How To Forgive A Cheater in Relationship? Pros And Cons

Be aware of the red flags and understand when it's okay to forgive and when it’s not.

Reviewed by Joseph Moore, Certified Relationship And Life Coach
By Harini Natarajan, Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Being cheated is one of the most traumatic feelings one can go through at any relationship phase. But if you decide to forgive your partner, there are ways to do it. “How to forgive a cheater” is not a simple query, but it is a process where you have to face various social reactions and end up with ambivalent thoughts and feelings. However, if you have decided to forgive your partner, this article may ease your journey and help improve your relationship.

Why Do People Cheat In A Relationship?

1. Lack Of Connection

A lost connection and feeling of drifting apart from each other may push a person to cheat on their partner. The hope of finding a connection with someone is the driving factor behind a partner’s infidelity.

2. A Lack Of Love

There are times when the love and affection between two people decrease due to various factors. The cuddles, kisses, and hugs become less frequent with time. It is in times like these either or both of the partners may search for love outside of marriage.

3. Fear Of Commitment

If a person is afraid of committing to a relationship, he/she will knowingly or unknowingly try to find a way to sabotage it – and the most preferred way to sabotage a relationship could be cheating.

4. Low Self-Esteem

Most often, people with low self-esteem will act in certain ways to get attention and validation from others. In some cases, validation from just one person can never be enough for certain individuals. People with low self-esteem may also feel insecure in a relationship and may find cheating to be a way to boost their confidence.

5. Addictive Sexual Behavior

People with addictive sexual behavior may find it hard to be with one person for a long time. This addiction may be compulsive, and they may have a hard time controlling their desires.

No matter what the reason, being cheated on can be terribly agonizing. It may leave you clueless about the next course of action. You may also wonder if forgiving your partner is the right thing to do. But worry not – the following section can give you some clarity.

The Pros And Cons Of Forgiving A Cheater

Pros

  • Forgiving a cheating partner may help you let go of the anger and grudge you have against them. This can be beneficial for your mental health.
  • Forgiving a cheating partner may also help the person that hurt you to heal.
  • Forgiving can also be the first step to fix your relationship. It may give you a window to understand the reason behind their actions.

Cons

  • There are chances that a cheating partner who is forgiven may take advantage of you again. If a person has broken the commitment once, it could be easy for them to break it again. It is very common for first-time cheaters to cheat again.
  • Forgiving and continuing your life with a cheating partner is not easy. Living with them may serve as a constant reminder of their hurtful actions.

If you have decided to forgive your partner after weighing all the pros and cons, here is how you can do it.

How To Forgive Someone Who Has Cheated On You

1. Accept The Reality

To start the process of forgiveness, you must first accept the fact that your partner has cheated on you. To forgive, you also must feel all the associated emotions like hurt, betrayal, and disappointment. You also have to stay strong, as any new information about your partner’s infidelity may push you to the brink of depression.

Going through all these emotions can be a major challenge. You may take time to totally accept the reality. Be patient and seek help from your friends and family.

2. Think About The Other Person

Take a minute and think about what the other person wants. Do they really want to give this relationship a chance? Have they totally broken all contact with the person they cheated you for? Also, analyze if your partner is worth putting so much emotional work into. If you decide your partner is worth all the trouble and they also are willing to improve themselves, you may go ahead to forgive them.

3. Be Honest

To start anew after your partner’s infidelity, you have to be honest about the affair. You also must be aware about the reason behind your partner’s action. This will give you a clear understanding of what went wrong in your relationship.

Admittedly, going through every detail of your partner’s infidelity is really hard. Reading through text messages or listening to every detail of the incident can be extremely hurtful. To repair a relationship that has been damaged, everyone should maintain a level of transparency with each other.

Additionally, having a clear picture about when your partner started an affair may help you identify what problems you were having at that point in time.

4. Analyze Your Relationship

Once you have learned all the details behind your partner’s affair, you may use that information to pinpoint the reason that drove your partner to take such an action. But do remember this – someone else cheating on you doesn’t have to mean that it was your fault. Never blame yourself for your partner’s fault, and never allow anybody else to blame you either.

5. Communicate

Communicate the problems you two have with each other and with the relationship. A clear and honest conversation about what is wrong with the relationship and what behavior either of you find hard to accept may help you identify the steps to take to repair the broken relationship.

6. Take Time

You must remember that the process of forgiving someone is not going to happen overnight or in a week. It may take months or even years to finally be able to forgive someone. Hence, be clear about this process with yourself and your partner. Be patient and work together with your partner to put the affair behind you and move forward with your life.

Does a relationship go back to normal after such a terrible incident? Let us find out.

Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

You might be wondering if it is possible to go back to your normal life after finding out that your partner had cheated on you. There is no one right answer to this question. It all varies from person to person.

But you have to understand that cheating doesn’t always mean a lack of love. If you work along with your partner hard enough, you may be able to restore the lost spark in your relationship.

Relationships can be one of the most unpredictable things you see in your life. Someone you believed to be a loyal and devoted partner can end up cheating on you, making it difficult for you to trust people again. However, understanding the reason behind their cheating behavior and deciding to forgive them can release you from a lot of pain. A lack of love, fear of commitment, and low self-esteem can lead a person to cheat. Finally, before forgiving, you should analyze whether they are ready to break this pattern or cheating is a way of life for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can a cheater be faithful?

Yes, it is possible for a person who has cheated to feel and show genuine remorse and be faithful in the relationship, moving forward. However, it is important to have the essential conversations surrounding the infidelity and work on the root issues that led to cheating.

Do cheaters feel guilty?

Yes, it is possible for a cheating partner to feel guilty about having an affair outside of the relationship.

Key Takeaways

  • A lack of love, trust, and intimacy, a fear of commitment or low self-worth are common underlying reasons behind cheating.
  • Forgiving a cheating partner can help you achieve mental peace and open up the possibility of reconciliation.
  • You have to analyze deeply to understand the reason for infidelity, figure out if you feel your partner is worth the effort of moving through this challenge, accept the mistake and communicate clearly before you can start afresh.
  • Forgiving a cheater is one of the most difficult things you can do in a relationship because of the pain involved.
  • Take time off to process things and then come back to kick-start the relationship because forgiving a cheating partner is hard, no matter their excuse.

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