Ask any married woman, even those that seem the happiest, and they may admit that at some point they hated their husbands. This feeling seems to be a part and parcel of building a life with someone or living with them over the years. But if you find yourself hating your husband quite often, then it probably is time to look deeper.
There are several reasons you may have negative feelings towards your husband. There are various experiences couples go through that can strain the relationship. But this does not have to be the end of your marriage. You can improve your relationship by addressing the many reasons that make you hate your husband. Keep reading to know more.
In This Article
Reasons You Hate Your Husband
1. There Is Nothing New In Your Lives Anymore
It is very easy to resent your spouse if there is nothing new happening in your life. New experiences make you feel alive and excite you. They allow both partners to discover things about each other that they would have probably never known otherwise. You feel bored with such experiences and the boredom eventually turns into resentment.
If you are stuck in a rut, personally or professionally, you may start to have negative feelings about everything, including your husband.
2. The Relationship Does Not Feel Equal.
Do you feel like you do not share responsibilities equally? In a marriage, both partners are supposed to be equal and both should have a say in the decisions being made. The absence of equality may make you feel there is undue burden on you.
If you feel like your husband does not consider you an equal partner in the relationship, it is quite natural to hate him (1).
3. You Have Forgotten The Meaning of Compromise
When you are in a relationship with someone, it is natural that you have to make certain compromises for each other. Minor compromises by both parties are crucial to sustaining a marriage.
You may even have made a set of compromises at the start of your relationship. But, over time, you may have started feeling like you are the one that tends to compromise every time. Lack of mutual compromise can turn the marriage sour.
4. Respect Does Not Go Both Ways
You can have a loving and happy marriage only if you respect each other. Lack of mutual respect can make you hate your husband. Respect is the foundation for a happy marriage. Without respect, resentment can build up quite fast.
5. Your Husband Has Stopped Taking Care of Himself
You may not expect your husband to be perfectly groomed always. But if he has stopped taking care of himself completely, you may no longer feel attracted to him. It might appear like he does not care to look good in front of you, and this could make you hate him. Â
6. You Are With a Narcissist Who Prioritizes Himself Over Everything Else
Living with a narcissist is not easy. They will put their interests and likes above everything else (2). They are solely motivated by things that serve them and make their life better. You may feel as if you have no value in the marriage.
This can destroy your self-esteem. A narcissist may also isolate you from your friends and family. They will ensure that you have no one else to rely on or to confide to. Such attitude can make you hate your husband.
7. You Have Big Differences That Were Never Addressed
You may have always had big differences. Significant differences in your core values can impact every aspect of your life. You may find yourself at odds with your husband whenever it is time to take major decisions. This can lead to major arguments and a lot of hate in the relationship.
8. You Have Been Stressed Over Everything Else For Too Long
Is your work stressful? Is there something else in your life that is making you stressed? Stress in one area of your life can seep into others and impact your whole life negatively. If you are stressed, you may get irritated by the slightest mistake by your spouse.
The same applies to your husband. If he is stressed with something else, he may inadvertently take it out on you and impact the relationship. This also may make you hate him.
9. You Have A Dysfunctional Idea Of What A Marriage Should Be
Your expectations from your marriage are set by what you see around you. If you have grown up around dysfunctional relationships, the same expectations can carry over to how you handle your marriage as well (3).
Your parents may not have been happy in their marriage. They may not have treated each other right or they may have had a bitter divorce. These instances can leave a lasting impression on the mind of the child. You might grow up to think that resenting your husband and hating them for no reason is normal.
10. Your Husband Has Hurt You And You Cannot Forgive
Arguments take place in every marriage. You may disagree with each other. But, sometimes, in the heat of the moment, if your husband had said something to hurt you badly, you may have a hard time forgetting that and moving on.
If he has cheated on you or has wronged you in some way, you may find it extremely hard to move past it. You might find yourself thinking about it often and hating your husband.
11. Your Husband Is Dealing With An Addiction That He Does Not Try To Fix.
Living with an addict is not easy. Add to it their refusal to treat the addiction, and the situation can become volatile swiftly. You can be left dealing with the after-effects of the addiction. It can even affect your finances.
Addiction and the refusal to do anything about it can also make you feel that your husband does not want to get better. It can disturb your mental peace and cause additional stress.
12. Your Husband Has Held You Back From Your True Potential
Women often tend to give up their careers after marriage. It is one thing to do it of your own volition, and another thing to give in to your husbandâs insistence. You may only wonder how things could have been had you pursued your dreams. The resentment builds up over time and you could end up hating your husband.
While the reasons you hate your husband could sometimes be genuine, most often they may not be so. How do you stop the hate and save your marriage?
Ways To Stop Hating Your Husband
When you are constantly thinking that you hate your husband, you may not be able to believe if there is ever a way to be happy in the marriage again. But do remember that the way you feel right now does not have to be the end of your marriage.
Here is what you can do to stop the hate and restore the bond with your husband.
1. Focus On The Positive
Everyone has their positives and negatives. If you focus on the negative qualities of your husband alone, you only may continue to hate him. Instead, focus on the positives. There will be things that your husband does that you love. Try to focus more on those.
2. Accept Him For Who He Is
There are certain things you cannot change. If the flaws in your husband are minor and if he has more virtues than the flaws, then you must accept him for who he is.
3. Work On Your Communication
More often than not, communicating with your husband is all it takes to fix most of the issues. If you tend to hate your husband for the little things, communicating the same can help ease the situation (4). The communication will give your husband a chance to fix the issues should he be unaware of them.
The physical act of writing down your thoughts in a journal can help you deal with the feelings of resentment towards your husband. Journaling can also help you see your arguments in a new light. You might get a new perspective that will help you stop feeling the hate towards your husband.
5. Counselling Can Help
If all else fails and you see no resolution despite communicating with your husband, you must try counseling. Counseling will help you work through issues that have been festering for a long time. It is one effective way to reconcile with your spouse (5).
It is hard to live with your husband when you constantly feel that you hate them. It can be extremely suffocating. However, once you start to understand the reasons behind your feelings and take the corrective measures, your marriage can improve.
While it is important to make your marriage work, you also must focus on your own needs. Mutual respect is critical for a happier, long-term relationship â and that starts with self-respect.
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- Cost of Growing up in Dysfunctional Family
- What Type of Communication during Conflict is Beneficial for Intimate Relationships?
- Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counselling: a study protocol
- Marital equality and the quality of long-term marriage in later life