Why Is My Ex Texting Me? 13 Emotional And Practical Reasons

Maintain an open mind and analyze the situation without getting ahead of yourself.

Reviewed by Hemali Adhiya, ICF Certified Relationship Coach Hemali Adhiya Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach facebook_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon
Written by , Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach Sneha Tete Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach linkedin_icon Experience: 4 years
Edited by , MA (English) Asmita De MA (English) Experience: 3 years
Fact-checked by , MA Sangita Goel MA linkedin_icon

Dating may be hard, and breakups can be even more difficult – particularly if you are trying to move forward from a previous relationship. You can be enjoying a fantastic week and feeling good about your romantic life when you get a message from your ex, and that sense of closure disappears. You may be thinking, “Why is my ex texting me?”

Getting a text from your ex may bring up questions, curiosity, and second thoughts. While there are a variety of reasons why your ex may be contacting you, it is advisable to pause before replying. Here are 13 practical and emotional reasons why your ex could be texting you. Check them out!

1. They Want To Check Up On You

Your ex may text you to know how you are doing
Image: Shutterstock

Your ex could be texting you to check up on you, especially if you were together for many years. However, that does not mean that they are stuck on you. It’s out of humanity and a sense of concern for a person that they loved at one point in time. The best way forward is to ask how they are doing and to offer to help if they need any.

protip_icon Quick Tip
If your ex is texting you to check up on you, reply politely but not entertain the conversation beyond the limit. You may exchange a few messages, ask about them, and end it soon.

2. They Want To Have A Heart-to-Heart

Your ex could be texting you to have a heart-to-heart with you. Whether it is guilt or forgiveness, wanting to have a conversation about your relationship, what went wrong, or why things happened the way they did could be good or bad for you. It depends on you whether you are also ready to revisit those memories. If it still hurts the way you were treated, maybe it’s not time yet to have a heart-to-heart with your ex. It is important to figure out if you have moved past the grief and are ready to hear what your ex has to say without getting too ruffled up. In such scenarios, don’t be afraid to stand up for your need of not wanting to take up any such emotionally triggering discussions until you feel strong enough to participate in the conversation.

3. They Want To Get Back

This is probably one of the most common reasons why exes start texting again after you’ve broken up. It is normal to break up in the heat of the moment and then regret it later. It is also not unusual for wanting to get back together after being on a break from the relationship. Sometimes exes come back to ask for a second chance after realizing their mistakes. And it is OK if you feel happy after seeing your ex’s text. However, before you decide to reply, consider if the relationship was toxic. Was it one-sided? What were the reasons you broke up in the first place? Also, do a “gut feeling” check. Does it feel right to you that your ex is texting and/or asking whether you are seeing someone? If it does not feel right to you, you know what to do.

protip_icon Quick Tip
If your ex wants to get back and you are unsure about it, communicate that you are not ready. Avoid saying anything that may ignite hope in them.

4. They Want Sex

Your ex may text you if they are seeking sexual intimacy
Image: Shutterstock

It is tough to let go of emotional and physical attachment with someone. No matter the duration or the quality of the relationship, wanting to feel the same touch is not unusual. Your ex may want to feel the love and attention from you through sex. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a sexual relationship, you must tread very cautiously. If it is not just sex for you, you will end up getting hurt again.

5. Feeling Lonely

Your ex could also be texting you because they are lonely. They may be missing the moments you shared together, the conversations you had, or feeling a sense of nostalgia. Feeling lonely could be making them want to seek a sense of familiarity or a place where they felt welcome. However, this may not necessarily mean that they want to get back with you. So, while you may want the best for your ex, be cautious. Loneliness can make people do things that they otherwise wouldn’t do.

6. They Are Just Curious

Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It’s good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment. If you are also at a place where you can maintain communication with your ex without feeling a strange concoction of emotions, go ahead and have a chat.

7. Realization

Your ex may text you because they feel they need you back
Image: Shutterstock

There are hundreds of reasons why couples break up. But, only a few people own up to their mistakes that added to the cracks in the relationship. With time and distance from each other, people often realize why they acted the way they did. Your ex may have realized their contribution in the breakup and wants to let you know that. It is a good start for your ex to deal with and heal from their issues. And, you will also know that you were not the only one responsible for what went down.

8. Jealousy

Jealousy can get the best of anyone. It could be possible that your ex is jealous that you are living your life to the fullest without their support. Jealousy can also be triggered due to your career advancements or romantic life. You will know whether your ex is texting you out of sheer jealousy by the tone of the text. Sarcastic and snide remarks are the tell-tale signs.

9. You Are Their Backup Plan

This is not the ideal place to be, but there are many of us who have been in that position. Being the backup plan and not “the one” is hurtful and disrespectful. But, the heart wants what it wants, and we sometimes accept being the backup because we are scared to be alone. Your ex can sense it too, and that’s why you are an easy kill. However, in the long run, this is going to be toxic and very emotionally draining for you.

10. They Want To Show Support

Your ex may text you to show support as a well-wisher
Image: Shutterstock

Your ex could also be texting you because they want to show their support. Did you just write a book? Won an award? Got a new job? Or, are you going through a tough time? The support of your near and dear ones matters a lot in times of happiness as well as sadness. If your ex is texting you to show their support, it is a very mature move. It’s completely OK if you decide to reply or not. If you are not in a good place to be interacting with them, don’t. Extend the same courtesy to your ex at some point in the future.

11. They Want To Talk About Something Practical

Were you living together? Did you share furniture or appliances? Maybe even a lease or a car? Your ex could be texting to sort out the bills. While moving out when you were living in the same house can take a toll on you, it is better to sort things out while you can and put it all behind you. If your ex is texting you regarding that, they are ready to do so. If you are not ready to talk yet, ask a friend to deliver the message to your ex. You can also book movers to send your ex’s things or get your’s delivered to your new address. However, if you are still cordial with each other, it is best to talk and iron out these kinks.

12. They Want To Be Friends

Friendship is a strong foundation for many relationships. While you both may not be right for each other as romantic partners, you could be good friends. Perhaps your ex wants just that. This could also happen if you have a large group of common friends. Maybe your ex wants to clear the air of awkwardness. Whatever be their reason to extend a hand of friendship, it ultimately depends on you whether you can go back to being friends.

Ingrid Chajsen, a blogger, shares his personal experience of receiving a text message from his ex-partner. He states, “She texted me right after we broke up wanting to basically keep talking as friends. I had a really hard time with that because she seemed to show much more interest in me after we broke up than when we were together (i).” He proceeds to share how the whole situation affected him badly and further decreased his self-esteem.

13. Boredom

Sometimes exes might initiate contact simply out of boredom. During moments of idleness in one’s life, reaching out to someone familiar can serve as a temporary distraction. If the conversations lack depth or a genuine desire to reconnect, it might be indicative of boredom rather than a sincere interest in rebuilding a connection. While the idea may seem tempting or convenient, it is important to carefully consider your own feelings and boundaries before getting involved with your ex again. Take the time to reflect on your own intentions and priorities before deciding whether to entertain this or not any further.

These are the 13 reasons why your ex may be texting you. But the burning question is, should you text your ex back? Scroll down to find out.

So, Should You Text Your Ex Back?

You shouldn't feel obliged to reply unless you are ready
Image: Shutterstock

There is a right time and place for everything. Sometimes, a text from an ex might just give you mixed signals as they struggle to discover what they really want. You do not have to pretend to be OK with texting your ex if you are not ready for it. If you had a toxic relationship, you might not want to be in touch with your ex at all. And that’s fine. Define clear boundaries. Ignore your ex’s text(s). And if that does not help, you can block your ex. On the other hand, if you have healed and moved on from that place of hurt and anger, text your ex back. However, if you are still moving on, practice caution.

Sometimes people ambush you in the most surprising ways. The best way to check if you trust your ex’s text to be coming from a place of good intention is to see if you can tell your friend(s) about your interactions. If yes, and your friends don’t find it out of place, you are good. If not, then you know that it’s not a good idea to text your ex back.

Infographic: 5 Key Reasons Why Your Ex May Text You After Break Up

‘Break up hurts the most’- we have all heard this. It is quite difficult to move on from your ex and start afresh without them. When it comes to receiving texts from your ex, however, the heart beats faster thinking of the possible reason behind it. We have already curated a list for you to avoid spending time trying to find the perfect reason. Check out the infographic below to know the top five reasons you may receive texts from your ex after a break up. Give yourself time and move forward with your decision.

5 key reasons why your ex may text you after break up (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Why is my ex texting me?’ is a common question. The answer to it could be both positive and negative. Maybe your ex is jealous or has realized their mistakes and wants to reconcile. It is for you to decide if you want to encourage your ex to contact you after a breakup. Ideally, it is good to take a break from each other as you both are healing. You may need to feel stable before going back to the texting phase. Once you have moved on and feel that you and your ex can be friends, you can go ahead. But do not forget the reasons mentioned above and make an intelligent decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a bad idea to be friends with an ex who keeps texting me?

It all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your ex partner. If you broke up amicably, then they might just want to keep in touch. However, If you were involved in a toxic relationship and your ex constantly messages you, it is better to refrain from replying to them and being friends.

Can my ex change their mind about the breakup if they are texting me?

There is a possibility that your ex is texting you to get back together and patch up after the breakup. However, do not jump to that conclusion as soon as you get a text from them.

Is it a good idea to meet up with my ex if they keep texting me?

If you feel the constant messages are troubling you and making you uncomfortable then you are not compelled to meet your ex, simply ignore the texts or block them.

Key Takeaways

  • Getting a sudden text from your ex can bring questions, curiosity, and second thoughts.
  • Checking on you, showing support for your success, and wanting to be friends maybe some of the reasons they may be texting you.
  • It is important to know how to set boundaries with your ex. If you have moved on and healed from the relationship, you can text your ex back with caution.

Received a sudden message from your ex and don’t know what that means? Then watch this video that shows possible reasons why they may want to get in touch with you.

Personal Experience: Source

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Hemali Adhiya

Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. Her sessions aim to bring about transformation in her clients’ lives, perspectives, and relationships. She works with her clients to help them evolve in their problem areas and find new meaning in their lives, thus finding the best versions of themselves.read full bio

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