Divorce is the last thing on anyone’s mind when they get married. Unfortunately, it is a sad reality of life that some people have to experience and go through. It not only causes a lot of heartbreak, but can also lead to depression, anger, and resentment. But, you can avoid all that by being aware of the issues that may crop up in a marriage and handle them before they get worse.
Divorces are hardly surprising. You would know when things are not going well in your relationship. Your partner will seem distant or resentful every time you speak to each other. Fights are not uncommon between couples, but when they become a way of hurting each other or causing deep psychological pain, you should take a deep, hard look at your relationship. Here are a few things that can cause a couple to split.
12 Reasons For Divorce You Should Look Out For
Cheating or infidelity is often the reason for a couple splitting up, married or not. Most people can adjust to issues in a marriage, but this is an absolute no-no for both partners. Often, extra-marital affairs are the reason that people get into bitter divorce cases. However, the cause of cheating isn’t always so clear-cut.
One of the partners can get into an extra-marital relationship when they feel anger and resentment towards their partner, there are differences in their sexual needs, there is a lack of emotional intimacy, or when one of them feels neglected or insecure. In fact, people have also cited fear of abandonment as one of the reasons they cheated.
The affair usually begins as an innocent friendship. It is basically an emotional affair, which, with time, becomes a physical affair. Look out for signs if you suspect your partner of cheating. Staying out late most days, always being on the phone, being absent-minded and cold, or showering excessive attention on you are all warning signs.
2. Financial Issues
It is not the lack of money that results in divorce, but the difference of opinions on how to manage the shared finances. People generally get attracted to their opposites and end up marrying them, but when these opposing ideas come up where money is concerned, it often results in a bad, bitter divorce.
There is constant conflict and bickering if one tries to save and the other loves to spend. The practical one wants to save for the future and the easy-going one believes in living in the moment. One of them has a hoard of credit cards, while the other believes in buying what you can afford. The conflict is real and never-ending.
Also, when one of the partners earns a lot more money than the other one, it may result in a power struggle that affects the marriage. It may take up to several years, but if both parties do not draw up rules and stick to them, it can result in extreme resentment if not divorce.
3. Lack Of Communication
As we are all aware, good communication is the most important aspect of not only a happy marriage, but any strong relationship. People talk, but they don’t always communicate. In fact, people sometimes become verbally abusive when they should just calm down and discuss their problems.
Screaming at your partner, not checking up on them when you both are apart, and making mean comments to make a point are extremely unhealthy ways of communicating that cause tension in a marriage. Poor communication is, and always will be, one of the biggest perpetrators of divorce.
It does not mean that you both lack physical intimacy, so don’t be confused. It is entirely possible that you have a great sex life but horrible emotional intimacy. Sex is very important in a happy marriage, but it is not everything. You need to show and experience affection in different ways as well, such as holding hands, impromptu hugs, and good morning and goodnight kisses. Partners who don’t have an intimate bond through both non-sexual and sexual methods will eventually fall apart.
4. Health Issues And Weight Gain
Long-standing sickness can cause a lot of stress in a marriage. One of the partners becomes a caregiver, which often results in loss of self, stress, and hard work. It can sometimes create a serious sense of burden and guilt and cause the best of relationships to deteriorate.
Weight gain can also cause dissatisfaction in a marriage. When one of the partners gains a large amount of weight, they may have serious self-esteem issues. They may feel put off by sex because they are ashamed of their bodies. It can also cause the other partner to feel less attracted to them.
No matter what the underlying cause, weight gain can cause difficulties in intimacy and eventually lead to deep dissatisfaction.
5. Lack Of Physical Intimacy
Sex is important in a marriage. If you or your partner are constantly turning down the other’s advances, it can cause serious issues between you both over time and may lead to divorce. Not acknowledging your partner’s sexual requirement is a major cause of rift in relationships.
It is the responsibility of both the partners to solve whatever may be causing the intimacy issue and make the relationship work. Touch each other often, compliment each other, give massages, and do something nice for your partner – these will build a better foundation for a fulfilling sex life.
Seek counseling if required, but don’t ignore this issue because sweeping the problem under the carpet can lead to a divorce in the future.
6. Domestic Violence And Abuse
Marriage can be really hard, especially if you get married to the wrong kind of person. Even people who try the hardest and have the best of intentions at heart may end up applying for a divorce when it gets unbearable at home. Issues like domestic violence and abuse should be addressed early on. Ignoring them will only delay the inevitable.
If there is physical or verbal abuse in your marriage, it is best to seek the help of a marriage counselor early on. You should try your best, but if things are beyond control, it is sometimes best to give up. Divorce should be avoided, but if it is best for your mental and physical health, go ahead and apply for one.
7. Substance Abuse
Many married couples agree that substance abuse is a major reason for marital disharmony. When it gets out of control, people may even get physically violent and hurt their partners. It may be only alcohol, or it may be other substances – the problem is the altered behavior when inebriated.
Substance abuse often becomes a big problem as the years pass. It is very important to seek help early on and manage it in the early stages as it is nothing but a disease.
8. Constant Fighting
Married partners who keep on having the same fight over and over again do so because the underlying issue is not solved. When people have to deal with the same thing for years, they feel that they are not being heard and eventually shut themselves off. It is often hard to see the other partner’s viewpoint. This leads to arguments and fights that are never truly resolved, ultimately leading to divorce.
It is important to resolve each and every disagreement calmly, or the intensity and frequency of the fights will only increase. The truth is, couples have disagreements. The secret is to develop basic rules so that both partners feel respected, heard, and loved.
9. Unrealistic Expectations From Each Other
Marriage is a 50-50 partnership. Having unreasonable and unrealistic expectations from your spouse can put a lot of stress on them. Also, if they are unable to fulfill them, you may end up feeling let down. It also sets a person up for failure. Eventually, the person will give up trying and it will end in divorce.
Do not have unreasonable expectations where money is concerned. It is important for both parties to be aware of what the reality is so none of them feel duped. Constant cribbing when your expectations are not met is going to put a severe strain on your marriage even if you can’t see the consequences right now. Issues like these take years to manifest into divorce-worthy problems. But, it all boils down to how we make our spouses feel, and if they are unhappy, it will be hard to maintain a marriage.
10. Marrying Too Early
Marriage is a hard, hard project. You have to put in a lot of work if you want it to succeed. Many youngsters in their early 20s get swept up by the emotions of love and romance and get married without taking the pains to even know the other person. They don’t think twice even though they are not prepared for a lifelong commitment called marriage.
These youngsters are not mature enough to deal with the issues that come up when living with another person for life. So, they get divorced. This is not true for all couples, of course, but most divorces happen when people are in their 20s. After getting married, they get disillusioned by the realities of life and the marriage starts to seem more like a burden than a gift.
11. Different Priorities, Goals, And Interests
Even couples madly in love with one another drift apart if they have different life goals. If one wants to focus on their career and the other wants something else from them, it can lead to dissatisfaction and irritation. It can eventually lead to divorce when one feels that the other person is holding them back.
It is important for both parties to feel important and have the same priorities when they get married. Also, if you have no common ground to connect over, you will eventually grow apart while doing your own thing. It is, therefore, very important to have at least one common interest you both can bond over and strengthen your relationship.
12. Not Prioritizing Each Other
Many couples forget that they are married and become immersed in their lives so much that they forget their partners. This happens especially after couples have kids. They forget their single life and friends completely. It feels as if they have forgotten why they fell in love and got married in the first place.
Also, children need more attention than adults, and many married couples grow apart as they get more and more involved in their kid’s life and get obsessed with their new role as parents. It is important for both to spend some quality alone time together so that the spark in the relationship stays alive.
If you both have decided to get divorced, here are a few things you can do to keep it amicable:
- Be respectful. Don’t forget, you loved this person. No matter how tough it gets, never get disrespectful.
- Don’t drag your children into the fights. Both parties should sit down and have a discussion with the kids about the divorce because it can affect them deeply.
- Keep it private. Don’t discuss personal details with others as everyone will have their own opinion and judgment on how to run things.
- Join a support group or see a therapist.
- Focus on the future. Don’t let the experience kill your spirit.
Divorce is a one-way street. Once you cross that threshold, there is no turning back. It leaves too many scars and too much pain. That’s why you both should try every single thing before opting for a permanent way out. If there is an ego issue, sort it out, and don’t give up so easily. However, sometimes a divorce is the only thing that can keep you sane. In such cases, make up your mind and go for it.
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