Why Is My Ex Texting Me? 12 Emotional And Practical Reasons

Maintain an open mind and analyze the situation without getting ahead of yourself.

Reviewed by Hemali Adhiya, ICF Certified Relationship Coach
By Harini Natarajan, Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Dating may be hard, and breakups can be even more difficult – particularly if you are trying to move forward from a previous relationship. You can be enjoying a fantastic week and feeling good about your romantic life when you get a message from your ex, and that sense of closure disappears. You may be thinking, “Why is my ex texting me?”

Getting a text from your ex may bring up questions, curiosity, and second thoughts. While there are a variety of reasons why your ex may be contacting you, it is advisable to pause before replying. Here are 12 practical and emotional reasons why your ex could be texting you. Check them out!

1. They Want To Check Up On You

Your ex may text you to know how you are doing

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Your ex could be texting you to check up on you, especially if you were together for many years. However, that does not mean that they are stuck on you. It’s out of humanity and a sense of concern for a person that they loved at one point in time. The best way forward is to ask how they are doing and to offer to help if they need any.

2. They Want To Have A Heart-to-Heart

Your ex could be texting you to have a heart-to-heart with you. Whether it is guilt or some other emotion, wanting to have a conversation about your relationship, what went wrong, or why things happened the way they did could be good or bad for you. It depends on you whether you are also ready to revisit those memories. If it still hurts the way you were treated, maybe it’s not time yet to have a heart-to-heart with your ex. It is important to figure out if you have moved past the grief and are ready to hear what your ex has to say without getting too ruffled up. In such scenarios, don’t be afraid to stand up for your need of not wanting to take up any such emotionally triggering discussions until you feel strong enough to participate in the conversation.

3. They Want To Get Back

This is probably one of the most common reasons why exes start texting again after you’ve broken up. It is normal to break up in the heat of the moment and then regret it later. It is also not unusual for wanting to get back together after being on a break from the relationship. And it is OK if you feel happy after seeing your ex’s text. However, before you decide to reply, consider if the relationship was toxic. Was it one-sided? What were the reasons you broke up in the first place? Also, do a “gut feeling” check. Does it feel right to you that your ex is texting and/or asking whether you are seeing someone? If it does not feel right to you, you know what to do.

4. They Want Sex

Your ex may text you if they are seeking sexual intimacy

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It is tough to let go of emotional and physical attachment with someone. No matter the duration or the quality of the relationship, wanting to feel the same touch is not unusual. Your ex may want to feel the love and attention from you through sex. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a sexual relationship, you must tread very cautiously. If it is not just sex for you, you will end up getting hurt again.

5. Feeling Lonely

Your ex could also be texting you because they are lonely. They may be missing the moments you shared together, the conversations you had, or the frequency at which you both matched. Feeling lonely could be making them want to seek a sense of familiarity or a place where they felt welcome. However, this may not necessarily mean that they want to get back with you. So, while you may want the best for your ex, be cautious. Loneliness can make people do things that they otherwise wouldn’t do.

6. They Are Just Curious

Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It’s good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment. If you are also at a place where you can interact with your ex without feeling a strange concoction of emotions, go ahead and have a chat.

7. Realization

Your ex may text you because they feel they need you back

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There are hundreds of reasons why couples break up. But, only a few people own up to their mistakes that added to the cracks in the relationship. With time and distance from each other, people often realize why they acted the way they did. Your ex may have realized their contribution in the breakup and wants to let you know that. It is a good start for your ex to deal with and heal from their issues. And, you will also know that you were not the only one responsible for what went down.

8. Jealousy

Jealousy can get the best of anyone. It could be possible that your ex is jealous that you are living your life to the fullest without their support. Jealousy can also be triggered due to your career advancements or romantic life. You will know whether your ex is texting you out of sheer jealousy by the tone of the text. Sarcastic and snide remarks are the tell-tale signs.

9. You Are Their Backup Plan

This is not the ideal place to be, but there are many of us who have been in that position. Being the backup plan and not “the one” is hurtful and disrespectful. But, the heart wants what it wants, and we sometimes accept being the backup because we are scared to be alone. Your ex can sense it too, and that’s why you are an easy kill. However, in the long run, this is going to be toxic and very emotionally draining for you.

10. They Want To Show Support

Your ex may text you to show support as a well-wisher

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Your ex could also be texting you because they want to show their support. Did you just write a book? Won an award? Got a new job? Or, are you going through a tough time? The support of your near and dear ones matters a lot in times of happiness as well as sadness. If your ex is texting you to show their support, it is a very mature move. It’s completely OK if you decide to reply or not. If you are not in a good place to be interacting with them, don’t. Extend the same courtesy to your ex at some point in the future.

11. They Want To Talk About Something Practical

Were you living together? Did you share furniture or appliances? Maybe even a lease or a car? Your ex could be texting to sort out the bills. While moving out when you were living in the same house can take a toll on you, it is better to sort things out while you can and put it all behind you. If your ex is texting you regarding that, they are ready to do so. If you are not ready to talk yet, ask a friend to deliver the message to your ex. You can also book movers to send your ex’s things or get your’s delivered to your new address. However, if you are still cordial with each other, it is best to talk and iron out these kinks.

12. They Want To Be Friends

Friendship is a strong foundation for many relationships. While you both may not be right for each other as romantic partners, you could be good friends. Perhaps your ex wants just that. This could also happen if you have a large group of common friends. Maybe your ex wants to clear the air of awkwardness. Whatever be their reason to extend a hand of friendship, it ultimately depends on you whether you can go back to being friends.

These are the 12 reasons why your ex may be texting you. But the burning question is, should you text your ex back? Scroll down to find out.

So, Should You Text Your Ex Back?

You shouldn't feel obliged to reply unless you are ready

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There is a right time and place for everything. You do not have to pretend to be OK with texting your ex if you are not ready for it. If you had a toxic relationship, you might not want to be in touch with your ex at all. And that’s fine. Define clear boundaries. Ignore your ex’s text(s). And if that does not help, you can block your ex. On the other hand, if you have healed and moved on from that place of hurt and anger, text your ex back. However, practice caution.

Sometimes people ambush you in the most surprising ways. The best way to check if you trust your ex’s text to be coming from a place of good intention is to see if you can tell your friend(s) about your interactions. If yes, and your friends don’t find it out of place, you are good. If not, then you know that it’s not a good idea to text your ex back.

Key Takeaways

  • Getting a sudden text from your ex can bring questions, curiosity, and second thoughts.
  • Checking on you, showing support for your success, and wanting to be friends maybe some of the reasons they may be texting you.
  • It is important to know how to set boundaries with your ex. If you have moved on and healed from the relationship, you can text your ex back with caution.

Why is my ex texting me?’ is a common question. The answer to it could be both positive and negative. Maybe your ex is jealous or has realized their mistakes and wants to reconcile. It is for you to decide if you want to encourage your ex to contact you after a breakup. Ideally, it is good to take a break from each other as you both are healing. You may need to feel stable before going back to the texting phase. Once you have moved on and feel that you and your ex can be friends, you can go ahead. But do not forget the reasons mentioned above and make an intelligent decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for an ex to text you?

It can be considered normal for an ex to text after the relationship is over, depending on how long you were together, how deeply connected you were during the relationship, and how you broke up. However, just because it’s commonplace and normal, it is not considered the best practice and should not obligate you to respond.

What to say to an ex who texts you?

How you respond to an ex who texts you depends entirely on your equation with each other, your feelings on the matter, and whether you want to keep up ant conversation with them or not. In general, keep your replies polite and precise if you want to reply to a text by an ex. If you don’t want to engage, avoid responding or let them know that you need space and don’t want to talk.

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