Why She Is Ignoring Me? Top Reasons And What To Do About It

Go further than the tip of the iceberg and learn how to swim through it.

Reviewed by Roma Williams, LMFT
Written by Sneha Tete, Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach
Edited by Subhrojyoti Mukherjee, MA (English)
Fact-checked by Sangita Goel, MA  • 

Being ignored by your partner can be painful. The question “Why is she ignoring me?” keeps going around in your head without a logical answer. It can leave you feeling anxious and stressed out. What went wrong is an open-ended question with many answers and possibilities. Did you have an argument? Is she ghosting you? Is she simply busy?

To ease your pain a little, here’s a list of possible reasons she may be ignoring you. Keep reading to understand and figure out what you can do about it.

Reasons She Is Ignoring You

So you have played the flirting game and, with great efforts, caught her attention. You take her number with the hopes of developing your friendship. You invest your emotions to build a romantic relationship – only to have your dreams crushed when she ignores you.

Contrary to popular belief, not all women are whimsical. So if she is ignoring you, chances are there is a reason. Here are some possible reasons she could be ignoring you.

1. She Is Not Interested In You

If she is not into you, she will want to avoid you instead of outright rejecting you. If there are no signs of attraction – if she does not lean into you as you talk to her, maintain eye contact, or attempt to initiate skin contact – you should learn to move on and stop hounding her.

Talk to her frankly and see her response instead. Chances are she was just exploring earlier and no longer feels any spark with you.

2. She Is Experiencing Technical Issues

Woman frowning at glitching smartphone screen
Image: Created with Dall.E

Although it may sound like an excuse, a problem with her phone due to technical issues (or losing her phone) can keep her from contacting you. If that is the case, she will remain unavailable until she gets a replacement. If these technical issues are the only barrier to your relationship, you merely have to wait for a few more days.

Imagine how foolish it would be if you send a storm of messages in an attempt to gain her attention. Moreover, if those messages are abusive or desperate, she would lose all respect for you.

When she stays out of touch for a prolonged period, hold your horses and wait it out. You can always meet her again and verify whether she genuinely had had difficulties connecting with you.

3. You Are Way Too Needy

The way you communicate with her during the initial few weeks of chatting and interaction matters. That communication is like an appetizer in your relationship – it sets the mood and interest to taste the main course and dessert.

You may come off as being desperate or needy if you keep replying to her messages before she can even put her phone down. Sending your whole life story to her simple question about your day can put her off. You may do so intending to occupy her interest, but it can prove to be contrary. Badgering her with constant messages can cause her to think you are too dependent on her for your happiness. She may prefer to maintain her distance from you.

If she is choosing to ignore you, for this reason, give her some space. Ensure you reply like-for-like and allow her to set the pace and frequency of the messages. Let her make the decisions after she thinks thoroughly. The whole point of these messaging games is to make the relationship a little more intimate.

4. Your Reputation

So you are talking to someone and chatting back and forth, only to have her start ignoring you. Although uncommon, your bad reputation with the ladies can hamper your chances with her.

Reputation often precedes you. Women tend to talk to others about their feelings, and if you have ever behaved rudely or inappropriately with another woman, you can be sure it has reached her ears. If she is not yet emotionally inclined towards you, she will most likely believe others’ views of you.

Be more aware of your image and reputation around other people. It can very well be the reason she may start ignoring you.

5. She Has A Busy Life

Busy woman working late into the night and drinking coffee
Image: IStock

Sometimes she can get very busy with all the commitments and events in her life, leaving her no time to think over a new relationship. She may have seen your messages, but probably didn’t have the time to respond. If this is the case, you should chill out a little before jumping to conclusions.

Interestingly, some people can be too busy for any relationship at all. If you cannot grab a woman’s attention from her busy life, she probably is not ready yet. In such a case, it is best to move on and look elsewhere for romantic commitments.

6. She Is Receiving Mixed Signals From You

If you are inconsistent in your messages, she will only sense mixed signals. If she likes you but sees that you are not acting the way you are talking, she will get nervous. She may consider it to be disinterest or even rude behavior on your part, and may choose to ignore you.

Women are often more intuitive than men, and they can misread your actions. They may overthink as to whether you are genuinely interested in them or are merely playing around. Her thoughts will be similar to what you could think when she starts to ignore you.

The whole three-day rule after the first meeting does not necessarily apply to women. If you like her and want to pursue things ahead, stop leaving breadcrumbs and involve yourself actively. Otherwise, confusion and doubt may arise and a few erratic messages will have her running far from you.

7. She Needs More Time

You got her number and started talking and chatting with her. You realized right away she’s the one for you. In that excitement, you might start becoming more engrossed and may message her constantly in an attempt to take things further.

If she does not have the same intense feelings as you do, she could feel pressurized by your over-enthusiasm. Naturally, she needs time to sort through her feelings before deciding to commit to things. Thus, the pressure can have her start avoiding you to get some time to choose.

Look through your messages. Do they come off as pushy or demanding to you? Are you hinting at taking things further and she is avoiding them? If so, take a step back. Allow her time to reach a decision and talk to her frankly about your intentions.

8. She Has Someone Else In Her Life

Although not an inviting thought, you can be a decoy. She could very well be interested in someone else and probably is using you to make the other person jealous. Or she probably is biding her time while waiting for your cute friend to notice you. Women that are too shy to flirt with a guy prefer to get close to his friends to get more details about him or even an opportunity to meet him.

Learn to recognize body language cues and subconscious signs of attraction to understand if you hold her attention. If the signs are missing and she continues to talk to you, she could be using you.

But what if you find her displaying the signs of attraction towards you? Is it possible for her to ignore you, even though it is obvious she likes you? Find out below.

Can She Ignore You Even If She Likes You?

Yes! Despite her showing genuine interest, a few things may keep her from texting you back. Here are some reasons she may ignore you despite liking you:

1. She Feels Too Shy To Make The Move

Shy woman looking unsure and underconfident
Image: IStock

Shyness can ruin many romantic relationships even before they begin. Some women are shy and unable to initiate communication, perhaps due to the fear of rejection or lack of self-confidence.

Conversely, if you are too shy to make the first move, she may believe you are uninterested in her. She may get tired of waiting for you to initiate things or think that you are not serious about her and the relationship. Either way, the initial intrigue can last only for so long without your efforts. If you do not act, things will not continue the same way.

2. She Is Overthinking

It is common knowledge that most women tend to overthink. Be it simple decisions like choosing their outfit or bigger ones like committing to someone – they tend to analyze everything down to the minute details. All this overthinking and second-guessing while talking to you may make her step away from you. She may find it easier to ignore you rather than face rejection from you.

3. She Feels Insecure

Women tend to feel insecure in a relationship if they believe your attention to them is inadequate. Thus, she will need you to prove your interest in her. One way of ensuring this happens is by ignoring your messages. She will try to play being busy or aloof to test your intentions and see whether you will pursue her.

She only wants you to reassure her and know that things will get better. If she finds this reassurance missing, she will withdraw herself completely.

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She might also be ignoring you because she wants your attention and wants you to keep coming after her. However, be mindful of other signs before you make any assumptions of this nature.

4. She Needs Some Space

Everybody needs some me-time – some space and time to examine their thoughts and sort out their emotions. In a relationship, sometimes you forget about the individual as you focus on being a couple. Rather than investing some time in yourself, you may constantly focus on the other.

Each person functions differently – one may want to speak right away while the other may want to think things through. The need for personal space and time can cause her to start ignoring you.

5. She Is Punishing You For Something

Have you said or done anything to make her angry or feel disappointed in you? If you have, the easiest way for her to let you know is by ignoring you.

Soothe her temper, and you will earn her forgiveness again. If you are not sure what the reason is, you should ask her why she is ignoring you and try to resolve the conflict. But do not ever make the mistake of telling her she is over-reacting. That may hurt her beyond repair.

Now that you know the reasons she could be avoiding you, what can you do to rectify the situation? Read on to find out.

What Can You Do If She Ignores You?

1. Communication Is Key

Man and woman talking over coffee
Image: IStock

The science of attraction and body language is a mysterious art – it can be a hit or a miss. Although you may believe you are giving away obvious cues, there are no guarantees she will be picking on them.

If you feel you are unclear about the signals a woman is sending you, you can confess your feelings to her. If she feels the same way, she will open up. Odds are she, too, was hesitant about how to approach you. Nevertheless, it will allow you to take things to the next stage and clear any misunderstandings. Frustration and tension can arise when both of you have different communication styles. It is also possible that avoidance is their coping mechanism.

Even if she does not reciprocate your feelings, at worst, you will be facing a rejection. It is always better to accept the fact and move on instead of wasting your time and efforts.

2. Patience Is A Virtue

She may not necessarily choose to ignore your messages but be forced not to reply to them either due to technical issues or time constraints.

Stop jumping to conclusions and be patient. Instead, give her some time to get back to you. If you think she is giving you the cold shoulder, talk to her and see if you can help her out. That will earn you some brownie points.

3. Act Normal

Now that she is ignoring you, what should you do when you meet her in person? Do you ignore her back or become aggressive towards her? No. Instead, be nice and friendly.

If you still want to show your interest and allow her to get to know you better, act like it. You want to appear concerned about her while avoiding being clingy and needy. Show her you have a life and that you are not dependent on her for your happiness.

What Should You Not Do If She Ignores You?

Man drunk texting is a big no-no
Image: IStock
  • Avoid flirting with other women in front of her to try to make her jealous. It can only backfire if she thinks you are no longer interested in her. She may end up moving on to greener pastures.
  • Coming too strong is a turn-off for most women. Avoid hounding her with messages, especially the sappy ones. She most definitely can do without your detailed texts of how important she is in your life.
  • Avoid being too dependent on her. Women appreciate a partner who is content in their lives and is not relying on someone else for their happiness.
  • No drunken messages. When you get drunk, you lose rationality and objectivity. Your mushy, foolish, or even angry messages may give off an entirely different tone. If you ever feel the need to get some liquid courage before texting her for ignoring you, hide your phone.

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You should be patient, wait for her to talk, and give her some time to figure out her life and the relationship.

Do note that these tricks and tips hold true only if she is still interested in you. If she is only stringing you around or has found someone else, let her be. You will always find someone else who can like you for who you are.

Infographic: Self-Care Tips To Follow When She Ignores You

Trying to find out the possible reasons behind her ignorance towards you and correcting any mistakes on your part would be great for the relationship. But as you give her some time and space, you cannot afford to sit down and feel sorry for yourself. Doing so will only affect your mental health and issues such as insecurity and anxiety can surface, ultimately affecting your connection with her. Check out the infographic below and find out what you must do to uplift yourself and give your mind some break during this gloomy phase.

self care tips when she ignores you (infographic)

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Save the high-quality PDF version on your device now.

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Download Infographic in PDF version

The answer to why is she ignoring me? can be nuanced. When a woman ignores a man, it can signal several things, including the obvious that she is not interested in you. However, there may be other unrelated reasons, like technical issues or a tightly packed work schedule. You also need to analyze your behavior and check whether you have given her enough space. Expecting too much communication too soon or giving her mixed signals and leaving her so confused that she doesn’t know how to respond may also lead to silence from her end. Finding resolution and closure is essential for anyone to move forward together in a healthy and committed relationship. Self-reflect, be patient, attentive, and communicate well to get to the issue’s root.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long will a girl ignore you?

While that primarily depends on the reason behind it, an effort on your side for open and honest communication may help make the picture clear.

How to attract a girl who ignores you?

Staying honest, consistent, and transparent in your behavior and words can help her notice your efforts. She may then choose to let you know what has been holding her back.

How long should I wait before reaching out to her again?

While there is no magic number, you should at least wait for 1-2 weeks before reaching out again. This will give her time to reflect upon and understand her emotions. Your absence can make her realize her true feelings for you. This will also give you some downtime to understand your own emotional intensity and act accordingly.

Should I try to make her jealous to get her attention?

If your intentions are not to hurt the girl you adore but only to tease her, then it is okay to make her feel a little jealous. However, do not go overboard. If you sense that the girl you like is too upset or worried about the equation between you two, it is better to discontinue such efforts.

Should I confront her about why she’s ignoring me?

Initially, give her the space that she needs. She might have things going on in her life and may need some time to herself. That being said, if it has been a few days and there is no response, then you can think about taking the initiative to know what the concern is.

This doesn’t mean sending pestering messages asking why she is ignoring you. Also, make sure that you do not lash out at her by being impatient. Instead of an outright confrontation, consider having an open conversation to understand the situation. Express your thoughts calmly and let her share her point of view about the situation.

Key Takeaways

  • A woman may ignore you for a variety of reasons – maybe she is not interested in you, or she does not like how desperate or inconsistent you are.
  • She may also be ignoring you unintentionally due to technical difficulties or a tight work schedule.
  • Being ignored by a woman does not mean that she hates you. She may be feeling shy to make a move or needs some time to make up her mind about you.


Are you tired of being ignored by that special someone? Then check out this video that talks about these 7 reasons why she might be ignoring you and how to fix it.
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