10 Signs She Is Testing You To Make Sure You Are Right For Her

Take a cue from these signs so you can do right by her and win her heart.

Reviewed by Sarah Kenville, MA (Marriage and Family Therapy) Sarah Kenville Sarah KenvilleMA (Marriage and Family Therapy) facebook_iconinsta_icon
Written by Heidi Thomas
Edited by , MA (English) Asmita De MA (English) Experience: 3 years
Fact-checked by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
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When a relationship is in its early stages, you may notice some signs that she is testing you. It is not because she doubts you or she is not sure of her emotions towards you. Selecting a life partner is a major decision, so, understandably, a woman would put a man to the test to see if they are made for each other. The incredible thing is that she loves you enough to even consider you as a suitable partner. She is certainly interested in you, but she does not want to bother wasting your time if the relationship has an expiration date.

A woman may put you to the test in a variety of ways. Each woman is unique, and her requirements may vary. We have compiled a list of the top ten signs a lady is putting you to the test to determine if you are the one for her. Keep reading!

10 Signs She Is Testing You To Decide If You Are Right for Her

1. She Asks You About Your Future Goals

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If she is interested in you, she will care about what your plans for the future are. She will ask you what you want from life and where you see yourself in the next 5, 10, and 20 years. This signals that she wants something long-term and wants to see where you fall in her plans or vice versa. Do you plan to marry, have kids, or change your career?

While it is important to be spontaneous in life, having a broad life map planned out is important. Things might not always work out in the ways we planned, but having one indicates that you are far-sighted, organized, and focused – qualities deemed important in a life partner. If you have drastically different life goals, it will probably be a deal-breaker.

2. She Wants To Know About Your Past

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If she wants to know about your past (especially your relationships), it indicates she wants to know more about your romantic history and what kind of partner you were. She will want to know who broke up with you (or who you broke up with) and why. She asks about all these not because she has any suspicions but because this is a subtle way to scan for any red flags that might become deal breakers in the future. The way your relationship ended and how you deal with it gives a unique perspective about the psychological and emotional profile and vulnerability of the person.

Someone who is still obsessed with their ex-girlfriend or is prone to get into rebound relationships is not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. Learning of the past may shed light on more serious issues or behaviors, such as trust issues, insecurity, cheating, sexual abuse, repressed trauma, or domestic violence.

protip_icon Quick Tip
Certain past incidents may be difficult to discuss. Therefore, let her know you want some time if you are not comfortable sharing them with her just yet. It will not affect her feelings toward you. But never resort to lying.
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3. She Asks You About Deal Breakers

She asks you dealbreakers is a sign she is testing you
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Love, respect, and good communication are solid pillars of a relationship. Another crucial element is compatibility. While opposites may attract initially, people with more in common tend to stay together in the long run. Where do you draw a line on flirting? What about gambling? Debt? Raising children? Religious beliefs? These are common issues where most couples end up breaking up. That is why she will want to know about such dealbreakers. Obviously, you will not always agree on everything – but it is important to be on the same page on crucial issues.

4. She Checks Your Manners

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Manners maketh a man! She will always keep an eye out on how you behave with other people, especially waiters, drivers, and other women. How you treat them shows much about your character! Losing temper, using unkind words, or belittling someone is an instant turn-off. Being considerate of others shows you are kind and patient. These are great qualities to check for in a future partner. Simple gestures like greeting people back, helping others, and thanking people help make a great impression.

Of course, pulling a chair, holding the door or an umbrella, or handing a jacket may seem old-fashioned. But these little actions can earn you brownie points.

5. She Wants To Know More About Your Family And Friends

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Friends and family play a huge part in our social life. So, if she is interested in you, she will want to know more about your friends and meet your family. She will ask you questions about them and how important they are in your life. Are you estranged from your family? Do you have superficial friendships? Are you friends with toxic people who take advantage of you? Indeed, we are often judged by the company we keep.  A well-rounded person has a healthy social life. It is not the number of people around you but how emotionally connected you are with them. This also helps in gauging more about your family values. She will also better understand whether she can get along with your friends and family in the future.

6. She Will Introduce You To Her Friends

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Another sign she is testing you is when she introduces you to her friends. It might often feel like a rite of passage to get accepted by her friends. Her friends might initially be a little hostile – prodding you, asking you questions, or teasing you. Her more protective friends will often judge whether you are good enough for her. Her close friends who know her well can guess if you are right for her or not. Hanging out with her friends will also help you understand her better. Half the battle is won if you get along with her friends!

7. She Asks You To Help Her With Something

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If she asks for help, she is testing if she can count on you. She will want to know how helpful you are and if you prioritize her. You can guess early on if a person is genuinely interested in helping or if they are self-centered or self-serving. you work well together without too many disagreements. You would make a good team, which is crucial for a long-term relationship and raising kids.

8. She Takes Notice When You Flirt With Or Check Out Other Women

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No one wants to be with someone with a roving eye! She will always keep a tab on how you interact with other women that you find attractive. She will notice if you are flirting with a waitress or a colleague. Small, subtle gestures are dead giveaways in such cases. She will follow your eyes to see how you check out other women.

While it is normal to be attracted to other people, and a little bit of harmless flirting may not be objectionable, it is not okay to give too much attention to other women when you are dating someone seriously. Doing so signals you are open and available. Most importantly, it devalues your current relationship and your partner. This is definitely a red flag and a warning sign for your woman.

9. She Shares Her To-Do List With You

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You will notice she tells you little things she likes or wants to do. This is her way of seeing if you pay attention to her. She expects you to keep these in mind and surprise her later. This shows that you are attentive and thoughtful. From her Pinterest boards to vacay inspos, everything is game! A man who pays attention and dotes on his woman is what almost all women want. Hence, keeping a tab on the little details she keeps throwing in her conversations is important. Get her something from her wish list to make her happy. Most often, little gestures like remembering her favorite drinks or informing the chef of her allergies will show you care about her.

10. She Keeps A Tab On Whether You Initiate A Conversation

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She will test you by not texting back immediately or keeping from initiating a conversation. This is a sign that she wants to see your interest in talking to her. She wants to see if you are trying to reach out to her. Sometimes, she may play hard to get to see if you will stick around. The current dating trends show that most people have “situationships” or complicated relationships where people pursue multiple interests without really committing to one person. So, if she likes you, she wants you to take the initiative and try to woo her exclusively. Loyalty and commitment are a requirement for a long-term relationship.

protip_icon Quick Tip
If you want the same things from the relationship as her, it is always wise to be honest. But if you have second thoughts, let her know instead of leading her on.

Why Would A Woman Test A Man?

Women have legitimate reasons to test men before they make a life-changing decision with them. The most prominent reasons are as follows:

1. Check his self-confidence

She may say things that make him uncomfortable to ensure that his confidence is not based just on her likability and charms. Women are always more attracted to confident men.

2. Test your interest in her

The woman in your life may just stop showing interest in you to check if you are still interested in her. She wants to see effort from her partner even when she doesn’t, and that works like reassurance for her to continue being with them.

3. Check if he is emotionally stronger

Women do not prefer caring for their man or protecting him in social situations. An emotionally strong woman will always want a guy who can hold his ground in the most complicated social situations.

Infographic: 8 Signs She Is Testing You To See If You Are Right For Her

Choosing a life partner is a big move. So if you find your lady love testing you in different ways, it is her way of saying you are important and figuring out what role you will play in her life. How will you know whether she is testing you or not? We have compiled a list of 8 signs that will let you know that your lady love is testing you. Check out the infographic below to know more!

8 signs she is testing you to see if you are right for her (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

During the initial stages of a relationship, people want to ensure that their partner will be right for them in the long run. Therefore, they tend to put them through multiple tests and gauge their maturity and overall personality. So, your girlfriend might also test you to ensure that you are right for her. For instance, she might ask about your future goals, check your manners, enlist your help in some work, or note how often you initiate conversations. Of course, every woman is different, so their method of testing you will also be varied. Therefore, if you notice any of the signs discussed in the article, understand that she is testing you!

Frequently Asked Questions

How does a girl test your patience?

A girl can test your patience by acting difficult in different circumstances, making you wait for a date, ignoring your calls for a while, or making unreasonable demands of you. Every woman who wants to test a man’s patience may come up with ingenious circumstances where he will need to prove that he is not quick to give up, walk away or lose his temper.

Is she testing me by pulling away?

While a woman you are dating may be pulling away temporarily to test your persistence and level of interest in her, in some cases there may be some other underlying reason behind the distance she is creating. The best way to find out is to have a conversation with her.

What are some common mistakes that men make when being tested by a woman?

Men may react emotionally and become insecure and impatient when they find a woman testing them. They tend to become defensive or pull away to deal with the situation. Some men may even try to manipulate the circumstances to get what they want and eventually cause her to lose trust in them. They may ignore the situation and pretend everything is okay instead of facing it head-on. This attitude can make the woman feel unheard and confused and cause more tension in the relationship.

How can I build trust and show my value to a woman who is testing me?

Being honest and open about one’s intentions and feelings, listening actively, respecting boundaries, asking questions about her life and interests, keeping promises, and being patient and confident are some ways to build trust with the woman who is testing them.

Key Takeaways

  • Choosing a life partner for a woman is an important life decision, and she may test you in various ways to see if you are a suitable partner.
  • Each woman is unique and has her own set of tests and requirements to determine if you are the one for her.
  • If she is interested in you and testing you, she may inquire about your future goals, try to know about your past, and understand you.
signs she is testing you

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

Are you being tested by a girl? Learn the 10 signs, why she does it, and how to respond in the following video!

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