14 Signs Your Partner Is Lying To You

Defensiveness and indifference are a few signs that your partner is being dishonest.

By Harini Natarajan, Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Honest communication and transparency are the two utmost things needed in a relationship. If you feel your spouse is lying to you, it is better to confirm it before confronting them. But, how to tell if your spouse is lying? For a serious matter like this, you cannot assume anything and conclude. You need to look for cues.

Lying is not a sign of a healthy and trustworthy relationship. And doubting your partner without any reason is also not good for the relationship. Your decision should be clear, and you should take it with careful communication and clarity. A wrong assumption can ruin everything.

This article explores the signs of a lying spouse, the different reasons a spouse may lie, and how to confront them. Keep reading.

Reasons Spouses Lie

  • To get away from tricky social or embarrassing situations
  • To avoid a situation or circumstance they are afraid of
  • To hide the truth about an unplanned expenditure or hide their financial situation
  • To protect somebody else’s privacy
  • To protect the partner from grief or an unpleasant situation
  • To avoid conflicts and fights
  • To avoid rejection or loss
  • To keep work-related information confidential
  • To brag or boast their social or economic status
  • To control the situation, as a means of manipulation
  • To shirk from responsibility
  • To cover up their failure
  • To hide their infidelity

There are several reasons your partner may lie to you. It is important to establish that they are lying and that you are not merely overthinking or feeling insecure. The best way to move forward in such directions is to look for these signs.

14 Signs Of A Spouse Who Is Lying

  1. Changes In The Way They Communicate: Any deviation from the usual tone of their voice, frequency, pitch, and style of communication can be a red flag. Sudden switches to new vocabulary or use of different platforms (social media) to communicate is a sign that there could be something out of the ordinary.
  1. Avoids Eye Contact: People who lie generally avoid eye contact. Carefully observe how they respond to you during normal conversations and conversations you suspect to be dishonest. Not blinking often or blinking too often are signs that they are trying to hide something.
  1. Changes In Body Language: If your partner is extra fidgety or nervous around you, it may be an indication that they are lying. Anxiety to keep the stories or facts straight often results in body language changes like scratching, fake laughter, excessive sweating, or closed postures.
  1. Acts Defensive: When you question them, they will get defensive and try to give long winding explanations or excuses. They overcompensate for their guilt by justifying their behavior.
  1. Being Vague: If your spouse intentionally leaves out important details, they could be lying.
  1. Unexplained Periods Of Absence: Any unaccounted time slabs in their schedule points they might be lying about whom they are spending their time with. This can be cause for concern.
  1. Distracts Or Diverts Conversations: If your spouse skillfully avoids talking about certain topics and navigates the conversation, they could be hiding something.
  1. Acts Dismissive: Another common tactic to get away with lies is to dismiss or diffuse the situation. They may pretend to ignore or trivialize the matter by attaching no importance to the question or conversation.
  1. Creates Self-doubt: They will manipulate you and the conversation so that you will second guess yourself. It is a form of gas-lighting and can be harmful when dealing with people with personality disorders.
  1. Inconsistent Stories: If you notice missing details or facts when describing their whereabouts, it is a sure-shot sign they are hiding something. It is difficult to keep stories straight if someone is constantly lying. Pay more attention and try to figure out any discrepancies.
  1. Lack Of Intimacy: Changes in the routine, not initiating intimacy, or acting distant are all signs that there is something amiss in the relationship. These signs could be indicative of underlying problems or conflicts.
  1. Anger Issues: If you notice your partner is having frequent fits of anger or is losing their temper for trivial matters, it may mean they are not in control of their emotions. These could be subtle signs displayed when the partner is guilty of something.
  1. Being Indifferent: When your spouse acts bored or indifferent, it can be a way to avoid showing their true emotions.
  1. They Sound Rehearsed: If your partner sounds rehearsed or if their stories are too detailed or if they have an unnecessary alibi for their whereabouts, they could be hiding something.

These are certain signs your partner could be lying. However, these are not confirmations. The only way to be sure is to ask your partner. But this can be tricky and daunting. To make it easier for you, we have included a simple guide on how you can confront your spouse if you suspect they are lying. Keep reading.

How To Confront A Lying Spouse?

  • Be calm and composed. It is important to be objective for a proper and honest discussion.
  • Understand the reason you want to confront your spouse and be prepared for the consequences that follow.
  • Talk to them without accusing them. Have a transparent conversation. Let them know that you want to understand the situation and them.
  • Ask them direct questions. Leave no room for vagueness or assumptions.
  • Be attentive and understanding. Listen to their reasons respectfully.
  • Do not blame or be judgmental. At the same time, be careful to be objective. Do not fall for any emotional manipulation.
  • Keep your cool even if you get blamed or dismissed.
  • Make an informed decision depending on the outcome of the conversation. Take time out. Have multiple conversations. Be empathic, but also stand your ground.
  • It is your personal choice to decide what you want to do after the confrontation. Be truthful to yourself. Tell your partner you are hurt by their behavior. If it is something you cannot tolerate in the future, let them know. Be clear about it.
  • You can also involve a therapist if you want to work on the situation.

A habit of constantly lying to your partner can jeopardize your relationship much worse than you can imagine. It dilutes the trust between the partners, making it difficult for them to work together as a team. So, you must look for signs that may point toward the fact that your spouse is lying to you regularly and mend the situation at the earliest. For instance, they may be lying to you if they avoid eye contact, act defensively while talking to you, and try to change the subject when you broach a topic.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the one thing all liars have in common?

Individuals lie for various reasons; some are compulsive liars and some lie to meet their objectives. It is therefore hard to find any one thing that is common amongst all liars, except for the fact that all liars lie and deceive people.

How do liars react when accused?

The most common reaction of a liar when confronted or accused is denial. They may also act defensively or try to shift the blame and guilt to the person accusing them.

Key Takeaways

  • Honesty and transparency are two important things in any successful relationship.
  • Doubting your spouse without any reason may cause rifts in your relationship. So, do not assume anything without cues.
  • Signs like changes in body language, lack of intimacy, and anger issues may indicate something is wrong with your partner.
  • In such cases, it is best to confront your partner and discuss the matter.

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