121 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Marriage is a new beginning in life. Every couple thinks about getting married several times before taking this big step. So, when you find a potential partner, how do you ensure they are the one? What questions to ask before marriage to understand your partner well? Open communication and talking about your expectations from each other are important. Marriage means you live together forever with the person you love. It is a hard, time-consuming, tedious, but beautiful journey that two people go through – a union of not just two souls but two independent individuals and their families. Finding the one you want to spend your life with can be as quick as love at first sight, but it can also be through trials and errors (a lot of errors) before you find the right person. To help you out, we have compiled a list of over 100 questions to discuss with your partner before you get married. These pre-marriage questions cover various topics – from entertainment, family, and friends to sexual preferences, religious beliefs, and how you both deal with different situations. Keep scrolling to check them out!

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Marriage

1. 1. Why do I want to get married?
   2. In what ways do we enjoy our time together, aside from sex?
   3. Is there some kind of chemistry between the two of us?
   4. Is this person already my best friend or becoming one?
   5. How does this person treat other people?
   6. How do you complete the sentence: “I am most comfortable in sharing my feelings with my spouse when he/she…”
   7. How will my life change if I get married?
   8. Who are the most important people in my life and my partner’s life?
   9. Who do I and my partner value spending time with most?

Quick Tip

Knowing your own thoughts about marriage is extremely important. You need to retain your individuality even as a team. Be absolutely sure about what you want from a marriage to address all your concerns through your questions.

Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

These questions are crucial to understanding your relationship with your spouse – about your boundaries, safe spots, expectations, and what you are ready to do to make your marriage a success.

1. What does marriage mean to your spouse?
2. Where do you want to live?
3. What are the dealbreakers in your relationship?
4. How can you help each other when stressed?
5. What will be the division of labor in the house?
6. What are both your expectations surrounding marriage?
7. Does either of you have any major secrets you haven’t shared yet?
8. Are you committed to going to couple’s therapy, if and when needed?
9. What’s the most important to each of you: work or family?
10. How important is time apart to both of you?
11. How will you make joint decisions for the household?
12. Are you afraid to talk to each other about anything?

Fun Marriage Questions

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Here are some light-hearted questions to understand your pastimes and interests as well as how you and your spouse recharge your social battery and distribute work.

1. What kind of house do you want to live in?
2. How do you want to spend your holidays?
3. When do you feel the most loved by each other?
4. How do you express your love for each other?
5. Do you like to travel? Where would you like to travel?
6. What is the picture-perfect weekday evening for both of you?
7. What do you like to do on the weekend?
8. Do you like sleeping in on the weekend?
9. How important are wedding anniversaries to you?
10. Which chore would you rather do – dishes or laundry?
11. Do you like pets? How many pets do you want?
12. What kind of grandparent do you want to be someday?
13. What are your favorite movies and TV shows?

Family And Friends

Everyone loves their friends and families, but you also get annoyed by their incessant ways of getting involved in your life. Here are some questions that’ll help you understand the boundaries you and your partner want to set with regard to your friends and family.

1. What boundaries do you want to set with the in-laws?
2. How often do you want to meet the in-laws?
3. How involved do you want the grandparents to be in parenting your children?
4. If there is a disagreement between your family and me, how will you go about resolving it?
5. Will you follow the advice of your family before your spouse?
6. How okay are you with lending a large sum of money to a family member?
7. Will having friends of the opposite sex trouble you or create conflict in your married life?
8. How would you feel about me going on a trip with a fewof my friends – men and women?
9. How often would you want to visit your family? And your spouse’s family?
10. If any of your parents became ill, would you mind taking them in?

Medical History

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This is an important line of questioning as a person’s health condition directly affects their spouse and has the potential to be passed on to their future kids. So, before it creates disharmony in your relationship, make sure to ask these questions before you get married.

1. What is your medical history?
2. Would you be opposed to mental health treatment?
3. Do you have a family history of any ailments or genetic conditions?
4. Does anyone in your family have any addiction – alcohol, drugs, etc.?
5. If one of you had to change your diet because of medical concerns, would the other person be willing to change theirs too?
6. Are you willing to exercise with your partner to improve your health together?

Conflict And Communication

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Disagreements are inevitable in marriage, but how you handle them and communicate with each other will determine the health and longevity of your relationship. Therefore, it is better to establish your styles of communication before you get married. This also allows your partner to understand how to comfort you, especially if you’re not good with your words.

1. How often do you and your partner fight?
2. How do you know when your partner is upset? What do you do then?
3. What does your partner do when they know you are upset?
4. What are some things that you do that trigger or upset your partner?
5. Do you ever fear your partner will judge you for something?
6. What is the most common area of conflict between you and your partner?
7. What do you and your partner often argue about?
8. What happens after you and your partner argue?
9. Do you and your partner ever have trouble apologizing to each other?
10. How does your partner communicate their love for you?
11. How do you express your love to your partner?

Sex Life

Yes, sex is an important area of discussion for pre-marriage questioning. No, you cannot postpone it until after you get married. It may get awkward or embarrassing for some people, but it will be very helpful.

1. How often do you and your partner have sex?
2. Are you satisfied with your sex life right now?
3. What turns you on? What turns your partner on?
4. What expectations do you and your partner have in terms of sex?
5. Is your partner open with you about their sexual needs?
6. Do you have any kinks or other preferences that your partner should be aware of?
7. How much of your love is dependent on the sex you have?
8. How do you expect to handle your sexual ups and downs?
9. If your partner does not want to have sex, how will you react?
10. How do you expect to get your sexual needs met if your partner does not meet them?
11. What are your views on birth control and contraceptives?
12. How would you handle it if your sex life became boring?
13. How will you keep your sex life interesting?

Children And Parenting

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It is absolutely essential to discuss children before you get married. You don’t want to be married for years before realizing your partner does not want kids while you are daydreaming about them all the time. So, ask and establish if you both want kids, when you are planning to have them, and what kind of financial plan you have for them.

1. Are you going to have kids?
2. How comfortable are you around children?
3. At what point in your marriage would you and your partner like to start a family?
4. How many kids do you want?
5. What age gap do you want to have between your kids?
6. What values do you want to instill in your children?
7. How will you discipline your kids?
8. What would you do if one of your children said they were not straight?
9. What will you do if you struggle to get pregnant?
10. What will you do if you are not able to have biological children? Will you be willing to adopt?
11. What do you want your parenting style to be?
12. Will one of you quit your job to raise your children?
13. Does your house have enough rooms for when your kids grow up?
14. Will you put your children in public or private school?
15. How would you feel if your kids wanted to join the military rather than go to college?

Quick Tip

Also discuss the possibility of how your entire lifestyle will change with the arrival of a child. From sleep schedule to date nights, figure out how you both prefer navigating around those changes.

Career Goals

With most people in today’s generation pursuing serious careers and striving toward independence, it is important to figure out what direction both your careers are going in. Here are some questions to discuss how much you support each other’s career growth and choices.

1. If it ever becomes necessary to choose, whose career would take precedence?
2. Would it bother you to relocate if your partner’s job depends on it?
3. How passionate are you both about your careers?
4. Has work ever put a strain on your relationship?
5. Does work interfere with the plans you have for life?
6. Is it important to have a demanding job to support the lifestyle you two have?
7. Does your partner prioritize work over other aspects of their life?
8. How supportive is your partner of your career goals?
9. Do your individual career goals conflict with each other at all?
10. How much time do both spend at work?
11. How does your partner feel when they come home from work?
12. What are your plans for retirement?

Financial Plans

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Finances are a big must to figure out before marriage. Make sure to establish these points for easier budgeting for all the things you and your partner have planned to do once you get married.

1. What are your views on spending money?
2. What are your views on saving money?
3. Do you want to save a lot early on or save up in bursts for things that you need?
4. Does either of you have any debt?
5. What are your financial goals? What do you need to do in order to reach them?
6. Do you want separate bank accounts or share all your assets?
7. How do you feel about paying for your children’s college education?
8. Do you feel it is important to save for retirement?

Religion

Religion is an important aspect of every person’s life. These questions will help you understand if you and your partner’s religious beliefs are compatible.

1. Are you a religious person? Is your partner religious?
2. Do you make life decisions based on your individual religious beliefs?
3. How will your religious views impact your marriage?
4. Does your partner expect you to participate in their religion? Do you?
5. Is it an issue if you have different spiritual beliefs?
6. Do you respect the religious, spiritual, or political differences between the two of you?

Quick Tip

Religion could be a vital part of a person’s upbringing. Hence, families could get involved in case of any differences. Do discuss how you plan to deal with that situation if it applies to you.

Other Questions You Can Ask

1. How much time do you need to yourself?
2. How are your personality styles different? How does it affect your marriage?
3. What is your biggest insecurity?
4. What is your biggest fear about marriage and commitment?
5. When you think about your childhood, what memories bring you the most joy? Which ones bring the most pain?
6. What would you do if someone said something bad or demeaning about your partner?

Frequently Asked Questions

What should couples know before marriage?

Prior to getting married, talk about your future, having kids, your finances, your core values, and your boundaries, as well as have some medical tests.

What are three things couples must decide on before they get married?

The three major things couple should decide on before marriage is managing familial relationships, personal boundaries, and finances.

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Joy NwokoroRelationship Coach

     

Joy Nwokoro is a Christian relationship and marriage speaker, counselor, and coach. Although she studied English and Literature at the Abia State University in Nigeria, she was called over a decade ago to help singles and married people build and nurture healthy relationships and marriages that will make them feel fulfilled and satisfied. With 10 years of experience, she has...more

Sneha Tete Certified Relationship Coach

Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.  Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health. She also...more