Has the connection between you and your partner begun fading suddenly? Have you been seeing him for a while and were all set to take it to the next level before he suddenly pulled the plug on it? You are not alone, and there are many women out there who have experienced the pain when men pull away. There is no definite answer to why men pull away when things get serious. You might have several questions about what happened, whether you have done something wrong, does he have someone else in his life, etc. However, do not stress out thinking about these uncertain questions. Do not jump to conclusions and try to understand the situation from his perspective. He is probably not pulling away from you intentionally and is dealing with something serious in his life. Here are 10 common reasons why men pull away when things start getting serious between you two.
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10 Common Reasons Why Men Pull Away
Although there is no single and straightforward answer to the question of why men pull away, we have tried to list out some common reasons, hoping at least one of them will be the answer to your situation. However, keep in mind that all men are different, and each relationship is different. Remember to keep an open mind and think objectively while learning about what makes men pull away.
1. He Is Afraid Of His Feelings For You
Just like you feel this is the best relationship you have ever had, he may feel the same. However, similar feelings do not guarantee that he can express it the same way as you do. Maybe this is the first time he is experiencing such intense feelings for someone, and this scares him. He might be scared of the fact that he will disappoint you or doubtful if he is ready to commit. Being afraid of feelings and love is the number one reason men pull away.
2. He Feels He Is Being Pressured To Do Something
Men take great pride in their ability to make their own decisions and not be answerable to anyone, especially their partners and family. If he feels he is being pressured to do something like commit before he is ready, start a family, etc., he might start pulling away. You may feel you are not pressurizing him, but unconsciously your actions might betray you. It could also be pressure from other external factors like incessant questions from his family or unintentional jokes from his friends. The best solution to this problem is to sit down together and have healthy and open communication. Assure him that you are ready to give him all the space and time he needs to make a decision.
3. He Is Being Put In The Spot Frequently
Do not make him choose. It is extremely unfair to have to choose between yourself and your partner. Just like everyone has a right to exercise their free will and the right to make an independent decision, similarly, your man is also entitled to indulge in his own interests. Something as simple as you constantly nagging him to spend less time with friends and more time with you can be difficult to deal with. It is possible that you both are right, but instead of attacking him and being defensive, try to have a healthy discussion where both of you get an equal opportunity to voice your opinions. Do not put him in the spot frequently, do not make him choose between you and others, and you will be free from the constant worry of why men pull away.
4. He Is Burdened With Past Trauma And Disappointments
Men find it extremely difficult to talk about their past trauma and history of disappointments. As their partner, you will have to create a safe space for him to be vulnerable and talk about his past. Let him feel it is completely acceptable to talk about his vulnerabilities and insecurities. Often, men do not openly share about their past, letting their fear of disappointment drive their present. This is one of the reasons men pull away. Assure your man that he shares a safe space with you in which he can talk about anything and everything.
5. He Is Finding It Difficult To Live Up To Your Expectations
It is a basic human tendency to want the best in life. You may want the best partner and the best relationship. However, you should also keep in mind that it is an unrealistic expectation and nobody is perfect. Expecting your partner to fulfill these expectations would be unfair to both him and your relationship. If you are wondering why men pull away and what to do about it, work on your expectations from him. If it would have been the other way around and your partner had set unrealistic expectations for you, you also would have felt trapped and suffocated in the relationship.
6. He Is Not Comfortable With Expressing His Love
A lot of couples fight, with one being accused of not loving the other. However, this is not always the case. Many people find it difficult to express their feelings, especially men. In the present patriarchal system, most young boys grow up thinking they will be ridiculed if they acknowledge or express their emotions. They are consciously taught not to be expressive and vocal about how they truly feel. Therefore, if your man is doing the same, try to understand the place he is coming from. Talk to him about this and give him time to mend the situation. Do not rush him or constantly nag him as it can give him more of a reason to pull away.
7. He Thinks You Will Leave Him
As mentioned above, some men do have trouble expressing their true feelings and expressing the same. Sometimes these troubles can stem from abandonment issues. A person who has abandonment issues lives in constant fear that a person important to them will leave them, and they will be left behind to pick up the pieces. If your partner is also experiencing the same, he may be having a hard time accepting the fact that you will always be there for him. In this case, you will have to work extra hard to make him resolve his issues and accept your presence in his life.
8. There Is A Lack Of Communication In Your Relationship
Clear and healthy communication is necessary in all relationships. It is also a challenge many relationships face because the degree of communication varies in men and women. Women are often seen giving subtle hints, while men believe in stating things explicitly. This forwardness is often not appreciated by partners. Many couples fight over comments one believes were too explicit. These fights can then discourage men from speaking their mind, which then creates more problems. Lack of communication, hence, can be a reason why men pull away. However, this can be easily fixed with candid conversations and some sincere effort.
9. He Is Stressed In His Professional Life
Maybe you are overthinking about why men pull away when they are falling in love. Maybe he is just acting distant because he is stressed about something at work and needs some space. Both men and women react to stress differently. Just because you relieve stress by talking about it with others, your partner might not do the same. Respect his desire of wanting space, and things will fall back in place automatically.
10. The Love Is Simply Fading
If you have been with a man for a long time and he is starting to pull away suddenly, and you can think of no reasonable explanation, it could be that his love for you is fading. Women often complain about how men confuse lust with love. Maybe the physical intensity with which you started the relationship has waned, which made him realize his true feelings for you. It may hurt in the beginning, but in the long run, it is what’s best for you. You would not want to be in a relationship with someone whose feelings for you are so temporary. This is especially true for women who wonder why men pull away after sex.
Now that you have a fair idea about why he might be pulling away, let’s talk about how to deal with it.
What To Do When He Pulls Away
It must feel horrible when you see your partner pulling away from you and getting distant from you. It may feel like rejection and leave you feeling unwanted and unloved. However, do not stress about this and give yourself and the relationship time to recover. Here are some tips you can follow when he is pulling away from you:
1. Play It Cool
It is easier said than done. When you see the man you love pulling away from you, you may start freaking out and try to pull him towards you. However, resist this urge and play it cool. Give him space and time to evaluate his love for you and willingness to invest in the relationship. Do not nag him. Let him come to terms with his feelings.
2. Give Him Space But Not The Silent Treatment
He might not show it, but he does need your support. You will have to strike the right balance between being there for him and giving him space. Give him all the space he needs, but that does not mean you have to stop all kinds of communication with him. Do not give him the silent treatment and make him question the relationship. Let him process his feelings and be there for him as and when required.
3. Get Professional Help
If you think it is getting difficult for you to handle this single-handedly, do not shy away from seeking professional support. There is usually a lot of taboo associated with seeking relationship counseling, but there is nothing wrong with it. A relationship expert can help a great deal in recognizing the root cause of your problems and how they can be solved. If your partner agrees, you can seek couples therapy.
4. Keep Yourself Busy
Your partner and your relationship are not your entire life. You must have your professional life, interests, hobbies, family, friends, etc. Engage in things that make you happy and be at peace with yourself. These simple activities can be greatly therapeutic and allow you to look at your relationship from a completely new perspective. Remember, you are a woman of worth and have an identity of yourself. Refuse to be defined merely by the absence or presence of a man in your life.
5. Communicate With Each Other
After you have completed the first step, i.e., giving him space, it is now time to move on to the next step, which is talking to each other. The space you gave him earlier would have helped him clear his mind and take into consideration his feelings for you. Once you ensure he is in a better place and willing to talk, sit down and pour it all out. Do not shy away from difficult conversations. Talk about how both of you feel and why. Remember not to get defensive or attacking through your words. Accommodate and critically analyze all his points, and give him time to do the same.
There will be days when all of this will seem to be very overwhelming, and you will question what it’s worth. You may feel no relationship should be this difficult and should bring you peace and joy. However, that is how it is portrayed in books and movies. In real life, relationships require lots of effort. Nothing good comes easy. Be consistent in your effort, take into consideration both of your feelings, be true to yourself, and everything will fall into place. Then, you will no longer have to worry about why men pull away after getting close.