242+ Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Get to know your partner well by asking them some important questions before getting married.

Reviewed by Joy Nwokoro, Relationship Coach Joy Nwokoro Joy NwokoroRelationship Coach facebook_icontwitter_iconlinkedin_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Subhrojyoti Mukherjee MA (English) linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Last Updated on

Marriage is a new beginning in life. Every couple thinks about getting married several times before taking this big step. So, when you find a potential partner, how do you ensure they are the one? What questions to ask before marriage to understand your partner well? Open communication and talking about your expectations from each other are important. Marriage means you live together forever with the person you love. It is a hard, time-consuming, tedious, but beautiful journey that two people go through – a union of not just two souls but two independent individuals and their families. Finding the one you want to spend your life with can be as quick as love at first sight, but it can also be through trials and errors (a lot of errors) before you find the right person. To help you out, we have compiled a list of over 200 questions to discuss with your partner before you get married. These pre-marriage questions cover various topics – from entertainment, family, and friends to sexual preferences, religious beliefs, and how you both deal with different situations. Keep scrolling to check them out!

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Marriage

  1. Are there any new activities or experiences you would like us to explore?
  2. Why do I want to get married?
  3. In what ways do we enjoy our time together, aside from sex?
  4. Is there some kind of chemistry between the two of us?
  5. Is this person already my best friend or becoming one?
  6. How does this person treat other people?
  7. How do you complete the sentence: “I am most comfortable in sharing my feelings with my spouse when he/she…”
  8. How will my life change if I get married?
  9. Who are the most important people in my life and my partner’s life?
  10. Who do I and my partner value spending time with most?
  11. Am I ready for a lifelong commitment?
  12. What are my values and beliefs?
  13. Am I willing to compromise?
  14. What am I going to do to prepare for my wedding?
  15. What am I doing to hold us back?
  16. Am I still me?
  17. Are we looking in the same direction?
  18. What are our individual strengths and weaknesses?
  19. What is our plan for maintaining individual identities?
  20. What is our plan for emergencies and unexpected events?


protip_icon Quick Tip
Knowing your own thoughts about marriage is extremely important. You need to retain your individuality even as a team. Be absolutely sure about what you want from a marriage to address all your concerns through your questions.

Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

These questions are crucial to understanding your relationship goals with your spouse – about your boundaries, safe spots, expectations, and what you are ready to do to make your marriage a success.

  1. How would you maintain individual hobbies and interests while also nurturing shared activities in a marriage?
  2. What does marriage mean to your spouse?
  3. Where do you want to live?
  4. What are the dealbreakers in your relationship?
  5. How can you help each other when stressed?
  6. What will be the division of labor in the house?
  7. What are both your expectations surrounding marriage?
  8. Do either of you have any major secrets you haven’t shared yet?
  9. Are you committed to going to couple’s therapy, if and when needed?
  10. What’s the most important to each of you: work or family?
  11. How important is time apart to both of you?
  12. How will you make joint decisions for the household?
  13. Are you afraid to talk to each other about anything?
  14. What are your boundaries in terms of personal space, privacy, and time spent apart?
  15. How do you define trust in the relationship, and how can you maintain it?
  16. What are your strategies for keeping the romance and excitement alive in the relationship over the years?
  17. How would you like to celebrate milestones and special occasions in the marriage?
  18. What are your views on social media and technology usage within the relationship, and how do you ensure healthy boundaries?
  19. How do you plan to show appreciation and express love regularly?
  20. How do you envision your role as a caregiver as you age?
  21. What are your thoughts on experiencing new places and cultures together?
  22. If the relationship were to face a major life crisis, how would you like to support each other emotionally and practically?
  23. What role do humor and laughter play in the relationship, and how can you keep your sense of humor alive in challenging times?

Fun Marriage Questions

A couple having fun at a restaurant
Image: Shutterstock

Here are some light-hearted questions to understand your pastimes and interests as well as how you and your spouse recharge your social battery and distribute work.

  1. What would you do differently if you switched lives with me for a day?
  2. What kind of house do you want to live in?
  3. How do you want to spend your holidays?
  4. When do you feel the most loved by each other?
  5. How do you express your love for each other?
  6. Do you like to travel? Where would you like to travel?
  7. What is the picture-perfect weekday evening for both of you?
  8. What do you like to do on the weekend?
  9. Do you like sleeping in on the weekend?
  10. How important are wedding anniversaries to you?
  11. Which chore would you rather do – dishes or laundry?
  12. Do you like pets? How many pets do you want?
  13. What kind of grandparent do you want to be someday?
  14. What are your favorite movies and TV shows?
  15. If you were to create a signature dish together, what would it be, and what ingredients would it include?
  16. What’s the funniest thing that has happened to you in the relationship?
  17. If you could have any superpower, what would it be, and how would you use it in the relationship?
  18. If you could time travel, which era or time period would you like to visit together?
  19. If you were to write a book with your partner, what genre would it be, and what would the plot be about?
  20. If you were to enter a talent show, what talent or act would you showcase with your spouse?
  21. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done in the relationship?
  22. What’s a quirky habit or behavior of yours that your partner finds endearing?
  23. What’s your favorite inside joke that you think only we would understand?
  24. What’s the best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever received, and how has it helped your relationship?
  25. What’s something you haven’t tried yet but would love to do together in the future?
  26. If you were to create a couple’s bucket list, what experiences or goals would be at the top of the list?

Family And Friends

Everyone loves their friends and families, but you also get annoyed by their incessant ways of getting involved in your life. Here are some questions that’ll help you understand the boundaries you and your partner want to set with regard to your friends and family.

  1. What boundaries do you want to set with the in-laws?
  2. How often do you want to meet the in-laws?
  3. How involved do you want the grandparents to be in parenting your children?
  4. If there is a disagreement between your family and me, how will you go about resolving it?
  5. Will you follow the advice of your family before your spouse?
  6. How okay are you with lending a large sum of money to a family member?
  7. Will having friends of the opposite sex trouble you or create conflict in your married life?
  8. How would your partner feel about you going on a trip with a few of your friends – men and women?
  9. How often would you want to visit your family? And your spouse’s family?
  10. If any of your parents became ill, would you mind taking them in?
  11. How important is it for you to maintain individual friendships after marriage?
  12. Are there any concerns or conflicts within your partner’s circle of friends that you should be aware of?
  13. How does your spouse handle disagreements or misunderstandings with friends, and how can you navigate them as a couple?
  14. How would you like to celebrate or mark significant events with your friends in the future?
  15. What are some of the most important lessons you’ve learned from your family?
  16. How do you handle conflicts within your family, and how would you navigate them together?
  17. How can you strike a balance between the social life with friends and quality time as a couple?
  18. What are your thoughts on making new friends as a couple, and how do you envision expanding our social circle?
  19. How can you ensure that your relationship remains on top priority, even with the influence of family and friends?
  20. In times of hardship or crisis, how do you lean on your family and friends for support?

Medical History

Couple consulting their doctor about their medical history
Image: Shutterstock

This is an important line of questioning as a person’s health condition directly affects their spouse and has the potential to be passed on to their future kids. So, before it creates disharmony in your relationship, make sure to ask these questions before you get married.

  1. What is your medical history?
  2. Would you be opposed to mental health treatment?
  3. Do you have a family history of any ailments or genetic conditions?
  4. Does anyone in your family have any addiction – alcohol, drugs, etc.?
  5. If one of you had to change your diet because of medical concerns, would the other person be willing to change theirs too?
  6. Are you willing to exercise with your partner to improve your health together?
  7. Have your partner had any significant surgeries or hospitalizations in the past?
  8. Are there any allergies or sensitivities you should know about?
  9. Do they take any medications regularly, and if so, what are they for?
  10. What is their general approach to maintaining good health and wellness?
  11. Have they ever had any reproductive health issues or concerns?
  12. Are there any fertility issues that your partner is aware of, either for themselves or in their family?
  13. Are there any dietary restrictions or preferences you should be aware of?
  14. Are there any upcoming medical procedures or treatments they’re planning to undergo?
  15. How do you envision supporting each other’s health and well-being in your marriage?
  16. Do they have any specific wishes or preferences regarding medical care in the event of a serious illness or injury?

Conflict And Communication

Couple arguing and having trouble communicating
Image: Shutterstock

Disagreements are inevitable in marriage, but how you handle them and communicate with each other will determine the health and longevity of your relationship. Therefore, it is better to establish your style of communication for better conflict resolution before you get married. This also allows your partner to understand how to comfort you, especially if you’re not good with your words.

  1. How often do you and your partner fight?
  2. How do you know when your partner is upset? What do you do then?
  3. What does your partner do when they know you are upset?
  4. What are some things that you do that trigger or upset your partner?
  5. Do you ever fear your partner will judge you for something?
  6. What is the most common area of conflict between you and your partner?
  7. What do you and your partner often argue about?
  8. What happens after you and your partner argue?
  9. Do you and your partner ever have trouble apologizing to each other?
  10. How does your partner communicate their love for you?
  11. How do you express your love to your partner?
  12. How would you like to handle conflicts that involve your families or close friends?
  13. How does your partner deal with disappointment, and what can you do to support them when things don’t go as planned?
  14. How do you handle jealousy and trust issues in relationships?
  15. How important is open and honest communication to you in our relationship?
  16. How do both of you like to receive apologies or make amends after a disagreement?
  17. What are your communication preferences when you’re upset or angry?
  18. How do you envision resolving conflicts that involve major decisions or changes in your lives, such as where to live or major career shifts?
  19. What are your thoughts on giving each other space and time to cool off during heated arguments?
  20. How can you, as a couple, ensure that you both feel heard and valued in your conversations, even when discussing difficult topics?
  21. What strategies can you employ to prevent misunderstandings and miscommunications in your relationship?

Sex Life

Yes, sex is an important area of discussion for pre-marriage questioning. No, you cannot postpone it until after you get married. It may get awkward or embarrassing for some people, but it will be very helpful.

  1. How often do you and your partner have sex?
  2. Are you satisfied with your sex life right now?
  3. What turns you on? What turns your partner on?
  4. What expectations do you and your partner have in terms of sex?
  5. Is your partner open with you about their sexual needs?
  6. Do you have any kinks or other preferences that your partner should be aware of?
  7. How much of your love is dependent on the sex you have?
  8. How do you expect to handle your sexual ups and downs?
  9. If your partner does not want to have sex, how will you react?
  10. How do you expect to get your sexual needs met if your partner does not meet them?
  11. What are your views on birth control and contraceptives?
  12. How would you handle it if your sex life became boring?
  13. How will you keep your sex life interesting?
  14. How can you create a safe and non-judgmental space for discussing sexual desires, fears, and fantasies?
  15. How do you feel about incorporating romance and sensuality into everyday life, not just in the bedroom?
  16. How can you ensure that your sexual relationship continues to evolve and adapt as we age?
  17. What role do mutual respect and consent play in your sexual relationship?
  18. How do you envision handling sexual issues or challenges that may arise, such as performance anxiety or sexual dysfunction?
  19. What are your views on trying new sexual positions or techniques to keep your sex life exciting?
  20. What are your preferred ways of expressing love and affection outside of the bedroom?
  21. How would you like to maintain your sexual connection while facing challenging times or external stressors?
  22. How do you feel about sex after childbirth, and what are your expectations for your postpartum sex life?
  23. What are your thoughts on sexual health, regular check-ups, and safe sex practices?

Children And Parenting

A cheerful family sitting on a couch
Image: Shutterstock

It is absolutely essential to discuss children before you get married. You don’t want to be married for years before realizing your partner does not want kids while you are daydreaming about them all the time. So, ask and establish if you both want kids, when you are planning to have them, and what kind of financial plan you have for them.

  1. Are you going to have kids?
  2. How comfortable are you around children?
  3. At what point in your marriage would you and your partner like to start a family?
  4. How many kids do you want?
  5. What age gap do you want to have between your kids?
  6. What values do you want to instill in your children?
  7. How will you discipline your kids?
  8. What would you do if one of your children said they were not straight?
  9. What will you do if you struggle to get pregnant?
  10. What will you do if you are not able to have biological children? Will you be willing to adopt?
  11. What do you want your parenting style to be?
  12. Will one of you quit your job to raise your children?
  13. Does your house have enough rooms for when your kids grow up?
  14. Will you put your children in public or private school?
  15. How would you feel if your kids wanted to join the military rather than go to college?
  16. How do you feel about the possibility of not being able to conceive naturally?
  17. What are your reasons for wanting or not wanting children?
  18. What kind of family environment or culture do you hope to create for your children?
  19. How do you feel about co-parenting responsibilities and making parenting decisions together?
  20. What are your views on introducing technology and screen time to your children?
  21. What are your thoughts on teaching your children about religion or spirituality?
  22. How important is formal education to you, and what are your views on homeschooling versus traditional schooling?
  23. What role should extended family members, such as grandparents, play in your children’s lives?
  24. How will you handle emergencies or health issues with your children?
  25. What are your views on gender roles and expectations for your children?


protip_icon Quick Tip
Also discuss the possibility of how your entire lifestyle will change with the arrival of a child. From sleep schedule to date nights, figure out how you both prefer navigating around those changes.

Career Goals

Young couple walking outside the office
Image: Shutterstock

With most people in today’s generation pursuing serious careers and striving toward independence, it is important to figure out what direction both your careers are going in. Here are some questions to discuss how much you support each other’s career growth and choices.

  1. If it ever becomes necessary to choose, whose career would take precedence?
  2. Would it bother you to relocate if your partner’s job depends on it?
  3. How passionate are you both about your careers?
  4. Has work ever put a strain on your relationship?
  5. Does work interfere with the plans you have for life?
  6. Is it important to have a demanding job to support the lifestyle you two have?
  7. Does your partner prioritize work over other aspects of their life?
  8. How supportive is your partner of your career goals?
  9. Do your individual career goals conflict with each other at all?
  10. How much time do both spend at work?
  11. How does your partner feel when they come home from work?
  12. What are your plans for retirement?
  13. Are there any dream jobs or industries you hope to explore in the future?
  14. What motivates your partner in your career, and what do they find most fulfilling about their work?
  15. How do they handle career setbacks or challenges, and what role can you play in supporting your spouse through them?
  16. How do you seek out opportunities for professional development and growth?
  17. How important is networking and building professional relationships to your career?
  18. What are your expectations regarding work-related social events and networking opportunities?
  19. What kind of work environment or company culture do you thrive in?
  20. How does your spouse handle workplace conflicts or difficult colleagues, and how can you support them in those situations?
  21. Are there any workplace accommodations or benefits that are important to you?
  22. What are your views on maintaining a healthy work-life balance to prevent burnout?

Financial Plans

Couple discussing their finances together
Image: Shutterstock

Finances are a big must to figure out before marriage. Make sure to establish these points for easier budgeting for all the things you and your partner have planned to do once you get married.

  1. What are your views on spending money?
  2. What are your views on saving money?
  3. Do you want to save a lot early on or save up in bursts for things that you need?
  4. Does either of you have any debt?
  5. What are your financial goals? What do you need to do in order to reach them?
  6. Do you want separate bank accounts or share all your assets?
  7. How do you feel about paying for your children’s college education?
  8. Do you feel it is important to save for retirement?
  9. What are your thoughts on jointly managing finances and making major financial decisions?
  10. How do you feel about financial independence within your relationship?
  11. Have you ever declared bankruptcy or faced significant financial difficulties?
  12. How do you manage your day-to-day finances, such as budgeting and tracking expenses?
  13. Do you have a savings plan, and if so, what are your short-term and long-term savings goals?
  14. Do you have any financial obligations to family members or other individuals?
  15. What are your views on spending and saving money for vacations, luxury items, and entertainment?
  16. How will you handle shared expenses, such as rent or mortgage, utilities, and groceries?
  17. What is your approach to investing, and are you comfortable with investment risk?
  18. Does your partner have any financial secrets or undisclosed debts that you should know about?

Religion

Couple praying in a church
Image: Shutterstock

Religion is an important aspect of every person’s life. These questions will help you understand if you and your partner’s religious beliefs are compatible.

  1. Are you a religious person? Is your partner religious?
  2. Do you make life decisions based on your individual religious beliefs?
  3. How will your religious views impact your marriage?
  4. Does your partner expect you to participate in their religion? Do you?
  5. Is it an issue if you have different spiritual beliefs?
  6. Do you respect the religious, spiritual, or political differences between the two of you?
  7. How important is your faith or religious belief to you?
  8. Do you have a religious leader or mentor who influences your beliefs?
  9. How comfortable are you with discussing religious matters and potential conflicts in your marriage?
  10. Do you have any concerns about each other’s beliefs or lack thereof?
  11. How do you feel about attending religious services together as a couple?
  12. What are your views on conversion or exploration of different faiths?
  13. Have you faced any challenges or conflicts related to your religious beliefs in the past?
  14. Are you open to exploring spirituality and faith together as a couple?
  15. What is your stance on raising children with exposure to multiple religious traditions?
  16. Are there any religious customs or practices that you’d like to incorporate into your wedding ceremony?
protip_icon Quick Tip
Religion could be a vital part of a person’s upbringing. Hence, families could get involved in case of any differences. Do discuss how you plan to deal with that situation if it applies to you.

Other Questions You Can Ask

  1. How much time do you need to yourself?
  2. How are your personality styles different? How does it affect your marriage?
  3. What is your biggest insecurity?
  4. What is your biggest fear about marriage and commitment?
  5. When you think about your childhood, what memories bring you the most joy? Which ones bring the most pain?
  6. What would you do if someone said something bad or demeaning about your partner?
  7. What was your relationship like with your parents and siblings when you were growing up?
  8. Did you have any role models or people who greatly influenced you during your childhood?
  9. Can you describe your school experiences and any memorable teachers or classmates?
  10. Have you experienced significant trauma or challenges in your past that may affect your relationship?
  11. Are you open to sharing clothes or shopping together as a couple?
  12. What are your thoughts on dressing modestly?
  13. How do you feel about your partner wearing revealing or provocative clothing?
  14. Are there any specific dress codes or guidelines you want to establish for certain situations?
  15. What have you learned from your past relationships, both positive and negative?
  16. How would you handle it if a close friend or family member expressed concerns about your relationship?

Infographic: 15 Critical Questions To Ask Before Saying “I Do”

It is important to have open and honest conversations with your partner before tying the knot. From dealbreakers and in-laws to career choices and financial goals, start the dialogue today and pave the way for a lifetime of love and understanding. Check out the infographic below for 15 crucial questions to ask your partner before marriage.

15 critical questions to ask before saying “i do” (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Getting married is an important decision. Apart from stressing over marriage preparation, you might also wonder how your new life will be. After all, spending the rest of your life with your love is no small thing. To make sure that this is the one, and that you get absolutely sure about your compatibility with your partner, this article on questions to ask before marriage is the right place to start. Openly discussing and communicating their interests, trust levels, family planning goals, past relationships, careers, and finances can pave the way for a loving and successful marriage. Additionally, understanding their boundaries with family and friends and their views on children can help you understand whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should couples know before marriage?

Prior to getting married, talk about your future, having kids, your finances, your core values, and your boundaries, as well as have some medical tests.

What are three things couples must decide on before they get married?

The three major things a couple should decide on before marriage is managing familial relationships, personal values and boundaries, and finances.

What should I do if my partner doesn’t want to answer certain questions before marriage?

If it is a sensitive topic, direct questions may not help. Ask light-hearted questions first to set the mood and then gradually move to more serious topics. Also sharing your side of the story first may help him open up. If none of this works, then let him know why knowing certain things is important to you.

Are premarital counseling sessions helpful for discussing important questions before marriage?

Seeking professional help effectively improves communication and bonding among couples. Premarital counseling can help you understand your partner better and set realistic goals, which can lead to a happy married life.

Key Takeaways

  • Open communication and knowing each other’s expectations from the marriage pave the way for a successful union.
  • From sexual life and career goals to medical history and parenting preferences, find everything you want to know before taking the big step.
  • Certain questions will help you know how your partner feels about you, marriage, and life.
Questions To Ask Before Marriage_illustration

Image: Dall·E/StyleCraze Design Team


Before you say ‘I do’, it’s important to ask the right questions. Check out this video to uncover 9 key questions to ask your partner before you marry them.

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Joy Nwokoro
Joy NwokoroRelationship Coach
Joy Nwokoro is a Christian relationship and marriage speaker, counselor, and coach. Although she studied English and Literature at the Abia State University in Nigeria, she was called over a decade ago to help singles and married people build and nurture healthy relationships and marriages that will make them feel fulfilled and satisfied.

Read full bio of Joy Nwokoro