“Don’t let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others, even if you don’t like them”- Stacy London
As human beings, we experience a spectrum of emotions. While happiness and sadness are some very common feelings, insecurity and anxiety are a bit more difficult to understand. However, most of us feel insecure in our lives. Dealing with insecurity is often tough because you often cannot put a finger on why you are feeling inadequate.
Insecurity is a feeling wherein a person constantly feels not worthy enough or inadequate in some way or the other. When the question ‘Why am I insecure?’ is always on your mind, constant validation becomes a necessity to stay happy. This feeling can turn into jealousy and lead to a lack of trust between two loving partners. That’s when the blame game begins. You start saying things like, “You said this or you did that, which is making me feel insecure.”
But, the truth is that these are your irrational thoughts and fears that you are projecting on your partner. If you relate to all that we have said until now and want to deal with your insecurity in a healthy manner, you have come to the right place. Here are seven effective ways to win the battle with your insecurities.
1. Embrace It Like Your Own And See Its Beautiful Side
The best way to stop feeling insecure is to embrace it wholeheartedly. Don’t consider it a villain. See it this way: when you get a wound, you recover from it and wear the scar with pride. Similarly, put a positive spin on your insecurity and see it as something you can overcome every day.
Insecurity is nothing but the vulnerability of spirit. Normally, it is your humility that does not let you get ahead of yourself. But when you feel insecure, your pride beats down your humility. At such times, you may find it challenging even to hold a normal conversation with your partner.
To deal with such insecurity, start converting your feelings of unworthiness into humility and address it with positive affirmations. Remember, at every juncture that insecurity pulls you down, it is your self-awareness that can keep you afloat.
2. Keep A Record Of Your Self-Esteem File
One of the biggest antidotes to insecurity is high self-esteem. When you are dealing with insecurity, start by analyzing where your self-esteem stands.
Start by complimenting yourself every time you feel insecure. These compliments can be as simple as “I like my shoes” or as big as “I am a great advisor.”
Replace the question “Why am I so insecure?” with “How can I better myself at things that make me confident?” Transforming your negative thoughts into action-oriented ones this way will help you overcome your insecurities.
3. Avoid Anyone Who Makes You Feel Insecure
While this seems like one of the most straightforward ways to deal with insecurity, it is still one of the most challenging ones to practice. Now, if your boss is nagging you continuously and making you feel incapable, it is not really possible to stay home every day. Same goes for your partner or parents making you feel insecure. But, sometimes, you can simply rearrange your schedule or figure out the triggers behind the nagging.
For instance, maybe there is a group of girls at work who dress glamorously all the time, which makes you feel intimidated. We don’t recommend that you don’t talk to them at all because you feel less beautiful than them, you can always avoid going out partying with them.
It is best to just surround yourself with people who make you feel positive and happy.
4. Keep Your Batallion Of Supportive People Ready
When it comes to ways to deal with insecurity, this is perhaps one of the most overlooked ones. Even the most social of people have only a handful of trusted people who understand them. These people genuinely get them and truly wish to be with them. Whenever you feel insecure, recognize these people in your life who are pillars of strength.
Take 10 minutes out of your day to talk things out with them every time you feel insecure. While we understand that you cannot ask for validation all the time, you can find some ways to gain mental support.
5. Remember That Insecurity Wears An Invisible Cape
While we strongly recommend wearing all your challenges like a badge of honor, people struggling with insecurity don’t really feel so. Unfortunately, our societal conventions confine us. We feel that we should look a certain way, feel a certain way, and carry ourselves in a certain way to look confident to other people.
But, when you are mired in your insecurity, remember that only you can see it. Insecurity is invisible and nobody can really see through you – not even your partner. One of the biggest advantages that you face when you are feeling insecure in your relationship is that only your actions can make your partner realize how you are feeling. There is no other way for them to figure it until you do not start acting different or start having trust issues.
So, one very effective way to deal with insecurity is to convince your mind that only you can see it. It is your relationship with insecurity that you need to take care of first before healing your relationship with your loved ones.
6. Learn To Value Yourself
Every time you feel insecure, you are focused on feeling something that is lacking in you. It would help if you remembered that you add value wherever you go because you bring an absolute uniqueness that only you can provide. In balanced relationships, both people possess qualities that complement each other. When you are dealing with relationship insecurities, you need to remember that it is your personal traits that are contributing 50% in maintaining a healthy equation.
7. Keep Your Independence Intact
This one is for people dealing with relationship insecurities. Sometimes, we mistake unhealthy dependence for love. We forget that if we cannot love ourselves, we render ourselves utterly incapable of giving somebody else the same love. One of the biggest reasons for feeling insecure in a relationship is getting extremely involved in the other person’s actions and forgetting how much it affects us.
Hence, keep your dependence healthy. Keep it limited to “What should we eat today?” or “When should we buy our house?” Decisions that basically require consent from both partners are the ones that you should keep dependence limited to. But, so many people depend on their partners to build their identity. They help them decide their clothes, their hairstyles – sometimes even what they eat! A relationship needs independence and breathing space to keep insecurity away. Hence, your identity should be your own.
All of these pointers can help you burst that bubble of insecurity that is holding you back. Remember that you feed insecurity, and it is a small part of the magnificent you. It does not need to become you! Do not give anything so much power that it takes over your life and mental well-being. Keep these simple things in mind and never let insecurity get the better of you!
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