12 Ways To Stop Being Possessive

Being possessive can ruin a romantic relationship. If you think you are suffocating your partner, it is time to learn how to stop being over possessive before it is too late. Feeling jealous can be due to many factors – past trauma, insecurities, and getting hurt in a romantic relationship. It could also be due to childhood trauma or parental neglect. But being possessive will only hurt your relationship and your partner. Jealous behavior, constantly checking on their whereabouts, endless questioning, and doubting their loyalty can weaken the relationship. It wears out trust, respect, and love. Read on to learn how to stop being possessive and save your relationship. Scroll down!

What Is Possessiveness?

Having a controlling or possessive partner may feel very different from a regular partner. Many couples discover that there is a difference between a sweet and possessive lover and a partner who wants to own them. When it comes to insecurity or jealousy, couples can often cross the line from love to extreme possessiveness. They tend to disrespect each other’s inherent independence and intrude on each other’s boundaries. The secret searches through phones, the guilt games when one of the partners goes out with their friends, the angry outbursts when reassurance isn’t received, or the constant interrogation over conversations with anyone else – all of these things can be extremely difficult to deal with.

These are some early signs of possessiveness you should watch out for.

Early Signs Of Possessiveness

1. You may find that you are communicating with family, friends, and loved ones lesser and lesser because your partner wants all of your time. Isolating a person is a sign of emotional abuse and possessiveness.
2. Although many couples in relationships delegate the responsibility of managing finances to one individual, if your partner starts to control single every penny you spend, it could be a warning sign.
3. When a person starts to consider their partner as a possession, a pattern of dominating behavior ensues. Possessive and emotionally abusive people have an innate need to always feel in charge.
4. If your partner has hidden insecurities, they may often have jealous outbursts. In fact, to make themselves feel better, they may expect you to give up your friends and freedom. This is a clear sign of possessiveness.
5. If you find your partner constantly checking your social media activity then that can be a sign of possessiveness as well. This behavior often comes from insecurity and can cause unnecessary arguments.

Quick Tip

Take time to evaluate yourself and analyze your behavior. This may help you understand your patterns and possessive behavioral traits so that you can work on them.

So, how can you control this type of behavior? How do you stop yourself from feeling insanely jealous when you get into a relationship? Here are a few tips that will help you.

12 Ways To Stop Being Possessive

Possessiveness often stems from insecurity and fear of losing someone. Breaking free from this mindset requires self-awareness, trust-building, and healthy communication. These effective ways to stop being possessive can help foster a balanced and respectful relationship.

1. Stop Making A Big Deal About The Past

It may have been that you were cheated on or lied to before – but this is a brand new relationship. Don’t ever let the past ruin what you have now. Your partner is not the same person as your ex, and you both deserve a fresh start. Trust us, you will feel loads better if you let the past go. You absolutely can’t change anything that has already happened, so release whatever past hurt you are holding on to and focus on the beautiful relationship you are in now. For instance, imagine you are out for dinner, and your partner mentions a funny story about an ex-colleague who happened to be their ex. Instead of fuming or bringing up all the baggage from your past, take a deep breath and let it go.

2. Live Your Own Life

If you have your own hobbies, your own job, and your own social life, you will be a far more interesting person to your bae. It is important to spend time together, of course, but it is also a good thing to spend some time apart and have different things to talk about and share when you are together. For instance, enroll yourself in a pottery class or maybe dance, whatever suits you best.

3. Don’t Be Overbearing

The more you obsess that your partner isn’t being honest with you or doesn’t love you, the more you will scare them away. No one wants to be bound to someone who is constantly needy in a relationship. So don’t push all the worries and fears stemming from your own insecurities onto your partner. Believe that they love you because they chose to get into a relationship with you. If you make your boo feel like they have done something evil even when they haven’t, they might start wondering if the relationship is worth it. For instance, instead of calling your partner ten times when they are out for a work event, send one sweet text saying, “Hope you are having a great time, love. I can’t wait to hear all about it later!” Then, go binge-watch your favorite series without guilt-tripping them.

Quick Tip

You must find ways to trust your partner. Identify the root of your controlling and clingy behavior (like past experiences or jealousy) and work on overcoming the issues.

4. Don’t Let Your Jealousy Eat You Alive

Jealousy not only kills a relationship but also makes you feel hateful and bitter in your daily life. The green-eyed monster in you will make you feel worthless and cut you down. Turn that negative attitude into a positive feeling by acknowledging that your partner chooses to be with you because you are a good person on your own. You don’t need to be jealous of anyone else your partner may be spending time with. Know your own self-worth and believe that your significant other is lucky to be with you.

A study with college students found that emotional jealousy is normal when you care about someone, but it can be harmful when it turns into unfounded suspicion. The important thing is to trust that your partner chose you for a reason, recognize your value, and not let jealousy take over (1). Trust is the foundation of a secure relationship. For example, if your partner compliments someone else’s cool tattoo, do not spiral into Why am I not that cool? Instead, remind yourself, hey, I am awesome too, just in my own way.

5. Find Ways To Calm Your Anxiety

There are many ways to calm your anxiety. Practice mindfulness and breathing exercises. You may even try relaxing activities like meditation, journaling, or yoga to better manage your emotions. These things allow us to sit comfortably with our feelings and thoughts without allowing them to control our behavior or get overpowered by them. The techniques not only reduce anxiety but also encourage self-reflection. It is important to recognize new self-improvement ways, prioritize self-care, and seek therapy or even engage in introspection to help you in the process of overcoming possessiveness.

SJ McEnroe, a blogger, shared their own struggle with possessiveness, and how they let it and the inability to control it destroy their relationship: “Despite knowing that the person whom I love values me a lot above others, this wild emotion brought the disaster in my relationship. My inability and immaturity to understand it smashes everything and kept a full stop for everything.” They go on to advise that one of the best things to do in such situations is to accept the situation, “Acceptance is the first step in solving these kinds of problems. Accept that something uncomfortable to you has happened. Comfort yourself nothing wrong has happened. You are giving your partner their required space and be proud of that (i).”

6. Get To Know Each Other’s Friends

A great way to stop feeling unnecessarily jealous is to get familiar with each other’s friends and social circles. If you are aware of who your partner is spending time with, you will know for sure that there is no reason to worry. In fact, you may even like their friends and want to hang out with them as well. For example, if you are feeling iffy about your partner’s coworker who is in all their work stories, suggest a casual hangout where you can meet their crew. This way, you can make new friends, too.

7. Try To Find The Root Of The Problem

Why do you feel so insanely possessive in your relationship? Whether it is a because of an experience from a past relationship or something that may have happened in your childhood, you need to figure out what is making you feel and act in this embarrassing way. It will definitely help you come to terms with your insecurity issues and conquer them, which, in turn, will make you feel more confident and help you build better relationships in the future.

Were you ghosted before, and now you panic when your partner doesn’t reply instantly? Once you figure this out, you can remind yourself that your current partner is not the same person who ghosted you. They are probably just in a meeting, not plotting a dramatic exit.

8. Don’t Try To Change Your Partner

You knew what you were getting into and who your partner was before you decided to get involved in the relationship. So, why do you feel the need to change them now? Convincing yourself that your partner needs to change could just be an easy and unfair answer to the issues you may be having in this relationship. For instance, your partner loves action movies, and you are more into rom-coms. Instead of trying to turn them into a rom-com lover, embrace their taste. Who knows? You might actually enjoy a high-speed car chase or two.

9. Trust Your Partner And Yourself

Trust is the key to a healthy, secured, happy, and successful relationship (2). But people often feel very insecure about their partners because they project their own issues onto them. If you are eager to know how to stop being insecure in a relationship, do some self-reflection to figure out if they actually did something to make you question their loyalty or if you are just left with scars from previous relationships. Instead of assuming the worst when they are out late, remind yourself that they chose me, and I am pretty amazing. Trusting your partner comes naturally when you trust yourself first.

10. Don’t Get Paranoid

There are many people who get completely paranoid when they are not aware of what their partner is doing at all times. They may worry that their significant other is flirting with someone else while at work, or they are hanging out with the wrong kind of people. This kind of paranoia can be extremely dangerous. It not only makes you doubt your partner but also affects your peace of mind and well-being. Rather, just let your partner be. Learn to trust that they will value you above everyone else.

11. Don’t Spy On Your Partner

Admit it — everyone has done it at least once! Going through emails of an account that has been left open, taking a peek at the browser history, scrolling through text messages… It may seem harmless and normal to you, but it is creating cracks in your relationship. You may think there is something to find, and that thought hurts the trust you both have – or, rather, should have. Also, it will get really awkward if they catch you doing it! Learn to keep yourself busy with healthy thoughts and acts.

12. Be Open About Your Issues

Tell your bae how you feel without making it a blame game. Tell them about your issues from the past relationship that makes it hard for you to trust anyone else. Talk to them about how you feel when they act a certain way. Make sure you are presenting things not as a fight, but as an open dialog. If you are honest and open about things that worry you, your significant other is more likely to hear your side of it. If you both are on the same page, it will definitely help you stop being insanely possessive. Once everything gets out in the open, you both can start to work through it —together as a team!

Jealousy Vs. Possessiveness

Jealousy is a common human character as lots of people find it difficult to bear the sight of someone else being better than you at something. Jealousy in a relationship can be rational and irrational. Sometimes, there is an innate feeling that something is wrong with the relationship, like when your partner is having an affair. In such a case, jealousy can be a warning sign. It turns into an irrational emotion when it is caused by insecurity and emotional neediness.

Possessiveness in a limited amount increases love in a relationship as the couple holds on to a sense of belonging. But it becomes toxic when one begins suffocating the other by controlling and owning him/her. The emotion is an outcome of the human tendency to rule over and feel proud of things they own. Possessiveness may lead to irrational jealousy and suspicion.

In the next section, let’s understand how that can impact an otherwise healthy relationship.

Impact Of Possessiveness On Relationships

Possessiveness in a relationship can lead to a toxic dynamic, causing insecurity and mistrust. While a degree of concern and care is natural, an excessive of the same, especially when it is coming from a place of their own insecurity rather than concern for your well-being, stifles individuality and personal growth. This can create resentment and emotional distance, ultimately harming the bond. In such cases, open communication and mutual trust and respect are essential to keep the relationship healthy and balanced.

Infographic: Cheat Sheet To Help You Get Over Your Possessiveness

It can be hard to see how one’s possessiveness hurts the relationship. However, it is necessary to take a step back and self-reflect. Trying to repress feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and self-doubt doesn’t work and eventually destroys the relationship — like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Practicing acceptance, detachment, and building self-esteem can help individuals to let go of possessiveness and cultivate healthier relationships. Check out the infographic below for a cheat sheet you can apply to let go of possessiveness.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I express my feelings of possessiveness to my partner in a healthy way?

To successfully communicate feelings of possessiveness to your partner, choose a calm moment, express your emotions honestly, and use “I” statements. Focus on your feelings rather than blaming your partner and encourage open dialogue.

Who is more possessive: male or female?

There is not enough scientific research to specify which gender tends to be more possessive. However, a research study demonstrated that women experience jealousy in a more physical, emotional, and cognitive way than men (3).

What zodiac signs are possessive?

Scorpio, Leo, and Cancer are believed to be among the most possessive Zodiac signs.

Illustration: Ways To Stop Being Possessive

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

Having trouble keeping your possessiveness over your partner under control? Then watch this video to learn how you can overcome this toxic trait and have a happy and healthy relationship.

Was this article helpful?

Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Joseph MooreCertified Relationship And Life Coach

 

Joseph Moore is an ace relationship coach and public speaker who started coaching in 2015. Although Joseph is a trained electrical engineer from the University of Chester, he found passion in helping people get it right with their love life.

Read full bio of Joseph Moore

Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Sneha holds a master’s degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad and a professional Relationship Coach diploma. With over four years of experience in writing, she specializes in crafting insightful articles on relationships and lifestyle.

Read full bio of Sneha Tete

Subhrojyoti MukherjeeAssociate Editor

Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate course in Editing and Publishing from Jadavpur University, Kolkata.

Read full bio of Subhrojyoti Mukherjee

Sangita GoelBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

Sangita is a content writer with a passion for exploring diverse genres. She has written 100+ blogs on an array of topics, including relationships, travel, beauty, and fashion. Armed with a master’s degree in history from Indira Gandhi National Open University, she has leveraged her curiosity to write captivating, engaging, and informative articles.

Read full bio of Sangita Goel