9 Women Share Their Most Ludicrous Experiences of Toxic Masculinity
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Unfortunately, toxic masculinity needs no introduction. It is so rampant in our society that we don’t recognize how we fall victim to its sharp edges. And that applies to both men and women. We asked nine women to share how they have encountered toxic masculinity. Here are their responses:
1. Chick Flicks and Pop-Quiz
I was hanging out with friends at a pub; there was a pop-quiz, and we signed up for it. It was mostly silly stuff that I didn’t care about. My guy friends kept egging me on to answer the questions and were surprised when I said I didn’t know any of it. I felt a little offended by it. They obviously think that women to be aware of gossips and other stupid things that men pretend to not know.
2. Dress Up/ Chess
I like playing chess; I am very good at it too. When I joined college, I was happy to find people playing chess at the cafeteria. One day, I walked up to them and asked if I could join them. It was a group of boys, and they were polite. I played against a boy who was my senior. I was enjoying the game, and it was all going well until I beat him in the game. The guy seemed somewhat ashamed. “You lost to a girl, bro!”, I heard them say. It was hurtful how they expected me to be stupid or not very good at the game.
3. “Property”
I was 23 at the time. My mother and I were talking about random stuff when my dad walked in. He asked us what we were talking about. We told him it was just a casual conversation. He was visibly annoyed that we wouldn’t tell him more. He became angry and started ranting about how we all “owed” him. He then went on to say how his wife is his “property”. My mother has a successful career. She makes as much as my father does, if not more. I was shaken to hear something like that from my dad.
4. PopSockets vs. Manliness
My boyfriend is very conscious of his masculinity. He very carefully avoids anything that might compromise it. I understand that it is his choice, but unfortunately, his definition of masculinity is awfully skewed. He refuses to take selfies because, for him, selfies are for women. He does not wear colorful clothes, because he doesn’t want to “look pretty”. Funniest of all, he refuses to use PopSockets on his phone because apparently, they are not very manly.
5. Not A Woman’s Job
I have always been the over-achiever in the family. I was very good at academics and participated in extracurricular activities too. When I grew up, my dream was to become an engineer and take over my father’s industrial firm. But when I discussed my plans with my parents, they were not thrilled. My father wanted me to choose a more conventional career, “suitable for girls”. Further, he seemed to think that my brother, who is a decade younger than me, would be a more suitable candidate to run the firm. It was disheartening.
6. Masculinity And Gender
Since my late teenage, I had kept my hair short. I was happy with my look, and people close to me seemed to like it too. But then I went on a date. He was an attractive guy with long hair, who sounded sensible and kind. However, once we breached the topic of gender, he started talking about how gender is connected to physical appearance. He thought he and I were some kind of misfits for not looking like the rest. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he was stubborn. He has internalized the notion of masculinity/femininity as opposites of each other. I think that is toxic in a subtle way.
7. Selfie And The Female
Once I went out for a late-night snack with two of my friends. It was too late, and most of the places were closed. We ended up going to a fancy restaurant because we didn’t have a choice. But once we settled in, it was nice. Although a little too posh than we had fancied, the ambiance and the food seemed promising. The two guys then started clicking pictures, and I thought nothing of it. It was just a regular thing to do these days. But one of the guys stopped abruptly, faced the other one, and said, “She is the one supposed to be clicking pictures, not us!”. It was not only negative stereotyping but also showed a side of toxic masculinity. I think everyone should be free to do whatever they want, irrespective of their gender.
8. Object of Conquest
I was recently hanging out with a friend. It was a friendly hang-out, not even a date. We were out at a restaurant having a good conversation. Then he stopped me in the middle, randomly started talking about consent, and then ventured to ask me if I would be interested in getting physical with him. I was taken by surprise, and offended to be honest. I am dismayed that men feel entitled to make such queries as if they don’t have to respect the friendship they have with women. It is downright degrading.
9.Too Many Angry Men
My husband has an angry demeanor. In the beginning, I didn’t take it seriously. But as I got to know him better, I realized that there was more to his anger. Not only did it stem from the frustration of having to bottle his emotions and pain, but he also mistakenly believed that being angry and aggressive all the time would make him more respectable as a man. It was hurting the people around him. Moreover, it was hurting him more than he was letting on.
A lot has changed now, and there is more awareness about the hidden danger of such notions. However, we still have a long way to go. Do you have an interesting story about toxic masculinity? Share with us in the comments.
