201 Funny And Witty Responses To The Question “How Are You?”

"I am doing good, thank you" is basic, and you can do better than that!

Reviewed by Hemali Adhiya, ICF Certified Relationship Coach Hemali Adhiya Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach facebook_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Subhrojyoti Mukherjee MA (English) Experience: 4 years

Hi! How are you? The answer to this question has become so generic it feels like there is an auto-complete machine in our heads! However, you can check out some of our ideas if you want to shake things up and change how you respond to ‘how are you?’.

Humans are sophisticated beings, but we are also creatures of habit who say one thing while we mean something else. ‘How are you?’ could be much more than a basic question, but we tend to stick to the same old, half-hearted responses. Nevertheless, a quirky reply to “How are you doing” or even a funny response to “How are you” can be a great approach to start a lively discussion! Choose one of these responses to inject some life into your monotonous chats. Who knows, maybe you can steer a conversation on a more intriguing path. Scroll down!

Funny Responses To How Are You

Funny response to how are you
Image: Shutterstock
  1. Somewhere between better and best.
  2. Can’t complain…I have tried, but no one listens.
  3. If I had a tail, I would wag it! (Wriggle your hips)
  4. I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat doggy.
  5. Oh, stop it, will you? (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.)
  6. I love you. (This is an awesome response if you want to fluster them and catch them off-guard)
  7. So much better now that you are with me.
  8.  At minding my own business? So much better than most people.
  9.  Wondering how you are…
  10.  Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Financially? Socioeconomically? I am not sure what you mean.
  11. I am still sucking…air, that is.
  12. I am planning on taking over the world.
  13. Not bad. Could be better, though. Could be payday.
  14. Things could be worse – I could be you (for siblings 😉)
  15. Hopefully, not as good as I will ever be.
  16. Great, because my name wasn’t in today’s obituaries.
  17. Better than I was a minute ago because you are here now.
  18. I am better on the inside than I look on the outside.
  19. If I was any finer, I would be China.
  20. I would be better if you asked me out.
  21. If I was any better, vitamins would be taking me.
  22. What do you want now?
  23. Wait, I need to think of something. Come back in a minute and ask me again.
  24. Trying to avoid the ghosts. If you meet one, just do not ask how he/she is doing.
  25. Just trying to get rid of my shadow. Can you help?
  26. Sipping on a margarita and waiting for the apocalypse.
  27. Going to war with my bottle of wine.
  28. Being stalked by a serial killer, don’t look behind!
  29. Nothing much; just following the ants, as they seem to have it together.
  30. You are still here? I thought the aliens took you home! (If your BFF hasn’t been replying to your texts or calls for a long time)
  31. Here, this is my toll-free number, you can ask there.
  32. Damn it! You, again?
  33. Stay away! I am a ticking time bomb!
  34. Oh, you are alive!?
  35. My mum told me not to talk to unknown people.
  36. Looking for a fridge to freeze my brain.
  37. Just walking in circles and looking for the point of life.
  38. My brain is not braining, to be honest.
  39. Just bought a knife; looking to kill dragons.
  40. It could be raining words and I could still not answer your question.
  41. Wait, let me finish the burger.
  42. Sorry, have we met before?

Best Responses To How Are You

Best responses to how are you
Image: Istock
  1. Armed and ready!
  2. My lawyer has stated that I don’t have to answer that question.
  3. Almost like you, but better.
  4. I could really go for a massage.
  5. How do you want me to be? (Use a sexy tone)
  6. I have been going through GOT in my work life. Is everything stable at your end?
  7. I would say I am a 9.99999 out of 10.
  8. I was fine – until you asked.
  9. If I was doing any better, I would hire you to enjoy it with me.
  10. I hear good things; however, you should never listen to rumors.
  11. Like a Pitbull in a China shop.
  12. Better than yesterday, I guess.
  13. I am on the way to winning my Grammy, want to join?
  14. Not that I am complaining but I think I would be doing better if I could hold hands with you.
  15. I have taken an oath to never answer that question.
  16. Physically here but mentally at the beach.
  17. I personally think I am doing incredible but my therapist may have a different opinion on that.
  18. Thanks to my caffeine, I am doing great.
  19. I am as cheerful as a daisy, thank you!
  20. Happy as a lost kid in a candy store.
  21. Can you not see that I am practically sparkling?
  22. Just looking for the end of the rainbow.

Witty Responses To How Are You

Witty responses to how are you
Image: Shutterstock
  1. I don’t know. Is it Friday yet?
  2. My psychiatrist says that I shouldn’t discuss it with strangers.
  3. I am doing a bit better than before, but not nearly as awesome as I am going to be. By the way, how are you? Long time no see!
  4. I am feeling blessed!
  5. I still have a pulse, so I must be doing good.
  6. Better than most, but maybe not as well as others.
  7. Doing fairly well, unless you have some contagious disease and are about to infect me 😉.
  8. Much better than I deserve.
  9. I think I am doing alright. How do you think that I am doing?
  10. I don’t feel that great, but look! At least my hair looks amazing.
  11. I am doing well…or that could be my anti-depressants speaking.
  12. I can’t really complain, but I will still try.
  13. Alright so far, but there is plenty of time for things to get bad.
  14. Each day is better than the next.
  15. Don’t ask – it’s too early to tell.
  16. Medium-well.
  17. Incredibly good-looking.
  18. Everything is fine when you are around.
  19. Great, but I should warn you that I am totally biased.
  20. Still in bed? (over the phone)
  21. Getting better with every passing second.
  22. What an impertinent question to ask a girl! Hmmph.
  23. Living an amazing dream. Don’t wake me up yet. You may join me, though. There is plenty of room.
  24. The best I can be. I hope you are at your best too.
  25. I am feeling so good that I have to sit on my hands to stop myself from clapping.
  26. Avoiding questions, you?
  27. It is the same old, same old, my friend.
  28. I am considering forming a cult now that I am doing so great!
  29. Existing, I must say.
  30. It is all a mystery.
  31. I am fantabulous, thank you.
  32. Living like royalty!
  33. I feel like I just won the lottery!!!
  34. I am alive, so that means something.
  35. Wouldn’t you want to know?
  36. Looking for a new planet to live on.
  37. Not so good, but thanks for reminding me.
  38. I wish my face could talk so that I wouldn’t have to.
  39. I could play Angry Birds in real life if you ask me.
  40. Looking for a drink now that you are here.
  41. Are you reaalllyy ready to hear it all?
  42. I just crossed paths with my frenemy, you tell me?
  43. What will you give me in exchange for the answer?
  44. As chipper as a bird.
  45. Living like there is no tomorrow!
  46. YOLO-ing my way through life.
  47. That’s a secret only the Dark Lord knows.
  48. Living like a star in a tragi-comedy movie.
  49. Sorry, I have amnesia, so I can’t remember.
  50. I cannot answer that ‘cause only time will tell.
protip_icon Quick Tip
Make sure you give witty responses only to persons close to you, or you know they won’t get offended by such responses. Not everybody may appreciate them.

Clever Responses To How Are You

Clever responses to how are you
Image: Shutterstock
  1. To answer that question, I need to take you back about 12 years. Do you have a minute?
  2. Slowly but surely dying.
  3. Fair to partly cloudy.
  4. Living a life of suppressed rage, emotional imbalance, and denial.
  5. Groovy!
  6. Well, I have got this strange itch on my right butt cheek…
  7. Stellar, great, fantastic – but dead inside.
  8. Oh, terrible, thank you so much!
  9. What’s with all these questions? You a cop?
  10. As compared to what?
  11. You go first. Then, we can compare.
  12. I am not so sure yet.
  13. Living the dream! But half the time, it is a nightmare.
  14. Not quite there yet.
  15. Dangerously close to being fabulous.
  16. You are looking at it, baby.
  17. I am high-quality, 100% plant-fed. (perfect for vegans)
  18. The doctor said I would live.
  19. Shhh, I am in the middle of a movie.
  20. I was looking for a moment of silence, but that is gone now, I guess.
  21. Looking for the shovel to hide a dead body.
  22. I am doing surprisingly well, I must say.
  23. Doing better ever since I broke up with my ex.
  24. My face is doing good, considering the state of my soul.
  25. Living like a zombie in the human world.
  26. Looking for a place to cremate myself as I am mentally dead.
  27. Before that, you better answer what your last dying wish is.
  28. Waiting for Adele to answer from the other side.
  29. The reply will take typically 5-7 business days to arrive.
  30. Ooops. Wrong question! Try again.
  31. Are you trying to flirt with me again?
  32. I am not interested in answering that.
  33. I need more information to answer that for you.
  34. I was wondering about the same thing.
  35. I thought you had an answer to everything, Sherlock.
  36. Can you Google and find out for me?

Creative Responses To How Are You

Creative responses to how are you
Image: Shutterstock
  1. I had promised myself I would murder the next person who asked me that question. What should I do…I like you too much.
  2. Rolling with the punches.
  3. [*speak gibberish*]
  4. Your attempt at social interaction to be polite is hereby acknowledged.
  5. How much are you willing you pay me if I tell you?
  6. WHY!? WHAT DID THEY SAY?? (Act suspicious of everything and everyone!)
  7. Dying. Thanks.
  8. Hunting dinosaurs. You?
  9. Not today, Satan!
  10. I am really just trying hard to avoid ambiguous questions at this moment.
  11. Wondering how YOU are…
  12. How do you think I am?
  13. [*just stare for a minute*]
  14. Good question. (Walk away)
  15. Happy, and I know it. [*clap your hands*]
  16. I will leave that up to your imagination.
  17. It’s a secret.
  18. Do you want the short or the detailed version?
  19. Surviving, I guess.
  20. Not as good as you.
  21. Holy s**t, you can see me?! I died last week, since then…
  22. Under renovation.
  23. I am sober!
  24. On a scale of one to punching someone in the face, I am at 7.5.
  25. Trust me, you do not want to know.
  26. Next question, please..
  27. I prefer the cash, not questions.
  28. Living the dream, although it looks like it is not mine.
  29. Still wondering if my Hogwarts letter got lost in the mail.
  30. Looking for the door to Narnia, have you seen it yet?
  31. Living in an alternative universe like a penguin in a desert.
  32. Just looking for my lost unicorn.
  33. Searching for the gold I buried here 10 years ago.
  34. Looking for motivation, like a squirrel looks for nuts.
  35. Hoping to visit the new planet the scientists told me about.
  36. Looking for a time machine to change things.
  37. Just wandering through the road less traveled.
  38. If I answer that, can I get a kiss?
  39. Wondering who is living in my heart rent-free, oh it is you!
  1. Not sure if you are ready to hear my inappropriate thoughts.
  2. Looking for a miracle.
  3. As radiant as a light bulb.
  4. Why are you so nosy?
  5. Just got out of jail, what do you think?
  6. I am going to assume I did not hear that.
  7. Oh no, my headache is back again…yes, I am fine.
  8. Didn’t you just ask me that about an hour ago?
  9. Holding onto the last straw, the last thread, the last everything…
  10. God only knows!
  11. Did the FBI send you?
  12. I am on cloud nine waiting for a pick-up. You?
protip_icon Quick Tip
While using humor and creativity in your responses is fun, ensure you steer clear from using puns related to religion and sensitive topics.

Infographic: Tips To Continue A Conversation After Responding To “How Are You”

Giving a witty and upbeat response to “how are you,” instead of the generic “I’m fine” is often the smartest way to kickstart a nice conversation. Hence, you may need to put in some effort to keep the conversation flowing. Check out the following infographic for some practical tips to maintain a conversation and take it forward.

tips to continue a conversation after responding how are you (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

While most of us answer with an uninspired ‘I am fine, thank you, all well, thank you for asking, so-so, busy day, you tell! ’ the universal greeting question — how are you? — can be tackled in some really interesting ways. Depending on your mood and relationship with the person, you can go one of many ways. For instance, a friend will be amused when you sarcastically reply, ‘Not today, Satan!’ However, ‘I need to take you back about 12 years to answer that question. Do you have a minute?’ is perfect for lunchtime banter with colleagues. So, ditch the mechanical responses and small talk, and adopt witty and fun replies to keep the conversations exciting! Asking and answering these questions and common phrases can get all fun with these quirky suggestions!

Frequently Asked Questions

How to respond to a ‘How are you?’ text?

Your response should depend on the rapport you share with the sender. For example, if it is a friend, you can be funny or witty. However, it is best to stick to the basics with a colleague.

How to respond to an ex asking how you are?

If receiving a text from your ex elicits strong negative feelings, it is best not to respond. Alternatively, your reply for “How are you” can be letting them know that you are doing well but still need time to process your emotions.

What to say when your crush asks how you are?

Use the opportunity to make a good impression. You can fire back with a witty, certainly wonderful, and flirty response.

Key Takeaways

  • Replying something funny to “How are you?” can add some fun and spontaneity to everyday interactions.
  • It’s essential to tailor your response to the situation and the people you are with to ensure your humor resonates with them without offending them.
  • Clever responses to this question give people the opportunity to discuss mutual interests, family, and dreams.
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Discover smart and interesting responses to the question, “How are you?” Check out this video to expand your conversational skills and make your interactions more engaging.

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Hemali Adhiya

Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. Her sessions aim to bring about transformation in her clients’ lives, perspectives, and relationships. She works with her clients to help them evolve in their problem areas and find new meaning in their lives, thus finding the best versions of themselves.read full bio

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