Stagnant Relationship: Reasons, Lessons, And Steps To Revive It

Written by Harini Natarajan , Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Dating your crush and eventually getting into a relationship can give you a ‘new emotional high’. However, the excitement and passion may die down as the years pass, and you might end up in a stagnant relationship.

Things change so quickly, isn’t it? What was exciting a few months ago has now gotten monotonous. During this dull phase of love, many partners may think of walking out of the relationship, while on the other hand, many choose to stay back even if they find the relationship boring.

But here is some good news – you can certainly re-ignite that lost excitement and passion in your relationship if you are willing to welcome some change in your life. Keep reading to know more.

3 Unexpected Signs Of A Stagnant Relationship

If you feel that there has been a lack of love in your relationship lately, be on the lookout for the following signs:

1. You Miss Your Partner’s Presence

No, we are not speaking about a long-distance relationship! This is that intense feeling where you miss your partner even when they are right beside you. You may feel as though you have become the sole contributor when it comes to the flourishment of your relationship.

Despite trying over and over again to establish a connection with your partner, you find that they are unwilling to meet you halfway. Your conversations with them feel robotic, and talking to them about your problems feels like a pain because they are not ready to listen anymore.

2. You Are Way Too Forgiving

A common assumption that many people make is that you need to accept your partner for all their flaws. Yes, you should avoid constantly nitpicking your partner for minor imperfections. But when some red flags start to show, they should be called out.

As a result, if you avoid intervening when your significant other messes up, it could be a sign that you are in a stagnant relationship.

Being less emotionally invested in the relationship may make you too tolerant of your partner’s mistakes. You may choose to ignore their financial problems or fail to address their emotionally abusive ways. If they are dismissive of your opinion, you let it slide instead of confronting them about it, even if it has hurt you deeply.

It is a clear sign that your relationship is losing its importance in both of your hearts, leading you to be more lenient toward your other half.

3. You Don’t Feel Excited

You are way too comfortable with everything around you, to the point where your relationship seems to lack any excitement. You may have become too stuck in your respective bubbles to avoid going beyond your comfort zone to welcome newness and revive your love life.

Without any spark in a committed relationship, it can be hard to envision a happy and rewarding future with your partner. This can result in one or both of you feeling stuck with one another.

Now that you know the warning signs, let’s unpack the reasons why your relationship feels stagnant.

Reasons Why You May Be In A Stagnant Relationship

1. You Or Your Partner Are Not Genuine

The reason you may be feeling stagnant in a relationship lately could be because you or your other half are pretending to be someone else. The disconnection from your ‘real self’ might be causing you to lose your connection with your partner, or vice versa.

Struggling to embrace your true self may lead you to think that your partner will not like you for who you really are. As such, you may have convinced yourself that your partner chose you because of who you are pretending to be.

Your partner may also be using pretending to be someone they are not to hide their underlying insecurities and self-doubt. They may feel that the only way they can gratify you is by trying to be your ideal type.

But these behaviors act as obstacles to growth and fulfillment in a relationship. True love cannot blossom when you do not accept yourself – it can lead to problems with respecting your partner’s authenticity as well.

2. You Are Too Judgmental

Everything seemed to be perfect and in place when love was in its first stage. But as time seemed to pass, the little flaws in yourself and your partner crept up, and the negative judgment started to pass between each other.

We judge ourselves when we set certain criteria of perfection and fail to meet them. And sometimes, we become judgmental toward our partners as well. This behavior could be unintentional, but it makes your partner feel insecure and empty. This will lead to them pulling away and gradually showing disinterest in the relationship.

On the other hand, judging yourself will put you into limiting beliefs and stop you from achieving your goals. Hurtful critique of yourself can scar your confidence and self-esteem, leading you to feel disillusioned about the relationship and slowly give up.

3. You Want Your Relationship To Be Perfect

Many couples make the mistake of entering into a relationship with notions of a perfect, blissful life. But the truth is that any long-term relationship will eventually get over the honeymoon phase.

Expecting a fairytale romance in real life can give you or your partner a false sense of boredom or stagnation. You may have unrealistic expectations of one another and the relationship in general. This can make you think that there is nothing left to cherish when the butterflies in the stomach fade away or the moment you hit a rough patch.

This is not to say that you cannot still find a way to keep the romance going. Big gestures and fancy dates are welcome, but the little ways your partner cares for you are equally precious in your relationship.

At this point, you may have a valid question about your relationship: can it be fixed? We explore some helpful tips to revive a stagnant relationship below.

How To Revive A Stagnant Relationship

If you are looking for ways to fix your problems, it means you still have that respect, fondness, and admiration for your partner. Following these tips can help you rekindle that love and instill growth in your long-term relationship.

1. Communication And Listening Are Key

Love is a two-way street. Sacrifices must be made from both ends. While you always point to your better half as a reason for your dwindling and withering relationship, realize that you can be a contributor as well!

To fix your stagnant relationship, keep calm and discuss the issues you think are making your love fall apart. Bring your problems to the table and find a solution together. Also, make it a point to listen. Speaking is good, but listening to your partner will make them believe that you respect and care for them.

2. Learn To Work As A Team

It’s not one step at a time – it’s two steps at a time. Now, you are tied to your partner’s decisions as well. Remember, your partner is not a burden to you, neither are you a stone tied to their leg while they are running their race.

If you are a couple experiencing stagnancy, bear in mind that love is more about ‘you and me’ rather than ‘I.’ It is a road that you and your partner will travel together, so you need to work as a team.

Don’t think of yourself as an individual in the relationship. Instead, try to support each other and be more involved in each other’s lives. Find healthy ways to express your needs and wants, and learn to respect your partner’s wishes, too.

3. Embrace Fights And Arguments

You may be inadvertently increasing the distance between you and your partner by avoiding an argument. You may also not know how to express your opinions in a way that will resolve matters between you two. But, fights in an intimate relationship are needed to ignite passion, progression, and understanding in life.

Arguments left untreated by the medicine of communication will harm the bond you share with your significant other and leave you feeling stagnant in the relationship.

Remember that silent treatment does not work! Speak up and discuss the problems you both seem to be having. The best thing to do to unlock this locked-up relationship is to have a clear conversation with your partner.

4. Try New Things Together

If you feel that the love between you two is not completely dead, consider trying new experiences together to breathe some life into your relationship.

You could go on a short trip to a place neither one has been to before, sign up for a class, or go out on double dates with your friends. Experiment to your heart’s delight, but make sure that your partner is also on board with whatever activity you plan on undertaking.

Re-igniting and rekindling the lost love with newness is a sure-fire way to fix a stagnant relationship. Try to make boring things romantic, be present, and be passionate about your love.

5. Learn To Love Yourself

Generally, we are forced to think that love exists only between two people. But, we forget that sometimes love is a language that needs to be communicated with ourselves instead of somebody else. You may expect your partner to love you beyond the limits of life, but have you done that to yourself?

When you learn to love the roots of yourself – the good, the bad, and everything in between – you can successfully receive the light of love that you expected from the world. If you lose love and hope in yourself, the world will too, let alone your partner!

However, some red flags will outweigh the reasons why you should continue to stay in a stagnant relationship. Find out whether you should consider ending things with your partner below.

When To Walk Away From A Stagnant Relationship

By numbing yourself to the serious flaws in your relationship, you end up with more pain and heartbreak, so it’s best to move on in such cases. Here are some signs that indicate it is time to end your stagnant relationship:

  • Your partner refuses to listen or change, despite your constant efforts to communicate your feelings to them.
  • You both have different expectations from the relationship. Be it marriage, children, or anything else – intimate partners that cannot find ways to stay on the same page will not move forward.
  • Making things work between you two is taking an emotional toll.
  • Your fights are getting worse over the course of time.
  • Even without fights, you can still feel a lack of support or love from your partner. If you find your needs aren’t being met, it may be time to put the brakes on your relationship.

To Conclude

Every couple faces the challenges of being stuck in a rut at one point or another. Luckily, it is possible to mend a stagnant relationship as long as you put in the time and effort to resolve your conflicts. But if things don’t seem to work out, there is no shame in deciding to move on and start a new journey.

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