Obsessive Love Disorder: Causes, Signs And Treatments

Written by Harini Natarajan , Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Obsessive love disorder is a significantly magnified form of love that transcends into an addiction over time. It creates unhealthy attachments and triggers issues like vulnerability and insecurity about the partner. In this article, we have identified some symptoms and treatments of obsessive love disorder. Scroll down for more information.

What Is Obsessive Love Disorder?

Obsessive love disorder (OLD) is an overwhelming desire to be loved or protect a loved one. People with this condition possess overrides companionship and trust. It is similar to an addiction that slowly takes over one’s life and goes from butterflies in the tummy to extreme jealousy and controlling behavior. A person experiencing OLD seeks excessive contact and affirmations from the person they are obsessed with. It affects a person’s work, family life, and physical and mental state.

Difference Between Healthy And Obsessive Love

Obsessive love involves persistent thoughts and the need to spend every moment with the love concern. A healthy love relationship evolves with time without any desperate intensity and fervor of infatuation. It includes friendship, trust, commitment, and respect for the other person’s time, space, and individuality.

However, OLD often nurtures possessiveness and devastating suffocation. A person with OLD wants to be the utmost priority in the other’s life – the feeling of infatuation becomes extreme and unhealthy. A healthy love relationship is based on understanding your partner’s personality and ways of life. Doubting their faithfulness and obsessing over every move is a symptom of OLD.

Want to know if you or your partner is suffering from obsessive love disorder? Look out for the signs mentioned below.

Signs Of Obsessive Love Disorder

  • Overwhelming Attraction: Being in total awe of your love interest to a level of obsession is a sign of OLD. Comparing everyone to them and wanting to be in their company is unhealthy. It becomes difficult to maintain other relations and friendships because one is so overwhelmed with their partner.
  • Controlling Nature: The need to control the other person’s daily routine, needs, actions, or course of life is a symptom of obsession. Deciding what the other person will do, where they go, whom they meet, and how they behave with people are all attempts to control someone.
  • Obsessive Thoughts: These thoughts range from building hypothetical, dream-like situations in your mind, making plans of a life together, or sexual fantasies. Continuously thinking about your object of love being with you in every situation can be harmful even to your own goals. You are unknowingly making them the priority of all your life decisions.
  • Urge To “Protect”: Believing that you constantly need to protect your partner from the world can sound sweet, but they are quite capable of taking care of themselves. Wanting to be their “knight in shining armor” all the time can make them feel like you think they are incapable of handling their issues. It gets obsessive when you believe that your partner is so precious to you that the whole world is out to harm them, and it is your highest duty to protect them.
  • Jealousy And Possessiveness: Getting jealous about all your partner’s personal or professional relationships is a sure sign of OLD. It also proves that you do not trust them and have faith in your relationship. You feel they are cheating, or someone will take them away from you. Constantly wanting them by your side and expecting them to spend every free moment with you are signs of extreme possessiveness.
  • Quick Rebounds: Falling in obsessive love quickly with new people and acquaintances indicates the compulsive need to be constantly loved and acknowledged.
  • Disrespecting Boundaries: The feeling that you are allowed to cross all boundaries with your partner, such as dropping in at their office or family events unannounced, imposing your choices, dragging them to places they do not want to go, are all signs of an OLD.
  • Low Self-Esteem And Anxiety: If a person gets severely anxious not knowing the whereabouts of their love concern or not receiving an instant text reply during a working day, reflect OLD. The obsessive behavior stems from low self-esteem, where a person thinks so little of themselves that they feel vulnerable to betrayal. Constant obsessive behavior can cause mental anxiety, depression, frustration, and even make them suicidal in some cases.
  • Constant communication: If your guy or girl is communicating throughout the day, dropping in to see you as a surprise regardless of the place or time, they are probably obsessed with you and somehow trying to get control of every moment of your life.
  • Need For Reassurance: The need to hear those magic words routinely and the reassurance of what they mean to you is a sign that they are not comfortable in the relationship. They do not have faith in you or have low self-esteem that requires constant nurturing. It crosses the limits of sweet nothings when not uttering the three words can sprout a bad argument.
  • Stalking: In case of a broken relationship, stalking the ex through spying, trolling their social media accounts, making crank calls, or messaging without response are all signs of OLD.

Other common symptoms of OLD include:

  • Inability to take rejection
  • Threat to cause self-harm
  • Difficulty in keeping jobs, maintaining family ties, and following hobbies
  • Attachment disorder
  • Being in love with an imaginary person
  • Borderline OCD or personality disorder

The following section explains what leads to obsessive love and the treatments available. Take a look.

What Causes Obsessive Love Disorder

  • Disturbed Childhood: Disturbed childhood and adolescence can be budding grounds for abandonment, physical and mental abuse, neglect, or comparisons. They cause an inferiority complex in the child, making them feel unworthy and emotionally void. A love interest later in life fills that void, which can turn into an obsession the person does not want to lose at any cost.
  • Low Confidence: People with low self-esteem think little of themselves and are not worth receiving love. Therefore, when they enter into a relationship, they constantly feel betrayed because others are better than them, either in social class or level of attractiveness. If their object of love is not a part of their lives anymore, they convince themselves that overtly showing them that they are loved so much will bring them back and will automatically solve all their problems. They feel their happiness only lies in that one person.
  • Disruptive Families: A person who has grown up in unloving and dysfunctional families will either not know what healthy love is or will crave love to the point of obsession.
  • Ego: Ego can also be a major cause of obsessive love. An egoist and narcissist has a superiority complex about themselves and feel they have to be the center of attention at all times. They become obsessive and mentally or physically abusive in an attempt to show their power and control.

What Does Treatment For Obsessive Love Disorder Looks Like?

Based on the severity of the disorder, the doctor may prescribe psychotherapy or medication.

  • Medication: Medication or drugs help stabilize behavior, mood, thoughts, and perception, reducing OLD symptoms. They work on neurotransmitters and improve mental well-being. However, this treatment has various side effects like fatigue, dry mouth, loss of appetite, and weight gain.

Note: Medication is the only recommended option if the patient is exhibiting extreme violence or suicidal tendencies.

  • Psychotherapy: This is a safer method of treating obsessive and compulsive behavior. A typical therapy to treat such conditions involves:
  • Cutting all contact with the person one is obsessed with.
  • Keeping the patient occupied with hobbies and other activities that provide a distraction from intrusive thoughts.
  • Teaching them ways to be mindful of their obsessive actions.
  • Increasing their self-confidence through new hobbies and interests.
  • Counseling sessions to help them open up about their fears and anxieties.
  • Teaching them methods and strategies to cope with anxiety and obsessive tendencies.
  • Practicing meditation to calm the mind.

How Can Obsessive Love Disorder Affect Your Life?

OLD can disrupt not just one’s love life but also affect their other relations or professional life. Unattended OLD only grows with time and can cause major havoc to one’s personality, interests, work, and physical and mental health. It causes the inability to see anything good in any relationship. Such behavior is likely to make people move away from you, and in turn, can lead to loneliness, depression, and lower self-esteem. Thus, it is important to recognize, accept, and treat the problem early to lead a healthy life, whether romantic or otherwise.

Summing It Up

Obsessive love disorder is not a life-long condition. Timely diagnosis and proper treatment can minimize or eradicate the adverse effects of this mental condition. If your partner shows any of the above signs, take them to a professional. If left untreated, such psychological illnesses can become a physical and mental threat to the affected person and the people around them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can you get a diagnosis for obsessive love disorder?

Diagnosis of OLD involves a series of interviews, questionnaires, and tests regarding childhood, past life, and the present scenario. They are also given hypothetical scenarios and asked how they would react to the same.

Recommended Articles

Was this article helpful?
The following two tabs change content below.