16 Effective Ways To Get Him To Commit In A Relationship

Love and support him, be patient, and don't force things if you want to be with him in the long haul.

Reviewed by Sarah Kenville, MA (Marriage and Family Therapy) Sarah Kenville Sarah KenvilleMA (Marriage and Family Therapy) facebook_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Experience: 4 years
Edited by , BSc Shatabdi Bhattacharya BSc linkedin_icon Experience: 2.5 years
Fact-checked by , MA Gracia Odile MA linkedin_icon Experience: 3 years

In this age of online dating, it is hard to get anyone to commit. But, if you like him a lot and want to know how to get him to commit, we can help.

The high of swiping right is sometimes more gratifying than actually being in a relationship. But now you have gone on multiple dates with a man who has shown how great he is to be with. You both have good compatibility, and – more importantly – he has never ghosted you. Clearly, he is interested! All he needs is an extra nudge to commit as he thinks about future plans.

Read on to learn the 14 effective ways to get him to commit. Scroll down!

16 Effective Tips To Get Him To Commit

1. Do Not Be Desperate

Do not be desperate to get him to commit
Image: Shutterstock

While it is normal for you to feel frustrated about getting a guy you are interested in to commit, sounding desperate is a big NO. Sounding too ambitious about getting him to commit to you will give an impression that you want him more than he wants you. This, however, is not healthy for a relationship.

Begging for love and commitment from your guy can turn him off. It can also make him retract the steps he may have otherwise taken toward committing to you. Hence, it is best not to act desperate and give him and your relationship the space it needs. Make your relationship more enjoyable, which is a more effective way to get him to commit to you.

Give him the power to chase you by using the following tips:

  • Allow him time to call you after your date.
  • Let him suggest a place for your next meeting.
  • Try not to be available at all times. Let him seek your availability instead.

2. Stop Talking About Commitment All The Time

Yes, you want commitment. But do not bring this up in every conversation – as it may only appear that you are pressurizing your guy to commit. Constant pressure creates a stressful situation, and your guy may want to spend lesstime with you if you make him stressed or uncomfortable every time you meet.

Refraining from talking about commitment all the time might actually get your guy to think about it more. It is also a great way to get him to introspect, and he may think about commitment more seriously.

3. Have Rules In Your Current Relationship

Commitment is a promise that two people make in a personal or professional realm. That is how business deals are made, just like promises are kept in a relationship. A great beginning for your guy to think about commitment is to have rules in the current dynamics of your relationship. Yes, it does sound awkward to have rules when you want your guy to commit. But rules and commitment go hand-in-hand.

For instance, having rules about certain emotional, physical, or sexual boundaries that apply to each of you can help. Keep the rules clear and concise and avoid ambiguity at all costs.

You can frame your rules in a way that is realistic and attainable. Also, steer clear of setting selfish rules that only work in your favor, as this can be a put-off for your guy and drive him away from the relationship. At the same time, ensure that the relationship style is obvious to both parties involved.

4. Invest In Yourself

Do not forget to invest in yourself in the process of getting him to commit
Image: Shutterstock

Do not forget yourself in the pursuit of getting your guy to commit. Do not invest too much of yourself in him. Instead, put a great deal of time into living your life. Nobody likes someone who is not well-invested in themselves or is always clingy. Do things that make you happy, meet your friends, spend time with your family, go about your hobbies, and work like you normally would. Always remember that a relationship is just a part of your life – at least until there is love and commitment. Avoid making it the center of your life.

When you are happy, oozing confidence with strong self-esteem, you appear more attractive than when you seem desperate for attention and commitment. It is commonly observed that when you stop making your guy your number one priority, he will crave you and your presence in his life. Go after yourself and see how he turns towards you for mutual commitment.

5. Be Loving

While you spend a great deal of time on yourself, shower him with love too. This may sound contradictory, but being a loving partner is important to make your guy see how you can be a lovely partner. You get what you give, and this applies to relationships too. Without going overboard, show your commitment and seriousness toward taking your relationship to the next level.

In their quest to get their guy to commit, many women expect perfection from their partners. This will turn the tables against you, and your man will start falling prey to the stress of expectations. You can instead ask yourself if you would commit to someone like you if you were a man.

6. A Hint Of Jealousy Is Okay

Using jealousy in a relationship in minimal amounts is okay. It sometimes even allows the other person to realize their feelings. It is okay to bring up your ex, albeit subtly and decently – and your man may begin to wonder about you and your ex. His emotions may stir him to ask for commitment. It does not matter if you are in touch with your ex, but playing harmless mind games like this can get your man to think more deeply about your relationship. He might want to be a better man for you than your ex was, and this little jealousy can motivate him to commit to you.

7. Be Supportive Of His Emotional Needs

Offer mental support to get him to commit
Image: Shutterstock

Men are humans, too, and have emotions like women. Though they may be less expressive about their feelings and emotional needs, they do emote. A sure-shot way of getting your man to commit to you is by convincing him that you are there for him when he needs you and can depend on you. Men rarely need financial support, but offering emotional and mental support is very important to most men.

Men can have emotional breakdowns and everybody relies on emotional support and communication in such times. Being there for your guy in those critical times makes you a dependable and trustworthy person in his life. This is a good way to establish your importance in his life. Commitment is not far away when your man realizes that you are irreplaceable in his life.

protip_icon Quick Tip

You can support your partner by putting your phone away and listening to him actively. While he may not always need your advice, sometimes telling him you are there for him is enough and makes him feel heard.

8. Some Distance Is Healthy

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say. In relationships, this is indeed true and very effective if you are looking to take yours to the next level. Being there for your partner at all times can make them take you for granted. This is not something you want before your partner commits to you.
Maintain a healthy distance from him in a way that you are there to support him always, but aren’t spending all your time thinking about him. It is okay to let him miss you occasionally.

9. Do Not Be Too Demanding

Having too many expectations and demands from your partner may not be a great way to get him to commit to you. No one likes to be around a demanding person.

Wanting things to happen the way you please or having unrealistic and excessive expectations from your man in the pursuit to get him to commit to you is not recommended.

10. Create Value

Create value that will help him to commit
Image: Shutterstock

A person must see value in something before committing to it. A relationship is no different. If you want your man to commit to your relationship, create value that will attract him. Also, you must value yourself as someone who does not value themselves cannot add much value to the relationship either. Maintaining your individuality and your sense of value is essential before you get your partner to value your relationship and commit to you.

If you want your partner to see something in you, you must first see that in yourself. Not seeing value in yourself can result in your partner using you for their emotional needs. It is true that a couple grows together in a relationship and learns from each other or adapts to each other. However, one must have a sense of individuality and bring something to the table before planning of building a life together.

11. Ask Yourself If You Are Committed Too

Before expecting your partner to commit to you, you must assess how committed you are. You must be committed to yourself and the relationship before expecting the same from your guy. Constructive self-commitments like being truthful, being aware of your relationship goals, and taking care of your health and well-being are important if you want your guy to commit to you.

Men prefer to commit to women who are strong, have a sense of being and independence, can communicate with honesty, and can commit to themselves. In fact, this is a turn-on for many men.

12. Avoid Spoon-Feeding And Babysitting

There is a difference between being there for your man when he needs you and spoon-feeding. In many relationships, the woman does everything for her man and almost takes on the role of his mother. But this is not a strong foundation for a relationship. There must be a clear line drawn about certain things that you should avoid doing for your partner. You also must exercise the liberty to say ‘no’ when you have to.

Doing everything for your partner spoils him like it would a pampered child. This also may make your partner take you for granted.

13. Allow Him To Play A Role In Your Life

Just like you play certain roles in your partner’s life, allow him to play a role in yours too. Asking him to help you with your tasks, taking his advice, and letting him take charge often allows him to stand out as the hero in your life. Men love this and take on more responsibility and liability in these situations. This is a great way to get him to realize how important he is to you, and this feeling can trigger thoughts of commitment in his mind. Allow him to do things for you as a way of building trust, and you can see if his words meet his actions.

14. Be Romantic

Be romantic to get him commit to you
Image: Shutterstock

Every relationship needs some spicing up from time to time to keep the flame going. Being romantic, for this reason, should be on your cards. While being romantic, try not to do overdo your actions or words. Your love and romance should come naturally and work like magic around him. This will help you get more intimate with him, and this interconnected circle of love and passion will pull him closer to you. In many cases, this one factor is the absolute winner of respect and is enough to convince your partner to fully commit to you.

protip_icon Quick Tip

You can romance your partner in small and simple ways by writing love notes in his wallet, sending him a romantic text, or kissing him before he walks out the door.

15. Show Appreciation

Acknowledging and appreciating your partner is fundamental for building commitment. Expressing gratitude for a man’s actions conveys their significance to you, fostering a sense of importance and potentially expediting commitment. Actively recognizing and appreciating thoughtful gestures not only showcases genuine interest but also enhances the likelihood of these considerate behaviors being repeated.

16. Be A Good Listener

When you make a conscious effort to truly listen to your partner, you create a strong foundation for connection and understanding. Being a good listener means more than just hearing words; it is about understanding the emotions behind them and trying to empathize. When you practice active listening, it tells your partner that their perspective matters, creating trust and intimacy.

Infographic: How To Get Him To Commit

You want your partner to commit, but what does commitment look like in a relationship? And how quickly can you ask your partner or date to commit to you?

Commitment is essential to a long-term healthy relationship. In the infographic below, we show you what values you should look for in a relationship and the stages in a standard relationship. Check it out!

how to get him to commit (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Before trying to get him to commit and form a strong emotional connection, make sure you both are on the same page about the relationship’s future. While you may be eager to move on to the next step, maybe your partner still needs some time and space to deal with certain circumstances. Being respectful of each other’s stance and being open about your expectations would help get a clear picture. While it is important to give your relationship time, you should also know when things are just lingering on without any real reason and take the necessary steps to nudge it in the right direction.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do guys with commitment issues come back?

They may return if they genuinely want to change and make the relationship work. Sometimes breakups may make them realize how much they miss you or your presence. However, it may not be the same for everyone.

How do you know if a guy will ever commit?

If you are his priority and always cared for by him, he may commit to you. However, it is always best to have patience and wait for clarity from him.

Will walking away make him commit?

You might not be able to convince him to decide by leaving, but it’s possible. He might discover that he can express his true emotions to you once you leave the room. Of course, once he lets you know how he feels about you, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.

What makes a man commit fast?

You can show a man that what he does means something to you by telling him how much you value what he does or by complimenting him. This will encourage him to believe that what he does is important, which will help him make a quick decision.

How to get him to commit by pulling away?

Without giving a justification, pulling away is not good quality. If you want a man to dedicate himself to you and your relationship. Inform him of your expectations, and if he is not prepared, tell him that you will withdraw and that he must return to meet them with a clear head.

Why do men hesitate to commit?

Men sometimes hesitate to settle down if the majority of their friends are single, have other commitments, or need more time to think things through. If a man has a girlfriend or doesn’t want to advance their relationship, he may not have any intentions of getting married.

What age do guys want to commit?

Ninety percent of college-educated men are prepared for the next step between the ages of 26 and 33, which is also the time they’re most likely to think about marriage. However, this opportunity only lasts for four to five years before the likelihood that a man will get married starts to decrease.

How do you know if he is ready for commitment?

The way someone makes plans for you will show whether or not they are sincere about you. A committed person consistently makes a real plan to see you, as opposed to making plans merely for the sake of saying you’ll hang out soon. They demonstrate their concern and a keen interest in making the most of your time together through their very telling actions.

What are some reasons why he may be hesitant to commit, and how can you address these concerns?

The root of commitment problems is fear. Fear of missing out, fear of being smothered, fear of someone being hurt, fear of choosing the wrong partner, etc. It could also be the result of a traumatic relationship or growing up in a family with unpleasant boundaries. You can discuss this with your partner and then ensure that all of his concerns are addressed.

Key Takeaways

  • If you want your man to commit to you, try to be patient, don’t not too demanding, and support his emotional needs.
  • Also, men prefer to commit to women who have a strong sense of self.
  • Being desperate or overdoing things will only make him pull away from you and the relationship.
how to get him to commit

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

Learn the one thing you need to do in order to get your partner to commit to the relationship. Check out this video to get relationship advice.

Was this article helpful?
Sarah Kenville

Sarah KenvilleMA (Marriage and Family Therapy)

Sarah Kenville has a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a law degree. She has 8 years of experience and offers premarital counseling and relationship coaching to dating, engaged, newlywed, and same-sex couples. She is passionate about helping clients discover their strengths and growth areas to enrich their relationships.read full bio

Latest Articles