How To Rebuild Broken Trust In A Relationship

Trust is an essential component for a healthy, strong relationship. But what if trust is broken?

Ruban F. Ribeiro, a blogger, recalls his personal experience of enduring a major phase of heartbreak and broken trust from his ex-girlfriend. He shares that he felt the relationship to be an eternal bond and blindly trusted his partner. He suffered a lot of physical and emotional pain in his 4-year relationship tenure which boiled up to ending things forever. He adds, “My trust was broken by my ex, resulting in my commitment issues. As a result, I often feel like my current relationships are leading me on, causing me to prematurely end them despite the other person’s continued interest (i).”

How to rebuild trust in a relationship? Trust is the foundation for any bond, and you need to put in a lot of effort and dedication to rebuild it.

Reestablishing trust also needs commitment and consistent actions. Though it could be a laborious process, it is possible to gain your partner’s trust once again. You need to be patient, honest, and sincerely make an effort every day.

But if you are wondering how you can ever do it, worry not. We have listed the 10 wonderful ways you can rebuild trust in your relationship. But first, let’s focus on behaviors that can break trust in a relationship. Check them out here.

What Breaks Trust In A Relationship?

Trust is the foundation of a healthy and strong relationship. But it can crumble into pieces within no time. In such a situation, knowing what can break trust helps protect your relationship. Let’s learn what can shake the root of your relationship:

• Habitual or frequent lying erodes the trust in a person.
• Holding out on telling your secrets to your partner and being secretive with them are two different things. Not confiding your secrets in your partner until you are ready does not harm your relationship. However, lying to hide the truth from your partner might raise suspicions.
• Breaking promises often and not apologizing sincerely.
• Being a hypocrite and not matching your words with your actions makes your partner reluctant to trust you.
• Stooping to treacherous methods and cheating breaks trust and destroys respect.

10 Ways To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship

1. Consider The Reason Behind The Lie Or Betrayal

When betrayal happens, you might not be concerned about what caused it. You are just overwhelmed with emotions. What happened? When? Where? What circumstances led to this betrayal? All these are essential questions that will help you clarify the situation. People often lie when they don’t know what else to do. This doesn’t make their choice right, of course. But thinking through this can help you consider how you might have reacted in their position.

Your partner may have lied to you to protect themselves or they wanted to protect you from bad news. Knowing the real reasons behind their actions will help you decide if you’ll be able to rebuild the lost trust and faith.

2. Communicate And Work On Your Relationship

One of the most significant aspects to rebuild trust after a betrayal is to communicate and start working on your relationship. Observe your partner’s sincerity and give them a fair chance to talk. You may find it uncomfortable and emotionally draining – but you must see if your partner is genuinely remorseful for their actions or are just being defensive of them.

If you want to work on reconstructing your trust, make sure both of you are willing to work on the relationship. Miscommunications and misunderstandings can lead to further problems. A significant step towards reconstructing faith is simply checking in and making sure both parties are on board and are willing to put in the work to make the relationship happen.

Quick Tip

Make a commitment. Both partners must give it their all when it comes to putting in the effort required to move past a betrayal. It may require a long-term investment, but both partners must be willing to fight for the relationship.

3. Apologize

To rebuild trust in your relationship, you have to take responsibility for your actions, own up to them, and most importantly, apologize for what you have done. Do not justify your actions with any excuses or lame explanations. Approach the apology with openness and let your partner ask you any questions that they may have about the situation.

Your partner has the right to be vexed about the breach of trust – so do not take their emotions with levity. You will need to find inside of yourself genuine empathy for how you have hurt your partner. You should admit your wrongs, answer your partner’s questions, and eventually seek forgiveness. It is always better to be honest and forthright before they hear the story from someone else.

4. Learn To Forgive

Repairing your relationship after betrayal requires you to practice forgiveness and learn how to forgive your significant other. Forgiveness can be difficult, especially when your trust has been broken – but it is not impossible. Holding a grudge will create doubt, restlessness, and resentment in you and destroy your peace of mind.

But do understand that forgiveness doesn’t excuse your partner’s behavior – it only gives you peace. Try to see things from your partner’s perspective – it can help you better understand the events that occurred. If you find yourself getting angry and frustrated, take a step back and try to remember the good qualities of your partner. Recognize that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes.

5. Don’t Withhold Your Feelings

It is natural to get overwhelmed with so many emotions when you discover that your trust has been broken. You may not know how to express yourself. But hiding or suppressing your feelings will lead to a host of unhealthy and negative emotions. Take some time out for yourself to identify and understand the myriad of emotions you’re experiencing – it will all help your mental health. Whatever you feel at the moment – whether you need a good venting session, or want to cry, scream, or express your anger – please don’t keep it within yourself. Let your emotions out. This way, your partner will come to understand what is going on in your mind.

6. Be Willing To Let Go

After communicating or letting out your feelings, slowly you will need to stop dwelling in the past. Do not take your partner down memory lane and start referring to incidents that are not even closely related to what is happening in the present. Bringing up past offenses can ruin your present and break any chances of rebuilding trust. It can be challenging to start trusting someone who has lied to you before. But if you want to restore your bond, ultimately, you will need to let go of what happened. Create a positive mantra to counter your painful thoughts. Open your mind to allow for the positiveness that lies ahead of you.

7. Be Honest And Ask For What You Need

The key to strengthening any relationship is to have an open and honest conversation about what you want. If you’re working towards rebuilding trust in your relationship, be very honest about your needs and what your partner must do to reconstruct the relationship. What would help you feel more secure in this relationship? Think through a few ideas and talk about them with your partner. Once you identify your needs correctly, you’d know what to expect from your partner.

8. Create New Memories

Plan on creating new, everlasting memories and experiences together. It will help you both shift your focus from all the bad and negative that happened to something new and positive. Do things that will make you both reconnect positively. Memories are the building blocks of every relationship, and creating them will enrich your lives. New memories will instill a firm belief in both of you that you’re still capable of having happy interactions with each other.

9. Be Vulnerable

If you want your partner to deeply know and completely understand you, you have to be more vulnerable. There are many preconceived notions about the term ‘vulnerability’. Still, when you’re genuinely looking forward to strengthening your relationship after a breach of trust, it is important to keep your ego aside and be vulnerable. The ability to be susceptible requires you to believe that you are worthy of a deep connection. It allows you to feel genuinely heard and understood by your partner. When you keep everything out in the open, you’ll feel loved, validated, and appreciated for who you are. This will create a strong level of intimacy with your partner.

10. Focus On The Future

When you’re trying to restore trust in a relationship, you must be willing to leave the past behind. It might be challenging, but it’s not impossible. You and your partner must focus on what’s ahead rather than dwell on the past mistakes. As you know, communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation about how you both want to move forward into a new phase of your relationship and start things afresh. Design a vision of your future together. Remember to focus on both short-term and long-term goals to strike a healthy balance in your relationship.

Quick Tip

Set new guidelines for marriage. Self-imposed rules might help the deceived partner regain control while mending their relationship. Since they are established together and are non-negotiable, these rules are liberating. These can include setting healthy relationship boundaries and regular check-ins to prevent issues from worsening.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can trust ever be fully regained?

Rebuilding trust in a broken relationship is difficult. While it may be regained with time, it depends on the nature of the offense/mistake and if both the partners are willing to put in their time and effort.

Can a relationship last without trust?

Trust is an essential factor in any relationship. Without trust, a relationship can not last.

How long does it take to rebuild trust in a relationship?

Rebuilding trust after it has been betrayed in a relationship can be difficult and takes a long time to restore. How long it takes depends on the severity of the mistake, the individuals involved, and how much effort is made to mend the relationship.

When trust is broken in a relationship?

Trust is broken in a relationship when one of the partners lies, cheats, or does something that hurts the other person in the relationship.

How do I overcome my own feelings of mistrust in my partner?

It’s crucial to be open and honest in your communication with your partner about your feelings and worries if you want to get over your mistrust of them. If necessary, seek assistance from a therapist or counselor.

What are some effective ways to communicate with my partner during the process of rebuilding trust?

Effective communication is key during the process of rebuilding trust. In order to regain trust, actively pay attention to your partner’s needs, fears, and concerns and be open to making changes. Identify each other’s triggers, establish boundaries, and work together. Share your insecurities as well and learn to support each other.

How do I know if my partner is trustworthy again?

Observe if there is a consistent and sincere effort on your partner’s part. They should be open to communication, transparency, honesty, and accountability. It’s important to note that rebuilding trust is a two-way street, and at times it may also require seeking outside help from a therapist or counselor.

How do I show my partner that I trust them again?

Talk to them and let them know that you trust them again. Avoid bringing up their mistakes again and again. Let your actions show that you trust them.

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Sharon Gilchrest O’NeillLicensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Family Business Consultant with over 30 years of experience. She holds degrees in Marriage & Family Therapy, Organizational Psychology, and Developmental Psychology. An early, inspiring career experience as part of the group of professionals who founded the first freestanding hospice in the United States paved the way for her...more

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