19 Deal Breakers In A Relationship That You Cannot Ignore

Never ignore the importance of deal breakers in your relationship to ensure the best for you.

Reviewed by Rodolfo Parlati, Professional Life Coach Rodolfo Parlati Rodolfo ParlatiProfessional Life Coach facebook_iconlinkedin_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Asmita De MA (English) Experience: 3 years
Fact-checked by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years

A relationship is a mixed bag of both highs and lows. Everyone sets their rules and limits in a relationship. However, there are relationship deal breakers and red flags that you cannot ignore, which may help you decide the future of your relationship. From a habit or a simple gesture to a random comment, anything can bring an end to your relationship. The number of years you were in that relationship or how much involved you were in it does not count when it comes to these factors.

If you feel your relationship is turning toxic and hurtful, you better be cautious about it and look for signs without much delay. Here, we have listed some potential relationship breakers to help you determine if your relationship is worthy or not. Keep reading.

19 Relationship Deal Breakers

1. Disrespect

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A healthy relationship should involve a fine balance of physical and mental well-being. Any relationship that misses this balance is not worthy. It is crucial to treat the other person with the same equality and respect that you would want for yourself. Any physical or emotional abuse are the two non-negotiables, as they can repeat in the future.

protip_icon Quick Tip
If your partner is physically abusing you and tries to control and uses manipulative tactics to disrespect and harm you, walk out immediately of the relationship.

2. Non-Disclosure

No one would want a secret relationship as it portrays that you are not confident or sure about what you are doing. If you find that your partner is hesitant about revealing your love life, re-think it. Well, keeping things in secret has to tell a lot about what’s going on in someone’s mind. The main reasons anyone would not want to disclose their love life are:

  • There is no commitment.
  • Your partner is probably seeing someone else.
  • They are embarrassed about revealing your identity.

3. Disloyalty

Loyalty is the biggest relationship deal maker, and If you ever find that your partner is doing the opposite, being disloyal and cheating on you, confront them. Keep things clear and do not ever give anyone a chance to break your heart. Such acts and gestures explain that there is no trust and respect in the relationship, and it’s probably just a fling for them.

4. Disruptive Behavior & Substance Abuse

If your partner overindulges in alcohol and becomes disruptive, it should be a deal breaker
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There could be many reasons behind disruptive behavior, but you don’t deserve to be the victim! It is mostly seen when the person is under the influence of alcohol or substance. Any sudden change in behavior and temperament that leads to any violence is not acceptable. If your partner loses control after being drunk, understand that it is complicated to bring things back on track.

5. Last-Minute Cancellations

It’s so hurtful to get to know that the plan you have been waiting for no longer exists, especially if your partner is the one always to ditch. These are the basic relationship expectations that you look for– going out and spending time together. If your partner is frequent with last-minute cancellations, you may need to investigate thoroughly.

Many people come up with excuses like unexpected work or family emergencies to get away with situations. It clearly shows that your partner is ignoring you and is no longer interested in spending time with you. Talk to your partner about it, and if it doesn’t convince you, think about moving on with your life for good.

6. Improper Conflict Resolutions

Arguments are common in every relationship, but things can go messy if you speak without thinking. If your partner attacks you personally instead of coming to a point or resolving a problem, you may want to think about it. The key to a healthy relationship is open communication without hurting each other. Conflicts can also start due to the lack of relationship compatibility and over time it might get nasty. You should consider putting an end to a relationship if your partner practices the following actions during a heated argument or fight:

  • Goes completely silent.
  • Doesn’t want to understand your point.
  • Brings back past experiences.
  • Treats you with disrespect.
  • Personally attacks your image.

7. Insecurity

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Does your partner give you enough time? Do they feel the same way you feel about them? Does your partner put you above everything else? Well, do not wait and waste your time if you are overwhelmed with such thoughts. These are signs of insecurity, which will only make your life miserable and unhappy.

8. Jealousy

You cannot take it easy if your partner insists on sharing your social media passwords, phone codes, and chatting access. It means they lack trust and doubt that you might be seeing someone else. This kind of behavior is controlling and leads to jealousy and insecurity. If your partner stops you from interacting with others from the opposite gender, it implies that they are not comfortable with the idea and insecure about the relationship.

9. Selfish Behavior

If you feel that you are always the one to do more in your relationship, you may want to reevaluate it. Relationships require equal effort and commitment from both parties. If your partner never does things to make your relationship better, it means they lack interest. You need to have certain relationship standards and expectations. If your partner isn’t even trying to match them, then they might not be into you.

10. No Time Together

The time you spend with each other daily is important. You don’t necessarily have to meet each other every day, but options like video call, chatting, and voice call are available. If you feel your partner cannot spare time to ask about your day, it indicates no seriousness in your relationship or maybe they are not ready for commitment.

11. Not Being On The Same Page

In a relationship, you may want different things, and so does your partner. For example, you may want to travel, and your partner wants to be at home. You might want to save money, and the other may wish to spend lavishly. Will it help your relationship go on smoothly? If the answer is no, you might not be able to come to the same point where both of you will be happy. Therefore, it is essential to know whether both of you have the same interests and likings, and even if you don’t, you need to understand if you would be able to sustain the relationship with so many compromises.

12. Not Doing Things For The Partner

How you feel in your relationship matters a lot. It is evident that both of you put in great effort to stay happy with each other – but do you feel like doing it? Well, ask this question to yourself! If you don’t feel like doing things for your partner, or if you try too much to make things according to your partner’s likings, it may not be worth it. Anything that doesn’t come straight from your heart or is pretentious in a relationship is of no use. It is necessary to accept each other the way they are.

13. Stalking

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Does your partner stalk you? If yes, you need to either talk about it or move on with your life. You need to have relationship boundaries, and stalking is undoubtedly an indication that your relationship lacks trust and is based on insecurities. If your partner is doing it now, there is no guarantee that they will not repeat it in the future. Such things are dangerous and can take a toll on your love life. Therefore, timely communication is suggested.

14. No/Very Less Interaction

Interactions are essential. But what if your partner doesn’t seem to be interested in interacting with your family and friends? Well, isn’t it the biggest deal-breaker? It becomes challenging to deal with your partner’s problems amid family dinners and get-togethers with friends. It will affect you even more if you have to either skip or leave gatherings and social events early.

15. Anger Issues

How well can your partner manage their anger? If your partner goes bonkers on you in public over a minor issue like spending a little extra money or not getting ready on time, you might want to reconsider continuing the relationship. You may ignore such behavior initially, but as you grow more into the relationship, such concerns start affecting your peace of mind and dignity.

16. Rigid Attitude

It is good to live life on your own terms, but you may have to change yourself a little when you are in a relationship. If your partner is way too uncooperative or stubborn, you might want to end your relationship. The fact of life is that you cannot win over anyone’s heart with your rigid behavior; you have to make changes and adjust to live happily. If your partner isn’t ready to make changes for the betterment of your relationship, there is no point wasting your time and effort over them.

17. Way Too Social

We dwell in a socially active world, but if you find your partner always lost in their cell phone or laptop, you might want to figure it out. If your partner keeps their Facebook and Instagram updates above you during a date or dinner, you might also want to rearrange your priorities and move on in life. It is okay to peek into your phone once in a while, but giving priority to status updates instead of your partner is a big turn-off. Besides, it indicates that your partner is more interested in knowing what’s going on in others’ lives rather than figuring out what’s happening in the relationship.

18. Clinginess

In the initial stages of a relationship, it always feels nice to be close and talk to your partner all the time. However, both partners also need to keep in mind the need for their own space in the relationship to maintain their individuality. If you have a partner with an unhealthy and excessive need for closeness and constant reassurance, you may need to address it before it gets on your nerves. Constant communication, invalid jealousy, and frequent need for validation are some signs of clinginess in your partner, which can have roots in great psychological issues. This behavior can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment in the relationship, and, if not resolved, may make it toxic.

19. No Future Plans

If your partner is not willing to discuss future plans together, it should be a deal breaker
Image: Shutterstock

If your partner doesn’t show any interest in discussing plans, it is a clear indication that there is no commitment and seriousness about taking the relationship ahead. However, you cannot judge this in the initial phase or the first few meetings of your association. But, if this continues every time, you might need to get on with your life.

protip_icon Quick Tip
Being honest from the start about terms on which you will not compromise can avoid any negative behaviors before they become difficult to change.

Infographic: How To Talk To Your Partner About Deal Breakers

Discussing serious topics like deal breakers can be tough. Deal breakers can make your partner feel uncomfortable, and you never know how they may react. That is why you must address the topic early and handle it with care. You have to choose your tone and words wisely. Other than these, you need to keep a few things in mind when broaching this topic. We have made a list of pointers to help you. Check out the infographic below to learn more.

how to talk to your partner about deal breakers (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

We understand that hurting a loved one is the last thing you want to do, but you should not compromise on certain things no matter how much you love them. It is always advisable to communicate effectively with one another. This contributes to understanding the reasons behind some behaviors and attitudes in order to correct them, if possible or, eventually even prevent them. Active listening is the key factor for effective relationship communication in cases like this.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the biggest deal breaker in a relationship?

Being verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive is one of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship.

Are red flags deal-breakers?

Red flags are signs that indicate something is a miss and needs to be addressed, while a deal breaker is often a situation or an action that cannot be overlooked or let to slide. Red flags may point towards deal breakers, but by themselves are most often not deal breakers.

How can I handle a situation where my partner has a deal breaker that conflicts with my values or desires?

This might put you in a difficult situation and its resolution depends on you. If a deal breaker is in conflict with your values or desires, it might be time to sit down, discuss, and reevaluate your relationship before making a hasty decision.

How can I navigate deal breakers that arise after I have already committed to a relationship?

It doesn’t matter if you are committed, or whether your relationship is long- or short-term, deal breakers allow you to set a limit on the things that you are willing and unwilling to tolerate. You can try communicating with your partner but if it doesn’t work, then it’s best to walk away.

How can I compromise on certain issues that are deal breakers for me or my partner?

You can start by communicating and listening to your partner. Give yourself some time to think. Make sure that you come to a conclusion that is fair by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.

What are some ways to communicate deal breakers to a partner in a respectful manner?

When you begin a conversation about deal breakers, make sure you communicate to your partner that you adore and care for them, but there are certain things that you are not comfortable with, just like there might be some that they might not be comfortable with. Communicate with them about your limits and listen when they do the same.

Key Takeaways

  • While each relationship has its own highs and lows, there are certain unavoidable deal-breakers that you should never overlook.
  • Disrespect is a big no-no. It is important to maintain self-respect in a relationship and equally respect your partner.
  • Disloyalty or abuse of any kind should also never be tolerated in a relationship.

Relationships can be complicated, but there are certain deal-breakers that can make them impossible. Learn what these are and how to avoid them in the following video.
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Rodolfo Parlati

Rodolfo ParlatiProfessional Life Coach

After having graduated in Business Administration, Rodolfo decided to follow his passion for supporting others by becoming a professional coach. Today, his mission is to help people be happy and successful by discovering their potential and finding together the right way to fully exploit it.   His clients experience improvements in their communication skills, relationships, work-life balance, productivity, conflict resolution,...read full bio

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