How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship

Overthinking can make things seem worse than they are and create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Reviewed by Kuunjal Paal, Relationship Coach Kuunjal Paal Kuunjal PaalRelationship Coach facebook_icontwitter_iconlinkedin_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English Literature) Madhumati Chowdhury MA (English Literature) Experience: 7 years
Fact-checked by , MA Gracia Odile MA Experience: 3 years

Overthinking is the primary enemy of any relationship, be it love, friendship, or marriage. It may even put an end to your relationship once and for all. So, how to stop overthinking in a relationship? Is there a way to deal with this situation?

Yes, you can come out of this unhealthy thought pattern! It is natural to overthink, but sometimes, it may go out of proportion — to the extent that you find it difficult to come out of it. You may imagine things that have never happened or would never happen. This will only spoil your mood and affect you and your relationship badly.

However, you can completely come out of this spiral by following a few practices. This article lists simple steps to deal with overthinking and save your relationship. Keep reading.

Why Do We Overthink When It Comes To Relationships?

Overthinking in a relationship
Image: Shutterstock

Overthinking is usually related to a person who is close to you. Since you cannot read others’ minds or thoughts, you tend to overthink plenty of scenarios in your head. When it comes to a relationship, thinking in this pattern happens a little extra. The obvious reason is your love and affection for the person. Overthinking is a way to keep that person in your mind and try to figure out how you feel and how the relationship would go further.

Overthinking in a relationship can go quite ugly if it becomes repetitive. You will experience overblown negative thoughts – Why did I say that? I am such a fool! Why did he not pick my phone? Is she cheating on me? What if I wear this dress and he doesn’t like it? – and the endless spiral goes on and on.

Overanalyzing or overthinking is natural, but if it becomes a practice, it can ruin your relationship. Therefore, it is important to understand the warning signs and find out how to stop overthinking in a relationship. Here are some signs you should look out for.

Warning Signs Of Overthinking In A Relationship

Stop overthinking in a relationship by finding out the warning signs
Image: Shutterstock
  • You Are Reading Too Much Into The Texts

It is a trivial thing, but your mind will be blown with unstoppable imaginary scenarios if you overdo it. For instance, if your partner texts they will be late and don’t attach an emoji along with the message, you might deduce they are either not coming or do not want to meet you. You will keep thinking about such stories and end up feeling angry and annoyed. When your partner finally arrives, your emotions may turn cold and ruin the date.

  • You Don’t Live In The Present

You might not feel one with the present because you are so much into your head and thoughts. Your partner will be talking to you while you are floating somewhere far away. This happens because you dwell in the ‘what ifs’ of past or future, making your partner feel ignored. They might think you do not care about their presence, which can create tension in your relationship. Moreover, overthinking kills the joy of meeting people and cherishing the beautiful moments of the present.

  • You Are Extremely Insecure

Overthinking affects your ability to have strong faith. You start judging yourself and question the ways of your partner. As a result, you start feeling insecure, which leads to a lack of confidence in yourself. This might create added pressure on your partner to make you feel alright every time.

protip_icon Fun Fact
The term “overthinking” is often referred to as “analysis paralysis,” or “overanalysis”.
  • You Create Problems That Don’t Even Exist

Overthinking takes you to a world where you weave troubles that do not exist in real life. You make up things in your mind, and slowly it can become habitual. If you do this to a point where you have created a problem based entirely on your overthinking, that’s a big red flag. Your partner may reconsider the relationship if this continues.

  • Your Find The Relationship Challenging

Overthinking is not only frustrating for your partner, but also it affects your caliber and mental strength. Your brain will constantly churn out unnecessary thoughts, and you will not find a single minute to relax. All this can overwhelm you and, in turn, make your relationship challenging.

Now, let’s utilize the trouble-solving points from our bucket and show you how not to overthink in a relationship. Take a notepad and jot them down!

How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship

How to stop overthinking in a relationship
Image: Shutterstock

1. Find Out Why You Are Overthinking

The first step to solve an issue is to find the cause behind it. You need to discover why you get the urge to overthink. Start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • What exactly am I thinking?
  • Is overthinking leading to any other feelings in my body (rapid breathing or heavy stomach)?
  • What should I do now to stop this?

You can also write a journal to identify what bothers you and then find a solution to fix the problem.

2. Figure Out Ways To Develop Trust

The major reason why people tend to overthink in a relationship is that they don’t trust their partner. This is especially true when the partner has a history of cheating or being manipulative. In such a situation, you need to decide whether to end the relationship or get back the trust factor. If you rely on your partner’s word and have trust, you will not need to overthink.

3. Have Clear Communication

Clear communication can easily take away all the overthinking from your mind. But before talking to your partner about it, ask yourself what you want. If you are sure that a problem exists, discuss it with your partner openly and honestly. This will help keep the relationship healthy with less scope for distrust and misunderstanding.

4. Live In The Present

Anxious thoughts and feelings stem from fears of the past or the future. You may find ways to control overthinking or anxiety, but the truth is you can’t. So, instead of worrying about what has happened or may happen in future, focus on what is happening right now. Practicing mindfulness will distract you from irrelevant thoughts and give you time to enjoy the current moment with your loved ones.

You can start it by maintaining a journal, practicing deep breathing exercises and yoga, meditating, or going for nature walks.

These activities may help calm your mind, improve overall well-being, and increase relationship satisfaction. This in turn may help you stop overthinking about the problems in or future of your relationship. It can help you build stronger relationships, lower mood fluctuations, and lead to increased intimacy. Well, it can also help to decrease anxiety, depression, and stress and can help you feel more present in the relationship. Further, it may also help foster the feeling of forgiveness, gratitude, and empathy that can lead to greater acceptance, fewer arguments, and a fulfilling relationship.

5. Fill In Your Time

It is difficult not to overthink when you are sitting idle. So, stop wasting your time and engage yourself in a productive activity that is not centered around your relationship. For instance, pursue your hobbies, take up a new project, hang out with your friends, or maintain a journal. You can also try scheduling your daily tasks to fill your time. This will give you a sense of control over your day and prevent you from diving into the ‘thought world’.

protip_icon Pro Tip
You can also go for long walks, visit cafes, or even adopt a pet to keep yourself occupied and keep your thoughts at bay.

6. Get Support From Others

Sharing your problems with others can prove therapeutic and help you heal. You will get a new perspective on your relationship, helping you break away from the existing psychological circles of your thoughts. Meet your friends or family and tell them what you are dealing with. They can help you come up with new solutions. You can also speak to an experienced counselor for professional help.

Overthinking can wreak havoc on your relationships as well as your mental health. Living in continual worry and uncertainty can destroy your peace of mind and make you feel stressed and alone. Follow the important tips on how to stop overthinking in a relationship discussed in this post. Communicate your concerns to your partner without resorting to guilt and blaming, and see if you can work it out together. Share your feelings and thoughts, and attempt to develop an open and honest relationship. Make a list of what you want in a relationship and devise a plan to avoid overthinking and anxiety.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is overthinking a mental illness?

No. Overthinking is not a mental illness. But it is a symptom of mental health conditions like anxiety or depression.

Is there a medication for overthinking?

As overthinking is a symptom of anxiety disorders, antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications like tranquilizers may help calm your brain down.

Can overthinking damage your brain?

Increased self-doubt may decrease the generation of creative insights. Over time, overthinking may disturb the cognitive cycle and exhaust brain cells.

Key Takeaways

  • Overthinking is common and natural. But, once it becomes a practice, it will affect your relationship.
  • Thinking too much about the ’what ifs’ of past or future and not paying attention to your present may make your partner feel ignored.
  • Clear communication is one of the best ways to overcome overthinking.

Discover effective ways to stop overthinking in a successful relationship, in this video below. Learn how to overcome your fears and confidently accept the reality of your relationship so you don’t run the risk of self-sabotage. Click to know how.

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Kuunjal Paal

Kuunjal PaalRelationship Coach

Kuunjal Paal is a relationship coach with over four years of experience. Her passion for positively impacting lives led her to earn the prestigious ICF Certification. Through her venture 'Win at Relationships,' she provides coaching services aimed at fostering strong connections in both personal and professional spheres. She specializes in personal relationships (marriage, dating, grief, divorce) and professional relationships ( full bio

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