Commitment Issues In Relationships And How To Overcome Them

Written by Harini Natarajan , Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

If you are going through commitment issues in relationships or finding ways to deal with commitment-phobic partners, you have come to the right place. Committing yourself to someone is not an easy thing to do. It needs a lot of courage and spirit. Most people struggle to do it because of various insecurities. In this article, we discuss the causes of commitment issues in relationships, their signs, and how to deal with them. Keep scrolling!

What Are Relationship Commitment Issues?

Commitment issues involve an intense fear of committing to any romantic relationship. This does not mean that the person is not interested in a relationship or dislikes the other person. A person with commitment issues merely refuses to commit to a relationship wholeheartedly.

The reason behind this fear can vary. While some people are scared of committing to a relationship forever, others may be scared of being hurt or cheated on by their partner. Some develop such issues due to their upbringing and unhealthy family environment. Others might pick up these fears due to past relationships that did not end well.

Let’s explore why someone has such commitment issues in the next section.

What Causes Commitment Issues In A Relationship?

1. Past Experiences

Sometimes your bad experiences in the past may affect your future relationships. If your trust was broken before, it might stop you from trusting somebody again. This, in turn, may give rise to a fear of being committed to anyone as a way of protecting yourself.

2. Unrealistic Expectations

It is natural to grow some expectations from your significant other. However, setting up expectations for your romantic partner and seeing them not live up to those expectations may disappoint you. This disappointment is something that may affect your heart and hurt your relationship. And carrying these failed expectations can make you reluctant to commit to anyone in fear of getting hurt again.

3. Childhood Experiences

If you have witnessed your parents arguing or getting divorced, you may develop a negative outlook towards relationships and fear committing to them.

4. Hope Of Finding A Better Partner

Many people do not want to settle for just one partner because they believe that someone better will come. This kind of mindset sometimes stops people from fully committing themselves to one relationship. These people will refuse to settle down for a committed relationship and always look for the next best option.

5. Difficulty Trusting Other

Be it from your past relationships or childhood experiences, if you have developed trust issues, it can be really hard for you to commit to anyone. You will always be worrying that they might inflict the same pain from the past.

Here are the signs to ensure whether you or the person you are dating have commitment issues or not.

What Are The Various Signs Of Commitment Issues?

1. Only Preferring Casual Dating

Casually dating someone does not always mean you have commitment issues. However, if you have been ending a relationship when you feel it is moving past the casual state and getting serious, it may indicate that you fear commitment.

2. Not Thinking About Future Of The Relationship

When two people start dating, they often wonder and analyze how their future will look together. However, this might not be the case for everyone. People who have commitment issues will avoid thinking about a future together with anybody they are dating.

3. Not Labelling The Relationship

Someone with a fear of commitment will avoid labeling their relationship like a plague. If you are dating a person who refuses to define your relationship or where you both are emotionally, it indicates the kind of person you are dealing with.

4. Avoiding Plans

If you constantly try to avoid making plans or cancel plans with your partner, it may indicate you have a certain fear of commitment. Not making plans with the person you are dating may indicate that you are hoping to make plans with others and not necessarily enjoy the company of your partner. It may also indicate that you are deliberately sabotaging your relationship and avoiding getting attached to them. All these signs may suggest that you are afraid of committing to the person and trying everything (be it consciously or subconsciously) to not commit to the relationship.

5. Not Invested In The Relationship

A person who avoids getting serious about a relationship will not invest their time knowing the other person’s details. They might feel an intense urge to withdraw if the other person in the relationship gets emotionally attached.

6. Not Communicating

One of the biggest signs of people who fear commitment is a lack of communication with their date. Communication is key to any relationship. If you avoid having clear communication with the person you are dating, you are not serious about them. People who fear commitment will usually take days to reply to your texts and calls.

7. Feeling Trapped

If you feel trapped or anxious when your partner says “I love you”, it might indicate you have a fear of commitment. You may constantly wonder what will happen next in the relationship. And when you are confronted with such feelings, you might find it easier to just walk away instead of staying.

8. Not Opening Up To The Other Person

Being emotionally open with each other makes two people grow closer. From sharing childhood traumas to future goals, people in a healthy relationship share everything. If you or the person you are dating has difficulty being vulnerable with each other even after dating for a while, it might indicate a fear of commitment.

Now that you know the signs that indicate a fear of commitment, here are a few ways to help overcome them.

How Do You Fix Commitment Issues?

1. Notice The Patterns

Sometimes we follow a pattern or habit without thinking much about it. If you fear commitment, it is important to sit back and analyze the reason behind such fear. You need a clear understanding of the problem before fixing it.

2. Therapy

Seek professional help – a therapist will help give direction to your thoughts. They will also help to figure out whether the beliefs you have regarding commitment are good or not.

3. Communicate With Your Partner

If you like a person and want the relationship to work out, it is best to share your concerns about commitment with them. Communicate all the things that make you scared and explain your actions than just shut down. Have a sincere discussion about the direction of your relationship, what kind of commitment you want, and everything in between.

From failed relationships to childhood traumas, fear of commitment may arise for numerous reasons. It may be difficult to let go of the fear initially, but with hard work, determination, and the right support, you can take the next big step. Well, don’t forget that everyone is rooting for you. Follow the tips listed in this article to deal with commitment issues and conquer the fear.

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