover on your own. If your partner truly cares, they will give you the space you need to stay true to your word.
Is It Wrong To Get Back With An Ex?
Not always. There are many reasons one should think twice before deciding to get back with an ex. But there is a chance that you might be making a huge mistake by cutting off all ties with your partner. It is one thing to ditch a terrible partner but quite another when you were going steady with someone, even if it didn’t work out.
Many people go back to their exes because they feel lonely and think that the partner is willing to change and become better. You realize you love your ex when things go sour in your current relationship or when someone else dumps you. In such cases, you tend to think that getting back with your ex is the only way out, and such a decision almost always turns bitter.
However, some people retire from their current relationships for reasons like incompatibility or abuse, and they feel that going back to their earlier partner would be a better option. People change, they grow apart, and if your ex still means a lot to you, even after all the misunderstandings and fights, there’s nothing wrong in trying to get back together.
A simple way to get back together is to befriend your ex first and then win them back by being a better friend. This way, you would know all the things that went wrong earlier and find ways to correct them. But this requires a lot of patience and perseverance.
On the other hand, your relationship could be shattered beyond all repair even before you could think about calling them up or hanging out with them. In such cases, if you still want to get back together after a breakup, there is no way but to wait it out and hope that someday they might realize their mistake and want to give things a chance.
In A Nutshell
It is never easy to break up with someone, but it doesn’t have to be a painful experience. If you are thinking about ending your relationship and want to do so in the best way possible, plan it out before starting the conversation.
Remember, while no one should have to be in a relationship they don’t want, being broken up with is often hard to take — even if it is for the best. You may feel guilty, doubt your worth or self-worth, and generally not understand what went wrong. You may miss them at first, but eventually, you will realize you made the right choice.
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