23 Clever Ways To Get Yourself Out Of The Friend Zone

Make your way into the couple zone with these effective and simple tips.

Reviewed by Ronald Hoang, Relationship & Family Counselor Ronald Hoang Ronald HoangRelationship & Family Counselor linkedin_iconyoutube_icon
Written by , MA (English Literature), Certified Relationship Coach Shivani Chandel MA (English Literature), Certified Relationship Coach Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Subhrojyoti Mukherjee MA (English) Experience: 4 years
Fact-checked by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years

Do you remember Dawson’s Creek when Joey was secretly in love with Dawson, only to be friend-zoned? If she learned how to get out of the friend zone, so can you! The friend zone is a one-sided love affair. Basically, you are deeply besotted with someone who only ever thinks of you as their friend, like Betty and Archie in season 1 of Riverdale. But all hope is not lost! There are ways you can claw your way out of the friend zone and sneak into that delicious couple zone you so desperately covet. Keep reading to know everything about being in the friend zone and how to get yourself out of it!

What Does ‘Friend Zone’ Mean?

When you hear the song by Anne Marie and Marshmellow, what’s the first thing that you think of?

“You say you love me, I say you crazy
We’re nothing more than friends
You’re not my lover, more like a brother
I known you since we were like ten”

Now, that is what the friend zone is all about. It’s a state of mind, a relationship, a situation, a feeling, and above all, a compensation for those who tried expressing their love for a person but failed in getting into a romantic relationship.

It might also be your fear of rejection stopping you from asking someone out or confessing. This article will help you understand and rectify your ways of charming the person you want to get into a relationship with.

Signs That You Are In The Friend Zone

Image: Shutterstock
  1. You are always doing favors for them.
  2. They act like you are their go-to person for consolation.
  3. They try to set you up with others.
  4. They have got nicknames like ’bro,’’champ,’ etc.
  5. They are comfortable dressing around you.
  6. They don’t mind inviting other people when you are going out.
  7. They keep asking you for favors that usually would be left for their same-sex friend.
  8. They always talk to you about their crush.
  9. You always console them through a breakup.
  10. And yes, it is FRUSTRATING to look at them date other people while referring to you as “Oh! He/she’s just a friend!”

Ronald Hoang, a Relationship And Family Counselor, observes, “Becoming someone’s intimate partner involves a balance between attraction and trust. When you build too much attraction and not enough trust, you’re a flirt. When you build too much trust and not enough attraction, you’re a friend – this is where you get friend-zoned. To get out, you therefore need to build attraction.” Keep reading to learn how you can avoid getting friend-zoned.

How To Stay Out Of The Friend Zone – 12 Ways

Image: Shutterstock

1. Contemplate The Possibility Of The Relationship

The first thing you need to do is assess the risks of getting into a relationship. Will it be awkward? Will the relationship work? Will you survive the awkwardness if you get rejected? Well, look on the bright side, you are bound to find more and more things you like about them over the duration of your observing them!

2. Don’t Seem Overly Desperate

You may think that showing affection and caring for them may make them fall in love with you. But sometimes, people are not as observant as you want them to be. You will have to make them realize that in subtle and not so subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Don’t seem obsessed with them – that will only make you look like a creep.

4. Keep Leaving Hints

If you want to be something more than friends with them, you need to tell them that. Not in a way that will shock or alarm them. Leave a few hints here and there – “Hey, Paul just told me we’d make a cute couple” here, and a “You know I’ll always be there when you need me” there.

5. Pick Up Lines

By definition, “A pick-up line or chat-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging a person for romance or dating.” If you want to talk with someone about getting into a relationship, pick-up lines can help. There are a plethora of profound pick-up lines, ranging from funny to cheesy to corny to even the dirty ones. Handpick the ones you think are the best for them and get started.

protip_icon Quick Tip
Tailor your pick-up lines to the interests or hobbies of your love interest. For example, to a travel enthusiast, you can say, “Are you a passport? Because every time I see you, I’m ready for a new adventure”, while to a book lover, “Are you a library book? Because every time I check you out, I can’t help but get lost in your story.”

6. Be Patient – Don’t Get Angry

It is difficult to like someone and not have that feeling reciprocated. But getting angry is just not going to make the person like you. Be patient. It’s not a walk in the park, but it also doesn’t have to be a swim with sharks. Let them know you care, don’t let them think you’re aggressive.

7. Be A Listener

Everyone wants someone to listen to them when they cannot turn to anyone else. Become the person they want to turn to when they face a hurdle. When they start trusting you with their problems, it will be easier for you to convince them of getting into a relationship of trust.

8. Knowing When To Give Space And When To Hold On To Them

You need to understand the person you are seeking. You cannot always buzz around them. Understand that they, as human beings, require some time for themselves and that some days, they just want to be alone. Give them space when they need it. At the same time, be there when they are falling apart. You are sure to be appreciated if you hold them together and put the pieces back.

9. Be Their Anchor

Everybody needs an anchor in their times of need. You just need to find ways to allow them to trust you and let them know that you are supportive. This gives them confidence that you are going to be their anchor of support when they need it.

10. Make Them SEE You

Let them identify you as an individual and that you are your own being. You may try to become the person that they like, but it’s not you, and if they ever fall for that person who you are portraying, it’s not a relationship. It gets emotionally taxing to pretend to be someone you are not.

Ryan, a blogger specializing in dating and relationships, offers advice on navigating the friend zone. He suggests separating, noting, “Depending on your relationship with them, this may be difficult but you should still try. This should be done for a minimum of a month – I did it for three and it worked well. The reasons WHY you are doing this are straightforward – by creating separation you are giving yourself a chance to ‘reset’ your relationship and how they view you (i).”

protip_icon Did You Know?
The term “friend zone” was first popularized by the character Joey Tribbiani played by Matt LeBlanc in a Friends episode in the ‘90s.

11. Don’t Put Your Life On Hold

As mentioned in the earlier point, you are an individual being. You have your own aims, beliefs, goals, needs, likes and dislikes, and priorities. You need to set your priorities straight, and your first priority has to be you. One will like you better when they see your drive to achieve something. Nothing is better than seeing someone be confident and achieve what they want to.

12. Be Yourself

The most important of anything you do is being yourself. You have to be true to yourself and show your true self to have a real relationship. It’s too menial and cumbersome trying to be someone else and even more chaotic when you behave differently with different people. Ever thought of what would happen if these people happened to stumble into you at the same time?

13. Confidence Is Key

When talking to a person of interest, you have to be confident and sure of yourself. This means you cannot give in to something easily. You have to make them know that you have your own thoughts and principles. It also means you have to stand up for yourself, against them at times, and defend yourself and the people around you.

How To Stay Out Of The Friend Zone While Texting – 11 Ways

How to get out of the friend zone by texting
Image: Shutterstock

1. Find Opportunities To Talk On Call

Not everything can be spoken through texts. Sometimes, you have to talk to them to decipher the tones, identify the innuendos, and understand what they are feeling through the way they sound. This is quite impossible in texts unless you have known them offline.

2. Be Available For Them

Try becoming the person they turn to in need instead of the people around them in their offline world. There is an axiom that says, “Sometimes, it’s easier to share your problems with a stranger than with your own best friend.” Let them feel confident in knowing they can confide in you.

3. Meet Their 3 AM Side

Everyone has sides they don’t often show – one of them being the infamous ‘3 AM side.’ Do you want to know what a person is really like? Talk to them when the clock strikes and watch them go crazy. But will you still like them when you’ve seen this side of theirs?

4. It’s Even Better If You’ve Seen All Their Sides

Seeing just one side is never good enough. You should meet all their sides – the overly happy, the emotional, the 3 AM, and the drunk sides. Only then, you get to the point.

5. Pick-Up Lines

Once again, pick-up lines are conversation starters. You cannot have desserts before you have a starter and the main course, it’s just against the norms.

6. Share Your Experiences

Sharing experiences is all about give and take. You tell them about yourself, so they can tell you about themselves. Until you learn from each other’s experiences, you cannot understand each other. If you don’t understand each other, why do you even want to get into a relationship?

protip_icon Pro Tip
Favorite travel experiences, long-term goals, and aspirations, a favorite romantic movie or book, or a childhood pet are ideal conversation starters to foster a romantic connection.

7. Commitment

You need to commit to each other if you plan on having a relationship. Make sure the relationship isn’t a rebound relationship because it does not last long. The two of you cannot be trying to get into a relationship even if one of you is hung up on an ex.

8. Share A Relationship Of Trust

Trust is an essential element of any relationship. If you are looking forward to having a relationship with them, it is important that both of you develop trust in each other.

9. Do Not Drunk Text Them

As much as you want to believe that being drunk may give you enough courage to confess your love, don’t do it. You may not be ready for it, they may not be ready, and you may end up saying something that you will regret when you are sober. Or, well, your message may even sound creepy or delusional. Make sure you are both sober when you are confessing.

10. Don’t Creep Them Out

Don’t stalk them. Don’t like or comment on every post/story on every social platform. Nobody wants a stalker who is following their every move. Keep your distance, but still be there on their radar.

11. Be Yourself

As many times as one is asked not to change themselves, they end up doing it to get accepted. Acceptance of a false facade is as useful as washing your car in the rain. Being confident about yourself and your uniqueness is much more attractive to anyone who has your best interests in their mind. And if that’s not the case, why do you want them?

Being in someone’s friendzone need not be the untimely end of the romantic story you are hoping to create with them. If you put in the effort, your ’friend’ might understand your feelings and even reciprocate them. All you have to do is let them know you are interested in them. So, leave hints here and there, be a patient listener, and do not come out as too desperate. Furthermore, be available for them whenever they need you and flirt with them whenever you find an opportunity.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it worth staying in the friend zone?

Being friend-zoned may not be as bad as it sounds. Your person of interest considers you a friend and relies on you for emotional support. If you think that person is important to you irrespective of the relationship labels, it is worth staying in a friend zone rather than cutting all contact. However, if you think your love for him/her is too intense to see them with someone else, you may remove yourself from the equation.

Why do nice guys get friend-zoned?

While that’s most probably because of the inherent good qualities that make them good friends, they also may seem more predictable and less exciting to pique the interest of the other person.

Key Takeaways

  • To get out of being friend-zoned, do not seem desperate. Also, leaving some hints will help.
  • Pick-up lines greatly affect the conversation. Frame them wisely.
  • Be confident and patient. Never try to imitate and let them see who you are.
  • Find the right opportunities to initiate a conversation and be available for them when they need you. Be their anchor.

This video features effective strategies to analyze your relationship with your loved one and potentially escape the friendzone. Watch it now to discover actionable tips on communication and setting boundaries to either transform the relationship or gracefully move forward.

Personal Experience: Source

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