It doesn’t matter whether you and his mother are like two peas in a pod. If you are about to enter the sacred union of marriage soon, you aren’t just marrying your beloved—you’re also marrying his family. And regardless of how much you get along with your future mom-in-law, before you’re finally standing upon that mandap, decked in the wedding fineries of your girlhood dreams, it is vital that you have a proper, sit-down heart-to-heart discussion with the woman who raised the love of your life.
You are now about to begin a brand new chapter in both your lives. Joining his family, making them yours, and probably also taking on some of the roles his mama used to play for him. It is important you utilize this time to cover all your bases and set the expectations you can realistically hope to meet and would like met.
Are you curious as to what those very expectations are? Well, read on to discover the 10 conversations you must have with your mother-in-law right before you say yes to the rest of your life.
1. I Love Your Son
It’s probably obvious you’re braving the institution of marriage because you’re in love. However, it is vital your mother-in-law hear you say it once for her own reassurance. Every mother only wants her son’s happiness and hence will always worry if another woman could love him even the fraction she does.
2. I Am Not Here To Take Your Place
Though she may wish for her son the happiness of true love, it is also natural for her to suffer some separation anxiety or fears over being replaced or dismissed from his life. Remind her that though you are the new woman in his life, it by no means implies that the love he harbors for her should take a backseat. Your mother-in-law will always be the first woman in his life, and your beloved will always love her.
3. I Respect You
She raised the man you have come to love and cherish. Let her know that you respect her for raising such a fine son. In your heart, you will always have a special place for the woman who gifted you her life’s work.
4. I Would Like Your Guidance
Yes, you do have a head of your own and do require your own personal space, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want her in your life. Let her know there will be times you’ll be lost and confused. Times when you need the guidance of the woman who has lived in the shoes you’re soon to step in.
5. We May Not Agree On Everything
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. No matter what dynamics you share, there will come a day when you just don’t meet eye to eye on a subject. Let her know that when that does happen, you will see the discord too and would love to resolve it as soon as possible.
6. I Know I’m Not Perfect
It is vital that you ask your mom-in-law to accept this very human flaw. You may not be a spectacular chef or a pro at buying mangoes that have ripened just right, but your imperfections have helped build the person you are today. Her son has accepted the best and worst of you, and so have you.
7. Have Trust In Me
Yes, you are a stranger who has suddenly popped into their lives, and it’s difficult to accept but ask her to have trust in you because at the end of the day you want to make this work as much as she does. Be honest and share your own fears and worries with her, let her know you find it difficult too, for though she may have to accept one stranger, you have to embrace an entire family as your own.
8. Our Parenting Styles May Differ
There will come a time when you have your own children, and you must prepare her for that day. Gently tell her that you understand she may have raised her own children, and what a fantastic job she has done, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will follow the same ways. Her advice will always be welcome but request her to allow you and her son to learn and grow by yourselves. Even if it means stumbling and having to pick yourselves up at times.
9. My Parents Will Also Always Be Important To Us
You may not be meeting your parents every day anymore like you used to, but that doesn’t mean their importance in your life will diminish by any chance. You and your beloved will always love and support them, just as you will love and support her.
10. Lastly, I Am Very Much Your Family
And finally, though her daughter will always be her first daughter, let her know you sincerely wish that she could treat you like one too. You have reached out to her and would like her to now reach out to you.
A mother-in-law doesn’t have to be the caricature villain from your TV soap nightmares. Communication is the key. If she is made aware of your sincerity and love for her son, she will reciprocate. Just make the first move!