In fairy tales, Cinderella marries her Prince Charming, and they live happily ever after. Be that as it may, science is here to rain on your parade, once again.
We all know how being in love for the first time feels. The poets, playwrights, and singers of the old weren’t selling you a lie. New love is like an unadulterated drug.
But somehow even better.
Each and every one of your senses is heightened. Music sounds different and rather beguiling while colors seem to shine brighter. You exist in a perpetual state of potent arousal- psychological, romantic, and emotional – just about the whole shebang. Trivial tasks like eating and sleeping? They seem to strike you as obsolete or simply optional, just like every other daily life labor that you earlier painstakingly prioritized such as concentrating at the office, feeding your cat or actually getting stuff done. The honeymoon period of fresh, new love is magical and intense and fervent and all-consuming.
Uncannily as addictive as getting high.
Science, however, tells us that the oh-so-magical wedded bliss can come with a limited shelf life. In a 2003 study, researchers hailing from Europe and USA surveyed close to 1,800 people who happened to have been married for more than a whopping 15 years. The study confirmed, what we all feared to be true—that crazy-in-love high wears off pretty quick once two years have passed. After this, the ‘passionate love’ between a couple transforms to ‘compassionate love,’ where you stop staring into each other’s eyes like a pair of love-struck idiots and start supporting each other through the difficult tests of life, like raising children. Or taking out the trash.
However, before you lose faith in all the saturated love songs and gooey promises of forever, let me tell you—there is hope. There are couples that make it past the 2-year high and continue to share a marriage full of compassionate as well as passionate love. But like all good things in life, this comes with work. And these couples have consistently put in that effort. Read on to discover the 3 cardinal rituals which couples that still share a passionate marriage follow religiously:
Ritual No. 1: Before Getting Started With Your Busy Work Day, Always Cuddle In The Bed You Share, Every Morning
No matter what debacle is going on in this world. Rain or shine, it is absolutely vital—VITAL people! – That you take some time in the morning, after you wake up, to hold and touch your partner. It doesn’t matter what morning commitments you may think you have.
Consider yourself a fitness freak that craves and needs an early morning run like a junkie needing his next fix? If your partner isn’t of the habit of waking up early, don’t deliberately wake them up before their time just because you have priorities. That, my friend, will only serve to make your partner resent you in the long run, which is the last thing you want. Instead go earlier in the morning, shower, and then cuddle your partner who is just turning awake.
Maybe the two of you are new parents who have the task of pacifying a crying baby each morning? Then check on your little one and once you’re done attending, reach for the love of your life.
Ideally spend half a minute to a whole minute or more in bed, snuggling up to your better half. Beginning the day in such a way really helps in setting that quintessential tone of an intimate relationship.
Ritual No. 2: Through Your Work Day, Pause A Few Times And Call Or Text Your Partner To Let Him Or Her Know They’re On Your Mind
Workdays can be long, exhausting and rather mind-numbing. It is when you and your partner part ways and the distance, compounded by mental stress can take a toll on the best of people. You should be your partner’s sanctuary in the big bad world. You don’t really need to pester the love of your life into unproductivity but a few odd texts here and there through the day can brighten not only your day but your partner’s day as well.
It could be a short, pithy message that can be anything from flirtatious to humorous or just a quick call letting them know you’re genuinely interested in how their day’s going.
Ritual No. 3: Have A Daily 10-Minute Heart To Heart Talk With Your Partner
These 10 minutes are the backbone of any solid, long-term passionate relationship. In the best of relationships, life gets in the way and moods fluctuate. Any marriage counselor worth his or her salt will tell you that the real culprit behind most broken marriages is bad communication. As bizarre as it sounds, somewhere down the line, it’s difficult for couples to express themselves. Instead, they wait for their partner to gauge their mood and read their mind. Since mortals aren’t telepaths, this usually ends in anger, bitterness, and resentment.
Hence taking the initiative to letting your partner know your genuine concerns and feelings, good or bad, can make all the difference. In this given time, you and your partner should try to grasp each other’s emotional wavelength.
A little work and you can prove all the naysayers wrong. Cinderella can indeed, have her happy ever after.