“I Party, Smoke, Drink, And Work. Am I Marriage Material?”

Written by Saumya Gaur  • 

Before I begin this conversation, I must confess something — I am married.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s begin this conversation. I say it’s a conversation because I really hope that in 2019, people think that women are capable of holding their own in a conversation.

The idea for this article germinated after a thorough commiserating session with colleagues who were yet to achieve the bliss of matrimony, so this is on their behalf. After all, sisters before misters, right? My dear colleagues, who are yet to find the one (the horror, the horror) are what you might call 21st Century gals. They are travelers, dreamers, poets, food bloggers, in general, badass women. They know their worth and believe in themselves — something that is not easily accepted by the society, in general, and no, I am not making this up, dear men.

Before you go on accusing me of being a feminazi, I would like to point out that while I do believe in feminism as a movement, I don’t condone using it as an excuse to get out of making hard calls. So there you have it, I am not a bra-burning, man-hating, black sheep of my gender. And neither am I rebel without a cause. But moving on to more important questions first.

What Or Who Even Is Marriage Material?

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Marriage is a social contract, not the 7 janmo ka bandhan, that your mother and K.Jo would have you believe. You see, when the history was still in its infancy, and man wasn’t the ambitious, world-conquering animal that he is now, he had just begun to farm. He was physically stronger and more likely to survive in a fight with a wild animal, therefore, he would go out, and gather food, and meanwhile, his companion (not a wife, mind you) would stay back in the shelter, look after the offspring, and do other chores. They worked together as a team, capitalizing on their respective evolutionary traits to survive.

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So much for the marriages made in heaven, right? As time went on, empires rose and conquered others and capitalism became the norm, it was the men who went on to become the movers and shakers of the world, and their authority had to be beyond reproach, and thus, was born the concept of “pativrata” patni. After all, all labor carries a fiscal cost, and who wants to pay an extra dime, when you have the ideal wife ready to do them for you just at the drop of the hat. (Don’t believe me? Watch Mad Men and get back to me.)
Aur ye tha sach shaadi ka!

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Now, that we have given you this short introduction to the history of the institution of marriage, let’s have a look at the lived reality of women whose market value is evaluated in terms of their so-called marriage-ability.

My Body, My Rules; My Gamla My Phools

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I don’t get why people feel the need to police women and their bodies. Be it deciding whether or not they should abort a pregnancy, or how and when they should perforate their hymen (yes, I can say that, I am a woman!) As long as they are doing it being fully aware of the side effects of these, no one else gets a say as to what all they are putting in their body, be it alcohol, or cigarette or other manner of sundry things (Hello, Swara Bhaskar, do lead us).

Naach Basanti Naach, For It’s Your Pay Day

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The activity of partying is directly proportional to the amount of money people have in their salary accounts, and now that ladkiya kamaun hain, why shouldn’t they party? Going out with friends, having a drink or two is just a manner of unwinding. And this is the way, normal human beings survive the disaster that is the 21st Century. Women, too, fall under that subset you know, the “normal human beings” one.

Work Is Worship — Outside The Confines Of The Home As Well

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Though it is pretty self-explanatory, yet I shall detail why women need to and as well as like to work. Because in today’s economy it pays to be self-sufficient and also because it gives you a sense of identity when the fruits of your labor have a monetary value attached to it. No more unpaid labor at home, which is brushed under the carpet of your filial “duties”. Is that too much for society’s fragile sense of aadarsh-ness?

Now that I have given pretty detailed explanations, it would be pretty evident that these activities in no way hamper a woman’s marriage-ability. But here I have a sincere and genuine request for the future spouses, and in-laws of my dear colleagues and of other women, who are in a similar situation, please look at my friends as individuals who will add value to your family, have your son’s back in any situation, and really enrich your lives. They are not just mere vessels of your future lineage.

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Sincerely,
Not your “aadarsh” bahu

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