A man who is truly interested in a woman will find an endless number of reasons why he truly must see her. A man who is just playing around – or is confused about his own feelings – will find an endless number of excuses why he didn’t show up. – Charles J. Orlando
When a man is genuinely committed to a relationship, he will do everything to make his partner know he is all in. But if he is not serious and simply using you, some signs show it. However, the surreal high of being in a relationship can cloud your mind to those signs. Read this article to explore the 28 clear signs of whether your partner is in it for the long haul or trying to exploit you.
In This Article
28 Signs He Is Using You
1. Meets Only When He’s Available
If your partner makes time for you only when convenient for him, it may indicate that he is using you. Partners need to make time to see each other despite their busy schedules. It might mean pushing some things around to meet. But if your partner is not pouring in the effort to meet you when it is convenient for you and him, it can be an issue. If you both are meeting only on his time and terms, it is unfair.
2. Does Not Do Anything Special For You
Does your partner send you flowers or take you out for dinners? Does he tell you how amazing you are? If the answer is no, that’s a red flag. If your partner does nothing to make you feel loved, special, and appreciated, he might not be serious about the relationship. He is just using you for money, sex, and a place to stay or to prevent loneliness.
3. You Always End Up Doing The Devil’s Tango
Whenever you both meet, if it always ends with sex, it might be a sign that he is using you. If he is making time only to sleep with you, he might be interested in physical intimacy rather than a committed relationship. If you both meet and he just wants to jump your bones and then leave, he is using you for sex.
4. He Doesn’t Want To Be Exclusive
Men who do not want to be exclusive want to check for more options. If a man can commit to a sports team so ardently (and for the rest of his life), he can commit to you as well. So, if your man ‘wants to take things slow’ and not be exclusive, he is not serious about the relationship.
5. Plays Double Standards
Some men like to hold you to standards that they do not keep. If he notices you talking to other men, he may hold contempt, but he might be talking to other women. Many times this indicates that your partner may be flirting with other women and thinks you are doing the same.
Another instance is that his workplace accomplishments are celebrated, but he never appreciates yours. Maybe he tells you not to go to clubs and bars, but he does it anyway. Such things are signs of some serious commitment issues.
6. Always Blames You
If your partner is always admonishing and blaming you for all the issues in the relationship, he may not be serious about you. They may be just be trying to find fault with you as an excuse to leave you. This can take the form of manipulation where you go above and beyond to earn his appreciation and approval.
7. Ignores You When He Does Not Need You
If your partner ignores you actively until they need something from you, they are using you. You message or call them, but they never respond. Then suddenly, like the clown in a jack in the box, they will pop out either have to sex, talk about something they are going through, or keep you hanging around.
8. Does Not Do Anything For You
If you are doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship but your partner does as they please, it is a clear sign they are using you. Both parties need to be equally participative to make a relationship work. If he does not do anything for you, he does not value your role in the relationship and uses you for gratification.
9. Is Sex Only About Him?
Is it only for your man’s satisfaction when you both become physically intimate? If yes, he is using you for sexual pleasure. Things may become hot and heavy, but once he reaches his sexual satisfaction, he stops caring about your feelings and physical needs.
10. Never Introduces You To His Family Or Friends
If you have never met his friends and family, and he does not want to meet yours, he is not serious about the relationship. Every time you try to meet his friends or family, he changes the subject or becomes silent, giving you some lame excuse. Whenever you try to get him to meet your family and friends, something else pops up. These are clear signs of being insincere in the relationship.
11. Does He Always Have You Pay For Everything?
Do you pay every time you both go out? Does he expect you to pay for his clothes, shoes, and other stuff? Is he staying with you but never pays the rent? Does he keep using your car without paying for petrol? Is your man comfortable lazing at home without a job because you pay for everything?
These are the ways your man can be using you for your money. It indicates he is with you because you pay for everything and not because he loves you. And the minute you ask him to get a job or handle the bill, he gets angry or irritated. Now you know why.
12. Does Not Understand Or Acknowledge Your Feelings
If your partner does not acknowledge your feelings, you may not be important to them, and he is not serious about you. When you feel angry or hurt and want to talk to your man, if he sidelines your issue and moves on to something else, you need to rethink your relationship.
During a serious conversation, if he demeans your feelings saying “that’s how all women feel” or “you always feel like that”, it is clear he does not understand your feelings.
13. Ignores You In Front Of Others
If he’s fawning all over one minute but barely acknowledges you when a colleague walks by, it’s not a good sign. Notice how your partner treats you around other people, especially people he knows.
14. Does Not Correspond For Days Together
Does your partner ghost you and then turn up at your doorstep suddenly when they need something? This indicates he is using you. You message him for days, but he does not respond to your texts or calls until he needs some validation from you – either money or emotional support.
15. Is He Staying At Your Place?
If your partner is staying at your place, he may be using you for that. Does he pay for the rent or groceries? Does he chip in for anything, or are you taking care of everything for him? If he doesn’t chip in for anything, he may be using you for a location to stay.
16. Meets You Only In The Night
If he meets you only at night, it means you are not his priority. He might have had plans that fell through, or maybe he did not have anything to do. Either way, you are always the last person he thinks of. Instead of prioritizing you and making plans with you first, he only calls you in the night because his actual plans have fallen through.
17. Suddenly Stops All Romantic Gestures
Maybe when you both first met, he went out of his way to make you feel special – bought you flowers, wrote you notes, and took you to dinner. But after some time, all of that just stopped.
You can feel his disinterest in you. He is not as invested in the relationship as he was initially. This can mean that he has found someone else or does not feel the same with you anymore. He keeps you around so that he is not left hanging and alone.
18. Never Appreciates What You Do
Does it feel like your partner always complains about everything you do? Does he make fun of your flaws and faults? You can go out of your way to do something special for him, but he would still complain.
You never appear to measure up to his expectations. So, you always try to please him and attain his validation. This is a clear sign that he is toxic and your relationship is not healthy.
19. Threatens To Leave You To Get You To Do Things For Him
Whenever you both disagree about something, does he threaten to walk away from the relationship? It indicates he is using you to feel better about himself. Many narcissistic men use such kind of manipulation to get their way.
This is very dangerous as you may constantly feel that you are not good enough for him. So, you agree to everything he wants to make sure he does not leave you.
20. Keeps You A Secret
When you both meet, is it always at your place? And maybe in the night? If yes, perhaps your partner is just using you. He does not want to be seen in public with you. Every time you suggest going out, he disagrees or even gets angry. This is an obvious hint that he is exploiting you for something.
21. It Feels Like You’re Pursuing Him All The Time
You always make grand gestures and organize the plans to go out, while he does not take the time or effort to appreciate you. You end up feeling like you are chasing after him all the time.
You are always the one to bring up the future of the relationship. You always have to shift your plans to make time for him. While he seemingly exists in the relationship without doing anything to improve it. This might imply that he is using you to get some validation for himself.
22. Does Not Take Time To Get To Know You
If you and your partner talk only about him – his accomplishments, dreams, and career plans, he is not serious about you. He is not taking the time or putting effort into finding out more about you. When you talk about yourself, he somehow makes things about him instead.
23. You Are Not His Priority
If you are not in his top priorities, he is not serious about you and just using you. Do you both always meet only when it’s convenient for him? He may even forget about you now and then. All these behaviors indicate he is casual about you. If he ignores you to make his family happy, he is not serious about you.
24. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
An emotionally unavailable partner can ruin the relationship. Emotional unavailability is when your partner does not talk about their feelings and keeps everything inside. When you start talking about something serious, they become silent or angry, change the subject, or crack jokes.
This indicates they cannot handle the pain or other emotions that come from dealing with a situation. If your partner is unwilling to seek help to improve their state and make the relationship work, they may not be serious about the relationship.
25. He’s Hung Up On His Ex
If your partner is hung up on their ex, you may be a rebound for them. Does he keep checking his ex’s social media accounts? Does he keep bringing her up? When she is around, does he focus his attention on her? If your partner has not yet gotten over his ex, you need to let go of them.
26. It’s Always About Him
Is everything in the relationship about him? He gets to decide where you both eat, what works in the relationship, and always does what he wants. But when it comes to your likes and desires, you feel sidelined and unsatisfied. You both celebrate his accomplishments, but your achievements are never recognized.
It might feel like you are his sidekick rather than this partner. He feels powerful and in control of the relationship but doesn’t hear out your opinions. He is using you to feel good but doesn’t make you feel good.
27. Ditches You For Other People
If your man can ditch you for his friends, family, or other plans – you may not be a priority in his life. After making plans with you, if he suddenly changes his mind, it means you are the last person he’s making plans with. He might be using you not to feel lonely when his friends or family are busy.
28. Your Friends And Family Dislike Him
Sometimes we are too close to the situation to see the light. Ask your friends and family for their honest opinion about the man you are seeing. They can identify when the relationship is toxic, and your partner is not treating you right. If your friends and family do not like your partner, it may signify that he is not good for you.
Now that you know the clear signs that your partner is using you, how do you stop it? Read on to find out.
How To End The Relationship If He Is Using You
1. Know Your Worth
If your man is using you, it can make you feel like a commodity. You end up questioning your worth and feeling belittled. You might feel that since you are not valuable, he is not serious about you. But hold on ladies, it is very important to know your worth. If your man cannot put in the time and effort to make the relationship work, does not appreciate you, or takes you for granted, he is not worth your time. You deserve better.
2. Let Him Know How You Feel
Talk to your partner about how he makes you feel. Let him know that you feel underappreciated and used. If he does not acknowledge your feelings, tell him that you do not think the relationship will work out.
Don’t beat around the bush while communicating your feelings. Just be straightforward and not aggressive – be calm but firm, and let him know how you feel.
3. Move On Silently
Once you let your partner go, stick to your decision. You may feel like going back, but remember how bad the relationship was in the first place. Take your time to heal – hang out with friends and family and meet new people. Make sure you have a friend on standby when you break up with the man. Never go back to your partner in a momentary lapse in judgment.
Letting go of your partner may be hard, but it is time to face the truth. A partner who uses you can affect your mental and emotional health. Staying in such relationships can even be detrimental for your family. So, be strong and let go of your man if he shows any of the signs listed above.