Avoid Marriage Counseling: Break These Bad Habits
chaitra krishnanMA (Journalism & Mass Communication) Experience: 5 yearsChaitra has a triple main bachelor’s degree in journalism, communicative English, and economics from St. Aloysius College, Mangalore, and a master’s degree in journalism and mass communication from St... more
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Be it arranged marriage or love marriage, the concept of marriage isn’t a hassle-free one at all. If you’re not married, you’d frown on this. But if you are, you’ll definitely agree with me. Marriage is very different from dating someone. Even if you see most of the happy couples posting pictures on their Instagram accounts, you never know the struggles they face on a daily basis in real life. In the beginning, marriage is all about excitement and fun. Your life completely changes and every day seems like a new, romantic adventure. This is the time you explore everything about each other. But after one or two years (shorter for some couples), the honeymoon period wears off and you realize that there is a lot of hard work and pain that goes into sustaining a marriage.
And when people are not ready to do the hard work, their marriage suffers and the once “happily ever after couple” end up visiting marriage counselors and divorce lawyers. But before you get there, it’s important to look into yourself and understand if you are the problem maker. If you really want to make things work, try to evaluate yourself and see if you have any of the following bad habits that may be causing the trouble in your marriage. If not the culprit entirely, they might be adding to the problems. And getting them out of your life may bring new hope. So, let’s read about these habits together.
1. Nagging, Nagging, Nagging
Nagging might work on some people and you will get the temporary satisfaction of the work being done. However, in the long run, nagging is a habit that can kill your relationship. It makes your partner feel that you’re too bossy and controlling. Do you really want your partner who expects equality from you to treat him/her like a child? Also, once you make nagging a habit, your partner might start responding only when you nag.
2. Bullying, Rudeness, Selfishness
If you have temper issues, it’s important that you get a grip on them. Follow a healthy lifestyle and keep an open, stress-free mind. Your partner is not a punching bag for you to vent your anger and frustration on. Be nice, be kind, and be considerate of their feelings, just the way you expect them to behave towards you. Also, if you feel that you are being selfish in your relationship, work on it. Try to accommodate your partner and their feelings in your life. Otherwise, what is the point of being in a marriage? Would you like to spend your life with someone who is selfish? No? Then, don’t be that person.
3. Not Speaking Up
Just the way being too negative ruins your relationship, being too positive also does the same. Unbelievable? Well, this is true. If you do not speak up anything against your partner, you are actually spoiling them. “Your wish, dear,” will backfire when your partner will no longer ask your opinion or go against your wish and do things. And at that point, it would have already become a habit for them to take you for granted and nothing that you say will make them realize their mistake. All this because you never let them feel that they’ve been wrong the whole time! This will eventually hurt you and you will feel sad and helpless.
4. Constant Unhealthy Criticism
Criticism is always important in a relationship, for the same reason that I explained in the above point. However, the only criticism you should follow is constructive criticism. This means that your criticism should be valid and it should help the other person improve. Otherwise, it’s just bullying which will bring down your partner’s confidence in the long run.
5. Being Logical All The Time
Love and marriage are not really logical all the time, just like most other things in our life. So stop putting logic before emotion like a programmed computer. Be a warm partner whenever your significant other is in need of it.
6. Stonewalling
You may not like to share your problems with your partner and they might not be even related to your partner. Yet, it’s important that you share your sadness as much as you share your happiness with your partner. Otherwise, your partner may feel that you’re building a wall between you two and that you don’t consider them as a confidant. And if the problem is with your partner, tell them! Have arguments or discussions, but keeping silent about all that’s bothering you is a bigger threat to your marriage.
7. Making All The Decisions By Yourself
Even if you’re making big decisions in your life, even if they are related to your career or something in which your partner is not directly related, it’s important that you let them know about it. I’m not asking you to seek their permission, but it’s necessary for them to know what’s going on with you because why else would you call them your “partner?”
These are the habits that you should rip off from your life if you want a healthy and happy marriage. And if you do not have any of these and are still finding it difficult to stay in the relationship, it might be something about your partner. Talk to them and seek professional counseling in such cases.
