I May Be Single, But I Am Not Struggling

Written by Saumya Gaur  • 

In 2016, a movie called How To Be Single was released. The premise of the movie was that a young college grad moves to a big city to live on her own terms. She breaks up with her boyfriend, as she wants to explore the adult life, all on her own. If you are wondering why I am telling you this, it is because it is very similar to my story. I moved out of my parents’ house after completing my post-graduation and decided to try my hand at ‘adulting’ on my own. In order to be a well-rounded adult (which I am still trying to be), I decided that I would stay away from any long-term romantic engagements. So you see, I decided to stay single, not that there was any dearth of opportunities (flicks hair). On a more serious note, I am very tired with this trope of desperate and lonely singles which has been the norm in our media and television since ages. So here I am writing my experience as a single woman, to set the record straight.

It’s Scary But Exhilarating

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One of the most memorable dialogues from my favorite movie Jab we met was “ Akeli ladki khali tijori ki tarah hoti hai” (a single girl is like an open locker). And this was exactly what I got to hear from the world at large when the word got out that I was moving out. All sorts of unsolicited advice were offered to me by my neighborhood aunties, colleagues at work, and even friends. My mother too joined in the chorus with her feeble attempts. Don’t worry, I wasn’t under the illusion that it was going to be easy. I was fully aware of the repercussions of my choice. I did realize the dangers of living alone by myself, that too in a city like Delhi, but that was the only way I would learn responsibility. How could I explain to these people the feeling of hanging a painting in your new home, all by yourself? The thrill it gave me was just something special. How could I tell them how amazing it feels to have that warm cup of coffee in my own balcony after a hard day at work? These are not the images that they would understand. But I was living alone, and loving it too!

It Allows Me To Have More Fun

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A question for you guys, why is it that single men are always portrayed as lascivious in our movies whereas all the single women are shown to be either desperate spinsters or devoted mothers and sisters? Why do we feel the need to pigeonhole single people into these categories? I have a number of male friends and colleagues who are happily single. They don’t hit on every single woman they see, they are perfectly content in their lives. Similarly, there are a number of women, like me, who enjoy a good social life outside of our professional ones. We are not waiting for our Mr. Right with bated breath. We are living our lives today.

I have a diverse friend circle; I date plenty and yet I don’t feel the need to come home to someone. Why do people assume that in order to have fulfilling lives they have to exist in pairs? Come on, I know life is hard, but not that much!

I Don’t Have Any Regrets

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I have heard countless women say the same thing, over and over again. “If only I could have tried this…” or “If only I had time to do this…”. If there is one thing that does scare the living daylights out of me it is regret. I don’t want to look back at my twenties and wonder why I did not take that trip? Or why didn’t I move for this job? I want to do these things and I am doing these things today without anything holding me back. Sure, I do have family commitments, but I don’t have to plan my life around someone else’s. This is not to say that I am averse to doing that. But, when the time comes, I will happily do it, but right now is not the time. I have a bucket list of stuff to get to before I even think of doing that.

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So yes, I am single. I do occasionally mingle. But no, I am definitely not struggling. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and I love the time I am getting to spend with myself. No matter what those TV shows and movies feed you, trust me, being single is not a curse. You don’t have to be with someone in order to feel fulfilled, you can do that on your own. Just try to find what is it that you really want in life. If it is companionship that you are after, then, by all means, go for it. But if not, then give the singledom a chance. You never know, you might come to love it.

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