The ‘First Night’ In An Arranged Marriage… Is It Awkward?!

Written by Shivani K  • 

The word “arranged marriage” strikes everybody at least once in their lifetime, doesn’t it? India is one of the very few countries in the world that practice the concept of arranged marriages even to this day (which is considered by many to be bizarre). Anyways, coming back to the topic of discussion —”first night” in an arranged marriage! Doesn’t it sound creepy? Even though we are not up for an arranged marriage, the idea of ending up in one is scary. And if we do, how on earth would we be able to manage the “first night?”

Thanks to Bollywood movies, most of us are aware of how rosy a scene it would be on the first night of an arranged marriage, don’t we? (Rolls eyes) We have this shy bride and we have this ‘confused andar se’ but ‘overconfident bahar se’ groom (chuckles) and we picture them in an ostentatiously decorated room. But seriously peeps, don’t we all want to know what kind of a night these couples have after having tied the knot in an arranged marriage? Our curiosity got the better of us. We asked a few women around us and we got some interesting answers. We’re sharing them with you below, get reading now.

Gaining Trust Of The Woman Is Important

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One of the women we asked answered that it is very vital to gain the trust of the woman first. She says that marriage is in itself very complicated. Nevertheless, the relationship between a husband and wife is a very beautiful one. For her, emotional attachment gains more momentum than a physical attachment. After listening to her answer, it got us thinking. What rule book says that a first night needs to be only about physical intimacy? It can also be about emotional bonding, right? Most of them told us that on the first night of their arranged marriage, they spent time connecting on an emotional level and max-to-max ended up cuddling. They said, it did feel awkward, but they needed to realize that they’ll be spending the rest of their lives together. Therefore, trust comes first!

Getting Comfortable With Each Other Forms The Foundation

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You surely cannot know everything about a person in just one night, right? One particular woman answered that to her, it was very important to feel comfortable with her husband. On the first night, she made it clear to her husband that he is nothing more than a familiar stranger. And for her, it was very important to lay the foundation before slowly walking towards the edge of sharing the love. She recollects how her husband agreed to it happily. We asked her if she had any embarrassing memories of her first night. The woman laughed saying the relatives made it embarrassing by decorating the room with scented flowers and leaving a pack of protection on the side table.

The Courtship Time Helps

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In arranged marriages, the parents of the groom and the bride look at auspicious timings for everything. If there’s an auspicious time right after an engagement that is suitable for marriage, the families make the preparations and get the wedding done. At the same time, there are cases where an auspicious time, i.e. the muhurath, for the wedding comes only after 6-8 months or maybe even a year. One of them explained that if there is a huge gap between the engagement and the wedding, the couple is likely to go out on dates and spend quality time. In this time, they get familiar with each other, and probably even spark the romance. So, when you have a good amount of courtship time, the first night in an arranged marriage isn’t as awkward as many assume. This makes sense, right?

The Excitement Is Real

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One of them answered that although it was an arranged marriage, the groom was attracted to his fiancé to a great extent. He started messaging her, pampering, and video calling her. This made her get comfortable with him. His efforts to impress her made her feel attracted to him too. And both of them just couldn’t wait for their wedding day to arrive to hit it off in between the sheets and take their attraction to the next level. Such a mushy thing to hear, right? Some of our cheeks went red hearing this. So, yeah, for this couple the first night wasn’t all about awkwardness. Instead, it was a night full of excitement (facepalm).

At the end of this question and answers session, all we can say is that even arranged marriages have their own stories to tell. In fact, they might be the ones who faced more challenges in feeling and living the love they always wanted to be a part of. Do you agree with this? Let us know in the comments section below.

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