30 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

If you have ever used these phrases, it's time to reflect on them.

By Shivani ChandelShivani Chandel, Certified Relationship Coach  • 

A healthy relationship is not about only happy moments, but also small fights and conflicts. These conflicts teach partners about each other’s triggers and insecurities. Relationships are ever-evolving, and so are relationship dynamics, which can lead to conflicts from time to time. But even when aggravated, there are things that you should never say to your partner. Having lots of fights does not mean it is a dysfunctional relationship, but being unable to deal with a conflict healthily can ruin a relationship.

Sometimes anger gets the best of us, and we fail to be kind to our partners during arguments. The agitation of not being understood by one person who should understand can trigger anger points you never knew existed. But it is crucial to remain kind to them and keep your words in check, despite all the pent-up rage. Since it is one of the most personal and intimate relationships, your harsh words and insults may leave scars too deep to heal.

Keep reading to learn about the things that you should never say to your partner.

30 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

1. “You Are Crazy!”

Things you should never say to your partner

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If you have ever called your partner crazy, it is not only rude but also highly dismissive. Calling your partner hysterical simply puts the issue on the back burner and gives way to name-calling. Calling names would only provoke them further to attack you in self-defense.

2 “You Are Overreacting!”

Whenever your partner has an extreme reaction to something that you fail to understand, hear them out reasonably. They might be more sensitive than you or have legit reasons to react a certain way. This phrase only negates their experience and is dismissive.

3 “Calm Down!”

If and when your partner is angry, it’s better to let them vent it out. Any arguing back when they are venting will only escalate the conflict further. Telling them to calm down only makes them feel they are not being heard, and you are focused on their physical reaction but not the mental anguish they are describing.

4.“Shut up!”

A couple arguing angrily

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It is highly inconsiderate to ask your partner to shut up. They are your equal who deserves to be treated with respect. Anger or frustration is not a reason enough to be rude to your partner, especially in front of others.

5. “We Should Part Ways If Things Go On Like This.”

Bringing up breaks ups and divorce repeatedly during an argument only emphasizes the possibility of it. The more these threats are repeated, the further relationship moves towards it as a possible solution. These threats create a fear of abandonment within the partner. Repeated empty threats might eventually lead to a breakup if a partner decides they have had enough.

protip_icon Quick Tip
The belief that couples should not go to bed angry is not entirely healthy or correct. Sometimes it is okay to sleep on an issue as it gives you time to cool down and to see the situation rationally rather than emotionally.

6. “That Is Why They Broke Up With You!”

Bringing up an ex-partner or relationship is a huge no. It can trigger past relationship traumas for your partner and make them have less respect for you. Using their past relationships as a comeback is an attack on their vulnerability.

7. “You Have Become Fat!”

Assigning blame to your partner

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It is disrespectful to call out your partner this way, especially during an argument. Body shaming can take a massive toll on their self-esteem in the long run. This can lead them to develop insecurities, body dysmorphia, and bad eating habits.

8. “You Are Boring!”

Sometimes, partners may become extremely comfortable with each other to the extent that the relationship may lose its spark. However, blaming your partner for it isn’t going to help. Instead, such judgments and negative comments can strain the relationship and make both of you drift away.

9. “You Are Acting Like Your Father/Mother.”

Comparing your partner to their parents is highly inappropriate, especially in a negative context. Insulting your partner and their family members will only provoke retaliation and turn the relationship sour.

10. “Your Parents Are The Reason For Your Attitude.”

Couple fighting and blaming each other

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Accusing your partner’s parents for something your partner did, is downright inconsiderate. This can mess with your partner’s head in the long run and start a chain reaction that may cause your partner to be hyperconscious around you before doing or saying anything.

protip_icon Did You Know?
Hunger and sleep deprivation may make you angry (1)! You might be tired and frustrated, which might be the reason behind your fury.

11. “I Wish I Had Never Met You.”

This can be exceedingly hurtful for them. Even though this is said in anger, the words can make your partner wonder for a long time if you meant it. They may withdraw from the relationship, which may destabilize your bond.

12. “Have You Ever Done Anything For Me?”

Often, long-term resentment builds up and explodes as aggression. Blaming is expected when you feel your needs are not being met or your partner is not doing enough. But what if you have overlooked the small efforts they have out? This statement devalues all their efforts in the relationship and provokes an equally angry response.

13. “I Wish You Were More Like Them.”

Disappointed partner

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Comparing your partner to someone else can be detrimental to their self-esteem. This would cause them to become highly self-conscious and reserved around you to escape judgment in the long run. Comparisons insinuate that your partner isn’t good enough for you.

protip_icon Quick Tip
Take timeouts if you feel an argument slipping into an aggressive screaming match. Time-outs help in stopping a fight before it escalates to something serious.

14. “This Relationship Was A Mistake.”

Frequent disagreements may make the partners doubt their relationships. However, saying it aloud and wishing the entire relationship away during an argument is highly thoughtless. Instead of resolving the issue, calling the whole relationship a mistake negates all your experiences as partners.

15. “You Are Oversensitive.”

Partners commonly throw this phrase around when they fail to emotionally level with the other person. However, calling their sensitivity out implies you dont find their emotions worth caring for.

16. “My Job Is More Important Than Yours!”

Saying mean things to your partner

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This is a dynamic power conflict where one party feels overburdened or superior to the other partner regarding productivity or profession. Usually, stay-at-home partners aren’t given the same value, and the earning partner insinuates that they are owed more importance. Using this reason will make the other partner feel unworthy and useless while the earning partner holds the upper hand.

17. “They Looked So Good Tonight!”

Until and unless your partner is okay with making such remarks, complimenting others like this is never okay. This insinuates that you devoted attention to some third person as you found them more attractive than your partner. Such statements might make your partner feel insecure.

18. “This Is Why They Treated You Like That.”

No matter how angry you are, justifying your partner’s horrible situation is a below-the-belt comment. Bringing up their vulnerabilities to use against them in a fight will make them lose trust in you.

19. “This Is Why You Lost Out On…”

An exhausted partner being yelled at

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Rubbing salt in their wounds only to hurt them will make you lose respect in their eyes. A caring partner never brings up a past defeat to mock or prove a point.

20.“Remember The Time You Struggled With…”

No amount of anger can justify using someone’s past trauma or mental struggles against them in a fight. Bringing up a traumatic life event is a massive sign of low emotional intelligence and disrespect toward your partner. Traumas are shared in vulnerable and weak moments, and such information should be treated with the utmost respect.

21. “Stop Being A Child And Grow Up!”

Infantilizing or trivializing your partner’s concern is a form of belittling. This is insensitive and a rejection of their concerns or worries. Your partner might be excited or anxious about something you do not understand, and it’s better to ask them why they feel a certain way instead of dismissing them.

22.“You Deserve To Be Treated This Way.”

A young couple shouting at each other

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If your partner brings up concerns about how they feel about the way they are being treated, address it and try to resolve it. If they feel they are being mistreated, justifying it will eat away their self-worth or push them away.

protip_icon Quick Tip
Establish boundaries from the beginning of the relationship regarding what will and will not be tolerated.

23. “You Are So Needy!”

If your partner has an anxious attachment, childhood abandonment issues, or anxiety in general, it can cause them to seek comfort from you. Calling them needy is hurtful and unnecessary. If you feel pressured, ask for space and clearly explain it to them.

24. “If You Loved Me, You Would Do This….”

Testing your partner’s love by forcing them to do something they are uncomfortable doing is emotionally manipulative. It disregards your partner’s wishes and prioritizes your feelings above theirs. Guilt-tripping your partner may create an imbalance in the relationship and lead to frustration.

25. “You Won’t Get It Anyway.”

A woman insulting her partner

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Belittling or demeaning your partner’s intelligence can damage their self-confidence. This also implies a higher moral ground where you refuse to meet your partner in the middle and explain stuff to them. Instead, if your partner doesn’t understand something, engage them in it, and you can enjoy exploring it together.

26. “No One Else Would Ever Put Up With You!”

To make someone believe that they aren’t worth being with is an awful thing to say. This can sow the seeds of self-doubt, make them feel blamed and defensive, and adversely affect their self-esteem.

27. “Get Over It!”

To tell someone to get over something is a refusal to acknowledge their pain. This would make your partner withdraw further into their shell and stop sharing anything with you.

28. “My Ex Was Better Than You.”

Husband comparing his wife to an ex

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Comparison often gives rise to unreasonable expectations. Moreover, such statements may provoke retaliation and lead to a screaming match, trying to one-up each other. Mentioning a third person might also lead to doubts about infidelity.

29. “You Are Such An Idiot!”

Anytime a partner resorts to name-calling, it only goes downhill. Once the name-calling starts in a relationship, it is difficult to retract and only goes further with even more hurtful words. This makes the relationship sour, and both partners lose respect for each other.

30. “I Don’t Want To Talk To You.”

One of the common responses people use in a fight is refusing to talk or giving their partner silent treatment. When you refuse to respond to your partner out of anger, it can be demeaning and humiliating for them. Refusing to communicate the issue will drag the fight further and make it more difficult to resolve.

Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment without realizing their impact. While we can’t undo the hurtful words, there are ways to fix the situation.

How Do You Fix A Relationship After Saying Hurtful Things?

A couple trying to fix their relationship after saying hurtful things

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Even during fights, you must show your partner basic kindness and respect. They are still one of your closest relationships and deserve to be treated with tenderness.

After a fight, it is better to take some time apart to reflect and calm down. Once the storm passes and both parties are ready to talk — this is the time to listen to each other and communicate emotionally. This is the time to feel all your feelings, lower your defenses, and listen with an open mind. Here’s what you can do:

1. Reflect

Take time to reflect on what you said. If you used the wrong words or language, accept it and acknowledge that you didn’t mean it. Remember how the fight started and what could’ve been done to avoid it.

2. Apologize

At this point, heartfelt and emotional apologies should be exchanged. Acknowledge the wrong things you said and ensure your partner that you didn’t mean any of them.

3. Communicate

Talk to your partner about your true feelings and let them know how bad you feel. Hear them out and take responsibility for the harsh words you said.

4. Make Amends

Make up with your partner and ensure not to utter those words again. After apologies, shower them with your affection and love and try not to repeat the same mistake. The best way to recover from a fight like this is to give it some time and be extra affectionate towards your partner in the meanwhile. Prepare a simple dinner, get them flowers or cute notes, and reassure them you are working on yourself.

Infographic: Top 5 Things You Should Never Ever Say To Your Partner

Anger was named one of the vices for all the right reasons. A bitter word can make or break your relationship. While arguing with your partner, saying insulting and rude words can lead to the partner detaching or separating from you. Therefore, keeping your tongue in check while dealing with your partner and using a conflict-resolving approach is essential. If you tend to lose your temper quickly and excessively, check out the infographic below to find out the top 5 things you should never say to your partner.

top 5 things you should never ever say to your partner (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

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Final Thoughts

Relationships can be challenging to manage at times, and everyday stress can make navigating even more difficult. Whether it’s retaliation or anger, these are the things you should never say to your partner. You must still show your partner the same courtesy, decency, and respect everyone deserves. Harsh words from a partner can leave behind wounds or reopen the old ones. Forgiveness does not come quickly when you know your insecurities were used against you only to cause more hurt. Be careful with your words while angry, and reflect on the whole situation once you have calmed down. When the other partner gets aggressive, try to de-escalate the situation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay not to tell my partner everything?

Yes, it is okay not to share everything with your partner. It is a healthy practice to keep your secrets and past information you do not wish to share.

What is one thing you should never say to your spouse?

You should never tell your partner that the relationship was a mistake or that you regret picking them.

What do toxic partners say?

Toxic partners compare you to others, devalue you, dismiss your feelings and call you oversensitive and crazy when you express something.

Key Takeaways

  • Hurting a partner verbally is as severe as hurting someone physically.
  • Comparing your partner to others can trigger their insecurities and affect their self-esteem negatively.
  • Dismissing your partner’s feelings and ideas is uncaring and will only push them away from you.
  • Once the verbal spat is over, take time apart to calm down and reflect on the words you said.
  • Apologize sincerely, express your emotions and listen to the other partner’s grievances.


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