Navigating relationships is not easy. Many variables determine if your relationship will succeed or fail. All relationships deal with highs and lows, and one cannot deny a bit of uncertainty even in the best relationships.
Relationship insecurities can manifest in different forms: you may start to question the validity of the love you share and whether or not they are the right person for you. Your happiness could be doomed when you are dealing with relationship insecurities daily. Every little conflict becomes a source of infestation that eats away at love and happiness. In relationship insecurities, you could have unreasonably high standards, which, when left unmet, could derail your hopes and plans of building a future together. If you have had such intrusive thoughts, here are common relationship triggers you should be aware of and how you can deal with them:
1. Having The Hots For Someone Else
Feeling attracted to someone is normal. There’s nothing unusual about it. However, if you’re suffering from relationship insecurities, you could begin questioning how important or valuable your partner is to you. If this is something you relate to, start looking for underlying causes of discomfort and identifying your unmet needs. For example, the reason why you feel detached could be because of a lack of physical intimacy between your partner and you. Ask consent for more physical touches, casual embraces, kisses, and massages from them. Be flexible with your requests but stay assertive.
It is a thin line between actually staring down or flirting with the other person repeatedly and simply appreciating their beauty. If you really love your partner, the attraction that you feel towards them should be unmatched.
2. You’re Without Your Partner In A Social Setting
Some people suffer from relationship insecurities if they’re at a gathering and their partner leaves them to visit the loo or catch up with others they know. Being left all alone in a social setting may have you questioning your partner’s whereabouts, who they are interacting with, or even your standing in their life. Such thoughts may wreak havoc as they could cause some people to “test” the partner’s feelings by getting closer to other people, nagging, or acting out in unexpected ways. It’s good to keep yourself collected when you’re in a social situation. If you want to know what your partner is up to, wait for at least half an hour. Distract yourself so that you are calm before confronting them or asking them for an explanation. Moreover, no one enjoys clinginess, or only up until a point. When it starts to get toxic it’s time to leave. Consider it a red flag if your partner always wants you to stick around with him/her.
3. Constantly Fighting With Your Partner
Engaging in fights regularly with your partner doesn’t bode well for the relationship. It is essential to speak your heart out now and then, but those suffering from relationship insecurities tend to make mountains out of a molehill. They could contain their frustrations for the longest time until one fine day they explode unannounced. This could lead to an irreversible situation that makes the partners question the relationship as a whole. When this happens to you, find ways to use subtle ways of communication sans aggression. Make specific requests since it allows you to reach a mutually agreeable point where they learn and understand how to fulfill your wishes or expectations.
4. Being Around “Happy” Couples
Some people are in the habit of comparing their relationship to that of other “happy” couples around them. Maybe you witness them celebrating or making merry or see them post pictures of happy times with each other, and it drives you into questioning the reality of your relationship. While feeling a bit jealous and lacking is expected, those with relationship insecurities can have moments of anxiety and doubt that sour the relationship. If the so-called “happy” couples trigger you, know that it’s not as beautiful as it seems — everyone deals with tough times. Instead, have a productive conversation with your lover to infuse more fun and joy into your relationship.
5. Being Physically Close Or Having An Intimate Relationship
For some individuals, physical intimacy can be nerve-wracking. It may trigger relationship insecurities if they don’t finish or if the partner doesn’t meet their needs in the bedroom. When you don’t derive satisfaction from your relationship physically, you’re left wondering if you are happy with them or harbor desires for them. If you feel this way, work on keeping negative thoughts at bay. Avoid overthinking situations as this gives you the strength that you could otherwise invest in making the relationship better and getting physically closer. Always find ways to make things spicy between the sheets by incorporating new ideas into lovemaking.
6. You Don’t Get Along With Your Partner’s Family Or Friends
Family and friends are an essential part of our lives. For both, they can have a major influence on how the relationship takes shape. When you struggle to gel with your partner’s family and friends, it may cause relationship insecurities. You could begin to wonder if you even enjoy the company of your partner or those close to him. If your partner forces you to be friends with those special to them even when you don’t connect with them well, it may cause issues and spark your anger. When you feel agitated, leave them alone for a while and spend some time by yourself. Tell yourself that your relationship with your partner is vital, and they should matter more than anything else. Maintain a cordial relationship with those they care about while setting healthy boundaries. Cool off before you tell them what you feel. This should help you keep a check on your relationship insecurities.
7. Hooking On To Your Partner’s Flaws
When you have relationship insecurities, you may begin to overlook that we are all imperfect and making mistakes is a fundamental feature of being human. But when triggered, you could become thankless and overlook the little as well as the big things they do for you. If you’re a victim of relationship insecurities, start reminding yourself every day about things you appreciate in them. Write down how your partner has made significant contributions in your life. Instead of directing your attention to the negativity, see the positives. Compliment and express your gratitude toward them. Be specific about things they did for you and those that made you happy. Sometimes, it happens that couples start taking each other for granted. When that happens, positive actions are simply brushed aside and negativity turns to big fights. That will make both you and your partner lose respect for each other. To stop the relationship from falling apart, be more appreciative of someone who has been there for you for the longest time.
Having relationship insecurities is not healthy for a long-term relationship. Several intrusive thoughts can destroy the bond that you share with your partner. However, if things go beyond control and you cannot cool off the spiraling negativity, it’s good to speak to a trusted counselor and seek help. Do you suffer from relationship insecurities as well? What are your thoughts on this? Do share with us in the comments section below!