Age Gap In Relationships: A Complete Guide For Everyone

Age gaps in relationships are often welcomed with a frown, especially if there is a gap of more than 10 years. Most of us prefer a partner closer to our age or someone 5-10 years elder or younger.

Across the world, different cultures have different rules. Even the acceptable age difference varies across cultures, and most of them encourage relationships between people who belong to a similar age group. An age gap between the partners is more prevalent in Eastern countries. Does age become an issue when it comes to marriage? Is it better to marry someone of the same age? Will a bigger age gap, especially if you are in an inter-generational relationship, affect it in the long run?

Usually people do not prefer an older partner and younger partner relationship in a romantic context. Most people prefer a partner of similar age as they think it helps them understand each other easily. Because when the partners are of a similar age group, their likes and social circles may differ significantly. Their life goals, values, beliefs, opinions, and political views may also match each other. But, at the same time, some people are attracted to the maturity of older people. Let us find out why large age gaps do not matter to them and more.

Why Doesn’t Age Matter To Some?

People believe that the root of age-gap couples is based on evolutionary advantage. From this perspective, it is assumed that men’s preferences for much younger women and women’s attraction towards older men are related to reproductive fitness. They are seen as a “good investment” as older men are more “settled” and younger women are more likely to produce healthy offspring. However, can love really be that clinical?

Although both men and women place importance on qualities like kindness and trustworthiness when it comes to seeking partners, women evolutionarily have placed more importance on the resources and status of their partner. This is mostly because women are the child-bearers, and they need to invest a lot of themselves in the relationship. They need someone who can support them and the children. So, they want to seek out a partner who would invest his resources into the family. Similarly, men would like to have healthy children and, biologically, younger women have a better chance of having children without complications.

It is more likely in couples with a large age gap that the woman is younger. Very rarely do we see women in a relationship with a much younger guy. This could be because the building of wealth and resources takes time, and we tend to achieve those things later in life. That is why we are probably older by the time we acquire enough to provide for our partners. So, it could be a plausible theory that a woman would automatically be attracted to an older man.

Similarly, men are wired to value vitality and attractiveness more than women do. This is because, from an evolutionary point, youth is considered to be an indicator of fertility. As men cannot bear babies, they are attuned to younger fertile women to enhance their chances of partnering with a woman who can give them healthy children.

However, the evolutionary explanation is faulty as it can’t explain why the reverse occurs as well or why some same-gender couples have large age gaps. To explain this, we need to look into socio-cultural explanations.

As more and more women are getting independent and working in higher positions, they are getting paid more. This means they are no longer dependent on men for wealth and resources. So, it is not required for these women to prioritize resources when looking for a partner. As for same-gender couples, there’s still very little research available. Some state that a lack of, or a reduced number of suitable partners that are similar in age may bring about couples with big age differences in relationships.

Fun Fact

George and Amal Clooney, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, and Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are a few famous A-lister couples for whom age is just a number!

Do Age-Gap Relationships Work?

It’s a common assumption that age-gap couples do poorly when it comes to having a happy relationship. However, studies have found that age-gap couples report higher relationship satisfaction. They also report greater commitment and trust and lesser jealousy issues than similar-aged couples. More than three-quarters of partners where younger women were in a relationship with older men reported happy and satisfying intimate relationships.

One factor that seems to impact the relationship outcomes of large age-gap couples is their fear of social disapproval. That is, if those in age-gap relationships believe that their family members, friends, loved ones, or society disapprove of their relationship, then their commitment towards their union decreases and the chance of break-up increases. These outcomes seem to apply to both heterosexual and same-gender couples. So, the possibility of negative outcomes for such couples resides not in issues within the partners but in judgments and peer pressures from outside the union.

Another factor that may be at play here has to do with the stage of life each partner is at. For example, a twelve-year gap between a 20-year-old and a 32-year-old may cause different issues and challenges than for a twelve-year gap where one of the partners is 55 and the other is 67. This is because we live our lives in different stages, and each stage comprises certain tasks we need to complete. We tend to give priority to these tasks during these different stages of our lives. So, when our partner is in a different life stage, it may be intensely difficult to find common ground and work towards each other’s different goals and needs.

Quick Tip

Studies indicate that age discrepancies in relationships may improve longevity. Women married to younger men and older men married to younger women tend to have a longer life span (1).

Does Age Matter?

The secret of a happy relationship is having common ground. Your relationship’s success depends on the extent to which couples share similar beliefs, values, and goals about the relationship. Both need to support the other in achieving their personal goals, show commitment, build intimacy and trust, and resolve their issues in constructive ways. But, fulfilling these needs depend on their personalities – it has got nothing to do with age.

Ruth, a mother of two, opens up about her experiences marrying an older man in her blogs. She writes, “Unlikely as it seems, there are advantages to a relationship with a large age difference too. Knowing that we will never celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary means that we don’t have time to waste. We make the most of every single day, and refuse to get caught up in the petty arguments that consume many couples (i).”

So, the truth is, while an age gap between two partners may bring about certain challenges for them, as long as they work at their relationship and love each other, their age will not pose a barrier.

In fact, age-gap relationships might have more advantages than one might assume. Scroll down to see some of them.

Benefits Of Age-Gap Relationships

A significant age gap in a romantic relationship may offer an array of benefits. Let us take a look at them below:

Partners bring different perspectives, knowledge, and experiences unique to their generation to the relationship. This fosters personal growth, self-awareness, and deeper understanding between lovers.

Emotional maturity and life experiences of older partners allow them to manage challenges and arguments more calmly compared to those in same-age relationships. This, on the other hand, is complemented by the youthful energy and fresh ideas of the younger partner to create the right balance necessary for a dynamic relationship. Exposure to new interests and hobbies prevents the relationship from turning boring.

Infographic: A Guide To Age-Gap Relationships

Big age differences in relationships are often frowned upon and can be tricky to navigate. While age is just a number for some, it can spark controversies for others. However, age-gap relationships are not uncommon. Check out the infographic below to learn about these relationships, the factors that affect them, and more.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

How much of an age gap is OK?

It depends on you. Age is just a number if you and your partner are fine with the gap. However, an age gap of 5-7 years is socially acceptable.

Do relationships move faster when you are older?

As you age, you go through relationships that give you experience and wisdom. Older people know what they are looking for and don’t waste time with people who don’t meet their needs. This is why relationships may seem to move faster as you grow older.

Can you still fall in love after 40?

Yes, it’s never too late to fall in love, even if you are 40 or older. Look at J.Lo, George Clooney, Ben Affleck, and many other celebs.

Image: Dall·E/StyleCraze Design Team

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Ellen J.W. GigliottiLMFT

     

Ellen J.W. Gigliotti is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 20 years of experience and the owner of a private practice therapy group in Pennsylvania, US. She is a former journalist and is currently finalizing her first book. She loves dogs, travel, and reading and is looking forward to launching her new podcast, Two to Talk: Steps and...more

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Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle. Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health. She also...more

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