207 Marriage Counseling Questions To Ask Your Partner

These questions will help you to identify problem areas in your marriage.

Reviewed by Dr Nancy B Irwin, PsyD Dr Nancy B Irwin Dr Nancy B IrwinPsyD facebook_icontwitter_iconlinkedin_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Asmita De MA (English) linkedin_icon Experience: 3 years
Fact-checked by , MA Gracia Odile MA linkedin_icon Experience: 3 years
Last Updated on

Marriages are not always the happily ever after sagas we see in movies and novels. Instead, there can be both highs and lows, which can be solved in different ways, including marriage counseling. Marriage counseling questions mostly involve finding the exact reasons behind the issues in the relationship and ways to resolve them. The questions help them see where they went wrong and how couples may maintain harmony in the relationship. Arguments, disagreements, and conflicts are part and parcel of every marriage, and not everyone can solve them alone.

In a marriage counseling session, the couple will express themselves, and the counselor may ask questions to know them better. These questions help them find the root cause, solve the problem, and get them back together. However, these sessions could be more difficult than you may think. Therefore, it is best to be prepared beforehand to face the sessions.

This article will help you get an idea of marriage counseling sessions and the type of questions you may ask your partner during the sessions. Scroll down.

131 Marriage Counseling Questions

  1. What more can I do to make you feel secure in my love for you?
  2. Do you think I take some of the things you do in the relationship for granted?
  3. What are the biggest problems in our marriage?
  4. When did the problems start?
  5. What do I do that gets on your nerves?
  6. What do you love most about me?
  7. Do you trust me?
  8. What made you come to marriage counseling?
  9. What can I do to make our marriage better?
  10. Are you satisfied sexually?
  11. Where do you see our marriage in X years?
  12. Do you know how much I love and appreciate you?
  13. What are the main issues in our marriage?
  14. What are the most pressing problems in our marriage?
  15. How and when did the problems start?
  16. Is this just a bad phase in our marriage?
  17. What made you seek/accept professional help?
  18. What are the things that you love about me?
  19. What are the things that you can’t stand about me?
  20. Are there past conflicts that we need to resolve?
  21. Do I fulfill your physical needs?
  22. Are you seeing someone?
  23. What should I do to regain your trust?
  24. Are we communicating enough?
  25. Do I stress you out?
  26. Do you think there’s an intimacy between us?
  27. How do you feel about me on a daily basis?
  28. Do you feel loved?
  29. Is the relationship impacting your self-esteem?
  30. Are we willing to compromise?
  31. Are we holding each other back?
  32. Are we willing to change?
protip_icon Pro Tip
Consider marriage counseling not only during challenging times but also as a tool for continuous growth and understanding within your relationship.
  1. What can I do to make our relationship better?
  2. Is our marriage what you pictured it to be?
  3. What makes you happy about our marriage?
  4. Do you still have feelings for me?
  5. Do you want this marriage to succeed?
  6. Are there any reasons our marriage cannot improve?
  7. What are the most important issues we should work on?
  8. Why did we originally fall in love?
  9. What needs are we failing to meet?
  10. Who will be affected by the decision regarding our marriage?
  11. What kind of love do you feel for me now?
  12. What can we do to become intimate?
  13. Are there any unresolved conflicts?
  14. What will our lives be like if we separate?
  15. How are our finances?
  16. Are our expectations for each other reasonable?
  17. What are the positives in our marriage?
  18. What is the biggest change in our relationship?
  19. Can we make our marriage a top priority?
  20. Do we still trust each other?
  21. How long are we willing to work on our marriage?
  22. Do we have the right marriage counselor?
  23. Do we want to stay together?
  24. Is this a temporary phase (or is it something more permanent)?
  25. Do you believe we can save our marriage?
  26. Do you love me, and if so, in what way?
  27. Is there anything you don’t trust about me?
  28. Are you satisfied with our degree of intimacy?
  29. Are you seeing anyone else? Do you want to?
  30. Do you feel you can talk to me about anything?
  31. Is there anything from our past that still bothers you?
  32. Why do you want this to work out?
  33. What do you expect from our counseling sessions?
  34. Do you see a future?
  35. What can I do to make our marriage better?
  36. Do you know how much I love/respect/admire you?
  37. Can we revive our marriage?
  38. Will we ever feel desire again?
  39. Can we get over the affair that you/I had?
  40. Will an open relationship improve our marriage?
  41. How do we open our marriage?
  42. Can we spice things up?
  43. Do we need to give each other more space and time?
  44. Do you think we should live separately for some time?
  45. Do you think our finances are one of the reasons?
  46. Do you think we don’t give enough time to each other?
  47. Do you feel a sense of freedom in this relationship?
  48. Am I failing to understand your needs?
  49. Do you think it’s time to openly tell the kids about the problem?
  50. Do you think I am failing as a husband/wife?
  51. Shall we involve our families?
  52. Do you think we will be able to live happily in the future?
  53. Are you continuing the marriage for the sake of our kids?
  54. Do you think I have changed as a person?
  55. Would you want me to implement some changes?
  56. Are you not confident about our married life?
  57. Are there any trust issues?
  58. Do you feel I stop you from doing things?
  59. Do I overpower or dominate you in the relationship?
  60. Do you have issues with me traveling for work?
  61. Do you think I don’t give much time at home?
  62. Are we lacking understanding and communication?
  63. Can we ever be satisfied in this relationship?
  64. Is our marriage impacting our kids?
  65. Can we do anything to make things better?
  66. Is separation the final resort?
  67. Do you find me irresponsible?
  68. Will we be able to love each other the same way we used to?
  69. What do you expect out of me as a spouse?
  70. Do we need a holiday to discuss what’s wrong?
  71. Do you still feel for me?
  72. Do you think I don’t feel for you anymore?
  73. How can I gain back your trust?
  74. Will you forgive me If I say I am seeing someone?
  75. Have you considered having another relationship?
  76. Do you feel I don’t listen to you?
  77. Are you comparing me with someone?
  78. Am I failing as a mother/father?
  79. Are we just going through a bad phase?
  80. Am I the culprit?
  81. Do you think I don’t consider your family or parents?
  82. Do only I need to change?
  83. Do I stalk you?
  84. Have you ever stalked me?
  85. Do you think I don’t share financial details with you?
  86. Do you think I am hiding anything?
  87. Should we give each other a chance?
  88. How well do we know each other?
  89. Are we lacking interest?
  90. What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
  91. Am I a jealous person?
  92. Do you think we listen to one another well?
  93. Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?
  94. Do you think there is intimacy between us?
  95. How will we make decisions together?
  96. Are we both willing to face the difficult questions?
  97. Do you feel accepted?
  98. Have we tried everything?
  99. Are you willing to change to make improvements?

Marriage counseling is not reserved for married couples only. Premarital counseling sessions with your partner can help you figure out how compatible you both are. Listed below are some pre-marriage counseling questions that you can ask.

69 Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions

  1. How do you plan to manage starting your own family and job responsibilities together?
  2. How many kids do you want?
  3. What values do you want to instill in our children?
  4. How do you want to discipline our kids?
  5. What would you do if one of our children said he/she was homosexual?
  6. What if our children didn’t want to go to college?
  7. How much say should children have in a family?
  8. How comfortable are you around children?
  9. Would you be opposed to having our parents watch the children so we can spend time alone together?
  10. Would you put your children in a private or public school?
  11. What are your thoughts on homeschooling?
  12. Would you be willing to adopt if we couldn’t have kids?
  13. Would you be willing to seek medical treatment if we couldn’t have kids naturally?
  14. Do you believe it’s okay to discipline your child in public?
  15. How do you feel about paying for your kid’s college education?
  16. How far apart do you want kids?
  17. Would you want someone to stay home with the kids or use a daycare?
  18. How would you feel if our kids wanted to join the military rather than go to college?
  19. How involved do you want grandparents to be in our parenting?
  20. How will we handle parental decisions?
  21. Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having marital problems?
  22. If there is a disagreement between your family and me, whose side do you choose?
protip_icon Trivia
Marriage counseling originated in Germany in the 1920s whereas institutes for marriage counseling were established in the 1930s in the United States.
  1. How do you handle disagreements?
  2. Would you ever consider divorce?
  3. Would you rather discuss issues as they arise or wait until you have a few problems?
  4. How would you communicate that you aren’t satisfied sexually?
  5. What is the best way to handle disagreements in a marriage?
  6. How can I be better at communicating with you?
  7. How do you feel about debt?
  8. Would you want us to hold a joint account or use separate accounts?
  9. What are your views on saving money?
  10. What are your views on spending money?
  11. What if we both want something but can’t afford both?
  12. How well do you budget?
  13. Do you feel it is important to save for retirement?
  14. Would you be willing to get a second job if we had financial problems?
  15. Do you have any debt?
  16. What if a family member wants to borrow a large sum of money?
  17. Who will take care of the financial matters of the household?
  18. How often would you want to visit your family?
  19. How often will your family visit us?
  20. How often would you want my family to visit?
  21. How often would you want to visit my family?
  22. Do you have a family history of diseases or genetic abnormalities?
  23. What if one of your family members said they disliked me?
  24. How would you handle holiday family visits?
  25. If your parents became ill, would you take them in?
  26. What would you do if we fell out of love?
  27. What are your career aspirations?
  28. What would you like to be doing five or ten years from now?
  29. What do you think is the best way to keep the love alive in a marriage?
  30. How do you think life will change if we get married?
  31. What, according to you, is the best thing about marriage?
  32. What, according to you, is the worst thing about marriage?
  33. What is your idea of the best weekend?
  34. How important are wedding anniversaries to you?
  35. How would you like to spend special days?
  36. What kind of grandparent do you want to be someday?
  37. What type of house do you want to live in?
  38. What is your biggest fear about marriage?
  39. What excites you about getting married?
  40. What do wedding rings mean to you?
  41. Are you afraid to talk to me about anything?
  42. What do you think would improve our relationship?
  43. What would be one thing you would change about our relationship?
  44. Do you have any doubts about the future of our relationship?
  45. Do you believe love can pull you through anything?
  46. Is there anything you don’t trust about me?
  47. If my parents became ill, would you mind taking them in?

Marriage counseling is not just about getting answers to your own questions. The marriage counselor may ask you and your partner some questions as well. Some of the potential questions they can ask you are listed below.

Questions Marriage Counselors Ask 

  1. What were your childhoods like?
  2. Growing up, what were your families like?
  3. What is your history of past relationships?
  4. What is the history of your marriage?
  5. What are the current problems?
  6. What are the strengths of the relationship?
  7. What would you like to improve in your marriage?

You may love each other dearly and are completely loyal and devoted, but certain things can still go wrong because of inherent differences in your natures and behaviors. In such cases, visiting a marriage counselor can be a step in the right direction as they provide an objective medium for you to communicate. The above examples of marriage counseling questions can help you understand what to expect from a professional. You can also ask your partner these questions and answer them in earnest to kickstart honest communication and mend your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should a marriage counselor not say?

A marriage counselor should not say that the couple wouldn’t make it. It will only aggravate their situation. At the same time, the counselor shouldn’t take sides or express their preference as this may lead to comparison, which may not help the couple undergoing the therapy.

What happens on the first day of marriage counseling?

The counselor may discuss the relationship history and causes of differences during the first session. They will ask questions to learn more about the couple and assess the bond they share.

How do I know if my marriage counselor is good?

If your marriage counselor encourages you to work hard on the relationship, relates to your distress without being personal, reduces your confusion, and uses simple terms instead of jargon, you know they are good.

Can marriage counseling make things worse?

No. In contrast, counseling may help you find answers and guide you to make the right decision, whether giving a second chance or ending the relationship for good. However, remember that the counselor only provides guidance. It’s the couple who takes the call in the relationship.

What is the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy?

Marriage counseling focuses on the couple’s present issues and guides them accordingly to improve their bond. Marriage counseling is usually short-term. Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy that also includes marriage counseling. It digs into the relationship to help improve it. The therapy usually lasts several sessions and is a continuous process, unlike marriage counseling.

How do I tell my husband I need marriage counseling?

Talk to your husband. Discuss the issues without being defensive. Let him understand that you want to give the marriage a second chance, and counseling may help you in the journey. However, do not force him. Instead, let him give it a thought.

Are there different types of marriage counseling approaches?

Marriage counseling uses different techniques depending on the concerns the couples are facing. The major types are as follows:

  1. Emotionally Focused Therapy – Focuses on helping couples understand the emotions behind their feelings and communicating them to each other.
  2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – Helps couples recognize how their thoughts influence their behavior and that the same must be happening with their partner.
  3. Imago Relationship Therapy – Encourages the partners to communicate their image of love, makes them aware of the faults in their concepts, and works on resolving them.
  4. Solution-Focused Therapy – Guides the couples to find the solutions to their problems instead of finding their root cause.
  5. Insight-Gaining Therapy – Provides the couples an insight into their problems and helps them connect the dots.
  6. Positive Psychology Therapy – Helps couples, who believe they have lost the spark in their relationship, focus on the positive points in their marriage and motivates them to recreate the past days.

Key Takeaways

  • Marriage counseling can help couples identify the reason behind the conflict and differences and offer resolutions.
  • The counselor may ask questions about many aspects of the relationship to find the root cause of the problem and initiate communication.
  • Going for such sessions before marriage also helps to understand the compatibility and expectations.

These top 10 pre-marital counseling questions can help you discern your needs with your to-be-partner for a long-lasting marriage. Watch this video and engage in meaningful conversations, and essential considerations to strengthen your bond before saying “I do.”

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Dr Nancy B Irwin
Originally from Atlanta, Dr. Nancy Irwin graduated from UWG in 1977 with a Bachelor of Music in Opera Performance. She moved to New York City in 1985 to pursue a career as a stand-up comedian. She worked all over the country and abroad and moved to Los Angeles in 1994 when she heard that Hollywood needed more blondes.

Read full bio of Dr Nancy B Irwin