Why Your Significant Other Should Complement You, Not Complete You

How often have your ears stood up in attention to the declaration that someone has found their “better half”? What exactly is a better half? We have all stumbled upon this ubiquitous tidbit that two halves make a whole. Apparently, this stands true for people too. So, do we really need another person to “complete” us or “make us a whole”? Aren’t we undermining our own worth if we are constantly seeking another’s presence to complete us?

Well, one might argue that two halves do make a whole, but we would like to counter that argument with the logic that this phrase is befitting only if you are talking about jigsaw puzzles, mathematic equations, or assembling parts of a broken machine. When it comes to dating or relationships, we really don’t need any other entity to complete us, but we definitely need someone to complement us. On that note, here’s a lowdown on why your significant other should complement you and not complete you:

1. You Need A Plus One Not A Half

Nothing can be truer than the words of the German psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Fritz Pearl –

“I do mine thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world
to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world
to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I,
And if by chance we find each other,
it’s beautiful.”

That sums it up, doesn’t it? We were never meant to find someone to just complete ourselves. Movies, television shows, and our mental conditioning have made us believe otherwise. We don’t need to go to swanky restaurants and make ourselves seem ‘available’, and neither do we need to amble around in search of our better halves. We should understand that we, as individuals are enough for ourselves. What we really need to look for is a companion and not the missing piece of jigsaw puzzle. We need a plus one and not someone who blends into our individuality.

2. You Need Someone Who Is A Part Of Your Future

You need someone who shares your future and not someone who is your future. The person you consider your life partner should be exactly that – a partner for life. So, you need to share your goals and ambitions with them. When someone complements you, they will work with your future plans and together you will both realize your dreams. Whether you are success oriented, or family oriented, find out if your partner wishes to supplement your future in the same way. That way, you both can decide if you’re in this for the long haul or not.

3. You Need To Stop Looking For Someone To ‘Fix’ You

If your ultimate goal is to get into a relationship for someone to be your glue stick and fix you, then the foundation of the relationship itself is flaky and scabrous. Firstly, you need to reconfigure your mind from thinking that only a committed relationship will save you from being broken, lost, or bedeviled. Your relationship and significant other should not be pressured to make you feel complete. What if the relationship fizzles out? Or, what if the person is out of your life? How will you fix yourself then? You can’t go looking for someone to make you a whole every time you have a breakup. You need to realize that we are all individuals who need to stand strong on our own feet first. If our stance itself is trembling, no other person’s presence can give us stability.

4. You Need To Match With Them, Not Fill The Blank

It’s like finding a tie for your suit, or an accessory for the dress. The dress or the suit is not an unfinished piece of clothing, but adding a tie or an accessory to it will help you to augment the look.

Similarly, when someone complements you, it means that they are your perfect match. They are like the other side of the same coin. They help you maintain your distinct personality, but they will also enrich it with their own. It’s like ordering a dessert for yourself. You can leave the restaurant without the dessert too, it will cause no harm to you, but if you would like to have an add-on, it’s your call. It’s like a supplement in the paper or magazine. It’s an additional, not a crucial one. You can do without it too. You both don’t need to combine your happiness into one being, instead you both cherish your own ideas of happiness, love, and life separately and you let that pervade into other’s lives.

While you can be completely happy with a relationship that ‘completes’ you, it’s the relationship which accentuates your being that will make your story long-lasting like the classic romances. We’ve been inundated with the idea that a certain Prince Charming or a certain Cinderella will come knocking at our doors to make us all whole, but we need to let go of these archaic and hogwash ideas and look for someone who we can share our dreams with. We need someone we can have conversations with, someone we can laugh with, someone who will light a spark in our hearts and keep them ignited forever, someone who will leave us transfixed, someone who will make us happy about being ourselves and not anxious, someone who will become a part of our lives and not someone who will wash away our identities. So, do you still think you need someone to complete you? What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.

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Author

Anjala Farahath