How To Give Him Space – Dos & Don’ts (To Avoid Losing Him)

Catch up with your old friends or make new ones to stay busy while giving your partner some space.

Reviewed by Mira Masukawa, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist Mira Masukawa Mira MasukawaLicensed Marriage Family Therapist linkedin_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Asmita De MA (English) linkedin_icon Experience: 3 years
Fact-checked by , Integrated MA (English) Gazala Firdos Ansari Integrated MA (English) linkedin_icon Experience: 2 years
Last Updated on

No matter how intimate you are, your partner would often need his space in a relationship. So, as a mature mate, you should know how to give him space and not make it feel like a forced decision. Showing love is always good, but it should always be healthy. If your partner feels you are too clingy, he may try to avoid you, which isn’t a good sign for a relationship. The relationship can see a downward spiral from there. To avoid such a situation, you must respect your partner’s space, distance, and the need for respite and time apart. This article will help you understand the concept of space in a relationship and more. Continue reading to know more.

When To Give Him Space

A mature couple having a pleasant conversation with each other
Image: Shutterstock

It is natural to desire to be with your partner 24/7 when you are in a relationship. However, that may not be ideal for him or the relationship. Here’s a list of the signs that indicate you need to give him space:

  • He Has Asked For Space

If your partner has mentioned it, he really needs some space. Do not be offended. Take a deep breath and understand why he wants it. Can it be that he enjoys his time alone, wants to be with his friends, or something significant is coming up? Giving your partner some isolation or a pause from the relationship does not mean he is bored of the relationship or no longer cares or loves you.

  • You Are Never Apart

While it can be exciting to do everything together in the initial few months, eventually, one of you might want a little space. This can happen whether you are married or in a live-in relationship where you both are constantly with each other. If it is him in this instance, do not be hurt. A little space will make him miss you and cherish every moment you spend together.

  • He Is In A Bad Mood

Are you picking up hints that he is in a bad mood? Does he not want to talk about it? Well, it’s a sign that he wants you to give him space. Whatever is bothering him, he wants to deal with it without talking about it right now. This withdrawal may be temporary, and giving him space can help him work through his emotions.

  • You Are Having Too Many Fights

Yes, couples argue, but do your arguments escalate into fights? Do you both take responsibility for hurting each other while you are fighting? Or do you have unresolved issues? If you have too many fights and he does not lend an ear to your needs, back off a bit. Give him the space to rethink his actions. And so can you. In some cases, a split or breakup may be necessary if the issues cannot be resolved through communication and compromise.

  • You Are Not Taking Out Time For Yourself

Women often tend to give everything to a relationship. And on the way, they lose touch with their friends, passion, skills, and even themselves! Giving him space does not mean you get to do nothing. You will also get some time for yourself to think, pursue your dreams, catch up with friends, and define yourself by who you are and not by who you are with.

Remember, men react differently to tough situations as compared to women. His need for space does not mean he does not want to be in the relationship. It can mean that he needs to deal with things alone. Allow him to do that. Here are the 10 ways you can give him space and not lose him.

How To Give Him Space – Things To Do

1. Focus On Yourself

Give him space by focusing on yourself
Image: Shutterstock

When was the last time you took a break to focus on yourself? Do you still have the same level of freedom and routine that you had before you met your partner? Do you have the same zeal to improve your skills or the same goals before meeting your partner? A little tweak here and there for your companion is cute, but not focusing on what you want to do is not pleasant.

Men like women who are focused and determined to get what they want. List out all the things you were doing before you met him – and pick up where you left. You will stop thinking or worrying about your partner. And he will also appreciate you more.

2. Catch Up With Your Friends

Having a support system is extremely important. Whether your partner has asked for space or not, keep your friends close. No matter what stage your relationship is in, taking a hiatus to reconnect with your support system is crucial. If you have not been in touch with your gals for a while, reconnect with them. Go on movie dates, brunches, shopping sprees, or short weekend trips. Finding you living a life of your choice with a circle of your own will make him respect and miss you even more.

3. Learn A New Skill

Embracing your independence and taking some time apart from your partner to learn a new skill can be very fulfilling. There is no age limit for learning. What is it that you have always wanted to learn? Don’t wait up, do a quick search, and channel your energy into learning this new skill. It will not only add a new feather to your cap but also be very rewarding to see what you can achieve. You will also be less worried about your partner, which will eventually help you relax and let him have his space.

4. Prepare For A Career Boost

Give him space by boosting your career
Image: Shutterstock

Whether you want a promotion or are looking at going back to school, use the time you have to give your career a solid boost. Study, work extra hours, join a library or an online course, meet professionals in the same field, and do what it takes to succeed. Also, give yourself a deadline because, without a deadline, a wish is only a wish, not a goal.

5. Join A Social Cause

Give your partner the required space and use this time to work for a social cause. In this time of separation, volunteer for women’s rights, the LGBTQA community, the elderly, people with disabilities, cancer fighters, etc. Your exposure to these groups will help reduce worries about your partner. You will have a new circle to connect with regularly. It is always fulfilling to be a part of a positive ripple that will help make the world a better place.

6. Do What’s In Your Bucket List

What’s in your bucket list? How many haven’t you done yet? If you do not have a bucket list yet, make one now. If you already have a bucket list, find out which ones you can fulfill now – whether it is reading a book per month or going scuba diving.

7. Make New Friends

New people bring new perspectives and help broaden your horizons. Thus, it is always a good idea to make new friends. Whether you are at a party, library, or community function, don’t shy away from introducing yourself to people and striking a conversation. You will be amazed at how talented and knowledgeable people are. You will also like the freshness of the conversations and learn to be more tolerant towards people with a different outlook.

8. Join A Dance Class

Give him space by joining a dance class
Image: Shutterstock

Dancing is a good calorie burner and helps release serotonin, a feel-good hormone. It also helps you become fitter, improves your posture, balance, and hand-eye coordination, and promotes great mental health. Communicating with your peers through music and dance will help you bond with them on a deeper level.

9. Have A Sleepover Party

Sleepovers with your gal pals are a great way to give your partner space. Have a fun girls’ night, order takeaway, open a bottle of wine, watch a movie, and chatter away to sleep.

P.S. Don’t look at your phone or engage in long texts with your partner. Just be in the moment and enjoy yourself. Let him miss you.

protip_icon Quick Tip
You can pick a theme like retro night or Hollywood glam. Apart from this, you can organize massages or do DIY manicures while chatting and gorging on delicious food.

10. Be Positive And Happy

Giving him space can be difficult, but it is crucial that you stay positive and happy. Everything happens for a reason. Since you do not know why he wants space, do not make any assumptions. Worrying about it will only make you act in ways that you will not be proud of later.

If your partner has asked for space, it can mean he needs to deal with certain things on his own. There’s also a possibility that he is rethinking his commitment or the future of this relationship. Here are the things that you must avoid.

Tantowi, a blogger, shares valuable lessons learned from six years of a harmonious relationship, emphasizing the importance of giving space, listening, honesty, and effective communication to nurture a lasting connection with a partner. She says, “I was fortunate to meet someone who was on the same page as me (i)

protip_icon Quick Tip
If you and your partner live together, you can establish “Do Not Disturb” zones in the house. This is a zone where both can spend some alone time and enjoy privacy.

How To Give Him Space – Things Not To Do

Give him space by not chasing him
Image: Shutterstock
  • Do Not Chase Him

Chasing after your partner will only make him run faster in the opposite direction. Thus, when he asks for space, do not chase him via messages, calls, or social media tagging. Let him know that you respect his decision.

  • Do Not Interrogate Him

Wanting to know what he was up to might feel like an interrogation. This can make things worse. Giving him space might not feel sincere to him and can trigger a sense of suffocation. Unless he tells you what he was up to, resist the urge to ask him about it.

  • Do Not Call Or Text Him

It is natural to want to call or text him. But if he has asked for space, do not call or text him. Wait for him to contact you.

  • Do Not Shower Him With Romantic Gestures

This is not the ideal time to shower him with romantic gestures. Avoid sending him gifts, flowers, and your photos. He might feel he is not getting enough space, which can make him more distant emotionally.

  • Do Not Stalk Him On Social Media

What is he up to? Who is he hanging out with? These questions can pop in your mind. But do not invest in a quest with an unknown result. Instead, if you focus on yourself, you will improve your skills, hobbies, and well-being. Stalking him on social media is going to do no good.

Below are a few more tips on how to give him space.

Tips For Giving Him Space Without Losing Him

  • Have faith that everything is going to turn out the way it was supposed to.
  • You cannot change his feelings. So, don’t try.
  • If your partner asks for space, respect his decision and take a step back.
  • Do not nag or apologize. Use this time to reflect on the bond you have with him.
  • Do not take it personally. People have different capacities for investing in romantic relationships.
  • Spend time with people who make you happy.
  • Consult a therapist about your ongoing issue.

This brings us to one important question – how long should you give him space? Find the answer below.

How Long Should You Give Him Space?

Having some form of detachment and giving space are necessary in a relationship. But snapping all connections for too long is also not advisable. If your partner has not called or texted for more than three days, the issue might be serious. However, resist the urge to call him and wait for a week to pass. If you still get a cold text or call, you should take the hint.

Nobody wants to feel suffocated in a relationship. Whether you live together or not, having your circle of friends and a world of “things to do” can be of great help. Have faith that your partner will open up about the things that are bothering him. Give him the time and space he needs. But it is also important to understand that too much space can make you both emotionally distant. Don’t let your worry of losing him make you miss out on your precious time and opportunity to learn and grow.

Infographic: The Pros And Cons Of Giving Space In A Relationship

Understanding and respecting each other’s space is important for a relationship to thrive. If your partner needs some space to figure things out, it is best to give it to them. While giving some space has its advantages, too much space may do you more than good.

Check out the infographic below to know more.

the pros and cons of giving space in a relationship (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Being in a relationship does not mean a couple has to be joined at the hip. On the contrary, the most beautiful thing about any relationship is how two people with their respective personalities come together, respect and appreciate their differences, and complement each other. People shine as individuals when they are in fulfilling relationships. It implies that the growth of a relationship reflects the growth of an individual.

If your relationship does not accommodate personal space, your partner may feel suffocated in it, and as a result, the relationship could fall apart. Therefore, it is necessary to give your partner the space they need to grow in other aspects of their life. Take cues from this article on how to give them space while also taking some time out of the relationship to indulge in your interests. If you are content with yourself, you will bring more to the table in your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does giving a man space work?

Yes, giving men some space works. Women want to talk about their problems, but men are quiet problem solvers. So, give him the space he wants and let him come back to you.

Do guys miss you when you give them space?

Yes, guys miss you when you give them space. If he is truly invested in the relationship, he will miss you after a few hours.

Why is it important to give someone space?

It is important to give someone space because spending time alone can help improve individual growth, improves mental and emotional well-being, and also increases communication in relationships.

How do you know if someone needs space?

You will know if someone needs space if they seem a bit frustrated, keep canceling plans, withdraw themselves from social gatherings, or are not texting as frequently, then consider they need some space.

What are some common misconceptions about giving someone space?

Some common misconceptions about giving someone space are some people believing that giving someone space in the relationship is a sign of weakness and is also a sign that the relationship is over. But it actually improves the relationship and allows individuals to focus on their goals and take care of their well-being.

How can giving someone space improve a relationship?

When we are with someone all the time, it may create boredom or a feeling of suffocation. Giving someone space in a relationship with clear boundaries can strengthen the bond. It allows partners to miss each other, which, in turn, increases the feeling of affection.

Key Takeaways

  • Giving your partner their personal space and time is important for their individual growth, self-care, and development.
  • It gives your partner the bandwidth to upskill himself, pursue his individual hobbies or catch up with his own set of friends.
  • Balancing the personal space and together time is key in maintaining a healthy and open relationship.

You can foster a strong connection and nurture a healthy relationship by understanding the importance of giving your partner space. Discover effective strategies in the video below.

Personal Experience: Source

Was this article helpful?
Mira Masukawa
Mira MasukawaLicensed Marriage Family Therapist
Mira Masukawa is a licensed marriage family therapist with 10 years of experience in grief, trauma, and anxiety cases. She also owns a group practice, San Diego Grief Counseling, and deals with clients through tele-therapy.

Read full bio of Mira Masukawa