Marriage is a major commitment and should be thought about multiple times before the actual decision is made because let’s face it, real life is no fantasy romantic movie. It doesn’t matter how long you have been dating, as once you start living, sharing expenses, and managing household chores together, the struggles slowly pop up. It’s all about how you deal with the problems and not let them affect your happy marital life. If you have been dating someone for a while or you are engaged to someone to be married, there are a few things that you must keep in mind. Many people will tell you that lack of communication and compatibility are the biggest reasons for marriages to fail or fall apart. Remember that when you decide to get married, you are going to be sharing not just your finances and friends, but your entire life with someone else until death (or divorce) do you part. Here are nine questions that you need to ask your partner before you decide to take the next step and get married:
1. “How Are We Going To Combine Our Finances?”
Once you tie the knot, you and your partner will have to plan out your finances in such a way that there is at least somewhat of an equal contribution towards the household. Not only should you maintain separate accounts for your own salaries, but you should also maintain a combined account and put in a certain percentage of your salaries each month to manage the expenses. You should also list down the common expenses that you and your partner will share like groceries, rent, dining out, etc. This way, you can both plan on savings clearly without spending more than is required.
2. “Do You Have Any Debts?”
If your partner took out a loan to study further and is slowly paying the loan off, they should definitely inform you about it before you get married. Nobody wants to find out that their partner has an insane amount of debt on their head after the marriage. Hence, discussing these matters is an extremely important factor to keep in mind, and hiding your debt can really affect the level of trust you may have in your partner.
3. “How Do We Save For Our Retirement?”
Eventually, everyone has to retire from their job. And once you decide to get married, both you and your partner will have to set a timeline for when you want this to happen. Maybe one of you might want to step back from your full-time job after having children and only work part-time. If you are equally career-oriented rather than sitting at home, hire a nanny if you can afford it. You need to also start setting aside money for your retirement and get ready to take on any medical costs that you may incur in the event that you fall sick.
4. “Do You Want To Have Children?”
Look, not everyone is open to the idea of having children. If you don’t want to have children but are planning on getting married to someone who does want to have them, then you should be upfront about what you want. Don’t lie and tell them that you will “change your mind” eventually if that is not something that will happen in the future. In the event that neither of you is willing to compromise, it’s better to end things at the start before you get the law involved. And, even in the event that both spouses are open to children, it is better to confirm certain things like parenting styles, what to do if a child has a disability, etc. with your spouse.
5. “How Are The Chores Going To Be Split?”
Although for some, chores might seem like an unimportant factor in the marriage, it could actually lead to full-blown arguments in the future. You can’t expect one partner to handle all the chores and tasks by themselves, right? So to ensure that there is peace in the household, it is better to divide the chores equally between the two of you. You can also set some cheat days if you keep the house squeaky clean on other days.
6. “What Plans Do You Have For The Future?”
Although asking the question, “Where do you see yourself five years from now?” may sound like something you would ask during a job interview, it is an important question. Your life goals need to somewhat align with your partner’s life goals and you need to be able to provide both you and your partner with a stable life. This question will help you and your partner ascertain what they want out of life.
7. “What Are Your Biggest Deal Breakers In A Marriage?”
Every person has their own set of pet peeves and when you and your partner decide to live together and share your life, it is important that you discuss the ground rules you will follow. If your partner feels more at ease in a chaotic environment but you cannot stand the sight of a messy room, there are going to be problems. Discussing these things ahead of time can help both of you reach a compromise. It helps maintain a balance that will keep your relationship healthy.
8. “What’s Your Mental/Physical Health History?”
You need to be honest and upfront about any genetic diseases or mental health issues that you might be suffering from if you plan on having children. If you have diabetes in your family or one of your parents is a cancer survivor there may be a high chance that you might go through the same conditions. Hence, it’s better to let your partner know this from the get-go so s/he can support you if they are ready.
9. “Do You Want To Continue Living In The Country?”
Maybe your partner does not want to continue living in your home country. Or maybe your partner would rather have a quieter pace in their life than you. Discussing where you plan to live is important when you’re getting married. It might not seem like a big problem, but very important to determine your partner’s stance.
Finally, marriage is not only based on love but understanding, reliability and respect for each other’s time and health. Whatever you and your partner choose in life, it is important that you are compatible and have similar if not the same goals towards life. Always make sure that you keep your partner in the loop about your decisions. Do let us know all of your thoughts about this article in the comment section below!