“You’re not the exception, you’re the rule. And the rule is: if a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you. If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exception!”
An ambiguous partner can make you look for signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. The film He’s Just Not That Into You gave us the inside scoop on how a man’s brain works when it comes to relationships. If a man wants to show you he’s all in, he will usually do everything for you. On the other hand, if he isn’t into you, there are some clear-cut hints he drops that we women often overlook. We try to convince ourselves that our partner probably is too busy, or he just forgot, or that he can’t express himself. When, in reality, the truth is right there in front of us – He Is Just Not Into You!
It is time we stop giving ourselves excuses and face the facts. If he isn’t going all out for you, is he even worth it? Keep reading to discover all the signs that your man might not be as serious about the relationship as you are.
In This Article
Women Here’s Some Truth You Need To Hear!
Women have been led to believe that when a man treats you badly, it means he likes you. This started right from our childhood when some boy who supposedly liked us pushed us in the playground or pulled on our pigtails. As we grew up, we began to tell ourselves and our girlfriends that the man we like probably likes us back even if he’s being obnoxious or ignorant of us. Most excuses will go something like:
- Maybe he lost my number
- Maybe he’s just busy (or he works even on weekends)
- Oh, he probably is just insecure about my business position
- He doesn’t know how to act in a mature relationship
- Oh, he just needs time to give me commitment
- He’s not there emotionally, and just needs some time
- Right now he’s just prioritizing other things and his family and friends over me, but that will change with time
- He’s young, but he’ll grow up and mature into the relationship
- He likes me but shows reluctance to meet family/friends
Time to get honest! As a rule of thumb, If a man is serious about you, he will pursue you come hell or high water! He will make sure you know that you are on his mind. Men know that women need vocal affirmations about how they feel. if the man you went out with or are casually dating is not giving you that, there’s a high chance that you are not his priority right now.
We asked some of our guy friends to let us know the telltale signs that a man doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman. Check them out.
Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You
1. He Calls You Only When He Needs Something
Call me when you want, call me when you need
Call me in the morning, I’ll be on the way
Lil Nas X – Montero
If the man you’re dating calls you only when he wants something from you, it’s a sign that he really doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you. He doesn’t call to check in on you. He often ignores your calls, but when he needs physical intimacy, emotional support, or just a chore to be completed – he thinks of you.
He behaving this way probably drives you nuts. You can never depend on him because he doesn’t answer your calls when you need him. It will leave you feeling neglected and used.
2. He’s Hot And Cold With You
You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out, you’re up then you’re down
Katy Perry – Hot And Cold
If your man is suddenly very touchy but then ignores you, later on, it shows inconsistent communication. You never know where you stand with him. One day he can be all smiles and the next day act like he barely knows you. He’ll treat you like you’re his whole world, but then drop off the face of the earth a few days later.
3. When You Meet It’s Only For Sex
Call me on my cell phone, late night when you need my love
And I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing
Drake- Hotline Bling
When a man only calls you in the night in an erotic mood, it’s a booty call and not a relationship! And if you are avoiding intimacy, he may sext you or call you to have phone sex. Either way, if you always end up having sex rather than talking about your relationship, how you feel about each other, or your future together, he’s not interested in a relationship with you.
You may also often feel used after intimate sessions with him. These constantly make you question the relationship. Even when you call him for emotional support, it becomes about sex. Ladies, if a man cannot take time to talk to you but displays emotional unavailability and only wants to bed you all the time, it is clear he is not interested in a real relationship.
4. He Has No Open Body Language
Now we’re picking fights and slamming doors
Magnifying all our flaws
And I wonder why, wonder what for
Why we keep coming back for more
DuaLipa, Martin Garrix- Scared To Be Lonely
He would have shown you in the first month of your date how important you are to him. He brought flowers, took you out on weekends, and you both were happy. But cut to a month later he doesn’t look you in the eyes or smile at you often. This may be a sign that he’s hiding something or that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship. He’ll have a closed-off body language and may seem distant.
5. He’s Always Busy
You weren’t there, you never were
You want it all, but that’s not fair
I gave you life, I gave my all
You weren’t there, you let me fall
Pink – So What
If your man is always busy and can’t make time for you, he might not be as much into the relationship as you are. While there may be a few long nights at the office, if he’s there constantly, there could be an issue. Let’s be real; if a man wants to make time for you, he will. If he can make time to watch a football game every weekend, he can make time for you. So if he isn’t making time for you, it’s a big red flag.
6. He’s Emotionally Unavailable
You were nonchalant, strong and unaffected and you never wanted me to be there
I never saw your heart, that’s how close you kept it. So right now I’m so unsure how to care.
Jordan Sparks- Now You Tell Me
If your partner is emotionally distant from you and not open to being vulnerable with you, it may be a sign that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. If he shuts off or cracks jokes or simply zones out whenever you bring up serious and emotional topics, it may be an issue down the road regardless of the reason.
However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t want to be with you. It may just be his way of coping with things. Maybe something at work is stressing him out and this is how he deals with it. Give him some space and see if that helps. Otherwise, you can talk to him and let him know how you feel about things.
7. He Refuses To Be Exclusive
A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need, a little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man
Lou Bega – Mambo Number 5
This is a clear red flag with a blaring alarm. If the man you’re dating is seeing multiple women and refuses to be monogamous with you, it’s a sign that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. When you get into a non-exclusive and casual relationship with a man, don’t expect him to always change. He may just want a polyamorous relationship or may not be ready for a committed relationship.
8. He Cheats On You
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me bangin’ on the sofa (It wasn’t me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn’t me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn’t me)
Shaggy – It Wasn’t Me
If your partner is constantly cheating on you or has cheated on you more than once, there’s definitely a problem in the relationship. But, instead of talking things out with you, if your partner is seeing someone else, he may not want to be with you. Note that the reason why people engage in affairs of any kind are most often caused by chronic issues in the relationship.
9. Never Spends The Night Over
You get in, You get done, And then you get gone
You never leave a trace or show your face, You get gone
John Mayor – Assassins
If the man you’re dating comes over to your place for a nightcap but doesn’t stay over, he may not want to pursue a full-on relationship with you. He may take you out for dinner or buy you flowers. But if he leaves to his place after sex, there could be an issue.
This is true for people who live by themselves or with a roommate. But if you live with your parents, it could just be that he is not comfortable staying over with your parents around.
10. He Actively Ignores You
Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you’d call
It’s just a cruel existence like there’s no point hoping at all
Zayn Malik Feat. Taylor Swift – I Don’t Wanna Live Forever
If your partner ignores you for many days and then suddenly calls you or shows up only when they need you, it may be a sign that they don’t want a full-fledged relationship. If you spot him somewhere at the mall or at a party and he acts like he doesn’t know you or walks away instead of talking to you, it’s a big red flag. Engaged couples are constantly displaying admiration towards their partners, and one way of showing that is by showing your partner off, instead of ignoring them or displaying lack of effort.
11. Never Meets The Parents (Works Both Ways)
I wanna introduce you to my kinfolks, to my old friends
To the house in the pines where the road ends
Take you to my hometown, where I grew up
Sam Hunt- Kinfolks
If you’ve never met his parents, and he refuses to meet your parents, it’s a red flag. He may not be serious about the relationship. It could be a cause for concern if he shuts off every time you ask him to meet your parents or vice versa, but be skeptical about it, as it is possible that he may not be getting along with his folks.
12. Never Meets The Friends
I just want to sit and look at you, look at you
What it matter if your friends knew
John Mayer- New Light
If a man doesn’t want you to meet his friends, it’s an issue. Let’s be honest; we’re very real when we are around our friends. They know our flaws and our assets the best. So, if he doesn’t want you to meet his friends, there is something wrong. He clearly doesn’t want you to be a part of his life.
13. He Acts Weird When You Bring Up The Topic Of A Relationship
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
A Great Big World- Say Something
If he diverts the topic whenever you talk about getting serious in the relationship, it could be a red flag. It is definitely an issue if he declines or talks about other failed relationships any time you talk about being in a committed relationship.
14. You’re Always On Edge
That you might not be the golden one
And you’re tied together with a smile
But you’re coming undone
Taylor Swift- Tied With A Smile
If you’re always walking on eggshells around the man you’re dating, it’s a big red flag. Because of his fear of commitment, you will always feel like you have to prove yourself to him. You try to be perfect for him but internally it drives you crazy. You can never completely be yourself in case he doesn’t find something you do or say attractive.
17. You Meet When It Is Convenient For Him
So good at disappearing that he’s almost like a ghost
And it’s anybody’s guess where he’s been and where he goes
KalieShorr- He’s Just Not That Into You
It doesn’t matter when you are free. You both always meet when he is available. So you’re just left, waiting on the sidelines for him to meet you. Often there are days when he doesn’t meet you, and then suddenly he shows up when he’s free or bored with other things. He may even make you feel very special when he meets you, but may again disappear afterward for days together.
16. Your Friends And Family Think It’s Toxic
Yeah, he’s acting kinda shady (He just don’t seem right, he just don’t seem right)
My girls think he’s a player, I think they might be right
Indiana- My Friends Don’t Like You
A big sign of how good your relationship is going is how your friends and family react to the man you’re dating. Do your friends and family dislike the man you’re dating? Have they tried to stage an intervention for you? Oftentimes, we are so caught up in the romance of it all that we don’t look at our relationship from a different or competent standpoint. This is where our friends and family give us perspective. They may be able to see when your partner treats you badly or takes you for granted even when you don’t. Ask your friends and family what they think about your man, and bear in mind that their perspective should only be taken into consideration cum grano salis, for despite their best intentions, sometimes they may be biased.
17. Never Really Hangs Out With You On Weekends
Love on the weekend, love on the weekend
I’m busted up and I’m loving every minute of it
John Mayor- Love On The Weekend
When you’re in a relationship or you’re newly dating someone, you spend most weekends with them. If your man doesn’t spend any weekends with you, it’s a sign that he doesn’t take the relationship seriously. However, this doesn’t apply if your partner works on weekends. Basically, it is a red flag if he’s not spending time with you on his off days.
18. He Acts Shady
Say my name, say my name,
You acting kinda shady ain’tcallin me baby
Destiny’s Child- Say My Name
Notice how he behaves when you both hang out together. Does he take extra care to make sure you don’t look at his phone? Have you ever been to his house? Has he added you to his social media accounts? If you answered no to all of the above, there could be a problem with the relationship.
19. Forgets Plans With You
You called me later, And said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t make it”
And I said, “I’m sorry too”, And that was the moment I knew
Taylor Swift – The Moment I Knew
So you called your man and made plans with him for next Saturday. But he doesn’t show up. In fact, he also forgets to inform you that he won’t be able to make it. Women, this is a clear bright red sign that he’s not taking the relationship and you seriously.
20. No Talk Of The Future
Not a song I could sing
For your mind to change
Nothing can fill up the space
Won’t ask you to stay
Alessia Cara- Out Of Love
If he ignores you every time you try discussing your future together, it’s an issue. This means that he cannot commit to you and that he doesn’t take the relationship seriously. We’re not talking specifically about marriage here. Some of you may be fine being committed to each other for the rest of your lives without tying the knot. If your man doesn’t plan his future with you, irrespective of marriage, it’s an issue.
21. You’re More Friends Than Lovers
Friends, lovers, or nothing, there can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing, there’ll never be an in-between
So give it up
John Mayer- Friend, Lovers Or Nothing
Some of us get into a relationship with people we’ve been friends with for a long time. If he hangs out with you but doesn’t commit to you, it may be a sign that he thinks you both are better off as friends or that you are casually dating, specially if there are no sexual interactions involved or if it is all about sexual encounters.
The main problem here could be that you become too invested in the relationship whereas he just looks at you like a friend. In the end, it might ruin a good friendship. Before taking the next step with your friend, make sure they are on the same page as you are.
These are the signs he probably doesn’t want a relationship with you. But why is he still hanging out with you? What could the reason be?
Why Is He Still Around If He Isn’t Serious About You?
- The main reason most men keep hanging around is they want to keep their options open. Once they find someone who fits their idea of “The One”, they let go of all the other options.
- Most men don’t want to be alone. They like having someone around for them. They either just want to have a partner around or they just want a partner for sex.
- Some men try to get as many partners as they can, because, to them, it could be a matter of male dominance or pride. In society, while women going out with many partners is considered derogatory, men could be patted on their backs for the same.
Infographic: 10 Clear Signs That He Is Not Into You
The world would have been a much easier place to live in if everyone was honest and expressive. It is frustrating to have a partner who gives you mixed signals, and your fondness for them constantly fogs your judgment. However, there are a few red flags that you simply cannot turn a blind eye to. We have highlighted 10 telling signs in the infographic below that make his disinterest clear as day. Have a look.
Love may be blind, but you don’t have to be so unseeing that you can’t figure out if the guy you like doesn’t like you back! Making excuses like he may have lost your number, will mature with age, or is just busy will only delay the inevitable hurt. Instead, you should look out for signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you and accept the reality at the earliest. For instance, if he meets you only for sex, gives you mixed signals, or acts shady, he is dragging you along and won’t ever commit.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean if a guy likes you but doesn’t want a relationship?
It could mean many things. For instance, he could be emotionally unavailable, have commitment issues, or have unresolved past conflicts.
What are some of the most effective self-care strategies to use in this situation?
Some effective self-care strategies are:
•Setting boundaries so that he can’t keep on taking from you without giving back.
•Don’t take it personally and accept that he has issues that need to be addressed.
•Know when to let him go rather than hang onto the hope that you will change him and make him fall in love.
What are some of the most effective ways to assess a man’s true intentions and level of interest in a relationship, and how can I avoid getting involved with someone who is not right for me?
Some of the most effective ways to assess a man’s true intentions and level of interest in a relationship are:
•If you are included in every conversation, maintain eye contact when talking.
•If he introduces you to his friends and family or goes out of his way to make time for you.
If you feel like someone is not right for you, let them know at the beginning rather than dragging it out.
What are some of the most effective communication strategies for dealing with a man who seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to a relationship?
Some of the most effective communication strategies for dealing with a man who seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to a relationship are:
•Consider the timing and the place when bringing up any topic of conversation.
•Make your reasoning behind this communication attempt clear.
•Be understanding of their reasoning and that it’s difficult for them to open up.
- There is an inconsistency in your relationship – you are everything to your partner one day, and he barely knows you the next day.
- He says he is busy and cannot make time for you. However, he calls you when he needs physical intimacy, emotional support, or financial help.
- If your man is never emotionally available and actively ignores you, you are always on edge and will feel like walking on eggshells.
Wondering whether he’s even interested in building a relationship with you? Watch this video to learn the 5 key signs that show that he’s not in it for the long-haul.