How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship

Written by Harini Natarajan , Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Have you found yourself in a never-ending spiral of thoughts? Or feel like you are in a racing car, and the thoughts are passing by you with lightning speed? If yes, overthinking is the real culprit.

It is like a stubborn pimple that pops out now and then to ruin your mood. This becomes even more exhausting and frustrating when you are overthinking in a relationship. But as we said, it is like a pimple, and pimples can happen to anybody. Overthinking is natural, and you can control its outbreak with the right tricks.

In this article, we have unraveled the knotty mess of overthinking in a relationship and added tips about how to save your love life. Stop thinking and read it till the end!

Why Do We Overthink When It Comes To Relationships?



Overthinking is usually related to a person who is close to you. Since you cannot read others’ minds or thoughts, you tend to overthink plenty of scenarios in your head. When it comes to a relationship, thinking in this pattern happens a little extra. The obvious reason is your love and affection for the person. Overthinking is a way to keep that person in your mind and try to figure out how you feel and how the relationship would go further.

Overthinking in a relationship can go quite ugly if it becomes repetitive. You will experience overblown negative thoughts – Why did I say that? I am such a fool! Why did he not pick my phone? Is she cheating on me? What if I wear this dress and he doesn’t like it? – and the endless spiral goes on and on.

Overanalyzing or overthinking is natural, but if it becomes a practice, it can ruin your relationship. Therefore, it is important to understand the warning signs and find out how to stop overthinking in a relationship. Here are some signs you should look out for.

Warning Signs Of Overthinking In A Relationship



  • You Are Reading Too Much Into The Texts

It is a trivial thing, but your mind will be blown with unstoppable imaginary scenarios if you overdo it. For instance, if your partner texts they will be late and don’t attach an emoji along with the message, you might deduce they are either not coming or do not want to meet you. You will keep thinking about such stories and end up feeling angry and annoyed. When your partner finally arrives, your emotions may turn cold and ruin the date.

  • You Don’t Live In The Present

You might not feel one with the present because you are so much into your head and thoughts. Your partner will be talking to you while you are floating somewhere far away. This happens because you dwell in the ‘what ifs’ of past or future, making your partner feel ignored. They might think you do not care about their presence, which can create tension in your relationship. Moreover, overthinking kills the joy of meeting people and cherishing the beautiful moments of the present.

  • You Are Extremely Insecure

Overthinking affects your ability to have strong faith. You start judging yourself and question the ways of your partner. As a result, you step closer to a more insecure and underconfident self. This might create added pressure on your partner to make you feel alright every time.

  • You Create Problems That Don’t Even Exist

Overthinking takes to you a world where you weave troubles that do not exist in real life. You make up things in your mind, and slowly it can become habitual. If you do this to a point where you have created a problem based entirely on your overthinking, that’s a big red flag. Your partner may reconsider the relationship if this continues.

  • Your Find The Relationship Challenging

Overthinking is not only frustrating for your partner, but also it affects your caliber and mental strength. Your brain will constantly churn out unnecessary thoughts, and you will not find a single minute to relax. All this can overwhelm you and, in turn, make your relationship challenging.

Now, let’s take the trouble-solving points from our bucket and show you how not to overthink in a relationship. Take a notepad and jot them down!

How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship



1. Discover Why You Are Overthinking

The first step to solve an issue is to find the cause behind it. You need to discover why you get the urge to overthink. Start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • What exactly am I thinking?
  • Is overthinking leading to any other feelings in my body (rapid breathing or heavy stomach)?
  • What should I do now to stop this?

You can also write a journal to identify what bothers you and then find a solution to fix the problem.

2. Figure Out Ways To Develop Trust

The major reason why people tend to overthink in a relationship is that they don’t trust their partner. This is especially true when the partner has a history of cheating or being manipulative. In such a situation, you need to decide whether to end the relationship or get back the trust factor. If you rely on your partner’s word and have trust, you will not need to overthink.

3. Have Clear Communication

Clear communication can easily take away all the overthinking from your mind. But before talking to your partner about it, ask yourself what you want. If you are sure that a problem exists, discuss it with your partner openly and honestly. This will help keep the relationship healthy with less scope for distrust and misunderstanding.

4. Live In The Present

Anxious thoughts and feelings stem from fears of the past or the future. You may find ways to control overthinking or anxiety, but the truth is you can’t. So, instead of worrying about what has happened or may happen in future, focus on what is happening right now. This will distract you from irrelevant thoughts and give you time to enjoy the current moment with your loved ones.

5. Fill In Your Time

It is difficult not to overthink when you are sitting idle. So, stop wasting your time and engage yourself in a productive activity that is not centered around your relationship. For instance, pursue your hobbies, take up a new project, hang out with your friends, or maintain a journal. You can also try scheduling your daily tasks to fill your time. This will give you a sense of control over your day and prevent you from diving into the ‘thought world’.

6. Get Support From Others

Sharing your problems with others can prove therapeutic and help you heal. You will get a new perspective on your relationship, helping you break away from the existing psychological circles of your thoughts. Meet your friends or family and tell them what you are dealing with. They can help you come up with new solutions. You can also speak to an experienced counselor for professional help.

The Takeaway

Overthinking will ruin not only your relationships but also your mental well-being. Living in constant fear and insecurity with no peace of mind will increase your stress level and make you feel isolated. Talk to your partner and try to fight it out together. Share your emotions and thoughts with them and try to establish open and honest communication. Be clear about what you need in a relationship and find a solution to overcome overthinking and anxiety.

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