Have you ever felt that your relationship is going in the direction decided by your partner? Have you felt like they are the ones making the decisions, and you are the one tagging along? Or maybe you felt like you were guilt-tripped into getting their things done? If you have, you may be in a relationship with an emotional manipulator.
Emotional manipulation, also known as psychological manipulation, is a kind of emotional abuse that uses indirect, deceitful, or underhanded techniques to affect and socially influence the behavior or perception of others. Such tactics are exploitative and deceptive since they advance the manipulator’s goals at the expense of others.
Emotional manipulation may sound like something straight out of a psychological thriller you’ve read or watched, but it’s very much real. It can happen in any type of relationship, like between friends, romantic partners, siblings, etc. Read on to learn all about the emotional manipulation tactics commonly used by manipulators.
In This Article
10 Signs Of Emotional Manipulation
1. Critical Comments Veiled As Sarcasm Or Jokes
Your partner may be saying things that are extremely mean, hurtful, or hateful, but in a way that comes off as joking or being sarcastic. Instead of offering you constructive criticism in a healthy manner, they poke fun at you to make you feel bad about yourself.
2. They Take Advantage Of Your Insecurities
You may have shared your insecurities with someone you trust, only for it to come back to bite you. Emotional manipulators are the aces of the game, and they will make sure to hang your insecurities in front of you to control you.
3. They Use Guilt Trips And Ultimatums To Get You To Do Things They Don’t Want To Do
Guilt trips and unexpectedly cruel ultimatums are the most common tactics of emotional manipulation. You don’t want to do something? They will guilt trip you into doing it. You want to do something they don’t? They will put an ultimatum on you. There’s no winning with them.
4. The Emotional Intensity Of The Relationship Is Quite High
The relationship is very emotional and high on negativity. Every conversation with them and every time you are together seems like it’s high on emotions, be it guilt, sadness, or plain heartache.
5. They Play The Victim
“This is something that always happens to me.” This may as well be their favorite phrase of all time. Any time you try to confront them or get them to stop doing something that is hurting you, they switch on the waterworks, and suddenly, they are the victim!
6. They Make You Second Guess Yourself
Another one of their most-used tactics is making you doubt yourself. For example, you may want to buy a dress that looks cute on you. Their response: “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” Every decision you try to make in their presence is clouded by self-doubt.
7. They Never Keep Their Word
They will say one thing today and deny it tomorrow. Any promises they make disappear into thin air a few days later. Lying and deceiving? That’s just child’s play when it comes to emotional manipulators.
8. They Speak For You And Over You
Another common situation you may find yourself in constantly is them making decisions for you and overriding yours at any given time. Your opinions are best kept to yourself because they are of no value to them.
9. They Are Only There For You When It’s Convenient For Them
Whenever you want them to be there for you, they’re conveniently missing. But when it’s their turn to need you, they bombard you with texts and calls until your full attention is on them. The relationship only works as long as you are of benefit for them.
10. They Ignore Your Issues
Whenever you have problems and need help, it never seems to be their priority. Their problems are important, but yours are best forgotten. Your issues are ignored time and again, but they are back with another textbook excuse for you once you solve your problems on your own.
Dealing with emotional manipulation is difficult but impossible. Find out what you can do in the next section.
How To Deal With Emotional Manipulation
No one wants to be stuck in an emotionally manipulative marriage or friendship. If you do have the bad luck of finding yourself in one, here’s what you can do.
1. Prepare To Walk Away If Necessary
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away from the relationship. If you think your relationship is going south and you are being manipulated out in every decision you make, it’s best to leave the relationship.
2. Examine Your Relationship For Recurrent Patterns
Take time, sit with yourself, and analyze your relationships. Check for recurring patterns of manipulation when you find yourself doing things that you didn’t want to do because your partner made you do them. Make sure you come to the right conclusion for your sake as well as theirs.
3. Consult A Professional
Seek out the help of a professional therapist. Sometimes, you may find it easier to go along with everything your partner says and ignore your own needs and boundaries just because you don’t link confronting them. But, a therapist can help you address these issues head-on and confront your partner in a safe and healthy manner.
4. Improve Your Other Relationships
Try to work on improving your other relationships and making them as healthy as possible. Sometimes having others around you for support helps you a lot more than you can imagine.
5. Trust Your Instincts
Stick to your gut. If you feel something is not right, introspect and analyze why it feels that way. Make sure you don’t let anyone walk all over you. Your instinct is there to protect you, so trust it when you feel something is wrong.
Emotional manipulation can take a huge toll on your mental health. Learn more about how it affects you in the next section.
Effects Of Psychological And Emotional Manipulation
“’Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Till you put me down, oh.”
These lines by Taylor Swift accurately describe the effect of emotional manipulation in a relationship. Being psychologically manipulated can be extremely scary. It leaves emotional scars that run deep and hurt you to the core. The effects of manipulation may not be seen immediately, but they can be devastating to the point of destroying your self-esteem and self-worth. Here are a few effects that emotional manipulation can have:
1. Constant Feeling Of Uncertain
As you’re always afraid of what the other person wants and never sure if it will end up being the right thing for you, you could start doubting all your relationships with others in your life. Uncertainty can become your worst nightmare.
Even when you are sure of what you want, you are plagued by self-doubt and confusion. Even when you want to do something, the cloud of doubt makes sure you are not able to do it, leaving you filled with regret.
The constant doubt and disregard may lead to you always being filled with anxiety. You feel anxious about the most minor things and overthink the smallest decisions.
Once burned, twice shy. After experiencing emotional manipulation, it’s not uncommon for individuals to become extremely vigilant of the people around them. You may also find yourself finding it hard to trust anyone new when you start dating again.
Losing interest in daily life and becoming a passive person is another effect emotional manipulation may have on an individual. You may find life very mundane and treat each day with the lowest regard possible.
You may feel shame stemming from not being able to reach the expectations of your partner. They probably constantly pointed out things about and criticized you, which ended up making you feel insecure and ashamed of yourself.
7. Low Confidence
Low self-confidence is a common effect of emotional manipulation as the manipulator may have made you feel bad about yourself and everything you did. Something that you were once proud of doing (like a hobby or a talent) may now feel difficult. Making eye contact, speaking with confidence – all these skills that came easily to you may now feel scary.
A common effect that can be observed in victims of emotional manipulation is isolation. They may isolate themselves from the outside world. This may be because of their lack of trust in their environment or shame at what they consider their downfall.
9. Wanting External Approval
As you have become used to being told that you are worthless, you start seeking external approval for every small decision you make. Your trust in yourself is replaced by the need for external approval.
You may start resenting yourself for putting yourself in a position where you could be manipulated so easily. You may also feel resentment toward the people around you for letting you fall so far down in this hole. This may lead to mental exhaustion and strain on your mind and body.
The final, most extensive effect is falling into depression. Depression is a psychological condition in which your daily life seems so mundane and melancholic that you are unable to bear the thought of anything going well.
Emotional manipulation in a relationship is hard to spot, especially if you are the victim. The key is to trust your instincts and check how many of your personal boundaries are being crossed by the manipulator.
If you know someone in an emotionally manipulative relationship, chances are, they won’t take your word for it. Most people are inclined to believe in their decision to love and trust someone. All you can do is just be there for them and offer them your support. Just being there for the person can mean the world to them.
- 17 Signs Of Manipulation
- Are You Being Emotionally Abused? Here Are 21 Signs To Watch Out For
- Gaslighting: A Tool For Manipulation In Toxic Relationships
- How To Break Up Respectfully