61 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

A healthy relationship is not about only happy moments, but also small fights and conflicts. These conflicts teach partners about each other’s triggers and insecurities. Relationships are ever-evolving, and so are relationship dynamics, which can lead to conflicts from time to time. But even when aggravated, there are some things that you should never say to your partner. Having lots of fights does not mean it is a dysfunctional relationship, but being unable to deal with a conflict healthily can ruin a relationship.

Sometimes anger gets the best of us, and we fail to be kind to our partners during arguments. The agitation of not being understood by one person who should understand can trigger anger points you never knew existed. But it is crucial to remain kind to them and keep your words in check, despite all the pent-up rage. Since it is one of the most personal and intimate relationships, your harsh words and insults may leave scars too deep to heal.

Keep reading to learn about the things that you should never say to your partner.

61 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

1. “You Are Crazy!”

If you have ever called your partner crazy, it is not only rude but also highly dismissive. Calling your partner hysterical simply puts the issue on the back burner and gives way to name-calling. Using dismissive language and calling names would only provoke them further to attack you in self-defense.

2 “You Are Overreacting!”

Whenever your partner has an extreme reaction to something that you fail to understand, hear them out reasonably. They might be more sensitive than you or have legit reasons to react a certain way. This phrase only negates their experience and is dismissive.

3 “Calm Down!”

If and when your partner is angry, it’s better to let them vent it out. Any arguing back when they are venting will only escalate the conflict further. Telling them to calm down only makes them feel they are not being heard, and you are focused on their physical reaction but not the mental anguish they are describing.

4.“Shut up!”

It is highly inconsiderate to ask your partner to shut up. They are your equal who deserves to be treated with respect. Anger or frustration is not reason enough to use disrespectful language with your partner.

5. “We Should Part Ways If Things Go On Like This.”

Bringing up breakups and divorce repeatedly during an argument only emphasizes the possibility of it. The more these threats are repeated, the further the relationship moves towards it as a possible solution. These threats create a fear of abandonment within the partner. Repeated empty threats might eventually lead to a breakup if a partner decides they have had enough.

Quick Tip

The belief that couples should not go to bed angry is not entirely healthy or correct. Sometimes it is okay to sleep on an issue as it gives you time to cool down and to see the situation rationally rather than emotionally.

6. “That Is Why They Broke Up With You!”

Bringing up an ex-partner or relationship is a huge no. Making insensitive comments about their past relationships can trigger past relationship traumas for your partner and make them lose respect for you. Using their past relationships as a comeback is an attack on their vulnerability.

7. “You Have Become Fat!”

It is disrespectful to call out your partner this way, especially during an argument. Body shaming can take a massive toll on their self-esteem in the long run. These derogatory remarks can lead them to develop insecurities, body dysmorphia, and bad eating habits.

8. “You Are Boring!”

Sometimes, partners may become extremely comfortable with each other to the extent that the relationship may lose its spark. However, blaming your partner for it isn’t going to help. Instead, such judgments and hurtful comments can strain the relationship and make both of you drift away.

9. “You Are Acting Like Your Father/Mother.”

Comparing your partner to their parents is highly inappropriate, especially in a negative context. Such insulting phrases only provoke retaliation and turn the relationship sour.

10. “Your Parents Are The Reason For Your Attitude.”

Accusing your partner’s parents for something your partner did, is downright inconsiderate. This can mess with your partner’s head in the long run and start a chain reaction that may cause your partner to be hyperconscious around you before doing or saying anything.

Did You Know?

Hunger and sleep deprivation may make you angry (1)! You might be tired and frustrated, which might be the reason behind your fury.

11. “I Wish I Had Never Met You.”

This can be exceedingly hurtful for them. Even though this is said in anger, the words can make your partner wonder for a long time if you meant it. They may withdraw from the relationship, which may destabilize your bond.

12. “Have You Ever Done Anything For Me?”

Often, long-term resentment builds up and explodes as aggression. Blaming is expected when you feel your needs are not being met or your partner is not doing enough. But what if you have overlooked the small efforts they have out? This statement devalues all their efforts in the relationship and provokes an equally angry response.

13. “I Wish You Were More Like Them.”

Comparing your partner to someone else can be detrimental to their self-esteem. This would cause them to become highly self-conscious and reserved around you to escape judgment in the long run. Comparisons insinuate that your partner isn’t good enough for you.

Quick Tip

Take timeouts if you feel an argument slipping into an aggressive screaming match. Time-outs help in stopping a fight before it escalates to something serious.

14. “This Relationship Was A Mistake.”

Frequent disagreements may make the partners doubt their relationships. However, saying it aloud and wishing the entire relationship away during an argument is highly thoughtless. Instead of resolving the issue, calling the whole relationship a mistake negates all your experiences as partners.

15. “You Are Oversensitive.”

Partners commonly throw this phrase around when they fail to emotionally level with the other person. However, calling their sensitivity out implies you don’t find their emotions worth caring for. These belittling words can cause more damage and push them away.

16. “My Job Is More Important Than Yours!”

This is a dynamic power conflict where one party feels overburdened or superior to the other partner regarding productivity or profession. Usually, stay-at-home partners aren’t given the same value, and the earning partner insinuates that they are owed more importance. Using a patronizing attitude can make the other partner feel unworthy and useless while the earning partner holds the upper hand.

17. “They Looked So Good Tonight!”

Until and unless your partner is okay with making such remarks, complimenting others like this is never okay. This insinuates that you devoted attention to some third person as you found them more attractive than your partner. Such statements might make your partner feel insecure.

18. “This Is Why They Treated You Like That.”

No matter how angry you are, justifying your partner’s horrible situation is a below-the-belt comment. Bringing up their vulnerabilities to use against them in a fight will make them lose trust in you.

19. “This Is Why You Lost Out On…”

Rubbing salt in their wounds only to hurt them will make you lose respect in their eyes. A caring partner never brings up a past defeat to mock or prove a point.

20.“Remember The Time You Struggled With…”

No amount of anger can justify using someone’s past trauma or mental struggles against them in a fight. Bringing up a traumatic life event is a massive sign of low emotional intelligence and disrespect toward your partner. Traumas are shared in vulnerable and weak moments, and such information should be treated with the utmost respect.

21. “Stop Being A Child And Grow Up!”

Infantilizing or trivializing your partner’s concern is a form of belittling. This is insensitive and a rejection of their concerns or worries. Your partner might be excited or anxious about something you do not understand, and it’s better to ask them why they feel a certain way instead of dismissing them or making offensive remarks.

22.“You Deserve To Be Treated This Way.”

If your partner brings up concerns about how they feel about the way they are being treated, address it and try to resolve it. If they feel they are being mistreated, justifying it will eat away their self-worth or push them away.

Quick Tip

Establish boundaries from the beginning of the relationship regarding what will and will not be tolerated.

23. “You Are So Needy!”

If your partner has an anxious attachment, childhood abandonment issues, or anxiety in general, it can cause them to seek comfort from you. Calling them needy is hurtful and unnecessary. If you feel pressured, ask for space and clearly explain it to them.

24. “If You Loved Me, You Would Do This….”

Testing your partner’s love by forcing them to do something they are uncomfortable doing is emotionally manipulative. It disregards your partner’s wishes and prioritizes your feelings above theirs. Guilt-tripping your partner may create an imbalance in the relationship and lead to frustration.

25. “You Won’t Get It Anyway.”

Belittling or demeaning your partner’s intelligence can damage their self-confidence. A condescending tone also implies a higher moral ground where you refuse to meet your partner in the middle and explain stuff to them. Instead, if your partner doesn’t understand something, engage them in it, and you can enjoy exploring it together.

26. “No One Else Would Ever Put Up With You!”

To make someone believe that they aren’t worth being with is an awful thing to say. This can sow the seeds of self-doubt, make them feel blamed and defensive, and adversely affect their self-esteem.

27. “Get Over It!”

To tell someone to get over something is a refusal to acknowledge their pain. This would make your partner withdraw further into their shell and stop sharing anything with you.

28. “My Ex Was Better Than You.”

Comparison often gives rise to unreasonable expectations. Moreover, such statements may provoke retaliation and lead to a screaming match, trying to one-up each other. Mentioning a third person might also lead to doubts about infidelity.

29. “You Are Such An Idiot!”

Anytime a partner resorts to name-calling, it only goes downhill. Once the name-calling starts in a relationship, it is difficult to retract and only goes further with even more hurtful words. This makes the relationship sour, and both partners lose respect for each other.

30. “I Don’t Want To Talk To You.”

One of the common responses people use in a fight is refusing to talk or giving their partner silent treatment. When you refuse to respond to your partner out of anger, it can be demeaning and humiliating for them. Refusing to communicate the issue will drag the fight further and make it more difficult to resolve.

31. “Why Can’t You Be More Understanding!”

Every individual is different and everyone’s level of understanding can also be different. But to point out the thing in such a negative manner and during an argument can only further aggravate the situation. Your partner might be trying their best to understand your point of view but making such a statement can make them feel like you do not acknowledge their efforts at all.

32. “My Friends Never Liked You Anyway.”

Saying such a thing can dismiss your partner’s feelings and target their self-esteem. Everyone knows how important one’s friends are and how their opinions can influence a person. So, saying that your friends don’t like your partner might make them feel disliked and unwanted.

33. “You Are So Embarrassing.”

One should always be proud of their partner. Stating that you are embarrassed by your partner can make them feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and raise the feeling that they are not good enough for you.

34. “Stop Being So Dramatic!”

Negating someone’s emotional side by saying that they are being dramatic is extremely rude towards that person and means you do not respect their feelings. Refrain from invalidating your partner’s emotions like this and try to communicate things instead.

35. “Why Can’t You Do Anything On Your Own!”

A person should feel comfortable in asking their partner for any kind of help and advice. This above statement will simply make them feel like they can’t rely on you for anything, which can lead to feeling lonely and like a burden in the relationship.

36. “I Knew You Were Not Husband/ Wife Material.”

Saying this might make your partner feel like you never truly saw a future with them and that their presence was never good enough for you to take things seriously or forward.

37. “I Don’t Trust You Anymore.”

Trust makes the foundation of a relationship. By saying that it is not there anymore, you are simply stating that you do not wish to continue the relationship any longer. Hold back from saying something like this in an argument, as this will only further drift you apart.

38. “What Is The Big Deal?”

This is a way of belittling your partner’s emotions. By asking them what the big deal is or why they are making a big deal out of something, you are stating that they are overreacting in the situation and that their feelings are invalid.

39. “I Don’t Care.”

This is extremely disrespectful and dismissive and can deeply hurt your partner, making them feel like they are not important to you anymore. This can even lead to creating trust issues in the relationship.

40. “Why Are You Being So Insecure!”

Every individual is insecure when they enter a relationship with someone who might be slightly different in terms of appearance or financial status and by saying something like this you may trigger their insecurities and strike a blow to their confidence.

41. “Why Can’t You Be Good At Something?”

Refrain from saying something like this, this might make your partner feel insecure about their personal abilities and raise self-doubt in them. Everyone has something they might be bad at but by saying they are not good at anything you are being highly rude and disrespectful.

42. “You Always Do This Only.”

Saying this means you are pointing out their negative habits and generalizing their behavior. The majority of individuals go back to their patterns but by stating this you are taking part in accusations that can unnecessarily initiate a fight.

43. “I Can’t Waste Any More Time Like This.”

Alt text: Couple holding pieces of a broken heart

This can sound like you have been wasting all the time you spent with your partner and the relationship is not significant enough for you.

44. “I Settled For You.”

This implies that your present partner was not your first choice and that you have simply been adjusting. Both individuals should feel equal in a relationship, and by stating this you are simply saying that you are better than them and they should acknowledge that.

45. “I Don’t Respect You!”

Respect is something that holds the relationship, and if you say to your partner that you don’t respect them anymore, it can lead to the downfall of the relationship. So hold back from saying something like this in the heat of the argument.

46. “I Don’t Need You.”

While everyone is independent and requires some alone time, stating that you don’t need your partner can make them feel like they are not important anymore and that the relationship does not hold a strong place in your life.

47. “Maybe I Should Look For Someone Better.”

To say that you should find someone better is directly saying that your current partner is not good enough and is lacking in various ways. You wouldn’t want to disrespect them in this way even if you have been in an argument with them lately.

48. “I Want Nothing To Do With You.”

This implies rejection that can damage a relationship’s foundation of connection and trust and make your partner feel like they didn’t do much for you.

49. “You Never Consider My Feelings.”

While your partner might be trying to understand you and your emotions, the above statement might make them feel instantly disregarded and that their efforts in trying to respect your feelings are simply not acknowledged.

50. “You Are So Selfish.”

There are times when your partner might have to prioritize their own things over you. But by stating that they are selfish, you are invalidating their needs and wants and are keeping no space for personal growth.

51. “I Don’t Like Your Friends.”

Everyone’s friends are important to them, and by saying that you don’t like your partner’s friends, you are stating that you don’t trust their company, the influence they have, and your partner’s sense of judgment in making friends.

52. “You Are Making Things Up!”

This statement clearly states you are straight up labeling your partner as a liar and that their perception of things is constantly false and untrue. This can lead to trust issues and disrupt communication as well.

53. “I Am Not Physically Attracted To You Anymore.”

Physical connection is crucial for a relationship, and if an individual is not feeling the initial attraction they did, it can even lead to cheating or being constantly distant. Ensure to calmly talk to your partner if you have been feeling this way lately instead of throwing a strong statement like this at them.

54. “You Only Talk To Me When It Is Convenient.”

Your partner could be trying their best to take out time for you or to prioritize you, but hitting them with such a statement might make them feel like their efforts are never appreciated and fill their mind with bitterness.

55. “You Can Be So Disappointing At Times.”

This form of nagging can never be accepted by anyone, whether it is something you have ever said or your partner has said to you. It is a very hurtful statement and should not be said to anyone in any situation.

56. “Please Be On Your Best Behavior Out There.”

This may seem like you are embarrassed by your partner and their behavior and are thus asking them to act in a more appropriate manner. Instead, you should respect your partner and trust their ability to handle any social situation.

57. “You Never Help Me Out With Anything!”

This may lead to defensiveness and unnecessary accusations. It is always better to openly communicate with your partner if you feel like they have not been contributing in many situations and understand each other’s point of view as well.

58. “You Sure You Want To Eat That?”

Similar to body shaming your partner, this statement can feel like you are trying to control your partner’s diet and are refraining from consuming something of their choice and something that they might be fond of.

59. “Maybe You Should Go Back To Your Ex Instead.”

Bringing up the ex-partner is never a good idea anyway, and stating that they should return to their previous partner can surely bring permanent cracks in your relationship. A statement like this can sound like you don’t value your partner and that you would be better off without them.

60. “Just What The Hell Is Wrong With You!”

Such an aggressive tone can always further aggravate a situation. It is hostile and disrespectful towards your partner. It can be a form of criticism that can even cause self-doubt in your partner.

61. “You Are So Irrational.”

Saying that your partner is irrational is equal to stating that you doubt their judgment and decision-making skills. It is important to let your partner know that you believe in whatever step they take. You should handle any unforeseen situation as a couple if the outcome of the decision is not as expected for some reason.

Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment without realizing their impact. While we can’t undo the hurtful words, there are ways to fix the situation.

How Do You Fix A Relationship After Saying Hurtful Things?

Even during fights, you must show your partner basic kindness and respect. They are still one of your closest relationships and deserve to be treated with tenderness.

After a fight, it is better to take some time apart to reflect and calm down. Once the storm passes and both parties are ready to talk — this is the time to listen to each other and communicate emotionally. This is the time to feel all your feelings, lower your defenses, and listen with an open mind. Here’s what you can do:

1. Reflect

Take time to reflect on what you said. If you used the wrong words or language, accept it and acknowledge that you didn’t mean it. Remember how the fight started and what could’ve been done to avoid it.

2. Apologize

At this point, heartfelt and emotional apologies should be exchanged. Acknowledge the wrong things you said and ensure your partner that you didn’t mean any of them.

3. Communicate

Talk to your partner about your true feelings and let them know how bad you feel. Hear them out and take responsibility for the harsh words you said.

4. Make Amends

Make up with your partner and ensure not to utter those words again. After apologies, shower them with your affection and love and try not to repeat the same mistake. The best way to recover from a fight like this is to give it some time and be extra affectionate towards your partner in the meanwhile. Prepare a simple dinner, get them flowers or cute notes, and reassure them you are working on yourself.

Infographic: Top 5 Things You Should Never Ever Say To Your Partner

Anger was named one of the vices for all the right reasons. A bitter word can make or break your relationship. While arguing with your partner, saying insulting and rude words can lead to the partner detaching or separating from you. Therefore, keeping your tongue in check while dealing with your partner and using a conflict-resolving approach is essential. If you tend to lose your temper quickly and excessively, check out the infographic below to find out the top 5 things you should never say to your partner.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay not to tell my partner everything?

Yes, it is okay not to share everything with your partner. It is a healthy practice to keep your secrets and past information you do not wish to share.

What is one thing you should never say to your spouse?

You should never tell your partner that the relationship was a mistake or that you regret picking them.

What do toxic partners say?

Toxic partners compare you to others, devalue you, dismiss your feelings and call you oversensitive and crazy when you express something.

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

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Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

   

Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. Her sessions aim to bring about transformation in her clients’ lives, perspectives, and relationships. She works with her clients to help them evolve in their problem areas and find new meaning in their lives, thus finding the best versions of themselves.more

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