Forget the statistics and what others say about divorce. If you are thinking of it, ask yourself why you are feeling this way about your marriage. Is it the lack of respect, financial issues, breach of trust, or have you both grown apart?
Divorce is stressful and impacts families, especially the kids. Sometimes, complex legal battles can drag on for years and drain you emotionally. However, a divorce can also help you find yourself again in the best possible ways. Since there are two sides to the coin, you must be sure before you decide. Here are 7 obvious signs to know whether you should get a divorce or not. Read on.
In This Article
6 Questions To Ask Yourself
1. Do You Still Have Feelings For Your Partner?
Little conflicts that pile up to become major issues can cause resentment. And living together while battling resentment can be difficult. However, you can have feelings for your partner despite everything. If you still feel for your partner, a hasty decision can cause years of pain.
2. Do You Want A Divorce Or Are Just Threatening?
Years into the marriage, many people feel invisible and unattended to. Relationships are all about give and take. They are not a one-way street where you invest emotionally without feeling fulfilled and happy. This can make you contemplate and resort to threatening to file a divorce without actually wanting it. What you really want is to be appreciated.
3. Are You Ready For The Consequences Of A Divorce?
Most people who go for a divorce want to get over with it quickly. But it may not always be amicable. Divorce takes a toll on the physical and mental health, and things can go further south if finances and kids are involved. While you can hire a good divorce lawyer and make the best arrangements, it can take years and drain you financially and emotionally. On the flip side, getting a divorce can also mean a fresh start to your life. It can be equally exciting and daunting.
4. Do You Think Of A Divorce When Things Are Not Bad?
How do you feel when you and your partner are having a good time? Do you still want a divorce during those times? You might contemplate divorce when you are dealing with unresolved issues. Regular fights and disagreements can lead you to think that your marriage is not working anymore. However, there is a possibility that you both need to put in a little more effort to see eye to eye in certain situations.
5. What Is Your Intent Of Getting A Divorce?
Do you want a divorce to teach a lesson or want your partner to change in a certain way? If there’s an agenda behind wanting a divorce, you may not be ready for the emotional and physical separation.
6. Have You Addressed Your Internal Conflict?
The internal conflict of whether to get a divorce or give up on your time together can prevent you from seeing things clearly and trap you in a toxic situation. Talk to a marriage counselor to seek expert advice on how to combat your internal conflict and address the issues.
Ask yourself these questions. You donot have to come up with an answer immediately– think deeply and take your time. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to see your marriage as it is without bias or hatred towards your partner. The next section discusses the7 signs crucial to arrive at a decision. Take a look.
7 Signs That You Should Get A Divorce (Or Not)
1. You Don’t Feel Appreciated
If your partner is not at the same level of commitment, they may fail to appreciate the little efforts you take to keep the marriage going. Committing to getting married and staying committed in the marriage throughout the ups and downs are two different things. Emotionally unavailable partners make it more difficult to keep the romance alive. People grow apart due to differences in ideology, career commitments, and many more.
2. You Are Staying Together Just For Kids
If the reason for staying married revolves around the kids, it is clear you are stuck in your marriage. While you love your kids and family, putting up with a partner who does not see eye-to-eye with you or appreciate your efforts can build resentment over the years. You might also want to remain in the marriage lest you feel guilty about putting your kids through trouble. But if your home is not a safe and comfortable zone any more, it’s time to move on towards a peaceful and happier life.
3. You Do Not Share Intimate Moments
Intimate moments in a relationship are essential to keep the bond strong. It could be watching a movie together, making love, baking together, going for dance lessons, or even falling asleep in each other’s arms. But if differences have created distance, marriage will feel like an empty contract – unfulfilling and dissatisfying.
4. You Are Unable To Forgive Infidelity
Dealing with infidelity and overcoming it in a marriage is a tough call. If your partner’s infidelity (physical or emotional) has scared you or opened up past wounds, it can take time to heal and be at a place to forgive your partner. Staying together during this phase can further complicate the marriage.
5. You Are Being Abused
Serious issues like substance abuse or domestic violence can take a toll on the entire family. It will both you and your kids. Physical and verbal abuse must be reported immediately. If your partner abuses substances, you can only offer to help and support them as they go through therapy. But if they refuse the help, you must move away from a toxic environment that can negatively impact you and your kids.
6. You Have Deteriorating Financial Issues
Tight finances, low savings, high expenses, and unplanned financial risks can contribute to an unfulfilling marriage. If you both are independent but do not invest equally into building a home and planning your kids’ future, it can cause a rift. However, if one of you is dependent on the other, a constant reminder of not being financially independent can also make the person feel inferior. Feeling that you do not measure up or your partner is not careful about the expenses can shake your relationship.
7. Marriage Counseling Is Not Working
Marriage counseling helps couples talk about their problems in a neutral space and rebuild their relationships. But it works two ways – both of you want to be helped. If your partner does not cooperate or repeats the hurtful behaviors, marriage counseling will not work.
Deciding whether to get a divorce or not is tough. You must consult a therapist who specializes in divorce. Getting the right advice at the right time can save you in many ways. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage is equally stressful as leaving your partner without resolving the issues. You deserve to be happy – with or without a partner.