This Is What I Mean When I Say I’ll Never Leave Your Side
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It takes just one moment to fall in love, doesn’t it? But my story was different. I took my time, he took his time too, and then we knew we were in love. Or maybe we were in love all this while and it’s only now that I realize it. Whatever might be the case, today he has become an inseparable part of everything in my life.
I’m a total idiot when it comes to confessing my feelings. I’ve always been that way. But he understood all of my emotions, maybe he figured it out, because he once said, “It’s your eyes that talk to me, so that’s how I know what’s on your devil mind” winking at me.
“I Feel Like Having Brownies Naman”
I remember it was my first month at work. I guess I was ‘PMS-ing’ by the month end. And randomly, over a phone call that I made to him, I happened to mention my brownie craving. After the call, I went back to my desk and resumed my work. About 30 minutes later, my office boy came to my desk with a parcel in hand. It had a message that read “Because you wanted a brownie.” I opened the box to find two gooey brownies, a Nutella one and a roasted nuts one. I was overwhelmed. I had never been surprised this way before. If he would have been around, I would definitely have given him a tight hug. But for the kind of a buffoon I am, I ended up sending him a thank you message with ten panda emojis. I’m sure he was disappointed that I didn’t call him back. It was then that I told myself, “I’ll never ever leave his side ever.”
“I Don’t Know Why I’m With You”
If there was one thing I’d never think twice before expressing, it was my anger at him, whenever we fought. I loved him alright. Even though he just had about 10 percent of the qualities I had sought in my ideal man. But, hey, hearts just connect, right? I wanted a man who would sing songs to me, who would travel the world with me. But all he did was play my favorite songs on the Bluetooth speaker hoping I’d appreciate it, read travel blogs with me instead of traveling with me. I found it cute; I could see the efforts he was putting in to match the notion of my ideal man. But I would snap at him even when he made the silliest of mistakes and often say this “I don’t know why I am with you”. I never had the realisation to apologize, I never had the guts to accept that I was the jerk and not him. I just couldn’t let him know that. He would still come the next day to pick me up, with a smile and my heart would say, “This is why I never want to leave you even when you aren’t my perfect ideal man, the imperfect you loves me the perfect way.” But, I never told him this.
“Just Stay, Please Stay, I’ll Never Leave You!”
We were in a relationship for five long years and I’m sure I can count the number of times I had made him feel special or loved, on my fingertips. Because I’ve literally done it that less, giving the excuse that I totally suck at expressing. He never complained. He always showed how much he loved me, how much I meant to him. Everybody, including my friends, complained that I was taking him for granted. They didn’t know what I felt for him deep within, that with every day I was falling in love with him again and again. I never said it out loud or expressed it, like him. I thought that I knew I loved him, and that was enough.
One evening I got a phone call that he had met with an accident on his way back home after work. The floor beneath me trembled. I went blank. I reached the hospital only to find out that I’d lost him. I felt life wasn’t fair to me. Till this day I regret the fact that I never told him what he always wanted to listen. He didn’t give me a chance to tell him that he meant the moon, the stars, the world, the universe to me. I kept telling this to him in my heart. But, he did not stay.
I haven’t left him alright; I still love him, and always will. We’re just enjoying a celestially-distanced relationship for now.
What I want to tell you all is – express your love to those who matter to you. Don’t wait for a tomorrow, for a tomorrow is never guaranteed. Let your loved ones know that you love them. The absence of a few small words can cause a lifetime of regret, just like it did in my case.
