It’s no surprise that cupid waddles with a bow and arrow behind his back. Yes, love hurts, love is not always kind or all-encompassing, love can be daunting. But, it’s still love.
However, we often hold on to a single idea of love; the initial attraction, that passion turned to full flame. But if you stay like that, which you most likely won’t, you’ll burn out. Love is in the subtle everyday warmth and companionship.
And love demands effort. It can not run on auto-pilot. It does not just require you to acknowledge the ebb and flow, but it also requires you to act when needed, even if it conflicts with your ideas.
Here is a list of ten inevitable and rather cruel laws that all couples face at some point in their lives:
10. The Fragility Of Trust
All relationships are built with the mortar of trust. But trust is volatile, often shifts and sometimes creates cracks. There is no single definition of trust, which makes it extremely difficult to assess loyalty sometimes.
9. Familiarity May Breed Boredom
What is understood as the ‘honeymoon’ period, where you’re still learning about each other and sparks flying in the sky, is short-lived. You cannot always be the source of each other’s arousal. Every now and then you might prefer reading a book, going out with friends or being alone over spending time with your spouse- that does not mean you’ve become distant. Time off is normal and necessary.
8. Won’t Always See Eye To Eye
Yes, you both are a team, but that does not mean you’ll always see eye to eye. You can be on the opposite ends of a discussion. If your spouse disagrees, he doesn’t cease to be your soulmate. Debating and offering alternate points of view are, in fact, necessary to arrive at reasonable decisions.
7. Marriage & Children Are Not Just Decisions, They Are A Constant Challenge
One of the biggest fallacies that plagues the institution of marriage is the faith people put in marriage or children to make their relationships better. These are independent decisions that come with a host of challenges. Your relationship may or may not be strengthened because of them. But having children or getting married do not automatically make things better, in fact, they can make it much worse if you aren’t prepared.
6. Attraction May Fade
Attraction thrives in the beginning when there is uncertainty. You devour each other like there’s no tomorrow. But just like everything else, relationships also fall into a rut and comfort takes the place of passion. Married life should have an undulating graph of passion. Only passion or only comfort – both can be dangerous.
5. Loneliness Might Creep In
While marriage brings companionship, it is not the opposite of loneliness. Mere physical presence is not enough, people feel lonely even when they are misunderstood, mistreated or feel insecure. Married or not, these thoughts visit everyone’s mind at some point or the other.
4. Strange Thoughts Might Rake Your Head
‘What ifs’ attack our minds often. What if I had married someone else, could I have been happier? What if I hadn’t quit my job? What if we get divorced? What if we didn’t have children? What if we didn’t live with our in-laws? It’s human nature to constantly juxtapose existing life with imagined life. Familiarity breeds contempt, so the grass on the other side begins to look much greener.
3. You Will Hurt Each Other
People who love you often are the people who will hurt you the most. This is because you become vulnerable with people you love; you let your guards down, share a lot of sensitive information, and expect unconditional love from them. Because of such proximity, your words often end up wounding each other more.
2. You Might Lose That Connection
You might often feel that you are losing the connection you once had. You might not spend as much time with each other, you might not do the little things you did for each other in the beginning. You might feel like you are being taken for granted. But these feelings are normal. Your connection isn’t lost, it’s changing.
1. Just Love Is Not Enough
Love is not just a feeling of blossom, it encompasses all seasons. Merely parroting that you love each other is not enough, you ought to work towards it. It has to come often and it has to come from both sides.
There is no secret recipe to love. There is no picture-perfect love. And there is certainly no textbook definition of love. Love thrives in its imperfection; in togetherness, not in the absence, but in the lap of difficulties. Communication is key, both partners should express whatever they feel and be receptive. Go ahead weave your own idea of love!