17 Reasons You Don’t Have Any Friends

Because analyzing the reasons behind not having pals first is half the job done

By Harini Natarajan, Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner

Having your plans canceled for the umpteenth time may plague your mind with lonely thoughts. You may feel you don’t have any friends. They seem to drop out of your life all too often.

Despite your best efforts, you feel let down repeatedly by those you consider to be your closest friends. When friends ignore you, it can be very frustrating. You may conclude that you are unpleasant or nobody wants to be around you. However, there is no point in being so harsh on yourself.

There may be inexcusable errors you are making to force people to distance themselves from you. On the other hand, you may also be a total pushover, and people take what you do for granted.

Check out these 17 reasons you are being ignored by your friends and feeling they don’t want you around. Find out if you are involuntarily or consciously engaging in these behaviors. Make an effort to improve yourself if you are. Read on.

Why Don’t You Have Any Friends

1. You Try Just Too Hard

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It is so obvious! You come across as too needy and clingy. If you are constantly hounding your friends to meet you, even when they seem to have no time or are not too keen on hanging out, you may be pushing too hard.

When you meet a group of friends, are you constantly trying to get everyone to stay back for longer, even when it is quite clear that they want to leave? Girl, you aren’t doing it right.

Spending time with your friends may mean a lot to you, but if you try too hard, people may perceive you as extremely annoying and clingy. You need to chill and be more laid back.

2. You Are Just Too Negative

If you are the Negative Nancy of the group, you should know that people feel uncomfortable and anxious around you. People feel drained when there is someone who is constantly cribbing or crying and just does not want to be happy. When you are too full of bitterness, negativity, and anger, people will start avoiding you, even your friends.

Seek counseling and help if you feel you are getting too negative minded. Do it before you start losing friends. Also, focus on self-development rather than fishing for friends. When you are a different person with a positive personality, people will flock to you.

3. You Don’t Understand Social Cues

The person you are so animatedly talking to is getting super bored and has already yawned twice. But you are too involved in your story even to notice it. They have already looked at their watch twice and are obviously waiting for you to finish. Sounds familiar?

Just because you are having fun doesn’t mean everyone else is. Pay close attention to others’ behavior when you communicate with them. Stop the chatter or change the topic the minute you feel your friends are starting to get zoned out or distracted.

4. You Are Selfish And Don’t Really Care About Others

No one is going to tell you this to your face – but if you are selfish, people are slowly going to cut you out of their lives. If your friends feel that whenever you meet them, you are only concerned about yourself and you having a great time, they will d-i-s-a-p-p-e-a-r.

If you only think about why you are not having fun, people will cut you out so that they can have their fun. Control yourself. If you are not willing to give others a chance, you are not going to get an invite in the first place.

5. You Assume Things

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You constantly assume that everything is about you and the whole world revolves around you – and just you. So, a buddy shared something on Facebook. Did you just automatically assume that it was about you, or worse yet, a dig at you? You think there was a secret message in that, addressed to you? You feel people are always talking about you, whether good or bad? Stop!

There is no hidden meaning or agenda behind every single thing a person says or does, and it doesn’t have anything to do with you. When you decide to make everything about you and start reading between the lines all the time, you will end up making a lot of incorrect assumptions. Incorrect assumptions can kill any relationship.

6. You Are Whining All The Time

People detest whiners. If you want to get rid of someone from your life, all you need to do is whine constantly, and they will be gone before you can spell R-U-N. If you are always complaining about something all the time, do others and yourself a favor – stop it!

Instead of reaching out to people who care about you and trying to reconnect with them, you mope about how you have no friends! Try to be happy – it is a process. Learn not to dump your emotional baggage on other people.

7. You Create Psychological Barriers

Do you sometimes refrain from sharing a thought or incident with your friends because you think they will judge you for it? Do you put up a fake persona because you are uncomfortable being your true self around your friends? If yes, you must know that you are fooling nobody.

Your altered body language will be picked up by your friends’ subconscious minds, and they will feel restless and uncomfortable around you. Be your true self. Even if you lose friends that way, you will be true to yourself.

8. You Are Boring

You talk about stuff that just does not interest your buddies. And you don’t know how to shut up. Here is a sign: if your friend listens to what you are saying without making any effort to comment on the topic or adding their own views to it, it is likely they are plotting their escape plan. Don’t be that person.

Find common ground and direct the conversation there. When you see your friend reciprocating, you will know you can have a discussion about it.

9. You Are A Toxic Friend

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You always leave your friends in a bad mood when you bid them goodbye. Your friends are happier after you have left than when you are around. Maybe it is the things you say or the way you say it or the choice of words you prefer to use to put your point across that just makes people want to curl up and die.

If you find out that your friends are planning hangouts and get-togethers behind your back and ‘forgetting’ to invite you, you need to take a good, hard look at yourself. There is a good chance that you are a toxic friend. If you want your friends back, it is time to reevaluate yourself.

10. You Are Hanging Out With The Wrong Crowd

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how nice you are, things will not click. Narcissistic people will not like you, even when you are really nice. It is probably because they have a preconceived notion about you.

The effort of trying to convince such people is just not worth it. I know this is hard to hear, but if you are hanging out with toxic people just because you are lonely, you will end up getting hurt eventually. These people are not your friends. They will suck the energy out of you and then make fun of you behind your back. It is better to be lonely and respected than being kicked around by people.

11. You Think You Are Always Right

You argue with others over the stupidest of things. You assume that a heated argument is the best way to keep a conversation going. But, can you really have a healthy, interesting argument?

You need to curb the urge to contradict people aggressively over little things. You may be trying to prove them wrong or make yourself feel better, but eventually, if you keep on doing this, you will lose your friends.

Here is a cue – if people give up on arguments easily around you within a minute of your starting them, it is not a case of you winning it. It is a case of people wanting to end the conversation with you rather than trying to win the argument.

12. You Forget Your Friends When You Don’t Need Them

Do you really care about your buddies? Do you pay attention to them? Or do you avoid them when you start dating someone? Do you hang out with them to have a good time and then ignore their calls when you are having fun with another gang? If this is true, you really should think about it.

You may not realize it now, but you may be taking your gang for granted. You may assume that they will always stick around, no matter what, but your friends may feel hurt because of your behavior and choose to avoid you. There will be a time when you may need their love and support, but they may not accept you back because they would be too afraid you will hurt their feelings again.

13. You Are Very Insecure And Jealous

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You have major trust issues. You feel threatened every time your buddy meets someone new – it doesn’t matter if it is a romantic interest or a general buddy. You make it a point to subtly make your friend feel bad for spending time with others and hanging out with someone other than you.

When you are jealous, it shows. Eventually, the clinginess will get to them, and your friends will hate being around you. Don’t try to make others feel guilty for having a life outside your world. This usually happens when you have a single friend, so try to expand your friend’s circle.

14. Your Social Status Changed

Most people like to hang out with people of their own social status. They are more comfortable that way. It is a hidden secret. Everybody knows it, nobody says it.

So, you suddenly got a big promotion, or your startup made it big? Are you suddenly the richest among the group? Your friends may start feeling uncomfortable around you and ignore you. They may be jealous and feel insecure and threatened by your success.

In such cases, you should try your best to make them feel comfortable and never change your habits and practices around them. If they still don’t want to hang out with you, let them go. They are not your true friends.

This also applies if you were a rich person a year ago, and due to some unfortunate circumstances, you lost your money and status. There is a good chance that your old buddies are now bitching about you behind your back and think lowly of you. Probably because you can’t keep up with the lifestyle they lead. But, you just can’t do anything about this. Don’t lose heart though – just find yourself new friends who will appreciate you for who you are and do not care about your bank balance.

15. You Are An Introvert

Are you happiest when you are alone? Perhaps you are an introvert who wants to make new friends but doesn’t know how to go about it.

You may seem disinterested or rub someone off the wrong way because of your keeping to yourself attitude. You may be terrified of rejection, so you rarely reach out to people to check if they are too busy to hang out. You wait for others to initiate the conversation, but they never do.

Don’t worry. There is always an extrovert for your introvert, and you will find him/her eventually. Learn from your past experiences, take your time, and make sure you don’t hang out with people who don’t understand you or want you there.

16. You Are Just Too Demanding

You have a lot of expectations from everybody, especially your friends. You voice your displeasure when they can’t do something for you and are very vocal about it. You have this belief in your head that you are entitled to things from your friends because friends are meant to help, and it’s your right to push them for it when you need something.

It may have worked very well in your school days, but it is time to grow up. You really can’t expect your adult friends to give in to your silly whims whenever you want.

17. You Never Make The Effort

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If you are trying to meet new people, sitting at home and hoping for a miracle to happen is not going to help. Making friends requires effort, just like making money or making time for something. But you won’t regret it if you find a really good set of friends.

You may have lost touch with your friends from school and college because it is hard to take time out for a social life, especially when you are working most of the time. Get your priorities sorted. If you want them back, you need to be the one who picks the phone up and makes the first move.

If you are one of those who make plans weeks in advance and then cancel them at the last second, you will lose any remaining friends you have.

When you make a single friend, you have opened a window. That friend will lead you to two more friends or many more. And then those new friends will lead you to many, many more! But you should work on yourself if you want people to enjoy your company or be interested in being your buddy. At the very least, you need to be pleasant and giving.

People try to stay away from negativity. So, if you are constantly whining and complaining, coming across a needy individual, and victim playing, your chances of losing your friends, are high. But do not worry, as you have all the opportunities in the world to learn from your mistakes and make yourself an optimistic soul. And if you feel like it is not your fault alone that you do not have any friends, chill! You are probably hanging out with folks that cannot see the goodness in you. Either way, be the best version of yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to not have any friends?

While it is okay to not have friends at some stage of your life, you should try and reflect at the reasons if it is for most part of your life.

What do you call someone with no friends?

While “friendless” is the most common term, he or she may have to deal with other terms like “loner” or “unsociable” that may have negative connotations.

Is having no friends a red flag?

No, not having friends is not a red flag as long as you feel okay about it. It is better to have no friends than making friends for the sake of it and losing yourself in maintaining fake relationships.

Is it okay to tell people you’re lonely?

Yes, it is totally okay to tell someone you trust that you are lonely. You can either voice it out in a content way or let the other person know that you might feel better with them around.

What age do you make the most friends?

While it may vary from person to person, it is most common to have more friends in the 25-30 years age bracket.

Key Takeaways

  • Your friends may be deserting you because you have become too negative or selfish or toxic.
  • It is also possible that you have built too many walls and shut your friends out due to past trauma.
  • Hanging out with the wrong can also affect the quality of your friendships and make you want to abandon them.
  • Try to make new friends or get back in touch with old ones if you want more friends in your life.

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