All relationships come with an expiry date â so say the cynics. Romance or romantic love is comparatively even shorter-lived and tends to disappear once you start facing the heat of real-life problems. Then come children, work pressure, health problems, in-law troubles, external attraction, etc. In long-term, stable relationships, ironically, love is often the first casualty.
Romantic films and novels depict people giddy-headed in love and have treatises on how to steal hearts or win your favorite person over. But if the steady relationship with your partner has stagnated over time, no one tells you how to fall back in loveÂ with the same person!
Do not lose hope yet! Get to know some time-tested, sure-fire ways to will your heart into falling back in love with your committed partner or spouse. Keep reading.
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Is It Possible To Fall Back In Love?
Yes, it most definitely is. After all, this is the same person who made your heart beat faster in the initial, rosy days of your relationship. It is just that the spark has diffused with life’s ups and downs and the monotony of running the household.
We live in a stressful, hectic world these days, and stagnating relationships are becoming more common. You simply need to put in some extra and conscious effort to be back in love with your spouse or partner.
Learning how to fall back in love requires examining why a couple got distanced from each other in the first place. We look at a few reasons below.
Why Do Couples Fall Out Of Love?
Couples fall out of love due to various reasons, the most common ones being:
- Annoying habits of your spouse that surface with time
- Lack of shared goals in the relationship
- Work pressure and resultant neglect of the spouse
- Lack of novelty in interaction with spouse, boredom, and indifference
- Childbirth and rearing children (a consuming, exhausting process)
- Interference of in-laws
- Caring for aging parents (and/or ailing family members)
- Extramarital affairs
- Emotional betrayal by either husband or wife
- Joblessness or lack of ambition and the resultant discord
There could be other reasons for partners to fall out of love. But that doesnât mean you have to panic. Here, we guide you on how to get your love back.
How To Fall Back In Love With Your Partner
To fall back in love, you need to first acknowledge that it is quite possible to fall out of love with your partner who was so irresistible to you in the past. It is a very human thing and is absolutely natural. Plus, falling out of love doesn’t really mean that your relationship is over. It is just a temporary hurdle in your companionship.
You canÂ choose to fall back in love with some genuine effort. Here are 15 ways to rekindle your love towards your partner and mend your relationship.
1. Get Over The Giddy Notions Of Romantic Love
The initial craze for each other and the constant rush of serotonin in your brain that happened in the first few months of your romance are bound to come down. You are human, after all, and you start to notice all those irritating things in your partner that you had refused to acknowledge them earlier.
Small habits that were earlier accepted with a grin â like belching after dinner, talking while eating, keeping the TV turned on all the time, keeping a messy table or kitchen counter, always being glued to the phone â become sore points now that the first flush of romance is over.
Accept that the relationship has come away from that stage of effusive emotion. It is now at the level of a more mature companionship, a steadier togetherness. This stage is not that exciting, and often you may start doubting your feelings for your spouse or partner. But remember, only you both know how to fall back in love!
2. Don’t Take Things Too Personally
Your partner may have said or done something that wasn’t meant to be a deliberate slight or insult. Things happen due to stress or preoccupation with work or other pressing responsibilities. Falling in love again with your spouse would mean exercising more tolerance, more patience, and more acceptance.
3. Work On Your Relationship
Relationships take time to build and need continuous efforts to maintain. But having a thriving, healthy relationship is definitely worth all the effort. Studies show that steady companionship and marriages can withstand any amount of upheaval in life, including loss of wealth, job crises, and sudden illnesses (1).
Planning date nights, romantic dinners, and weekend getaways is not always possible. Those definitely work like magic, but you need to put in more sustained effort in day-to-day interactions. Small things like complimenting your husband on his achievements or bringing your wife her favorite flowers while returning home go a long way in rekindling the love.
4. Acknowledge That Nobody Is Perfect
Accept the fact that there will be annoying things your partner does. After all, no one is perfect. Avoid nagging, as that achieves nothing positive. Occasional gentle reminders are more effective. Humor works, too, of course, when it is appropriate. Instead of harping on what your spouse lacks or does that irritates you, communicate what you actually expect.
Also, indicate that you are willing to improve your own shortcomings based on your partner’s feedback. Falling back in love again involves greater acceptance of each other.
5. Give Heartfelt Apologies
Remember to apologize genuinely when you are wrong. We all fail at times; we all have our bad days. That doesn’t give us the right to misbehave with our spouses or take them for granted. Spoke rudely to her in the morning? Snapped at him when he said something you didn’t like? Has he/she missed your birthday or come home late on your anniversary?
The trick to falling in love again with your partner is accepting each other’s faults and acknowledging when you are at fault. Saying sorry wouldn’t hurt your pride, but it would do a lot in assuaging the hurt feelings of your husband or wife.
You can also do small things that your significant other likes to make up for your behavior. However, it is important to feel what you say. If not, “sorry” would just be an appeasement term during disagreements.
6. Communicate, And Communicate More
If there is anything that binds a union, it is communicating openly and frequently. One of the benefits of being in a healthy relationship includes being able to vent without restraint. However, communication also implies voicing your own insecurities, admitting your mistakes, and owning up to losing your temper at times.
Don’t just indulge in routine chit-chat. Take time out to discuss your feelings and your expectations. Talk about your relationship and tell your partner what you feel is lacking. Honest chats lead to real bonding, as you are daring to lay bare your heart in front of your spouse. Real intimacy starts from this.
7. Remind Yourself Of The Person You Fell In Love With
The positive qualities that attracted you to him or her are still there, but just a bit rusty with time. Try not to magnify the flaws just to justify your anger or detachment. Beware of the loop of negative reaffirmation or self-fulfilling prophecy that you may be stuck in. Teach yourself how to feel love again.
Remember: you canÂ fall back in loveÂ with the same person if you practice a certain amount of disenchantment. Step back and look into your own biases or hang-ups. Are they hindering you or holding you back from fully accepting your partner? If yes, it is time for them to be kept away for a while.
This is difficult, but you will soon begin to see the original person you had married or felt the love for.
8. Take A Deeper Look Inside
If you are getting the feeling of not being loved back by your husband or wife, examine your own sense of self-image first. Do you hate yourself, your body, or your habits? Are you excessively critical of your own actions? Does your feeling of self-loathing get translated into hating everyone around you as well?
A negative self-image translates into poor self-confidence and a whining neediness on your part. No one likes clingy, whiny partners. Love yourself, do the things you enjoy, and invest time with yourself alone to fall back in love. Take time out if possible. Go away on a solo trip and see how you will enjoy coming back to your partner.
9. Get Some Alone Time
You and your partner should get enough breathing space in the relationship. Spending every minute of your day with your significant other can be irritating and exhausting. Instead, spending time alone to focus on yourself can help you destress and put more effort into mending your relationship.
Go out with your pals, watch that play or movie alone, go fishing with your buddies, or just read a book in a corner all by yourself. Once you have enjoyed your alone time, you will come back refreshed and bond anew with your partner.
10. Avoid Exaggerating Friendly Interactions
Don’t misinterpret warm or lively interactions of your spouse with the opposite sex. A major part of how to fall in love with your partner again or how to love your husband again involves exercising grace and generosity in overlooking minor flirtations. This doesn’t imply you tolerate cheating â it just means you allow for some harmless flirting or goofing around with the opposite sex.
This also shows how much trust you have in your spouse that is unfazed by these exaggerated gestures of affection towards another person. Communicate to your partner your complete assurance of his or her faithfulness.
In case something about his or her friendliness is bothering you, have a heart-to-heart chat about the same. Communicate your feelings of hurt or being left out. Do not be overly suspicious â keep things open to explanation or interpretation. Allow your spouse or partner a fair chance to state their case. If there is something lacking in your relationship, this is a good chance to know it and rectify it in time.
11. Get Your Sex Life On Track Once Again
Sometimes, you get so busy with your career or family that sex takes a backseat. Make sure that doesn’t become a pattern in your relationship with your partner or spouse. Long, stable couple relationships need to have both physical as well as emotional intimacy.
Physical intimacy produces oxytocin in your brain, a hormone that helps boost trust and bonding (2). Couples allowing little or no physical intimacy soon become emotionally distanced from one another as well. Cuddling, giving a warm hug, a peck on the cheek, or catching some stolen kisses can bring back the spark in our lives. Physical closeness reminds your brain and heart how to fall in love again.
12. Practice Empathy And Kindness
Try to step back and examine what is hurting your spouse and which actions of yours are aggravating the hurt. Are you being too critical? Do you keep nagging or pointing out faults? Are you stonewalling your partner from being able to confide in you?
Falling back in love with your spouse is definitely possible if you genuinely try to understand where they are coming from. Do not assume things. Ask. Reach out. Keep yourself approachable and make time for your partner. Most importantly, know when to reach out and when to allow space and privacy.
13. Overlook Minor Irritants For The Bigger Picture
To fall back in love with your spouse or partner, restrain yourself from examining his or her behavior with an overtly critical lens. As suggested earlier in point 7, think about when you fell in love, and everything about your lover that seemed delightful in the initial phases of your relationship. It will help you overlook the small issues and focus on the positives when you have so much at stake in your relationship.
Falling back in love includes seeing the bigger picture, the composite whole of your marriage that has sustained so long. Think of the happy times, of the times your spouse stood by you, of the times you happened to slip and they supported you. Sometimes, you need to let go of the minor grudges and the little imperfections when you see how important your relationship is in your life. Always remember that no one is perfect.
14. Engage In A Common Goal Or Project
Do you both love traveling? Plan a trip together without children or parents. Are you excited about photography? Create a photography blog or website together. Togetherness doesn’t just mean watching TV shows together. A shared hobby or passion can re-ignite your feelings of warmth and togetherness, leading the way to you falling back in love.
When you think alike for a common interest, your emotions are more in the positive element and you feel more compatible with your spouse. Volunteer at that orphanage together if you both are altruistic. You may also plan that museum visit.
15. Keep Your Gadgets Away From Time To Time
We don’t need to remind you of the fallouts of addiction to social media. Your online presence sometimes comes at the cost of offline togetherness. Acknowledging that you are spending endless hours chatting, gaming, or posting selfies on social media definitely helps you correct your course.
Do you remember the marriage your parents had, the times when they sat reading along with each other without saying a word? Sometimes, your companionship is most enduring in silence and complete togetherness.
The key to getting back in love and rebonding with your partner is to spend more quality time together. So, be sure to put your phones aside to experience positive changes in yourself and your relationship.
Falling in love is the easiest part. The tough part is to fall back in love and stay that way. A relationship or marriage is much more than a frothy romance or fun dates. It requires hard work, genuine effort, and a whole lot of adjustment and acceptance. Rebuild the trust and faith you originally had in each other.
Let your defenses down, smile, and laugh with your partner. Your body and mind will thank you for the serotonin and oxytocin flow! And you can look forward to growing old together.
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