International Men’s Day 2020: How The Patriarchy Hurts Men As Well
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It is true that women have been treated unfairly and have been disadvantaged by patriarchy for decades in the past. But did you know that the patriarchy is harmful to men as well? Yes, patriarchy harms both men and women and can sometimes be even worse for men than it is for women. However, anybody who believes in feminism and equality for all, knows that men too have it bad. There are so many ways in which patriarchy harms and affects men. Let’s take a look at them below:
1. Men Are Expected To Suppress Their Emotions
From a very young age, men are expected to not express any emotions and to behave like their emotions don’t matter. They are expected to bottle their feelings up and not express them in any way. Men are told that crying is wrong and that they will lose their sense of masculinity if they cry. We need to stop saying things like, “Boys don’t cry” and start saying “You can cry if you want to. I will be there for you.” We need to stop emasculating men and making them feel like expressing their emotions will drive people away.
2. They Are Not Allowed To Dress How They Chose
Even if a man wears a skirt or chooses to express themselves in a color that isn’t traditionally masculine, they are shamed and mocked. Not just by other men but by women as well. If you don’t believe this, then just go to the comments section of any Ranveer Singh post and you will see how people make fun of him for choosing to wear a skirt during photoshoots and events. Why are men expected to constantly remain groomed but if they are too well-groomed, their orientation is questioned?
3. Men’s Mental Health Is Treated Like A Joke
Raise your hand if you’ve heard someone tell a man to “Toughen Up” or to “Man Up”. Men are never allowed to talk about their mental health and it is often treated as a joke. Patriarchy upholds the idea that women are maternal and emotional and that men are supposed to be strong and brave in the face of adversity. But why aren’t men allowed to express themselves and be who they truly are? Why are men asked not to seek therapy when there are so many out there who truly need it. According to studies, men are more likely to complete suicide attempts versus women who are more likely to attempt suicide (1).
4. Men Aren’t Allowed To Speak About Abuse
A lot of men in our country have had to deal with tonnes of physical abuse in the name of discipline. Corporal punishment is still very much a thing in our country. They are not allowed to express themselves and talk to others. When they do come out and speak about abuse, especially if it was inflicted by a woman, they are mocked and laughed at. Men are often told that they need to deal with it and to not talk about it otherwise others will consider them weak and mock them.
5. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms Are More Common In Men
Men are discouraged from showing emotions from an early age with the constant “boys don’t cry” dialogue being lodged down their throats. So many men go on to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking, drug abuse and anger problems. And rather than treat the issue, all of this is normalized. Many men will try to compensate for themselves and pretend to be hyper masculine and manly whenever they feel threatened or they feel they are going to be walked over.
6. Stay At Home Dads Are Made Fun Of
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man who chooses to stay at home and raise his children. Just as there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who chooses to stay at home and raise her children. If one spouse chooses to go out and be the breadwinner, why should we shame the spouse who stays behind and raises the kids? We need to stop expecting men to constantly don the avatar of the sole breadwinner and start accepting fathers who choose to be stay-at-home dads.
7. Their Career Choices Are Restricted Too
In India they say a man has two options— engineer or doctor. Men can choose to be either of the two. But what about the men who want to pursue journalism or choose liberal arts or any other career choice that appeals to them more? Why do men always have to be put into the category of engineer or doctor? If the world was just made up of doctors or engineers, it would be a very sad place. We need to let men express themselves and choose to be in streams and jobs that make them happy.
So on this International Men’s Day, let’s strive to make the world a better place for not just women, but for all the men in our lives as well. Human beings are complicated creatures and men need to feel just as supported as women. So the next time a man decides to open up to you and talk things out, listen! Tell us all your thoughts on this article in the comment section below.
