How To Spice Up Your Relationship: 17 Ways That Will Work

Rekindle that lost spark in your relationship with these simple tips.

Reviewed by Brian Tavizón, Psychologist & Couples Therapist Brian Tavizón Brian TavizónPsychologist & Couples Therapist facebook_iconlinkedin_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , BSc Shatabdi Bhattacharya BSc Experience: 2.5 years
Fact-checked by , Integrated MA (English) Gazala Firdos Ansari Integrated MA (English) Experience: 2 years

As you grow in your relationship, things begin to feel stale and the novelty wears off. The feeling you used to get when your fingers brushed against your partner’s, those butterflies you felt, may not be there anymore. If you are wondering how to spice up your relationship and bring back the creativity of your courtship days, keep reading!

Relationships begin with the honeymoon phase, where everything feels fresh and incredible, but maintaining that excitement later on requires commitment. As you grow more comfortable with each other, you may feel that things are becoming monotonous: You both don’t leave love notes for each other anymore, date nights have become take-out nights, and you have stopped experimenting in the bedroom. To keep the relationship from becoming stagnant, here are a few ways you can bring the heat back and spice things up!

Ways To Spice Up Your Relationship

1. Prioritize Your Relationship

Prioritize your relationship to spice it up
Image: Shutterstock

After a couple of years, the connection between you and your partner unknowingly takes a back seat. Work, friends, and social associations take up most of your time, and your relationship tends to become a little blurred.

While everything else is important, your relationship and the loyalty that comes with it is what holds you together, and that should ideally be your priority. Do not let anything take over the space and time of you and your partner. Invest your time in your relationship, bring back the playfulness, and help rebuild the communication gap that is usually lost amidst a busy life.

As a matter of fact, Dr. John Gotmman found that couples that make their relationship a priority by making time for night dates and rituals of themselves, were more likely to feel connected and cherished, which in turn resulted in more spontaneous activities and greater sexual satisfaction.

2. Reminisce The Good Old Days

If you are wondering how to spice up a marriage after 25 years, the key is to reminisce. It is important to spend quality time without any distractions or interruptions. Walk down memory lane, talk about your first date, and other special days. Whether you decide to get cozy, intimate, or spend time talking, make sure it’s worthwhile and put your devices away.

3. Show Some PDA

Show some PDA to spice up your relationship
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If your partner likes it, go ahead and indulge in some PDA. Nowadays, PDA is not limited to being physically close in public but also includes social media. Post a picture of you two on social media and give your partner a surprise shout-out with a flirty quote to show your appreciation.

4. Show Gratitude

There might be numerous things, gestures, or acts of love that your partner does for you silently like getting you a cup of tea if he is preparing one for himself. Show some gratitude – appreciate and acknowledge the things your partner does for you out of love. Trust in the understanding that these actions come from a place of devotion and care for you. Rather than pointing out the things they haven’t done or done wrongly, try to focus on the positives. This little gesture of gratitude will make him/her feel special and important. This will also change your and your partner’s mood and help spice up the relationship.

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You can show your partner gratitude by complimenting them and thanking them for all the chores they do at home. Even simple gestures like saying hello and goodbye and hugging them can make them feel loved and appreciated.

5. Express Your Feelings Or Leave Notes

Express your feelings or leave notes to spice up your relationship
Image: Shutterstock

The charm of a new relationship is not only in the excitement of discovering everything about your new partner, but in the little things you do for each other, which you stop doing eventually. You can start reigniting that spark in your relationship by expressing your feelings. No matter how long you have been in a relationship, do not stop expressing your love and admiration for your partner.

You can leave some love notes on your partner’s wardrobe or side table. Take it up a notch – be playful by sending romantic, flirty, or sexy emails or texts throughout the day. Your partner will be taken aback and thoroughly enjoy the anticipation of what is waiting when he gets home from work. If you are not a letter person, you can prepare breakfast and tell her/him what your favorite things about him/her are.

Bailey, a public speaker and blogger, shares how she spices up her relationship with her husband without indulging in anything uncomfortable or gross. She came up with an idea to send her husband sweet and weird facts about him in text messages and she says, “And suddenly we’re feeling close and connected again. Accidental marriage building did indeed occur (i).”

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When writing a love note, mention specific traits you like about your partner. Focus on being vulnerable and confess your true feelings. You can also send them a box of chocolates with a note to make their day.

6. Engage In More Couple Stuff

Indulge in a couple spas or take a luxurious and steamy bath together surrounded by candles and a glass of wine. Commit to a weekly date night and go watch a movie together or dine at your partner’s favorite restaurant. You can also play the game of ‘we just met’ and act as if you are strangers, build up a conversation, and see where the night takes you.

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You can try out exciting things like wine tasting, join a trivia team, or go roller skating and make unforgettable memories.

7. Dress Up For No Reason – Look Good, Dress A Lil Sexier

Dress up for no reason to spice up your relationship
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Do you often find yourself hanging around in your pajamas or sweatpants? It’s ok to dress down when you are at home, but it’s important to strike a balance because what you wear has a huge impact on how you feel. Try wearing something sexy during the weekends to surprise your partner. Wear an erotic perfume or try a fancy hairstyle.

Remember how you made an effort to dress up for your partner while you first started dating? Bring back that phase, and you might feel different and in a better mood. Dressing up a little sexier is a trick to add spark to your relationship instantly.

8. Practice Physical Touch

Physical touch does not always mean sexual. Sex is great, but all the things that lead up to it are equally good. If you are not an overly affectionate couple, it is time to introduce touch into your relationship for spicing up things.

Do you remember the first time your partner and you fondly touched for the very first time? How about your first kiss? Intentionally hugging, cuddling, making out, or simply holding each other’s hands are a few ways to spice up your relationship. Make sure your hugs or kisses last at least six seconds, specially with kisses, or give your partner a brief and erotic neck massage. Do not underestimate the power of touch and watch how the magic unfolds.

9. Make Your Partner Feel Special

Make your partner feel special to spice up your relationship
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We often skip doing special things for each other amid our monotonous life, except for the anniversaries. But try to put in a little effort and plan a surprise for your partner. You could either cook your partner’s favorite dish, bake a cake, get flowers, snuggle longer in bed, gift something he/she is waiting to buy, or show some care and pampering with an extensive massage session. When your partner notices all these little gestures, he/she will shower you with something special as a thank you!

10. Set Up A Surprise Date

Clear your schedule and make arrangements to have your house to yourself. Set up a romantic date at home or plan out a spontaneous date where you can dress down into something sexy or learn new moves to entice your partner. Make a habit of planning regular date nights filled with adventure to maintain the spark between you and your partner. Whether it is a fancy candlelight dinner, a movie night, a picnic or ordering pizza and sitting on your balcony – make sure you both get that uninterrupted time for yourselves.

11. Plan A Vacation Together

Plan a vacation together to spice up your relationship
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There is nothing as good as a getaway from the busy routine with your partner. Plan a romantic vacation and relive your honeymoon days at an exotic destination. Book a nice fancy place with romantic things that you both could indulge in for reigniting the spark.

Make sure your room has a hot bathtub or a jacuzzi to spice things up. Enjoy peaceful snuggling or cuddling time without the stress of someone walking into your bedroom, having to run an errand or rushing to work.

12. Get Intimate Again

Most of the time, just bringing back the thrill of being glued to each other constantly is exciting and exhilarating. The anticipation of longing for each other and the extensive rush of adrenaline can be super fun and will definitely help in adding a little bit of spark to your romance.

Try to bring back that honeymoon phase where you just could not keep your hands off each other. Indulge in a little makeout session, dress up, or dress down into something sexy, or learn new moves to entice your partner.

13. Do Things Your Partner Likes

Do things your partner likes to spice up your relationship
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There must be a few things that your partner loved when you did it in the initial days of your relationship. It’s time to do it all again! Wear a dress he loved, apply his favorite cologne, prepare his favorite dish, or play the music track you both once danced to.

By recreating those moments, the areas of the brain involved in the processing of reward, motivation and emotional regulation are stimulated as in those moments. Thus, by carrying out these activities, you will be enhancing your relationship with your partner, as well as sexual intimacy and the feeling of infatuation. You can also opt for couple games, challenge each other while playing, and have some fun bets. Use these ideas to spice up your relationship in a fun and exciting way.

14. Spend Some Time Apart

There is certainly a truth about the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ Depending on each other for every small thing leads to taking each other for granted. Therefore, respect each other’s space and freedom. Spend some time apart, go out with your friends, or take separate vacations once in a while.

A little distance will make your partner miss you and realize all the things you secretly do for their convenience. And while you are away, take your passion to a new level by flirting over texts or sexting.

15. Let Go Of Little Things

Let go of little things to spice up your relationship
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If your partner is having a bad day at work and ends up taking out the frustration on you, take a deep breath, let it go, and let them calm down. Do not retaliate instantly. As difficult as it may be, try to realize that there is a good reason why your partner is reacting in such a heated way, so calm yourself down, ask your partner some time to continue the conversation, and allow at least 15 minutes (that is the minimum required amount of time for our bodies to regulate after a fight) to pass by doing something that will distract or soothe you, as immediate retaliation can lead up to a useless, petty argument. Come back, talk it out, and deal with the issue together.

16. Revisit Your First Date

After years of being together, both of you might have forgotten about the excitement and thrill that you felt on the first date. Reminisce your first date and bring back the spark. Share what each of you felt before and after the date and an untold story about that day. To make things more special, you can recreate your first date. Wear the same clothes or colors, go to the same venue, and have fun while strengthening your relationship.

17. Cook Something Special

A couple cooking together to spice up the relationship
Image: Shutterstock

With time, the same routine may take the spice out of the relationship. Changing what you eat daily is a good way to change the equation between your partners. Go on a date night to treat your taste palate or take on a new cooking challenge with your partner. You can also divide your cooking responsibilities and try different dishes each day.

Remember, you need to be consistent if you want to reignite the spark between you both and have a relationship that remains steady and fresh as new. We hope that these ideas to spice up your relationship help in strengthening your bond with your partner. Good luck!

Infographic: Benefits Of Spicing Up Your Relationship

Relationships need utmost care and attention. Maintaining the spark is essential to seeking a healthy and happy life with your partner. While you are at it, you make the bond stronger than ever, knowingly or unknowingly. Check out the infographic below to learn more.

how to spice up your relationship (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

If you are in a long-term relationship, you know what it is like to feel the initial spark and excitement give way to routine and monotonous existence. And would you not do anything in your power to feel those butterflies again and see your partner blush every time they see you? The above tips to spice up your relationship can be just the thing you need. Indulge in some public display of affection, dress up for meeting them, and set up a surprise date to breathe new life into your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the signs of a boring relationship?

Besides the monotony of the relationship, in a boring relationship, partners stop having interest in each other’s life and the idea of having conversations with each other is not appealing anymore. Instead of being attentive, just the presence of the other feels burdensome and irritating. They do not look forward to dates or quality time together – they do not even make plans for it. The relationship is nowhere in the list of their priorities, instead partners start looking for fun, thrill, and excitement elsewhere.

Is it normal to lose feelings in a relationship?

No. It is quite the opposite. In fact, one of the principles every happy relationship shares is that the partners create and share meaning. They share common goals and dreams, so even when it is perfectly normal for at least one of the partners to evolve individually, if you stop feeling the same way about your partner, chances are something is not right. That being said, if you are not relating to your partner anymore and choose to grow out of the relationship because maybe you want very different things in life, that is perfectly fine. In such cases it is just the romance that subsides and despite parting ways, people think of their exes fondly.

Why has my relationship lost its spark?

One of the major reasons why a relationship loses its spark, is because of growing comfort and familiarity. And this is not a bad thing because you can always talk to your partner about your need for more excitement and you both can try new things together, just like you did in the early stages of your relationship. If you both are down to seek more thrill, even decade old relationships can experience new sparks. And who knows! Maybe it could be more intense this time around.

Key Takeaways

  • Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over, you may feel it has lost the spark and become stagnant.
  • Feeling stagnant is a reminder that you need to take a step back, slow down, and give your relationship a breather.
  • Take time to spend with each other, indulge in PDAs, compliment each other, and try out things in a new way to spice up the marriage.

how to spice up your relationship

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

Are your relationships feeling a bit dull? Check out this video for 5 tips to spice up your relationship and keep it exciting!

Personal Experience: Source

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Brian Tavizón

Brian TavizónPsychologist & Couples Therapist

Brian Tavizón is a bilingual clinical therapist specializing in couples therapy and has 3 years of experience. He has also undergone rigorous training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) from the International Centre of Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). He graduated in social psychology with honors from the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM) and is an academic researcher full bio

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